396 Ways To Get Dirty With Yourself

games that put things in your butt with path girl path girl when's the last time you put something in your butt it's been quite a while actually i need to do that quite a while in like oh it's been like 11 hours or quite a while open like weeks it's been like weeks i haven't done an anal play with with with honestly so i need to do that actually okay well you know let's pick up the game here you know keep your you know keep your super anal horror a union card by slacking off your anal play where's my union rep here's your union it's time to pay your dues all right fine let's do it all right the following show is for mature audiences only listener discretion is advised and if you don't like it please go fuck yourself one two three four do you feel your sex life is quite lame scared that your desires might be straight come and join the kinky worlds of play the very long hello and welcome to perverted podcast the show where we explore the adventures of the kinky lifestyle sex and the human mind recording on zencaster where a pea fetish isn't something you do have hearted you're in or you're out i'm after all i am count boogie and hello to all our p p sam zombies it's an hour ever supporting patreon sugar zombies this is going to be a lot of different kinks in this show a lot of fun stuff but let's get to the important things i mean i have i have some fun stuff to talk about but uh any uh any player king for you this week last week um don is actually a funny story so don is came over on saturday uh he had to work late friday night to come on this morning so he's i love him the death because he took a nap so we got to have some rough kinky sex before we took our nap and then uh i had said to him like we were playing on cooking this extravagant dinner i'm like i don't want to do it cheat day i'm doing good eat cleaning he doesn't have a cheat day it'll be fun so you know i pick out the whole day with him we have sex and then later that night when we're about to go to bed i thought he wanted to go to bed he's like no i figured you know you'd want to be tucked in and the door is fucked in i'm like right nice yes yes so again some more definitely rough kinky sex since the last time we didn't get to have uh any time because the kids over but some face slapping some uh yeah some deep-ferting off uh nobody i should have had a bite me but a lot of deep-ferting i was working on my deep-ferting skills you know as you do and that is a skill that you can also i mean you have to keep your anal play union card and your base fucking card i mean there's a you know if you're gonna have your sled skills you got to work on you know that's just i'm just saying that's why i'm pretty much a a fucking virgin right now pretty much a nun pretty much uh yeah but uh at least you're upping those games so uh well here's a funny thing that goes along with that so i told you i was having a cheat day from clean eating so i was like i pigged out we had ice cream we had like shepherds piper didn't like i'm like yeah no like i went full fucking tails like anything else but the funny thing is the day before i had lost three pounds uh because it's water weight i was just really dehydrated that was another reason why i'm like yeah i need to take it they are i woke up the next morning i'm like oh god i ate like a pig i probably gained back those three pounds i hadn't gained a fucking ounce look at that so donnes is not my personal trainer let's say it just fuck a lot i mean exactly how many times do we have to say that fucking burns a lot of calories i don't think it burns as much as they say it does depending on what you're doing like if you're the one doing the the fucking and whatever but any type of intensity where your adrenaline is going and all of your body stuff is going obviously you're gonna be burning a lot of calories and the more you do the more cardiovascular and and it is true it's a it's a good way to i mean you know people should just fuck more that would be aggressive bitey slappy face fucking sex more often i think there should be signs on freeways i think there should be little offices down the sides of roads where it's like hey you know if you feel a little sluggish come on in and we're gonna fuck the shit out of you and then you're gonna feel a little flush into your cheeks and and off you go on your day there you go i think it's a fun story well i mean i just i've been having some fun you know flirty conversations with people i had one conversation with a friend who who also listens to the show and uh kind of a little warning because we're gonna talk about a lot of different kinks and some of those kinks and fetishes that we're gonna talk about sound real great but they do kind of have some safety stuff that may be in the moment you're not necessarily thinking about so she was talking about with her guy they've been playing they like they made up some like you know kinky card game which is fun you know there's a lot of kink games out there if you you know travel around you can learn there's a lot of fun little sex games and stuff like that but they made their own which is always fun and creative and you're into it and uh but she kept turning over the butt plug card so and and she's old school she's like hey in and out motherfucker like let's make a you know so she's putting it in she's putting it out she's putting it in and after a while she's like this isn't fun anymore because you know what you don't think about when you're making a card game and you're all excited is is well what's the practicality of something going in and out and you know and staying in for a while and coming out and getting so all i'm just picturing her like every three minutes god damn it god damn it god damn it god damn it god pocket just core core away and then you got a fissure and i'm like oh you're gonna get like fissure and then we started joking about getting a fissure playing a card games and then she made up the term fissure price because that's the game company like fissure price and then it starts getting into those whole thing making up games and i'm like so i started thinking today i'm like oh like what would fissure price games be like poop shoots and ladders just let's do bad i'm like i think we can leave categories alone oh just leave it just don't touch just leave that i don't think you have to change anything but just maybe leave that over there but yeah so so if you're going to make up a game always try to go how many times are things going in and out of an orifice and are you gonna hurt somebody and it's not going to be a fun game anymore so maybe just have that card be like good for one use and then it goes into a separate pile you know like face punching you know just you can only do that so many times true only so many times should you pet it should you edit what's the proper way to get it you don't want you to be credit so we have answers from reddit so while it was scrolling through reddit i found an interesting list or an interesting discussion on what is the most unusual fetishes that you've ever heard of or ever were into and it was a very long and extensive list and some of these i have never heard of before so i'd love to get it might be something to kind of bring to the show and see if anybody out there has heard of this or is interested in this or somebody might go oh oh my god i think i got a new fetish i think it was kind of cool some of them are a little you know like we've talked about some of these on the show but i think it's always good to go through some of these and what have we done what are we curious about and then of course open that pervertedpodcast at gmail.com we want to hear what you're thinking about and what things you're into but uh go ahead and run down some of the ones you looked up okay so the first one is they called it pickling or soaking where god i've never heard of this apparently but uh putting a penis inside of a vagina and just letting it sit there as long as you as you can and not moving it not just doing anything so it's like a teased denial but it's also like and there are some people in the comments that talk about this like these are some of those like religious loopholes like certain groups of mormons you know mormon teenagers are like oh if you don't actually fuck fornication is the act of going in and out so if you just put it in you know you're just it's a loophole so you can still put it in or do anal but you can't fuck and then it's like well nobody can move is it a sin if she fucking uses her kegels or like like what you know what somebody sneezes what if someone sneezes they're like chew load pregnancy sin excommunication from the church sorry god i just uh couldn't uh couldn't handle the sneeze blue monette um but as far as you know and that's that's one thing but as far as like the teas and denial part i'll cut i would hate that it's a big like if you tie someone up and you stick your dick in them and then just it's like a tease and then maybe you do things and pinch nipples and you know touch up if you if you masturbate the clit then it's kind of like putting fingers inside of someone because some women right like you don't want you to thrust with your fingers they just want that girth in there so and then play with their clit and then they come so that kind of blows the effect of the teas so it's just really putting it in there and then just that tension and holding and a lot of people get off on it i've heard about this quite a bit and as a tease i can surely understand and uh you know i've done some teas and denial i've maybe done a little bit of soaking um but of course there's people like even a famous funny segment of luisie ck the comedian talks about his dad teaching him like when he was like eight years old his dad's like i guess uh you know latin and his dad's like yes you put it in the woman and you don't put it anywhere and then you take it out and then you put it back in and then you wait and you take it you know and it drives her mad and then eventually you fuck her and she comes real easy uh so it was a real funny bit but yeah apparently that's something and i would definitely suggest trying that obviously you're gonna get frustrated and for for people like me i have some issues with erectile dysfunction so if i don't do start thrusting then my penis just goes oh so i'm just gonna fucking just die now so uh maybe with a viagra or something but that's a good one there you go all right here's another one and that's some people may know about crushing so either getting crushed on your foot or crushing different body parts um not my king i've seen some scenes with it but i know some people who especially love like having like their their breasts like stomp like like not even stomped on but like kind of just taking a boot and just slowly pressing down on it sure yeah for a lot of fun lots of fun lots of fun once again something you have to be very careful about yes because it this thing sounds hot in the moment like especially like i've done that like i remember i talked about i did that with bunny when we did boot worship and then you put your boot on the fuck on their face you just put the fucking walk around in dirty dungeon and then literally just fucking press their face with the boot or uh you know standing on people's hands or standing on their hair which you know so hair is not you know not crushing but uh or you put that on their chest and you push down but once again those don't do these things like really intoxicated where you don't have to especially for the crusher where you don't have a lot of control um and watch out for knees and joints and uh you know ankles and stuff like on the top of the foots one thing or if they're lying face down if you do it on the body you know on the the pad of the foot and push down but always just know the body is not meant to take lots of weight in a small area if you're gonna lay on top of somebody or you're going to put a piece of furniture on them there's a lot of people that love crushing with furniture and they just feel super super safe like literally there's people that'll just grab like one of those big recliners and just dump it on top of them and lay there with it um mu used to fucking love being crushed to where she could barely breathe and i'm a fat guy so she would be like crush me and they just like literally just crush and then you but you have to watch because you know if they pass out or whatever so it can be a lot of fun have you ever done you've never done anything with that um no not really like i said i've watched some crushing i'm just more afraid of like i know the anatomy of different things so it's just like i could imagine like things popping and bursting under systems like mmm i can't get that the medical part of it that's just me so yeah don't kneel on people's throats we learn that we learn that we learn that in videos from certain uh certain uh protests that erupted yeah you can you can kill someone so be very careful how you do it but it is kind of fun yes uh here's another one i've heard a little bit about unbirthing or a vore fetish where it basically you have the erotic desire to be consumed by or consumed somebody else or another preacher yes yes this goes back to a couple of times i've mentioned this um kind of cannibal porn where people like pretend like they're turkeys or or different like meats and they put themselves in these fake ovens and they pretend like they're getting cooked and stuff and people to vower them it's interesting there's people i think a nigma and i talk a nigma brought it up that of course there's the one guy that built the oversized kitchen with the giant oven it's not a real oven but it's it's i mean it's it's an oven it just doesn't get hot um but it's enough that you can literally put a human in a pan and shove it in the oven and then close the door and then maybe he's got a blow dryer in there to make it warm or something and then pull out and then it's a whole you know cannibalism thing once again check your head on these fantasies um they are fun um but yeah if you you know you know because there have been you know cases where people are into this and then they offer themselves to be eaten murdered and eaten by somebody um there's a German case there was a number of years ago and uh and the laws are pretty clear that even if you're into it you can't kill and eat people it's just a thing i know not to be a musketel yeah i think i've always tried to oppress you but uh it's but some people do that and then they'll literally lay like meat or something you know relatively cook meat on someone and then pretend to cut off their arm and then eat the meat you know and hide the arm or there's a lot of stuff you can do and once again if that's your kink and you're having fun with it then uh you know do it yeah because i think they'll tap on just don't kill killing people yes that's kind of uh along the lines of missing arms there are people uh that we've you know heard of that uh have fetishes for amputees and this can be both good and bad sure you know because you know obviously you don't want to fetishize a person because of a disability because that's kind of wrong well i'm gonna argue that um because i'm a pig i don't think it's wrong to fetishize that or to have a fantasy about that i think it's i think it's wrong to impose your fetish whether it's a foot fetish a smell fetish or any type of fetish if you ignore the person and you just go for the thing and the person's like an obstacle i think i just talked about this with an ingman the last show yeah we talked about it yeah but yeah okay yeah i mean that's one thing but if you're somebody that wants to be fetishized and that turns you on for whatever power humiliation or whatever thing then that is fine right i don't know i don't have a problem with the fetish but yeah i i surely agree that to impose your fetish on somebody without warning them like that was in that last show where she didn't tell him you know how to it's not to fetish um but uh but if it's something that turns you on it's what turns you on right i don't uh and of course you get you know there's a lot of amputee porn and stuff like that people like it and and just to get into some of the psychology anything where you feel like you can have more power over someone because they're disabled or limited in their movements like they can't fight back as much there's a thing in your head that kind of it's a it's a power thing so some people get turned on by that even though it's unrealistic and you know whatever blah blah blah but uh and then there's people that are like i you know people with orifices that i'm like i want you know a fucking forearm without a hand shoved up my ass or gucci or or i want to try to take their leg stump anily you know i fucking i don't know not my dad i'm fun boys i'm not that fun it's your jam i can't hate but yeah yeah okay so along the lines of that also there's uh things that are known as stuffing bloating inflation we're basically it's either one or two things either people get off on pumping water or air into their stomachs or anus until they have huge extended bellies or i've seen where people do like same in injections to different parts of their body so that way everything gets uh bloated and inflated and it's fun i'm sure but there are also lots of health risk there why don't you go ahead and run down your list of risks and see if that well as we've talked about many times in the show before you never never never want to blow air into an orifice if it is absolutely possible this includes vaginas urethra is down somebody's stomach because you can cause air embolisms yes and what is an air embolism? an air embolism is basically an air bubble inside of a blood vessel so obviously that could cause your circulation to get cut off um yeah it's not pretty it's you get an air but emblems in the ghost your heart you will die pretty much instantaneously yeah and then yes yes and then on top of that obviously blowing air up into a vagina or anise can cause ruptures of various organs it is not pretty and as far as the injecting the saline stuff i mean obviously there's people they do it slowly but it's just that skin gets stretched that's getting good burst if that skins over a vital organ you can run the problem so yeah just do it with caution please yeah yeah learn learn it's not something that you would rush into i'm not going to support the air at all i'm just not i'm just going to say for me for pervert a podcast um you do what you want you're a fucking adult but i i just don't support that because there's those those those kind of risks to it and you're gonna have to show me a lot of evidence contrary to that that there's somehow a safe way because there's always those people there oh you don't know how to do it the safe way please pervert a podcast at gmail.com please send me your information of how to make blowing air inside of somebody somehow safe and i'll change my mind i'll come on the show i'll say okay there's information i didn't know about not a problem i can be wrong but as it is time no the saline injections are still dangerous you can still like you said come up with problems but it's salt water and so if you do it correctly like i know a lot of people that do saline injections in detesticles um you know breast implants giving men breasts or you know making bigger injections and the salt unless you have some sort of heart issue where you know high blood pressure you shouldn't have a salt in your system whatever um not as dangerous as air and a lot of people do really just you know they enjoy that but any of those things none of those things are things that you should do without an incredible amount of research and understanding of the physiology you know it's it's not like giving a light spanking you can literally fucking kill someone with these types of things so just do fun but i do know people that a lot of fun with the saline so fuck it so on to have more fun one what messy or splashing i know you have a lot of experience that oh yeah i might be interested in doing a splashing scene maybe like with some cake or pie or something i've actually even seen some really cool fetish photoshoots where girls like are in lingerie and they start with a pie and start eating and then it just goes over their body that would be interesting so you would be possibly into that possibly yeah so i'm not gonna like all of a sudden ha ha ha come in like expert but i've done quite a bit of this yes i know on the on the on the giving end and it is it is a lot of fun and just like anything like an egg mine i talked about he playing whatever you know some people get really freaked out by the textures and things like that just go in the shower in the bathtub and put the plug in and like you know my only suggestion you know to not go off on this because we have talked about splashing a lot and i've done a lot of this is don't mix odors oh yeah don't do fucking sweet icing and mustard and ketchup don't any any of those smells are going to just amplify and multiply and once the temperature goes to room temperature you're like if you're like sandwich meats and catch up and ice cream and you know you're just you're gonna throw up you're very likely it killed fauna we killed fauna that way she was dead a week later after we did a splashing scene and mixed a lot of scents and i know i always say that killed her but i know that's not what killed her but i'm like that's probably what killed her but yeah just don't make sense and you can start with things that are very neutral you know like just go get some old muffin mix you know that's just about out of date and make a bunch of muffins and then sit in the bathtub and just push them and crush them all over your skin and rub them on your parts and stuff like that once again don't put things inside your ass or vagina because you know sugar and UTIs and blah blah blah stuff like that but you can definitely have fun and it is about the textures and the different feelings and then of course also kind of that just being messy it's just like aha i'm gonna be messy and as long as you think a little bit ahead before you do it on how is this gonna clean up do i need to set down tarps and things like that it really is a lot of fun unless you're happy because Kathy didn't like splashing fucking hate it was disgusted by food play every time we talked about it she was like la la la la la la la she was not a food play person and that's okay some people are really grossed out by it and they say food is for the tummy and dick is for orifices okay then okay so now here's one that i had to actually google see what it was my zofilia or miso filia it's being turned on by someone who's dirty and decayed and that doesn't have to mean you know you're wanting to like you know do things with dead people but some people don't scratch this that's what you are you're a miso filia there you go i'm a recipient nobody wants it well here's the thing i got on i think i even talked about on the show maybe before i went on a homeless fetish what's because i'm not fucking proud dude if someone wants to fetishize me i'm like hey dude that's fine but on the that life group that i went on people were into like the dirty smelly sour not showered thing and i'm like that's disgusting i'm not into that i don't want to do and i'm like but i am homeless i'm totally homeless totally live in my car i have a toilet in my car i am homeless i qualify can i just get the fucking pussy and like do i have to be scummy and dirty i like to you know keep myself clean and baby wipes and i you know i have a whole fucking regimen of insanity but uh no they're just totally like only one lady's like i can't believe nobody responded to you i don't want fucking people that smell like horrible you know but but some people that is really their thing that's their gunk and funk and and uh or even just wearing like soiled clothing not you know not being so i'm just putting on like really dirty disgusting grungy clothing and just smelling that maybe you know just okay like a working man you got your work i want my man to smell like a working man like he just got out you know out from around i don't know why the only working man on earth drives a tractor and and works at a farm and in my mind that's what i work in my end is you could literally go and work at Starbucks and your nuts probably smell quite a bit at the end of the day running around that place too but i don't want to suck your dick i just uh just letting you know some people are into it if they're into it have more fun speaking of that indicate uh there are people that have zombie fetishes and vampire fetishes i definitely have a vampire i will let you take this one that's your that's all your jam right there it is definitely a vampire kink it is literally boring boatering on fetish i mean obviously the the biting um i've even looked into getting blood drawing fangs for one of my partners uh somebody can actually do that but um just even that that total control of like you know having a helpless submissive and just looking through my eyes and just oh you you want to get me hot and bother put on any vampire moving on just like uh hi but um yeah i mean just the act of the biting the act of the sucking the blood and just that complete just helplessness of like i'm gonna like drain the life out of you okay okay you want to make me your willing minion okay i'll just be here when you get up at night i'll do some stuff during the day oh you just want to suck i just want to suck on my neck all day and sucking up especially when they suck on that that big juicy artery right between the thighs and oh jesus that's all you bro like blood play don't like talking about blood okay okay yeah we completely yeah we there's lots of fetishes with blood we want to get into those okay here's a weird one um there is and i'm gonna try to pronounce it for a gallom a gallomatophilia a gallomatophilia jesus saying a word is the fetish uh it's being turned on by mannequins creepy creepy but i could see how this can apply to kink because there's a lot of people that are into qualification and posting partners this fall so if you don't have a willing partner i guess you could have a mannequin to prep this on or you do a scene with a partner and a mannequin well i mean a lot of people into sex dolls and so that would be kind of a you know that's just basically the mannequin fetish where you put a vagina or a talk on it and uh and that's that is definitely a thing i have enough demons and hallucinations in my life like i have a fucking grover doll sitting on the shelf near me right now and every day i'm like please don't start talking to me please don't start moving fucking limbs please just don't i'm like i should put i won't put you back in the trunk because it was all you know you know grover in the trunk just cursing at me i'm like why do you live me in this fucking trunk it smells like shit in there you motherfucker so after two years of grover talking shit in my head in my trunk i'm like all right i'm gonna bring you in storage don't fuck with me so i have some problems kids i have some serious problems with hallucinations and voices and that's my crazy and almost but god damn it can't do mannequins no can't because they'll start talking like like i can dolify a person oh yeah you know and then there are person and i've even shot fetish videos where i was the person when it was like limp body where the person pretends they're like a doll and you just flop the arm and pick up an arm and stuff like that that's pretty hot but yeah oh did you say the movie i am legend with the business oh is that scene where he's yelling at the mannequin what are you doing out here or is this about you yelling at it what are you doing oh yeah that would be like that's it i am now crazy and that's a it's a writing that's it's like that line when you're crazy but you're not completely crazy but you know like one good fucking traumatic event all of a sudden all of the stuff that's in your head is going to start manifesting itself visually and then you're done and that's been literally since childhood with the really i don't want to get dark and fucking whatever but yeah but i do have a touch yeah but i do have a touch of that because there's times i have certain things and stuff in my apartment that is just basically like at night like if i'm looking at it i would swear it's moving and i'm like i'm just going to turn you the opposite way oh yeah it's going to move my whole childhood because of the ridlin and because nobody they started me way younger in the 70s than they should have nobody said hallucinations were a side effect wow so i my stuffed animals and i was in the dark because they wouldn't let me leave my light on my stuffed animals crawled all over my shelves all night long and i depraved of them and begged them not to murder me in my sleep that was my whole fucking years of my childhood and those hallucinations kind of stayed with me you know once again getting dark fine fuck it whatever mental illness we have well then we'll end on this fun one i'm gonna get a fun one okay ready yep what do you think narato filia is uh being turned on by crazy people like boogie hello bitches line up i got enough crazy dick for all of you i think pretty much everyone who listens to this podcast has engaged in narato filia at one time or another so is that being attracted to crazy people no no it's it's actually spelled uh an a r a t o so narato as in like narrates narato like in penitrado in penitrado in penitrado uh but filia obviously is a fetish but narato filia is the fetish for talking dirty oh oh so there is actually a fetish for it oh well yeah i've done narato filia i'm i'm a narato filia i love narato filia i love do you ever um talk like i'm the top so i do most of the talking when i used to phone sex people but have you ever phone sex someone where you're like the top in that not as the top i've gotten like almost like topping from the bottom where i basically like you know i've said so like don is like fuck me harder or you know you know you call that you know you call that a fuck or something slapping where's been like you call that a slap oh you know or it just basically like you know you know like yeah come over here and sit on my dick and i'm like i don't want i'm gonna be like oh yeah fuck you're just gonna get your dick right now you know but it's a bad some aspect right there yeah yeah but i mean like there's been times i've been basically you know i've been just saying and now i'm gonna go suck your dick into you blow your load he's like oh okay yep that sounds good right out here i'm gonna hang on a second let me get a beer and put that over there no he's a martini man actually actually that that's that that's that that's that swishing martini guy yes i've actually added that to my submissive duties actually have martini service i've actually been exploring not a lot like oh that's a lot of fun so did you watch some videos and learn all the things to make a good martini so you do the service we played around i mean we've got several local bars and he kind of decided on the recipe they'd like so it's some aviation gin thank you ryan rentals and uh he likes a really dirty martini so it was just the right amount of the olive brine and olives but uh yeah i found the perfect recipe and i've gotten the shaker glasses and stuff so now it's just basically i ask him you know so you know would you like martinis like of course so i just you know usually sit there and i serve as martini to him you know oh that's sexy yeah that's how it's all sexy that's uh all those service fetishes and and kinks are just so much fun uh when you get into him and you know that's that's awesome that's well there's been times he wanted to make himself martini that there's one rule in my house that he has is he does not make coffee in my house so now he's like i started going to the fridge and pulling stuff out and he's like i'm like what are you doing is like i was gonna make myself a martini i'm like nope nope that's my job yeah yeah don't be don't be fucking shooting the bartender man barge who needs to work you gotta keep see now you got your anal play union card your face fucking union card and your martini service union card can't be knocking down the the skills that sounds like a lot of fun this has been a great list yeah this has been i just like talking about all the different stuff people do so to our new perverted podcast listeners some of these we probably should have started with this so a lot of these things are not going to be anything that you're into but the idea is is that you get to explore your mind and don't shy away from looking into the step beyond like you know instead of just going ew odors maybe ask well what did they get out of it or ooh you know food player ooh this or that if you go a little bit farther and you see what's the connection that people have when they do that or what are some of the reasons for it you may not like that specific thing but you may get an idea of your own where you would like a different version of that thing and that's part of the creativity that we promote on perverted podcast and in the kink community so uh so be open pervertedpodcast at gmail.com let us know what some of your unusual fetishes are i love how they always say that so you know your kinks and fetishes let us know and we want to talk about it pinky world news is sometimes cool and sometimes fuck up let's worry on the planet right now yes i am an ikma i am here to suck your buttholes oh god damn it an ikma this is what we do this is how we get going into a segment yes it is and just think last night 12 hours ago i was having naughty immoral unethical sex with mu oh really oh yeah it was a good dream ah that's why you had to call her a little bit ago yeah yeah well she called me and i'm like how do you know i was fucking you in a dream and she's like what and i'm like yeah it was one of those things it was one of those things were real i can bed and we were cuddling because we had lunch for real like a week ago and uh and she's like oh i'll come over to storage because she used to and then she's all just steady while you work on stuff and we used to do that for years and i'm like no you can't do that she's like why not and i go because you're in a relationship and she's like what does that mean and i go storage is that's my domain that's that's where i have a massage bed you're gonna sit on the massage bed and i haven't had sex in a long time and i'm gonna have a cute girl sitting behind me that i know how to fuck right inside and out i know where every one of your spots is and i'm i'm supposed to pretend and get sad that i'm gonna sit here with you behind me on the door closed and you're in here and i don't have anyone to fuck and i'm not supposed to want to fuck you right and she's like oh and i go yeah you're in a relationship i respect the relationship you respect your relationship let's not put ourselves in that situation because it's only gonna make me but her right so let's so we went out to lunch and we went to a park and you know we had a nice time and we talked and it was very good but it's just that why am i supposed to pretend that i don't want to have sex with an attractive woman just because we're not in a relationship anymore we don't hate each other there's no animosity we get along we talk all the time the reason we're not is because she's young and went to med school and live her life and i'm here this is you know so i think it's important it was an important message for me to not pretend because a lot of times people pretend oh we're okay with it it's fine and the next thing you know you're cheating on your relationship and there's drama and craziness and that's why you shouldn't be you know hanging out with people that you can't stay away from right so i thought it was really good but in the dream apparently those walls came down and were there and it was that thing where it's like we shouldn't be here we totally shouldn't be here and i had this raging boner and she literally reached down and grabbed it like she used to and then she's like yeah this isn't super fine this isn't ever gonna do anything and i literally grabbed her like a blow-up doll i just started fucking fucking the hell out of her and she's like aahh they're deeper chattering and uh and i'm like this was bad we shouldn't this was bad we didn't shouldn't have done this but now we did it so protect yourself people protect yourself and don't be stupid don't pretend that you don't have a penis and that people don't have sex when they hang out together go have lunch outside go to places go on a hike go somewhere public and have have uh be with people and respect them but let's not pretend public service announcement the more you know did you have sex this week um uh not this week but i did have sex last week um and uh dn it was with uh dn i and we had a really nice time um it was very interesting because we we have been talking about the distinction between sex and fucking like having sex with your partner and fucking your partner and it was like you know when she's fucking me with a strap on that's definitely fucking there's definitely that's a thing yeah or like when i'm like being aggressively aggressive dami dami and i'm like finger fucking like yep that's fucking but like last week it was very much a very like we haven't done just like just having sex just enjoying each other just like mouths and hands and like no no kuchar month just just having a really nice time um and so we kind of focused on that last week and um and then last night we went to a party and it was very it was very interesting because she was introducing her other partner um isn't isn't particularly kinky and has never really been to a dungeon and so last night uh we went to a party and she kind of like let him in and it was a it was a gaming party and so she kind of like let him in and let like play games and then kind of hosted him while i went over and beat up at another partner so it was good yeah it was it was a very fun poly time um and he ended up staying longer than we thought he would um so you know it was over a very positive time i think that's that's very good so and you never know did so you'll get like some of the 411 on the 411 people don't say that anymore there's the information all of our young all of our younger listeners are like what the fuck 411 that's all about it sorry never mind forget um the information so you'll get like the after like because sometimes people come in and they're like i'm not into this i'm not into this i'm not into this and then they start seeing it and then they're like oh well that's not what i thought it was right that's that's actually really cool and it helps that like me specifically they specifically did the the gaming party because like that that was um because they are like they do a lot of tabletop game and they do gaming stuff like that so like it was it was a very good like entry point and just casually having some like ink stuff happening in the background yeah it was it was a very good way to introduce them to to the scene i think it's real good and and even if that partner you know because you guys can be kinky you guys you know that's the whole advantage of poly is right right that person is not pressured to be kinky right but what it also does is it is kind of important to understand what's going on with your partners and the thing they desire and i think it is important to have that information and understand what's the motivation behind it what do you get out of it kind of thing because you can only think so many things in your head and you only see what you've been programmed to see right and interpret so i think it's really important in those situations and i've seen a lot of those situations and gaming parties and light parties and uh munchies and things like that are a really good way to ease your partner in when they don't know what to think so so bravo good i hope that works i hope that works out and and that builds better understanding and then eventually he turns into a kinky fucking whore and uh more than merrier god damn it right i don't know if we'll go that far but it was definitely it was definitely a i think a positive positive experience where i'm fantastic yeah fantastic well we have a discussion about another positive experience and maybe challenge some of the issues behind self-play there was a really good article that you and i both read and and it really a guy was like he didn't have a partner but he really wanted to explore kink and he was very curious about these things and he wanted to try some of these things and so he was reaching out to the group to get ideas and points of view about self-play right and uh right off the bat i want to address before we get into the different types of self-play and and headspace i really want to go for the big misnomer if i dare use that word that it was better than 411 that's for sure um it's uh most people look at self-play especially when you're doing like impact not just like masturbating and dildos or things like that but like actually getting impact play or needles or wax or things like that they kind of look at it in a sad way like a desperate way like it's like oh you don't have a partner so this is like the second best option right that this is and that puts a really negative experience on your self-play that you're like i'm not really that into it it's not as good as playing with a partner blah blah blah we hear that all the time and it's true if you have that headspace if you're comparing self-play with being with your partner you are correct it's a completely different type of play and there is not you can't achieve the same type of power exchange you don't have the intimacy that you build with this other person that you don't have control of their mind it is a different type of play and of course uh for most of us that would be our preferred method of play but it doesn't make the idea of self-play not exciting not interesting and not something that's actually healthy and self-actualizing oh for sure so why don't you give you go first yeah well yeah my very much agree on that like like we talk about a lot where like masturbation just from a sexual perspective is incredibly important for people's sexual health and well-being it's it's hard to tell a partner what you like if you don't know what you like for yourself i was just talking with somebody last night who they have a really hard time coming and it was like and with a particular partner they get really really close but it's very hard for them to like go over like get over that hump and it's like okay well that my main recommendation is like spend some time with yourself and kind of focus on what what is it about this part the specific partner what they're doing to you that is different than what's been done before and then maybe you can try to recreate that and work on that yourself and um and so yeah i highly recommend doing this stuff like like some of the people who commented like um you can do bondage there's certain like bondage tape is a really easy way to like kind of like you can like test that stuff out on your legs and see how it feels um you can do impact play like self-agulation is a thing um is it again is it as exciting as having a partner do it maybe not but like if you if it's something you've never done before you still want to experience the sensations go to your local sex shop and get some get some decent um fluggers or like like they say like you could just get like a nice wooden spatula from from the fucking grocery store and and see how that feels and that can be your toy um like there are lots of options for uh for playing with yourself um like my main advice is just make sure you're keeping um like safety in mind so like if you're gonna do self-ties if you're gonna do self- bondage um somebody in here has electric play like keep safe like that's like you don't don't bind up your leg so hard that you that they start like turning blue like if you're gonna do real play make sure you have um shears nearby um well let's break down let's i mean i that is exact i wanted to go down a list okay and like take each one of them you mention a whole bunch of things so let's maybe break those down one at a time and then get to the different safety things like you started with bondage and let's talk about let's start with bondage because that's a lot of people like that bondage so just as you said you have to there's indefinite safety concerns uh immobilizing yourself uh to where it's difficult for you to move in case of an emergency or fire yeah is something that you need to be very well aware of putting yourself into a predicament where you could choke yourself to death which happens uh kung fu devicarity in uh you know the the guy from i think in excess a lot of people have uh done like self-autorotic fixation and uh and dive so bondage has some definite safety issues but just like you said there are some things where you could put yourself in cuffs you could do one leg you could practice ties you could go on youtube and learn all sorts of ties um that are safe and fun and restrictive you can just do your legs together and leave your hands free uh which is a lot of fun i mean the idea of that bondage and being tied up is a very restrictive kind of feeling and and a lot of people desire that it actually makes them feel safe and then of course there's the you know the the idea of being taken control of by another person or being held captive and those types of things which you technically can do with yourself once again if you make this about your headspace because you can use the the the evil the evil villain in your mind to capture the innocent victim in your mind and you can just have your own role play because how many how many i do it all day long i i have these voices going against each other and it can be very interesting i've written a million songs based on it and uh so when you do your bondage you can have a little element of that you're not going to have as much as when somebody's actually taking control of you and incapacitating you completely but you can have aspects of that anything you want to add to bondage uh no i think you've had all hit all the good ones just you know like have fun with it but you know keep keep the safety in mind keep the safety and have safety scissors for sure did i say safety scissors do we say safety scissors i did i did i did earlier i would also for a lot of these like if you have a if you have a friend um that like you know maybe not as a partner but knows like have a check in and be like hey i'm gonna be doing this thing for the next hour um like message me in 30 minutes and and and check in with me um just yeah i just have just to have a safe call i'm i mean i'm just gonna go i know people tie themselves up and predicament bondage and put themselves in bad there have been cases of accidental fires breaking out and people burning to death in self bondage it is a risk it is your an earthquake or you know something or a house again or any number of things so the more restrictive you make your bondage the higher the risk and it really is important for that type of bondage you should have a spotter you should have somebody there to in case something goes bad like what happens if you have a panic attack and i've had that i've seen that before um where the person's like get me the fuck out of this and now you're not thinking straight and then it's like look it's fun not telling anyone to not be an adult and and enjoy their fucking kink but uh things can go wrong that you're not expecting so be careful with something like that moving on to like impact play you already started with vloggers and absolutely the the sensation self-flagellation doing your inner thighs doing your legs whipping around and getting your own butt um and you don't even need i mean you can go and get some decent vloggers online or or in a shop or you can literally i have a video on how to make a vlogger for a dollar using dollar store rope right um and it takes about a minute to make your own vlogger it's really not a very difficult thing to do and it is good to just give yourself those sensations and to find out do i like things that are more stingy do i like things that are more you can find all that out on your own no for sure well vloggers um like paddles like target has some really good cheese boards that are are like my one of my favorite paddles is a cheese board from target um so like it this could also be a whole thing on doing kink for cheap like if you're just starting out sure like don't get the heavy elk vlogger like get the get the cheap one from like we're saying from pleasure tester from sex shop and and play around with that and find out find out if you even like the feeling of vloggers that some people don't um sure so yeah i i think yeah again keep safe to your mind but like i think impact play is a little easier to jump into it's a little safer it's a little safer your your if the house burns down you just walk to the door and get the fuck out exactly put on some put on some underwear put on some underwear if you can not run out run outside naked and be like yeah i was getting freaky with myself and i uh i accidentally flogged a candle into the drapes and uh whoops we were just like we were just talking about that last night of like you know you know even in kink like sometimes it happens and you're just gonna have to laugh about it like i've definitely been vlogging somebody and i flogged like i came boot i brought the vlogger to back too close to my face and it like looped in my glasses and then flung the glasses like glass the room oh that is yes indeed we you and i both were glasses that is the thing um and it was it was just kind of like and then you have to look cool you have to like try to look cool going and pick up your glasses off the floor while everyone's snicker in your eye yeah i'm pretty sure i just like i just like figure it out to my partner be like i'll be right back uh yeah okay but it's better if you're vlogging them against like a cross because then they don't see it and then you just put your hand on them and you just say stay there and don't fucking move and then you run over and grab your glasses and go go see see that works and unless i like flung the glasses in front of them um and so they they were watching as i walked over and no you put your hand on your back and you say why didn't you catch them i'm disappointed in you that's 10 strokes start counting you can always take you can always make yourself look lame and cool at the same time always this is true well also um something that's really good uh that's super cheap you can go to any hardware store and get paint sticks like five gallon paint sticks and uh and that makes a nice and say those big ones are about you know 16 inches long 16 18 inches long and uh oh my god i've done whole play scenes with just a paint stick so and plus because it's longer you can actually twist it behind yourself and get yourself on the back the ass the legs with it there's a lot of different things that you can do with just a paint stick and give yourself that step and if you want to um if you want to get a different sensation with those you just glue them together um yeah glue them together but any of them yeah um i've sprinkled glitter on them uh which is i think that's my backscratzmann my backscratcher for four years i don't i don't beat people with it anymore um but yeah you glue glitter to the top and then you cover that with like a shellac like a few layers of shellac and then the glitter never falls off and that's just a very abrasive yeah there's a lot of stuff that you can do there's a lot of simple ways that you can find these sensations um if we're going in before we go in because there's obviously we're going to get into a few more types of uh self-play but let's go i want to go back into the head space a little bit okay you can create a play scene for yourself once again using this duality in your head where you have created the side of yourself that is the dominant and then the side of yourself that is the submissive and you can kneel you can uh practice your slave positions which you can find easily online there's a million websites that show you all sorts of slave positions and what they're for and how they're used you can count you can um count the swats count the the reasons you can have mantras and incantations that you can do with yourself to allow yourself to get into that meditative state of submission so you can experience some of those things with yourself once again you just have to separate this is stupid yeah the second you start putting those other voices from outside into your placing with yourself then you killed your own head space but if you can say i'm going to explore this with myself there's kind of a control dominant submission to out it's kind of it can be really powerful you can have a great scene you can get yourself spacey um if you allow yourself to let go of that judgment yeah and um and this was something that that wasn't really brought up in the comments and i might add myself i for me i think uh for some of this like maybe getting into erotic roleplay like online and finding people who are interested in the same things that you're curious about and then set up like a scene and kind of like play that and like you if it's impact like maybe maybe you're actually flocking yourself while the person in the roleplay is flocking you and maybe um maybe like you're playing or it could just be text but just like getting your brain used to the mindset of now this person isn't charged and doing things doing these things to me how do i feel about that um in theory and especially if you're playing with another person um you're you're getting somebody else's personality and somebody else's timing and somebody else's like approach and so i i think that would the way it's playing with the mindset yeah it's playing with the mindset and once again you're now talking about playing with with another person and so that's that energy there of course that is the best so um back to some of the different types of things people can do with themselves um wax play you can absolutely drip wax on yourself you should absolutely learn what the right waxes and the wrong waxes are for that don't grab dinner candles unless you have really really strong resilience to heat and pain um there's uh there's the candles enigma you've bought the uh the ones at the store right yeah like the the ones meant for for sexy timeplay yeah right um it that it most sex shops yeah they'll they order those online it's like the same four pack of like blue black and red and they all it's all the same shit yeah um those can be mostly consistent they are uh lower and what what enigma and i you're talking about to the preferred podcast listeners is the melting point of that wax and that's what you have to worry about when you're gonna drip wax on yourself if it's a hard candle that can stay uh that can not flop over in the heat that means it has a higher melting temperature before it starts to melt and that of course means that the wax is going to be a higher temperature the wax that we're talking about uh is a little bit softer like those jesus candles the candles that are in glass those um are the softer wax that's why they put them in glass because they won't stand up on their own in you know once the temperature just gets normal room temperature um then of course it's called spa wax the same wax that you put in your hands and feet in when you go to the spa and then it's good for your hands and it helps circulate blah blah so do a little investigation on that but absolutely stay away from your eyes be very careful of your genitals and other areas that are sensitive unless you you know everything build to find out what you like put it on your arms start with it on your legs the things that are a little more sturdy and then work into the more sensitive areas if you want but be careful with your wax yeah but like in that same vein like uh one of the suggestions that that was brought up was sensation play like sure um try to uh you know if you're interested in maybe like dressing up a certain way um you can actually go and get like scraps of various types of materials leather latex um suede whatever and see what those materials feel on your body um I know for me like I enjoy leather but like latex has never been interesting to me um but maybe it might be to you like maybe you like that like the grip of the latex on the skin and that sort of thing um and like we're talking about the like the low cost like you can get a really cheap wortenberg wheel which is a like a it's like a little spiked wheel and run it over your body and those you can get that for under 25 bucks yeah you can get five bucks on eBay you can get a wortenberg yeah it's a neurological device if you've been to the neurologist or i guess i guess it's a neurologist i don't fuck enough but the person that actually tests your skin sensitivity and your nerve response um it's a wheel that you run over and it's spiky specifically to create sensations and if you push it a little harder like we do more harder than your doctor um then uh yeah lots of sensation and those are super cheap yeah so like yeah for and then like also you're talking about wax play the opposite end ice cubes super fucking you see to do you just you know if you like you can get like special like if you want to try and sort of old stuff like you care for with isuses and warps but uh the ice first yeah let the ice first don't mind and don't feel bad about putting lube on ice and let it melt inside you yeah um yeah like play with ice cubes like see what that does like i know some people like going back and forth between the two sensations um and so like that can also be super uh super fun so yeah like just like the whole idea is experimenting on the cheap end of things and then once you figure out what things feel like feel exciting then you can start investing in like the more intense stuff and you know maybe when you figure out what you know then you can when you actually do find that that community you're able to uh open up to that and have be like hey these are the things that i'm curious about and then with that with that first partner you're able to um you know you're you're able to have a starting point i think it's a lot and of course there's a million different other types of things that we could talk about there's all sorts of types of plays but the last one i will end with is gags and blind blind folds especially for headspace with yourself yeah blind folds i mean obviously be in an open space where you're not gonna stub your toe on everything and knock your head on stuff um and have whatever toys you're gonna use within reach um but putting a blindfold on yourself or putting a gag in your mouth even if you just tie a scarf over your mouth or like the horse bit um you can buy cheap ball gags online um you know once again ebay amazon you can get a cheap ball gag for four or five bucks from china it may take a month to get there you you may have to spend 12 dollars to get it in a week but if you're willing to wait a couple weeks you can get it for three bucks from china but yeah put it it'll put you in that mood in that headspace you know so so don't be afraid to use all of the elements around you to create that energy for yourself so that you can let go of that there needs to be another person because there doesn't you need to be responsible for yourself and enjoy that play for yourself yeah for sure figure out what you like and then when you do find that that wonderful partner then then you're able to have some place to start that's right don't con it enigma give him some information give him the 411 well if you'd like to find us on the internets you can find us on fat life there's both a group and a page just search for bird of podcast if you want to find us on instagram that's the main social media we're on um it's uh at perverted podcast as well and if you want to send us an email you can find us uh pervertedpodcast at gmail.com or you know you can find us at the local Walmart sometimes we're just wandering around in there love to reach our lives hope it never stems we're gonna reach our mail box path girl this name this name of this listener that has sent us an amazing perverted mailbox letter it's not what the name means but it what it means to me and that's what's important when we have listeners send us emails is this listener's name is vonavia vonavia vonavia it's a sexy name it's a sexy name but i instant it's not what it means but what i immediately pictured is like vonavia is like a planet filled with walking vulvas oh just vulvas with legs and maybe arms to grab and that they will repeatedly like swallow and spit you out until they they barf vulva cum into the universe and i sent that back to her and she said no it's not what it means you're sick fuck and i'm not gonna listen to your dumb show anymore no that's not what she said had a real fun way she said uh happy wednesday was first time uh one time was her first time uh email her happy wednesday kalpugi and a relayed hello to path girl and egg my uncle creepy and all the wonderful bp crew i've been a pp listener since late 2020 and became a pp-zam just a few months back congratulations perverted podcast zombie epoxel apocalypse master which means that you have listened to every goddamn show that we've made minus the patreon ones that's a sugar zombie i've gone through all sorts of major life changes these past three years and i'm so grateful i've had your podcast to rely on for some laughs respite what is that word respite respite um i think i mean both ways i think i'm mostly respite but i don't have any idea what it means but whatever she's respiting pervertedpodcast gmail.com what the fuck does that word mean make a preferred vocabulary out of it and of course a lot of kinky inspiration and self-reflecting uh then she wrote about she wrote a lot of stuff and i pulled out the personal stuff uh she works in the medical field basically um with all with everyone else that i'm attracted to um with every human that i'm attracted to i'm currently in a monogamous relationship for almost two years now congratulations he and i have a very loose low protocol femdom power exchange we've been gradually developing complementary to our greater vanilla relationship we sometimes also relax on this dynamic and just have fun exploring the different sides of each other to wrap this up for now i'd love to build up to coming on the show one day until next time i wish you very productive and good week love and joy and all the good stuff vonavia from the planet's full name i would love to have you to a listener segment for us that would be awesome what was really awesome and i went back and forth with her a little bit because i have no life so it's like people always are like i don't want to bother you and i'm like really bother me i live in a fucking bush i have time to chat with people you i like hearing from listeners and i like hearing about their life she told me a lot about her life and and it's always amazing to get to know our perverted podcast listeners but what was real fun and i thought was super healthy for her is her approach to developing her dynamic with her guy right you know she's the femdom power exchange and that she's not pushing it she's you know they're learning things they're exploring they're feeling each other out they're experimenting and i think that is the healthiest way yes to do it is because you don't put that much pressure on it and and you keep it fun because a lot of people sometimes come in and they see they've read the book they've you know seen the movies they have the costume in their mind and they come in and they go it's supposed to be like this and then they keep pushing towards that thing and that fantasy may make a real piss poor reality and so to just kind of come in and go hey this is what i'm thinking and let's now explore i think is a super super healthy way to do this definitely definitely and especially the fact that you're taking your time you're not pushing things education it's just we've preached it got no time many times but it's just basically go slow explore check in with your partners and make sure everybody's okay and it's okay to say no or put something on the side and don't you know do a couple you know do a couple you know one thing at a time you're not to explore every single kink or finish at once but that is super awesome i'm excited for them that's pretty cool thank you very much for mailing in if you would also like email is pervertedpodcastgmail.com i don't know how many times i can say it it's nice to hear from you it's nice to hear about your life any level of experience that you have is valuable because it's your experience it's your angle and how you look at kink and how you explore with your partners and we want to hear about that and talk about that here on perverted podcast that's out of the moment oh sorry were you like thrusting your chest up whatever my name is china i was pushing forward oh i don't need that thought in my head that's my tank anal girl oh i keep it clean i have baby wipes oh let's let's just baby fresh uh not let's there is with the grud's usual crashing off into the wall is the end of show 396 thank you so much for joining us if you have questions comments or other uh better shoes you'd like to tell us about that you might be interested or unusual please feel free to reach out to us again at pervertedpodcastgmail.com or find us on tiktok or instagram under the name pervertedpodcast and both on pet life there is both a group and a page you can support us for free by pushing the like button or whatever after listening to us on it really does have other things just like you find us so be at brady sub and push that button you know you see that but uh you know or be an uber dominant and whip that like button well there you go it's not just because you say that you'd be a brady sub and you know so i'm like i'm not a sub i want to whip the button all right well push the button thank you that uh and if you'd like to look more torture on us like just like we're inflicting torture on you please go to perretipatreon.com slash pervertedpodcast and sign up for our five bucks if you give a fuck level to get the shows a few days orally all behind the scenes hijinks and our half pb episodes which are always what's fun and if you listen to all of our half pp episodes you get to become a sugar zombie a perverted podcast sugar zombie the new honorific i love the name yes yes and as always loving kisses to our patrons around the world your support means the world to us have girl yes boogie it's been a great show i've had a lot of fun and uh and now i'm going to play you the world's greatest worst song you've ever heard in your life but me know to write this song for a long time and this is my horror movie spoof song oh i wanted to hear this one yes it is done and uh i i really shouldn't hype it but it's fun fuck it we'll see you guys on the next show stuff to be a girl when the killers are pursuing you've got to have to walk to survive a horror movie you go where you would never go and run and trip all night whether you're gonna make an impossibly clever trap that works you might not die die the floor is cabin and my cell phone isn't working i feel an evil presence could it be the man who chopped up 20 families place i turn around to see the door i locked his now i'd open before i can scream someone grabs me by the throat i grab a nearby object and i know it but i stand there while he's smelling popcorn oh yeah i should totally run it's tough to be a girl when the killers are pursuing you've got to have them left to survive a horror movie you go where you would never go and run and trip all night whether you can make an impossibly clever trap that works you might not die no matter where i run and hide i find that my escape is ineffective he's coming he moves super slow but has an impeccable sense of direction is this ancient relic that glist that i'm wearing cursing me every time i trip a trans and tries before with me and was cut in half it's tough to be a girl when the killers are pursuing you've got to have to walk to survive a horror movie you go where you would never go and run and trip all night whether you can make an impossibly clever trap that works you might not die eat your heart to resurrect the devil he's just got your annoying i can do a church to hide but now he sets a big climb back to gandy to bring about his day of ragged hair looks like crap mmm it's up to be a girl when the killers are pursuing you've got to have to walk to survive a horror movie you go where you would never go and run and trip all night well you can walk to us i'm pregnant with a demon i name it franken kill a hundred virgins just to feed it oh that was weird i'm totally just kidding or am i