And now coming at ya from Yellow Knife Canada, from one of our living rooms, we're talking movies. And sometimes TV shows with spoilers included folks. Is it his armchair to use? Wait, is that based off like the armchair quarterback is saying?
Is that what we're talking about right now? Chris, we spoke about this before. Are you sure? Yes, we're about to be positive though.
You wrote the joke. Oh god, damn it. Alright, you're right. I apologize.
Featuring Chris Godin! And James McGuy! Hey, we're back folks! Welcome to another episode of Armchair Reviews.
My name is Chris Godin. And this week, yes, it's been almost two months since our last episode. A lot of shit has gone down since then. I actually was on vacation for most of August.
So I kind of put a damper on episode to try to get some friends involved with another episode of the town there. But it didn't work out. James is not with me today, so you're stuck with this voice. The next.
I don't know how long. This is the first time I'm doing it by myself. Lucky you. We both get to experience this together.
So it should be fun. That being said, while I was on vacation, I went to Ottawa back to my hometown. And I got to experience a real theatre. So before we get into the main event of this podcast, I was going to break down what's been going on.
What I saw in Ottawa, what's been going on with the podcast. So first and foremost, the reason why we haven't been as active as we usually have been, other than my being gone for almost a full month in Ottawa. Well, James is working his dick off, folks. He is working two jobs.
And pretty much night and day for the kid. He has been saving up for his honey mood. You know what? So you can't blame the guy for that.
He wants to have a nice lovely vacation that he will so, so have much deserved. So I'm going to do this one by myself. While I was in Ottawa, I actually got to see a bunch of movies in the theatre. And I said earlier, a real theatre.
I know James and I have previously shot on our theatre here in Yellowknife. For good reason. I went back to Ottawa and I didn't just see a movie. I had an experience.
All right. The first one I'm going to talk about here real quick. I saw four movies in theatre as well as in Ottawa there. Which is awesome.
I'm really happy I had that much time to go see these things. The first one I'm really happy I got to see, I should say, in a theatre was a mission impossible fallout. And I'm so happy I got to see it in this kind of theatre. This theatre, okay, so I don't know if it's just regulation now for any theatre down south to just have recliner sofa chairs in every possible seat and to have your seat reserved upon purchase of a ticket.
I don't know if that's regulation now. But I'm happy it's there. I went to see with my buddy. And holy shit, I'm so glad I saw it in a theatre because this movie was awesome.
This is probably the most fun mission possible I've seen in theatres. I'm not going to get into full reviews of these things just because I'll be strapped on time. Maybe not, but there's a lot to cover with this mission impossible. It is so sweet.
I actually had a really good time with it. I wouldn't mind seeing it again in theatres. A good theatre, that being said. But it was a lot of fun.
Tom Cruise, he's batshit crazies every doing his own son's. That hilo jump where I saw the behind the scenes where he's jumping out of this plane from obnoxious heights and he's just landing right in front of that cameraman face to face. And that's all real. That's not a stunt.
It was amazing. It was so, so good. Henry Cavill as the CIA counterpart to Tom Cruise. They kind of marry each other.
Tom Cruise is like the... Fuck, what's that? The knife. The scalpel.
And Henry Cavill is the hammer. And they work so well as those roles. And I really like Henry Cavill in this role. His mustache is looking on point so that you can get rid of it.
Justice League obviously shit the bed for trying to remove it CGI with CGI. It was all around just... It wouldn't let up. One of those movies that just doesn't let up.
Probably one of the best mission possible of the franchise. If not the best. I actually started watching Mission Impossible 3 the other day. And that's the one I really think that the franchise was turning around in.
That whole Philip Seymour Hoffman, Rest in Peace. His villain I think helped elevate that movie. And then just the way it was shot with J.J. Abrams.
It was a really well done movie. And then from there on every movie's been kind of stepping it up with live action scenes. Obviously in this one follow, Tom Cruise breaks his fucking ankle or some shit. His leg jumping across rooftops.
I don't know how he gets away with this shit. But he does. And that's what makes his great. Because it feels that much more involved.
It's not cutting away with weird villains or stunt doubles. You can actually see Tom Cruise. He's jumping across these rooftops. Obviously there's cables and shit everywhere.
But he's the one riding the motorcycle. It is really fun. I would highly recommend that. For a movie going experience, amazing.
On to the next one real quick. I was really excited about this movie coming out. I know it looked fucking terrible or really fun. I don't know depending on if you're like me or not.
The Meg. The shark movie. The giant shark movie featuring Jason Statham. Holy shit.
I saw this. The first trailer. I saw this. I'm like, yep, I need to see this.
It had. Had me remember this thing about that. Again, you may not. You may not like it.
You may love it. Fucking deep blue sea. The early 2000s deep blue sea. I'm maybe even 1990s.
I don't know any at this point. It was awesome. I remember seeing that movie in the theater with my sister. It was hilarious.
Thomas Jane. You know he had Samuel Jackson. Fuck. The older scars guard that's in the other Thor movies.
It had an awesome cast. L.L. Cool J. L.L.
Cool J was the chef and he stole the scenes in that movie. The Meg reminded me a lot of that. It was campy. It kind of knew what it was.
It wasn't too bad. It wasn't great by any means. It had a funny premise. The Marianna's trench isn't as deep as you think it is.
There's this shelf that covers up beneath it. It's like a gaseous layer that blocks any sight going down. You have to dive beneath it. It looks like a surface.
You have to dive beneath it. Underneath there's a whole bunch of creedy crawlers, gigantic squid, and whole different life forms. I know there's errors with that whole idea. Obviously Jason Statham in the opening scene you see him rescuing the bottom of the ocean.
The fake bottom of the ocean. The regular ocean. He gets attacked by what seems like a Megalodon. It's not beneath that thing.
Another Megalodon got above but it didn't. Either way, you know through the movie there's multiple Megalodons. It doesn't add up but it's still really kind of fun. It's really cheesy.
It's super cheesy. But I had a lot of fun. I would have liked it if it was a little bit more rated R rather than PG-13. I don't know.
I just felt like the shark attacks could have been a little bit more visceral. But all in all, bad maybe. Kind of fun. A guilty pleasure.
I knew it was going to be a guilty pleasure going into it. But I still walked away from him. You know what? I had a good time.
I'm going to leave it as is. That's my short little review. You'll probably have a fun time. I'll tell you this much.
What happened earlier this week? 47 meters down? That shit movie that James and I did? A while back.
Like a double feature. Holy fuck that movie sucked. I hated that movie so much for a shark attack movie. If that just got announced to have a sequel.
It's getting a sequel. I don't know. I didn't think it did that well. You know what?
Fuck it. Apparently it did. It's getting a sequel. If that movie, if that stupid shark attack movie gets a sequel, go guess what?
There better be a fucking Megalodon 2. There better be a Meg 2. At least this is mainstream shark nados stupidity. And I'm a fan.
Okay, I'm a fan. I don't mind that. But 47 years out, it was just... I hated the main people playing in it.
I don't think it was their fault, but I hated it. I hated it. At least I had a little fun. It was a cheesy fun.
At least that's what they were going for. In the Meg. I'm going to get out of tangent there, but I'm going to stop myself because I have more movies to get through there. Okay, number 3 movie I saw in Ottawa.
The Equalizer 2. Now, I actually enjoyed the first Equalizer with, you know, a friend of the show, Denzel. I enjoyed it. It was actually pretty fun.
You know, one man taking on the world. You don't really know his past. But you kind of can figure it out. He nailed it.
He brought it down. You know, Chloe Grace Merets was kind of a supporting character in that. Very minimal, but she's kind of like the trigger which sets him off to get back in this world. The second one, more of the same, except just nearly, it's not executed as well.
You kind of learn more about him. In a way, you go back to his hometown. You know, you go back to his old house for Christ's sake. And this final showdown with his old team, because there are a bunch of pricks now.
You know, it comes on Netflix. I won't turn it off, but it's one of those things you put on the background. You can kind of see where it's going. Nothing is that spencil, but the action set pieces, they're kind of fun.
I didn't mind it for that reason, but again, I wasn't as thrilled as I was watching the first one. That being said, you know, it's like, if you have these characters that are just juggernauts, you have these John Wick guys. I don't mind learning about the world, but what made them fastening in the first place is because you knew so little about them to begin with. Now you're kind of trying to crack away like this walnut that you're just kind of pry over this oyster.
You're trying to get to the fucking pearl in the middle or the nut in the middle. And you know, who cares? I like the mystery of just knowing that these guys are badasses and finding little bits and pieces of information through character development through character dialogue. That's cool, but I'd rather you just discover that as you're watching an experience in the movie rather than being shown directly.
Okay, this is where I came from or this is where the character came from. You know what I mean? I don't know. They did a lot of show rather than learn across a period of time in this one.
I still, you know, again, still badass, but I'm kind of over it. Alright, the last one, I saved this one for last because it is fucking infuriating. Alright, this one, it was my last night. Actually, I stayed in action at night in Ottawa than I should have because WestJet fucked up my flights.
They cancelled or no, they didn't fuck up. The plane had some sort of malfunction and guess what? One flight gets fucked up, the other two get fucked up. So everything got bounced back a day, a full day, and they messed up one of my plus seats.
Okay, I paid extra for plus seating because I don't want to sit with the peasants. Okay, for longer than four hours. I had a shit time flying from Yellowknife to Ottawa and went there with a drunk at 6am. He was having a rough time.
He smelled like the inside of an asshole and he was being really friendly. I bet, you know what, I bet I was the Flint hands best friend because this prick could have shut down the plane. Alright, but you know what? I talked to him because if I didn't talk to him, he was gonna lose a shit that he didn't get his beer can at 630 in the morning because his debit visa wasn't working.
Anyway, I digress. I saw Slender Man in theaters because I stayed next day and I had some time to burn. Slender Man. This is obviously based on the, obviously I say fuck.
The creepy past of Slender Man, you know? You know, I've heard of that crime of two girls in Wisconsin. They murdered their friend because of Slender Man and told them to. Yeah, okay.
It's about that character, this lanky fellow without a face in a black dress suit that's fucking infinitely tall. And apparently he doesn't have sugar, watches his carb intake, really, really, I don't know, skinny Slender, you could say. So he kidnaps children, that's all the creepy past of says. Kidnaps children preferably makes people disappear.
They made a movie about it. It was PG-13. Fuck. I sat through the first five minutes and I wanted to leave.
And I don't want to leave movies really in the theater, but you know what, I figured fuck it. I'm gonna stick it out. Maybe I'm judging it too harshly. Nope, it was horrendous.
Horrendous. Like I can't even explain this accurately enough for you to picture. If this ever comes out that you may be like, hey, you know what, let's go watch a movie on Netflix. But on Slender Man, no, don't do that.
Please, we love God, don't ever watch this movie. It's just a steaming pile of shit. The writing is terrible. There's nothing scary about it.
All the suspense is dog shit. Like there's no suspense. Let's just say that there's no suspense. The characters are inescapably dumb.
It's just no offense but they're dumb. And it was painful. It was painful. Now there's another reason why.
That's all I'm gonna say about the Slender Man by the way. Just don't see it. There's a waste. Like even seeing it in a real theater.
It just didn't save it. Now there's a reason why I led up into this horror kind of like, I say horror in quotations with Slender Man and Cuz Dog Shit. It's teen terror, which I like to call that kind of horror, which is just aimed at pre-teens. And yeah, I fell for it because I like the genre.
But this spits on the face of genre on the genre. Anyway. But now folks, we're gonna get to the main feature of this episode. Try to get James to come up to this one as well.
Again, scheduling conflicts. It's kind of ripping us all over the place. He's days, nights, nights, days. I'm working my own shift work, which is all over the place as well.
I'm a relief worker. So you never know what my schedule's gonna be. For the most part, it didn't work out, but I was able to sneak in a semi-clock viewing of highly anticipated, I don't know, kind of anticipated horror movie, The Nun. Now the Nun is, I don't know, like the fifth sixth movie in the Conjuring franchise.
I should say the budding Conjuring franchise of James Wan. He's the one pretty much the director that started all of this with the Conjuring, Conjuring 2, Annabelle, Annabelle 2, and a fifth movie. Fifth movie in the growing franchise. That's crazy.
This horror movie schtick for this universe. It's a universe right now. It is a universe. That's amazing.
It's not just regular sequels that you see, obviously you have Annabelle and Conjuring, but it is fully butting off into its own horror universe. Much better than what the mummy or the invisible man or any of those universal creatures could ever do. It's its own thing. It's like Ghost and Possession and Demons.
It's its own franchise now. And it's doing a lot better in my opinion than the DC universe, which today, by the way, has just cut ties with Henry Cobble's suit man. I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to talk about this horror movie, The Nun.
And the movies that came before. It's predecessors, which built this franchise. Now, this movie is I think it's the only one. It is the only one so far that that doesn't have any of this quote unquote based on a true story tag to it.
Now, it's it has the same antagonist, I'd say the demon, the the nun demon, obviously the title character, the nun. And that obviously was built up in the other movies as well, but I don't think the Conjuring and the Conjuring 2 was all about this nun. It wasn't fictional for the purposes of storytelling, but it's one of these villains that has now tied these movies together, subsequently. You know, it appeared in Annabelle to the creation, which James and I did go see in theaters, which we I can't remember.
I think we had an all right time with it other than the movie goers in that theater. They're losing their shit and I had some beef with them. But, you know, this franchise is growing and it's growing for a reason because it it's it has some spooks, has some scares, some legitimate ones too. Now, that being said, for this one, I'm gonna say right off the bat before I get into details about the movie.
I felt like there was something missing. There was a piece missing. It was a jigsaw puzzle and there that one piece that just it's gnawing at me. I can't quite put my finger on it.
I can't find it. It's under the rug somewhere. It got swallowed up by a vacuum. I don't know where it is.
I can't find it. I can't complete the puzzle because something was missing. I can't get into this movie. The Nun.
It revolves around, well, it's set in 1952 Romania at this can't at this can't to this castle and it opens with kind of grizzly. None commit suicide. You know, there's this unseen force kills a nun off screen, kind of gets dragged away. None for whatever reason takes the key jumps out of when a kid kills herself.
Okay, that's kind of grizzly. It's like kind of heresy. Honestly, that's like the ultimate more ultimate sin suicide, especially in the cause of your nun. You're a nun.
You can't commit suicide. It's crazy. Something's going on here. The Vatican knows it.
It sends in this investigator, this specialist that says Father Burke. And for whatever reason, the church, the Vatican also pairs him with a nun who hasn't yet sworn her vows. But she has power. She has visions.
And this is where it gets kind of tricky for me and I don't necessarily know if I like it because I like the casting. It's a Tessa. I can't pronounce the first name. Tessa.
Tessa. Farmiga. Good actress. She's also in American Horror Story in the Coven series of that.
She is the younger, the youngest sibling of Vera Farmiga, who's actually, who plays Lorraine Warren in the other, in the Conjuring, the Conjuring 2. I don't know if you see her ever in the animal movies or can't remember, but she's she's the head honcho. She's the investigator. She's one of the main characters next to Patrick Wilson's Ed Warren.
I kind of like the casting because it kind of keeps in the family. She was great. I know she's there. I actually find her to be quite a good actress.
It's just weird how they would cast her. They would cast your younger sister to be almost a younger version of that character. There's no relation in the movies. Only relation outside and the original inside of the universe is they both have visions.
They can both kind of see what's going on. And I think that's why the Vatican obviously puts Father Burke, this specialist for what he says, miracles with her. And then you go investigate this castle or this, what's it called? An Abbey.
An Abbey. This Abbey. Apparently has a dark history. Also, I'm gonna say this right now before I forget.
There's something I like. It was all shot in Romania, which I really appreciate. It's like an actual castle and shit. But I mean, do you really need fake fog?
Do you need fake fog? Like in the lower tiers of it? I feel like you're already in an establishment that's meant to be creepy. First of all, your own remaining countryside.
I feel like you can have shadows without having a bunch of fog. This isn't Bela Lugosi's Dracula for Christ's sake. You don't need the extra shit where you're walking through the forest and there's fog rolling in. I feel like the setting already does enough for that.
You don't need that. I feel like that's a poor choice. It's just made it a little bit more corny and there was really going for seriousness. That being said, I'll get back to the main narrative here.
It's just these two go investigate to have the one guy, this French Canadian bloke, Frenchy, who discovered the body of the nun, who is a witness. And that's where the two first, they use him, the father Burke and Sister Irene, who is Miss from Iga. They go see him first because he was obviously the one that found it. Found the body.
And he's their guide to the Abbey because he does supply rounds or whatever. All that shit. And he takes them there. They do a nice little funny bit where they're in the backcountry now.
You can't put your shit on random trucks or anything because it drives away with your luggage. Now on the back of that truck, however, you have a nice little Lincoln and odd because the license plate says VA, a bunch of numbers in LAK, which is the demon name, Valak, which you find in the Conjuring 2. That's the demon nun. That's a hint for what's coming.
Now he takes them on horseback to go up to the Abbey. They find the body. Obviously, something's a mess because he put her, the body of the dead nun in the ice box or whatever where he puts the supplies. The body's moved.
Obviously, something's up. They can sense it. It's evil. It's demonic.
Feel in the air. Nothing happens even though the tension is there, which I like. They're doing well so far. You have my attention.
But something's off. For me as a viewer, something I don't feel as tense as the other ones. Now, the Annabelle Creation movie had this tension nicely with it. I can't remember much of the first Annabelle.
I liked a few of those scenes a lot. It felt unnerving when you didn't know what was happening. I like the unseen forces rather than being shoved down your face. I feel like this one, which I'll get into a little bit, it kind of shoves that shit down your face.
I don't feel like these movies are about that. I think they missed the mark there. The other ones, you're not supposed to see the evil. It's kind of like the sense of paranormal activity.
You never really saw... At least in the first one. The first one, the other ones were just money grabs for the most part. It's the unseen.
You don't see what's happening, which scares you when all the camera angles are up. This one, they do a lot of the same camera work that you've seen the Conjuring, where the camera's panning. You don't see anything. The camera comes back.
It's panning. Something else changes in the room. You notice it slowly. They've done more of that.
But right now, it's just more of these jump scares, which... I don't mind a couple of them, but something needs to be terrifying. Something needs to... I don't know.
I wasn't as scared. Anyway, I'll come back to a specific example of that. Anyway, these two start investigating. They come face to face with, I don't know, mom and none.
In a black veil, you don't see your face. Right there. It'd be like, bitch, please. What the fuck's going on here?
Let me see your face. She pretty much gives the rules, which is kind of nice. She's very informative, I guess you can say. She gives all the rules.
In the convent, they're not talking, so the two investigators, Burke and Irene, can't speak to anyone. And boy, oh boy, that first night, they come across some shit. And only ask like something there. That's pretty much all you know of narrative, like getting a full summary of the movie.
I hate getting you full summaries. That's where we're at. Shit just hits the fan. You find out Burke has some secrets.
He was trying to exercise a little boy that eventually died due to his wounds from being possessed. Irene is clearly a target of this demonic presence because I don't know if she didn't take her vows yet. I don't know. Shit.
She goes sideways. What I kind of liked, there's a couple scenes that I did like was that first night. It does build that tension of the first night. Oh fuck, these people, this can't just be happening right now.
It's not going to lead off to the main fight. But that was a good first night. Probably the most intense of the first nights of these movies because it just kind of, it just starts right off the bat. It just bang, bang, bang, bang.
Things are going all over the place. You know, you even see the nun a couple times. You see that shadow on the walls when Irene is in that praying room, I guess. The mirror shatters, the snake pops out of the little demon boy's mouth.
And again, if you're claustrophobic, you're going to be terrified of that scene because a guy gets buried alive for no reason whatsoever. And it's just, he's underground. He's buried 6,000 in a coffin out of nowhere. What I also liked about that scene, obviously it's a lot of foreshadowing of the bells and stuff.
Because the plague, if you get buried alive, the bells start ringing. You knew something was going to come from that. I should know how it was going to come from that. They played it off nicely.
It's kind of scary. But again, if you're claustrophobic, that scene is going to scare the shit out of you. And then especially when you're in a grave and then some hands grab you from where you're laying down and you're still grabbing your face and molesting your face. Yeah, that was good.
I like those effects. That was solid. But I didn't like in the graveyard a different scene but it's when Frenchie initially leaves the castle. You see Shadow's stuff goes and stuff.
Which is on par for the other movies. But this one, it started adding a little more practical effects where all of a sudden a dead body drops on him. Which is again scary. It has a jump scare, all that good stuff.
It reminded me of Evil Dead where these corpses start acting alive and attacking him and all that good stuff. It wasn't scary for me. It just seemed campy in a way. I don't think that's what they were aiming for.
I think they were aiming for terror. It just wasn't. It just seemed really, I didn't like it. The practical effects were fine but it was very Cryptkeeper-esque.
It was also kind of funny when he starts leaving the graveyard and he takes a cross with him. You see it later when he's in the bar and he still has it with him. That's a nice little touch. You'll see those practical effects more later on throughout the movie.
But shit. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I like the build up.
I like the tension. The tensions have the fear that you're supposed to feel in these movies. Once you see it, it takes away the power. Knowing the demon's name, it takes away the power of the demon.
Again, the puzzle starts unraveling. You see Sister Irene. She actually meets a few of the nuns and they're very hush-hush on what's happening. One of them gives her a whole bunch of narrative.
A conversation on what's happening. There's this evil guy. He was trying to raise the dead. It was very he-man.
He's trying to raise a demon and rule the world. And the Knights Templar, they came in and saved the tower. They saved the Abbey. But yet there was a crack.
And then World War II came and then reopened the crack. And by the way, did I mention that Jesus Christ's blood is the key for all this? Now, at this point, you know what I'm thinking? After I hear that, okay, this has just turned into a very Gothic Indiana Jones movie.
Alright? You see, there's a key and it's Jesus Christ's blood. Or you know what? It's a mix between Indiana Jones, the Conjuring, and the Da Vinci Code.
Without all those stupid little puzzles and without an albinal man. Jesus Christ's blood. I'm just gonna let you marinate in that. Alright, just think about that.
Jesus Christ's blood. Okay, so cool. That's what closes the hell mouth. Alright, apparently it's still in the Abbey.
Cool. Alright. Fast forward. There are a couple other cool scenes.
I'm not gonna get into too much detail without ruining all the scary scenes for you guys. You don't want to see it. Obviously you're listening to spoilers included. I like to the end where it's just Tense's fuck.
It's coming down to the final showdown. Frenchy enters a room and it's just a bunch of dead people with hoods over the head with blood all over the place. Probably sacrifices that was alluded to with the old Hellraeyser, let's say, the guy that got stumped by the Templars. And Irene's one of them.
She got duped into a trap, whatever. That's Tense. It's a Tense scene. I like that.
I don't like how they all got split up in these underground tunnels, these catacombs of this Abbey. You're supposed to be together. I hate these horror movies where it's split up. Just be smart for once.
I like how in, you know, Cabin in the Woods, they kind of played on that cliche, where at least it was drugs making them make the stupid decisions. Decisions? And obviously it just happens way too often. Stay in a group.
You're together. Be together. Alright. Don't go wandering off into random corridors where you know there's a nun trying to fuck you in your ass.
Don't do it. You're gonna get bamboozled, right? Speaking of this little bit here, the one scene that was probably made infamous now with this marketing campaign for the nun, the trailer where, you know, Sister Irene, she's walking down the hallway. She looks one way, looks back.
There's none behind her. You don't see her. It's all black. It's like a Grim Reaper-esque nun.
Keeps walking. She says hello, and all of a sudden she gets fucking, aah! Something pops up to the side of her. That was actually banned on YouTube.
That was an ad for some videos before you start playing. It had to be removed for shocking content. I guess what? That was a good jump scare.
Even when I saw the trailer, the first time, it startled me. But again, the atmosphere is right. You didn't know a lot. And some jump scares are effective.
I don't hate them, but I just hate when a movie is loaded with them and that's just cheap scares throughout. I am of the thought where a scare should last longer than the second and a half where it happens, when a loud music cues you to be scared and something pops up at the same time. Again, that's effective in certain ways. This one was, and the trailer obviously gets a fucking piss out of people who are watching their, I don't know, top 20 fail videos, you know?
That's funny how that marketing actually gets scared people. It was effective. Got me to see it. Anyway.
Don't split up in hallways. I hate that. Be smarter. Anyway, you get the conclusion.
They find Jesus Christ blood. Oh my God. Again, another beef here. They finally find it in, you know, lights.
This is where the Indiana Jones thing comes in. A light is hitting off. You know, the beams coming through. It's hitting off a figure of a statue pointing in the right direction.
Some other Mary to a wall. The key opens up the thing. The secret key that had the initial nun killed herself with. It's a glass.
It's a glass. It's a glass. It's a glass. It's a glass.
It's a glass. It's a glass. It's a glass. Why?
It's just one of those things. It's so stupid. This is the most holy of relics. The most holy.
And if it's true, obviously it had the effect. It was so pure. It's this important relic. Liquid.
Protected by glass. Now, I get they probably didn't have too much to protect the blood of Christ with back in the day. But you think maybe if you know you're holding it and it's 1950s, you can probably protect it with something else. Maybe remove the vial, put in something a little bit more durable.
Because maybe what if none butter fingers comes along needs it for whatever reason. Whoops, today is this. Whoops. Smashes everywhere.
You fucked up. Obviously it helps the heroes in this movie at the end of it. But come on, man. I couldn't believe it was pristine.
And it lasts quite a bit. It lasts a couple of falls. But it's still glass. I feel like I'm picking on this for dumb reasons.
It's a demon movie. A nun demon movie. And I'm picking on how they stored Jesus Christ's blood in a glass Easter egg. Yeah, I know that sounds silly.
But it's one of those things where I didn't see the practicality of it. Now, they save the day. Obviously they'll show down with the demon. The shucks bunch of shit up.
Almost kills the franchise. But they don't. They save the day. Congratulations.
Little do you know the little cliffhanger is the non-actually infected French guy, which he now reveals a name to be Maurice. He's the guy that you see in the first Conjuring to be being exercised by Ed and Lorraine Warren. As an example, film footage of the woman that's watching it. For educational purposes, for her own family.
Which she gets eventually Ed and Lorraine to help with her. That was the piroumos family house. That's cool. They did a bunch of editing for that actually to make sure it looked like the actor that portrayed Frenchie.
And they put in Patrick Wilson's voice or someone that sounded like him to include, oh, his friends used to call him Frenchie. To make sure that nickname kind of lined up with it. But that's pretty much it for this. There are good things here.
Shadows moving. Things popping out. The camera is good. The setting.
I don't like how that one hallway loaded with crucifixes. Crucifix is. Crucifix eyes. I'm going to say crucifix as if it means multiple.
Crucifix. Get rid of the fog. I just want the setting. The setting's already creepy enough.
You don't need that extra bullshit. The effects. It was almost good. He had those practical effects.
And again, you have these zombie type sisters pop out and stuff. I didn't like that. Again, it looked all right. The same height it felt off for this franchise.
Or it should be focusing more, not the necromancy of people rising to the dead and the demons taking over the dead bodies. But just making it more ghostly rather than the practical effects. I feel like I didn't suit this movie. I forgot to mention this before, but one of the big plot twists is that all the nuns are dead.
They all die. And the sister Irene is just seeing them. I like that little twist. You can kind of see it.
You can kind of see it coming, but I did like it. As a light twist. If you're not used to these movies, then you might not see it. I did like it.
Because I gave them the spirits a little bit more emotion. They're trying to protect something. It was nice. They actually had some like, they grabbed people and grabbed Irene to kind of protect her and form her at the same time.
So they tried to hide the fact. It falls apart pretty quick once you use this type of form in a movie. But once you have people jumping at you and the body starts jumping at you, I don't know how to feel about that. All in all, it was all right.
I still prefer the other movies. The Conjuring, I think, the first one is still kind of out there. Even the Conjuring 2 is all right. It's on the verge, especially that story.
It's on the verge of being like, base entry story. But is it real? Is it real? Is it real?
Is it real that it's not? It kind of played that line nicely. Since it was all fictitious, I think they really ran with the property. They really ran with the idea.
At the end, it kind of got silly. You have this main demon Balak that you know, have built up. I don't know, man. You just kind of went a little overboard.
Even for this type of movie. There's things that you could have done. But I don't know what I would have done better. Again, this is armchair reviews for Fox Aks.
I can't do any better than them. But the other movies, they did a better job. They had a foundation to work off of. And the only foundation that this movie had to go off of was the other ones.
And leaping that far ahead, I don't know if they hit the mark. I know they were on the right track for sure. Otherwise, they wouldn't have the spin off. Now, before I wrap this up here, I'm going to talk about timeline real quick.
So compared to the other ones, this is the first movie now in the franchise, Chronologically. I'm just going to pay this pics for you real quick before I jump off to what's going to be another spin off. This is the first spin off, right? Or second, I guess.
But this is the first one Chronologically. It takes place in 1952. Next one in the line is Annabelle Creation. So that movie spans all over the place from 1943, 1952 to 1955.
It mainly takes place, I think, in 1967. But that ties in directly with this because none appears in that one. You see the picture and that picture from Annabelle Creation is what really prompted this one to get a sequel or to get its own movie. Then there's Annabelle.
The movie version of that takes place in 1967. That leads directly into the Conjuring, the first one that came out in this whole universe, movie came out 2013. It takes place in 1971. And then obviously the last one, but not the most recent movie, Conjuring 2, which takes place over the years of 1976 and 1977.
Now, why I lead off with that is because there's also been a spin off which I just mentioned. I think it's called, if it reminds me, okay, yes. It's called the Crooked Man, who if you've seen the Conjuring 2, the Crooked Man is that creepy little lanky bastard that the boy sees in his lamp that if you spin the lamp really fast, you see the Crooked Man, it plays a song. It's a whole little gimmick there.
And he actually envisions the Crooked Man. And there was one of the highlights in the movie which kind of awkward again, it's just like the Slender Man rip off and chase of the kid. It even takes the appearance of the Crooked Man. Anyway, that movie is getting its own release.
I think it's coming out in 2019 sometimes. So this franchise, it's not slowing down any time. And there's a reason for that because this thing is a money maker. It's a money maker.