3968: [Part 2] Fear and Worry in Daily Living, 5 Ways to Untangle Frightened Feelings by Ingrid Y. Helander

This is Optimal Living Daily, Fear & Worry in Daily Living, 5 Ways to Untangle Fright & Feelings, Part 2, by Ingrid Weihollender of IngridWeihollenderLmft.com, and I'm Justin Mock, welcome to OLD, where I read articles to you with permission from the authors, but today being a continuation from yesterday, so I recommend listening to yesterday's episode first. If you're all caught up, let's get right to Part 2 and continue optimizing your life. Fear & Worry in Daily Living, 5 Ways to Untangle Fright & Feelings, Part 2, by Ingrid Weihollender of IngridWeihollenderLmft.com. Has the thought of going to a festival seem less appealing this summer?

It makes sense, yes, but is it real? There's almost zero correlation between going to a festival or gathering and being shot. It's like flying after a plane crash, no matter the evidence at hand. It's far harder to believe you are likely safe after a tragedy or act of terror.

As a whole, society tends to react from fear and do ridiculous things like search and pat down elderly travelers, stop anyone who looks Indian, bar knitting on an airplane, and so on. When you're feeling fearful, slow your thoughts down as much as possible. It's important to feel personal safety in your body versus rationalizing how something could never happen to me in order to feel safer. Unfortunately, this practice can inadvertently lead to blaming victims for being who or where they were.

If you stuff your fear, your worry will create false walls between yourself and your community. Ultimately, this pseudo-safety creates more fear and worry. 3. Comfort Your Fears When we feel immediate fear, the most natural thing to do is try to quickly push it away.

Unfortunately, this practice tends to increase our fear and create more worry. Here's a great way to handle a fear after any potential imminent danger has passed. I often learned the most profound insights from my toddler granddaughter. Last week, after my nightmare, which I was being chased and was very frightened, I woke with a start.

My heart was pounding and I could feel the fear in my chest. As I took a deep breath and realized I was in my own safe bed, I heard my granddaughter's voice hold you. She'd actually been saying this to me throughout the previous weekend, reaching her little hands up to be lifted, oblivious, a pronoun that she would request me to hold her. No amount of back I could ever make me say no and what a gift.

As I heard her little voice in my head that night, I envisioned holding her and also holding the part of me that was feeling such fear. I could feel the calm settle in my body. I am safe. I've got you.

Hold you. From the mouth of a babe, such wisdom. Comfort your fear. Hold it and allow it to calm while connecting to you.

No need for worry after that. 4. Recognize your daily worry as what it is. It's not uncommon to act from worry and fear and believe we're not doing so.

Worry can sound reasonable and foolish with this logic. Although paying attention to urgent, anxious or worry feelings can feel daunting, being aware when worry and deeper fear is your motivation can create the clear headiness needed in this complex world. Mind fear is not just a saying. It is real.

It's harder to see ourselves and others when we do not address it. Here's a quick list of little cues that tell you worry and fear might be at the root of your everyday behaviors. You avoid people based on their appearance, culture, geography, etc. It's hard to witness others' pain.

Frequently, you give more than you have. Others' generosity or kindness feels uncomfortable or threatening. Your care for others is not welcomed by them. Anger arises often and easily.

Or no one gets you. There are more, but if you see yourself in any of these, it is a good place to start. Number 5, embrace your worry. Worry is never trying to harm you, but it sure feels bad.

The more you can welcome parts of you that worry and get really clear about the deeper fears beneath them, the more you can help yourself to feel relaxed, integrated, and energized. Worrying the body is a strong feeling. It can sap your strength, but keeps on going. You can harness this energy a bit more every day just by listening to the worry with a compassionate ear.

Write down what your worry says without challenging or believing it. Breathe and allow your worry to hear that it is not alone. You are there. What would life feel like if you released worry and addressed fears?

Who would you be without the constant worry? People might not recognize you, right? Some people feel like they would be flat, uninterested, fake, and numb. These qualities can seem like the opposite of worry.

But here's the truth. There's a whole world of feeling you may have when worry is not in charge of you. You can be interesting and think critically. Take risks and care about life.

The opposite of worry is not blandness. It is freedom, vulnerability, connection, and bravery. Where will your curiosity about your fears and worries lead you this week? When you do your emotional work from the inside out, you'll have far more options for being in the world outside.

Yes, the world is full of fear, but there's so much goodness just waiting for us to show up. How you show up this week. You just listened to Part 2 of the post titled Fear and Worry in Daily Living, Five Ways to Untangle Frightened Feelings by Ingrid Weihlander of IngridWeihlander, LMFT.com, and I'll be right back with my commentary. Thank you again to Ingrid for this one.

I can say that I don't fully have a grasp on this myself, and that's okay. We have varying levels of fear and worry, and I'd say different seasons of life where fears and worries go up and down altogether. And that's fine. We're ever going to eliminate these things.

That's not the goal. But understanding when we're feeling it and why can't go a long way. For me, remembering to reserve judgments when feeling fear is a big one, because my mind can be super quick to take over and go down a path that a minute ago I didn't even know existed. Not a great path at that.

As Ingrid said, what we're thinking might not be accurate, and fear or anxiety can confuse our regular thought process. So noticing in the first place, but not judging, can help sort of remember what's actually happening. But what works for one might not work for another. I'd recommend trying different things that we hear on this show, possibly even talking with a licensed professional if you feel like you need the extra help.

And as always, you can share with me what's working for you. It's always nice to hear. Thank you for being here. Have a great rest of your day.

And I'll see you tomorrow, where you're optimal life. Oh, wait.