39 | On People Pleasing

⚡️Click Here To Text Monique!In this live-recorded episode, we explore the pervasive issue of people-pleasing, its roots, impacts, and the paths to overcoming it. This behavior, often rooted in a desire to be liked and accepted, can have profound impacts on both our personal and professional lives. Join me for personal stories, client experiences, and actionable steps to help you reclaim your voice and set healthier boundaries. Learning to love and accept ourselves, flaws and all, is a vital part of the journey towards breaking free from this behavior.If you're ready to reclaim your voice, tune in to this enlightening episode. It's time to prioritize your own well-being and create a life that truly reflects who you are. GEMS DROPPED“People pleasing ​is ​symptomatic ​of ​feeling ​unseen, ​going ​for ​long ​periods ​of ​your ​life, ​probably ​in ​your ​youth, ​probably ​having ​to ​deal ​with ​some ​of ​our ​traumas, ​​where ​we've ​been ​unseen. ““​I ​want ​to ​be ​really ​clear ​that ​people ​pleasing ​is ​not ​the ​same ​thing ​as​ being ​”weak”, ​or, not ​having ​a ​perspective ​or ​being passive. Some ​of ​the ​most ​hard ​hitting, ​ambitious, ​aggressive, ​in ​all ​the ​best ​ways, women ​that ​I ​know ​also ​identify ​as ​being ​people ​pleasers. ​Two ​things ​can ​be ​true ​at ​the ​same ​time, ​y'all. ​People ​pleasing ​is ​not ​the ​same ​thing ​as ​playing ​second ​fiddle ​and ​always ​taking ​a ​backseat.”“You ​are ​in ​the ​driver's ​seat ​of ​the ​choices ​you ​make, ​no ​matter ​what ​choices ​you ​make. ​This ​podcast, ​Ambition ​Without Compromise, ​is ​about ​you ​designing ​what ​ambition ​looks ​like. ​And ​I ​think ​oftentimes ​when ​you ​really ​think ​about ​it, ​one ​of ​the ​most ​ambitious ​things, ​if ​I'm ​honest, ​that ​a ​black ​woman ​in ​this ​world ​could ​do ​is ​to ​decide ​against ​all ​odds ​that ​she ​is ​prioritizing ​just ​her ​basic ​well-​being ​over ​anything ​else. Over ​career, ​over ​accolades, ​over ​anything. ​And ​that ​could ​look ​a ​lot ​of ​different ​ways.”“Our ​bodies ​are ​our ​bodies. We ​are ​still ​real ​flesh ​and ​blood ​human ​beings. ​We ​are ​not ​supernatural. ​We ​are ​not ​meant ​to ​take ​on ​all ​the ​burdens ​of ​the ​world. ​We ​have ​got ​to ​stop ​convincing ​ourselves ​that, ​like, ​I ​can ​hold ​it. ​ ​They're ​not ​built ​like ​me, ​so ​I ​guess ​I ​better ​handle ​it. ​Like, ​at ​some ​point, it ​will ​catch ​up ​with ​you. ​​1000% ​guaranteed and ​on ​that ​day, ​you ​won't ​be ​able ​to ​always ​just ​walk ​it ​back.”“I ​think ​all ​of ​this ​boils ​down ​to a ​very ​fundamental ​need ​that ​all ​of ​us ​have ​as ​humans, ​which ​is ​unconditional ​love. It's ​like ​the ​ooey ​gooey ​center ​of ​it ​all. ​I'm ​talking ​about ​leadership. ​I'm ​talking ​about, ​you ​know, ​showing ​up ​in ​spaces ​and ​holding ​things ​and ​pleasing ​folks. ​And ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​investors, ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​team, ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​clients, ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​parents, ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​extended ​family, ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​spouse, ​you ​gotta ​please ​your ​kids. ​Right? ​But ​when ​we ​operate ​like ​this, ​I ​think ​a ​big ​part ​of ​it ​is ​that ​we ​move ​into ​​circumstances, ​in ​general, ​in ​life, ​where ​we ​just ​don't ​expect ​unconditional ​love. ​We ​don't ​know ​what ​that ​looks ​like. ​We ​have ​not ​been ​taught ​that ​and ​not ​in ​a ​blanketed ​way. ​And ​it's ​what ​we ​crave ​most, ​where ​it's ​just ​like, ​I ​can ​be ​me  ​and ​I'll ​still ​be ​accepted. ​I ​can ​want ​what ​I ​need ​too, and ​still ​be ​loved. I’m ​deserving ​of ​it ​all.”STAY IN TOUCHCome and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to [email protected].