Under the obstacle where the steam bombs in the garbage and I will know okay It's happening. Yep. Welcome to King me episode four. I'm Dan Gagliardi.
I'm Robbie bond I just ate six slices of pizza. I only ate four you You see competition. No, but if it were you win. No you win you see we found a deal for large pizza for 799 Prices so good.
It's spooky Trying to tie this in if you're ever in Neptune, New Jersey Why you look at Neptune home of previous talked about person Jack Nicholson is that true? Yes from Neptune. Oh, you know what? I remember a few years ago hearing that there was an exhibit on the asbury boardwalk featuring like the personal items of several famous people from the area Yeah, they had Jack Nicholson's report card What kind of student was it?
Oh probably I think like bees and seas honestly I didn't go to the exhibit But seems like a real seas kind of guy just getting by you know what else they had what my favorite Susan Sarandon's jacket. That's how they advertised it not like not like varsity jacket or anything Just Susan Sarandon's jacket. It was as I recall a red windbreaker. Nice.
Yeah, I could picture in that Are you picturing her in that I can tell because you're salivating you have two pools of drool forming So this this episode Yeah, I apologize if I sound sluggish. It's because I am it's your way down. Yeah, well you're probably weighed down by four slices Two of those slices would have been just fine. Yeah, that's probably true If you know what I actually like as I was eating the pizza I was like I wonder if I could finish this whole pizza and I didn't because I know I can yeah I mean it's not even a challenge.
I know you think like tell that to my free t-shirt that I got from eating a whole pizza Right. I guess it wasn't free. I guess it cost more than most t-shirts I own your health your price for a large pizza Yeah, I was talking to somebody about that. They're like you could eat a whole pizza and get a t-shirt.
Yeah queen, please So good You yeah, it's easy peasy. Mm-hmm. He's a pizza Welcome to King Today we're talking about creep show. Yes a horror anthology film released in 1982 Stars a real who's who obviously an 82 who's who?
This is kind of a this is this isn't an asterisk Stephen King movie This is he wrote the screenplay to this yes, but this isn't based on any of his novels No, but it is a An homage to comic books. Yeah, so in a sense, it's sort of a written thing. Yes. Yeah, it's not it's more than an homage even It is more than a much It's the frame store it is an anthology I think it's about and the frame of it is that these are all stories in a horror anthology comic book right a lot of those of like The 1950s right they used to have very scary comic books so scared.
They had to stop printing them exactly. Yeah, that's a real thing And yeah, this and then they made creep show written by Stephen King directed by George Romero now You're probably asking yourself who is that? George Romero very he's a heavy hitter a lot of heavy hitters in this yeah, he he hits heavy he does he directed night riders Most notably night riders frankly, I can't even think of another one Yeah, so it's broken up into five stories. Yes one of which thankfully stars Stephen King Stephen King I think that's chronologically or the order of the movie.
That's the second one, but I'd love to get right fucking into it I believe you are right Yeah, if you were if we're not counting like the book end kind of stories like the the prologue and epilogue like with the kid and Yeah, I'm not counting those they don't count. So it's not even a story really It's just he gets mad at his dad or is that gets mad at him? Well, yeah, everyone gets pre-med everybody Everybody's yeah, yeah, the movie starts like that twisted sister music video. Yeah, we're not gonna take it.
Yeah Oh that one yeah, I Know as many George Romero movies as I do a twisted sister music videos Yeah, basically with the kids dad coming in and being like you can't read comic books Yeah, it's not your brain etc. These are as bad as what's in my pornography magazines that sort of thing. Oh, man I'm sorry why I'm making discoveries as as we're going here as you go through the cast list. Yeah But okay real quick Tom the father in that prologue the bookend thing.
Yeah, it's Tom Atkins who the Tom Atkins was in Halloween part 3 Night of the creeps he's been in like some party like he really gets typecasted into creep centric films He's very like he's in that like stable of like John Carpenter George Romero like go to actor kind of guys Also in that stable also appearing in this movie. Yeah Adrian barbo. Yes, sir. Hellhole broke.
Yes Yes, I'm serious when I say it's a veritable who's who of 82 but real quick the little boy in that in the beginning there Grew up to be say it with me Adam Levine From a rune 5 false Joe Hill who is Stephen King son. Oh, really? Yeah, why is he Hill? I think he just didn't want to be king who doesn't want to be king.
Hey, baby. Hey, baby. I'm in the rat pack But Joe Hill is he's also a writer. He wrote this comic book series lock and key which has gotten all kinds of critical acclaim It's fan it's actually good.
It's not it's not something King. Oh, no, this is legitimate. This might be better than anything You kind of trailed off at the oh did I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right anyway, you don't seem worried seems like you're having a stroke And you're not worried So yeah, it starts off like a twisted sister video. Yes, exactly like Tom Atkins yelling at Stephen King son and reading comics Yes And then right before the the title credits are the Snyder burst in but then the title start and you never see him again, right?
It was a weird choice and explicable Defendable in defense, but the comic that he's reading is creep show. Yes, which coincidentally is the name of this film right? And then it sort of leads into I love those little details that they just throw in like having the name of the comic be the same It's like the Calumet jars right it's it's not attention to detail that makes this is no Kubrick joints Just every little nuance as I'm a huge I love George Romero. He's made some of the best movies sure don't have the dead the original dawn of the dead is Fantastic.
I didn't invite myself over to your house to argue with you about whether or not George Romero movies are good But he does he's not he's not he's not the perfectionist the Kubrick is I'm gonna say that well, it's a different animal all together So okay, so the creep show comic book Yeah, so Tom Atkins dad throws away the comic book and we sort of like the camera like dives into it basically And then we get a cute little opening title sequence animated animated. Yeah, it does have almost a heavy metal vibe to it Yeah, where this comes this has been coming up a lot in our lives I'm noticing we keep referencing heavy metal animation. Yeah, did you listen to I'm gonna reference a different podcast but The paltchier how did this kind of this get made the holiday special? Yes?
Oh, yeah, they talk about that too. Yeah, right? Matt really brings up the fact that the animation in the holiday special is reminiscent of heavy metal the movie and the little like in between Kind of things in creep show. Oh, did he mention creep show?
I didn't even notice that yeah, well, I listen to it this morning So get a little cartoon sequence and then we're into the first story which is father's day. Oh That was that one it was that one I didn't care for that one particularly a story of very young Ed Harris That's right. Yeah, I heard yeah, I believe yeah, I believe I correctly identified him as being a foxy Yeah, I'm gonna go on record is saying Ed Harris look good in creep show, but this this story did very little for me. Yeah I Like to the opening scene probably the most of the whole thing I felt like it was on a sharp downward trajectory What was the opening scene the opening scene was just them being like incredibly wealthy and their parlor?
Yeah, I'm right right there the mom the mom said something Yes, that was it yeah, and there was like the one That one very there was there's the mother who's older obviously there is Son and daughter who they're probably in there like mid 20s. Yeah, but it's 1982. So everybody looks 40 Yep, and the daughter's boyfriend played by Ed Harris. Yes, the son he was quite the character He he was certainly a straight man playing a gay man.
Yes in 1982 right right none of the tact that you'd hoped for right like a Foppish British yeah, he was very flowy And there's there's like an answer something and she's like drunk driving her way to the house They're waiting for the end to show up. They're like hey do you need a DNA help getting to our house? She's like now I'm gonna drunk drive over yeah, right? And everybody's just being very rich They're like they seem tired from having all that money They haven't even been counting all of their money and they're exhausted Yeah, so right everybody's just sort of like bleh Drinking sluggish with wealth.
Yeah and playing like disco music and there is a playing disco music. We'll dance music I'm gonna 82 whatever They Ed Harris and the family daughter party they have a dancing yes they do yes they do and it's crazy Like Ed Harris to me is just like a villain kind of guy. Yeah, I'll say Elgar with that like he I think of like You know he's been in a lot of movies and he's a great actor like one of my favorite movies of all time is the abyss I think it's so good. Is it?
I really just enjoy I don't know if it actually is because I loved it since I was a kid Yeah, I can't look past that but I love it so much I you know it because I've known you since birth Yes, I've also been under I've never seen it but like in my head. I've always been like oh yeah the abyss That's like a critically acclaimed masterpiece right it's a masterpiece according to Rob Critically claimed my Rob Well Rob gave it two thumbs up I've never seen it but like with if anyone were to be like if I were meeting a new person right and they were like I love the movie The abyss yeah, I'd be like me too. I would just trust that that it's okay to love yep. Yeah.
Yeah, um well It's like it's James Cameron right after it's after aliens and Terminator and stuff and it's before Terminator 2 and he's like You can just call it T2 and he's doing his like I'm innovating special effects kind of a thing and he's and he's in with the military like all the they filled up a whole air With hanger and a hanger with water and what all the sets were underwater and everybody had to be underwater He's a real watery guy. So I know but the movie my goodness He's okay, but back to that Harris So I love him in that but that like he plays a lot of villains though and like bad dudes like guys with Stars across their like evil looking guys and like snow piercer. He was like a sort of a willy wonka in the front of the train There's no here's great. We should do a snow piercer podcast Each time they get to a new car is a new episode or just every episode.
We just talk about the movie. That's when how great it is Yeah, what would we call it? Show piercer. Yeah, probably right yeah, that's good.
Yeah, we'll do yeah We'll shop it right in to King me at we have no email address or anything. We will though Yeah, we might have to like retroactively. Yeah, we will this so no one can you but at Harris dancing around the living room is Ridiculous to me. Yes and Harris with hair on its on top of it in of itself for posture already I don't buy this and he's like I think he's like 27 in this he's already and he it's not a main of hair It wasn't like oh, I've made creep show and then like around 85.
I started losing it. No, it's almost gone I this was like the hair's last stand. I found him very relatable in this way And then okay, so then a bunch of scary shit happens right yeah, it's like a will right It's like everybody's waiting cuz they're gonna read the father has just died and everybody It's like one of those scenes where like everybody's like we want the money Yes, we have to read the will and he said not to open it until father's day or some such nonsense And he they do a flashback and he's a real he's a real dick. Yeah, and so many murders him.
I forget I watch this a long time ago. Yeah, we watched it weeks ago I've changed the dresses the last time I watch this movie But I'm gonna say it was the sister who was taking care He was like in a wheelchair and he was like smashing smashing his cane now on the thing He's like where's my birthday cake? I want birthday cake and it's a he's disgusting He's a monster and then she takes upon herself to like smashing him in the head with a large thing like a Blunt yeah, probably like a bust of like him. Yeah, I would hope out of marble boom So many but then he comes back as a as a a ghoul yeah, and he can walk which is kind of nice Yeah, he can walk in real life But in his in his death he can his legs are returned to him So and the whole thing is him just like does he kill anyone or do they all just die in accidental ways cuz I remember One person a headstone falls on them at Harris.
That's right. Yeah at Harris goes like drunkenly like oh, I'm gonna walk through his graveyard Oh, look at me. I'm being silly and laying down grave at Harris does not know how to have fun in this Yeah, he dances with his sister and he stumbles drunk around gravey I feel like at Harris the man at this point like once he filmed that scene of getting the To the stone dropped on him just like I really gotta straighten out my acting career I gotta take better roles And then the but the drunk sister the drunk driver's sister is also murdered by him. I think maybe strangled I don't know Undetermined how's it ended ends with someone just like it ends in the most ridiculous way the mom is also killed I think off camera and oh I remember yeah, it's very stupid.
It's very stupid dead dead dad comes out with a birthday cake with Candles and it says you know father's day and the daughter and the not gay but gay son They're like where's mom and they open up the door and dad is there with all you know worms coming out of his eyes and shit Like that very ghoulish is holding the cake and he says I finally got my birthday cake or something to that I'm gonna and and then it goes like animated and we're back in the comic book and it just ends that's the end of it Yeah, yeah, yeah, is the cake the mom's head. Oh, yeah the mom's head is in the cake. Yeah, that's a huge point That's yeah, I want to know just jump right in. Yeah, okay You are kind on a roll and I just didn't want to you know, yeah, I didn't like that one It's not it's not the best one.
The best one of course is hell Jordy. Is that his name? No, it's Jordy something Yeah, it is the next one is titled the lonesome death of Jordy of Veral Veral I think at all which is a great title Because this way you know how it's gonna end yeah, you know, it's gonna end with him dying Yeah, and Lee and alone. Yeah, we're this is it starts with him alone in alive.
Yeah, so It's and this is Jordy is played by Stephen King. Oh who? Who this podcast is based on who absolutely gives the performance of his life in this Yeah, this is the second time that Stephen King has been in front of the camera so far in the world Okay, the first time was in night riders starting in Harris Director butcher from here And this is the first time he said speaking role though. It's and he boy does he speak and boy does it show?
He he plays like a I just a country bump in yeah a real bump in yeah, yeah true bumpin like fake bad teeth Yeah, kind of thing yeah like eyes crossed the whole time Just like constantly stepping on Rakes and hidden himself and then junk and he goes oh A youtuber's dream it's insufferable Jordy lives alone. It lives alone spends all this time watching his Pro wrestling use me pro wrestling which is a thing that yeah Anyway, yeah, that's like Stephen King I don't know if I can quite call it go to thing But there are at least there's at least one other instance of him using someone watching pro wrestling to illustrate how shitty and poor they are yes The other being silver bullet love it. Oh that hurts my parts. Yes one of the top 10 lines of that movie there That movie is it's like in in my in my world.
It's like you talking to me Frankly scarlet I do give a damn and I'll then hurt my parts Some of my favorite lines in that movie are in the French dub of it Which I've watched with my friend Grant more than once You know the scene I think it's the scene where Marty first gets the the gas powered. Yeah the rocket propeller His uncle Gary Busey apparently not playing a character at all Uncle Busey Straps a six-cylinder engine to his wheelchair Yeah, and put some handlebars on it and Marty's writing down the street popping wheelies and in the French dub as he pops a wheelie Yeah, the voice goes ah We can talk more about that when we get there. Yeah, yeah, that's just a teaser Oh, if you own silver bullet on DVD or even Blu-ray when you throw on that French though throw on that French though That that's sweet French. No, so all right Stephen King a real bumpkin shoeing scenery.
Yeah, he's just fucking oh So basically yeah an alien meteorite crashes right to earth. There's some go in it Yeah, that's that's 100% act he touches the meteor and it cracks open and he's like he's He's imagining he's gonna get rich off of his meteorite. Yeah, and the sequence in which he imagines it Amused me he brings in the meteor to like John Q like a rich guy and yeah I'm trying to remember what the sign on the door says it says just like college or something It's something like deliberately ignorant Because this is the fantasy of a pro wrestling fan right? Ah, oh man, I can't I can't wait until we get to his dad's part because I really want to say the actor's name His dad's part.
Yeah, there's well, so Jordy touches this fucking goo and he drains it out and he drains his goo He drains his goo this fucking guy everywhere brings it brings all this shit inside And he starts getting like mossy fingers. Yeah, it's real gross I found this very upsetting like the device of this. Yeah. Yeah that whole thing basically to summarize tightly.
Oh wait What's the thing you wanted to mention? Well, so? he sees his dad who's like all right in a mirror and Jordy is going to He's gonna jump in the tub because it's itching he's starting to be covered in this moss and everything outside is overgrown in like And the father is like don't get in the water. It really wants the water.
Yeah, which why does that happen? Like at this point, I don't know if anything matters at all But in the context of the show where it is more broadly speaking But the actor that plays Jordy's dad his name in real life is bingo. Oh, mally That's That is my favorite thing now. Did you know that in advance like you were watching this you're like oh, that's bingo Oh, no, I just discovered that as we were reading reading through this.
He's also in super eight. Yes as Himself My bingo he's actually he's done some shit Bingo. Oh, mally. Is there a bio can we get to the bottom of him being called bingo?
C full bio let me let me get no full bio is bingo. Oh, mally is an actor known for three things Well, that's it doesn't say three things. I'm just accurate. Yeah, I'm paraphrasing to save time Yeah, so basically this one ends with Old Jordy blowing his head off.
He's covered in moss. Yeah, he's a total moss monster Yeah, covered in moss and yeah, he's just like it's it's all too hard Yeah, he has like it isn't there like a refrain that he has like a thing you keep saying. Yeah, yeah, I don't remember I don't know I hate the fact that it's Stephen King because he did such a poor job. It's so Broad and I like broad but it's to a point where I feel like um Like an adult is trying to amuse a little little kid, but the little kids like a year too old for whatever they're doing Oh Jordy you long kid.
That's what he does keep saying that he also says meteor shit. Yes, he does Which is hilarious every time hi larius Oh, and then the final shot is a the it's like the town limit sign and there's grass overgrown. Yeah, the grad Every the meteor grass is just taking over and there's a radio playing and it says oh, we're gonna have an unusually wet stormy Spring or some shit like some such shit. Um, and there's a lead the end of the world by grass.
Yeah focus more on that instead of Stephen King, please Um, there's a there's a trivia bit. Oh from the IMDB page about this. I wish I could find it It's really not good trivia either. I can't wait to show it to you.
Well, we must read. Oh wait Here's another one. This isn't what I was gonna read but King was told to play Jordy like wily coyote the way he looks when he goes off a cliff Now the one thing that wily coyote does which he did not do which I wish he would have done was not utter a single goddamn Right, but basically this piece of trivia. Oh here.
We is about his hometown. Yeah, it is It's just that the sign is for Portland, Maine, which is Stephen King's hometown. There you go Which is not good trivia because if there's one thing everyone knows about Stephen King, it's that he's for Maine He won't shut the fuck up about it. No, he won't All right, the next story is We should not even a lot of pizza.
No, no, we're doing good something To tide you over some I like that one that one's good starring a tide dancing And Leslie Nielsen let right he's a real son of a bitch in this. Yeah, okay, Leslie Nielsen So used to be a real actor. Yeah to like to everybody in the world. He's like the doctor from airplane Yeah, he's a goofball.
Yeah, he's in airplane and lethal weapon or not a good gun a good gun 33 and 1 3rd Yeah, all the naked gun movies that one's the one funny scary movie that the Zucker brothers made scary movie 3 Right. I liked it. I also saw it when I was like 12 so Yeah, the Leslie Nielsen up to a light he was a real actor Which is part of the reason I'm sure it was funny that he was an airplane when it came out Right like I'm sure that was sort of like when Parks and Rec got Werner Herzog To be on an episode. I'm sure it wasn't exactly like that.
All right Point being so Leslie Nielsen Take is It's just a real son of a bitch. Mm-hmm. So what's his beef with dancing because I don't even remember his beef with dancing is Well, Leslie Nielsen is married. He's married man.
Mm-hmm and Ted dancing is sleeping as much dumping his wife Oh, I didn't realize that was a was that else's wife. That's the deal. Leslie Nielsen He looks like Leslie Nielsen here. He's always looked like he hasn't aged a day since this movie because he's always looked like an I'd-year-old man, right so gray hair white hair.
It's just white hair. Yeah, like just like cotton And his wife is up here as younger sister younger woman whatever and Ted dancing is like somehow involved with them like he knows them right like friend It seems like they're all rich people and they live in the same like until this vineyard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Well, you can bury a man alive up to his neck at least.
Yeah, so the whole deal is Leslie Nielsen knows about it And he's not letting anybody get away with anything He takes Ted dancing out to the beach and says get in that hole and buries him up to his neck It's worth mentioning that Ted Danson doesn't just like go okay Leslie Nielsen is a gun. Yeah, there's a great right, but even so And then Leslie Nielsen breaks out this TV and on the TV Oh that cracked me up because of how much work it was in the 80s to do what he wanted to do Yeah, cuz he's running miles of cable. Yep. He's got he's got a giant spool of cable He's driving a like a Jeep Wrangler with an enormous spool of cable that he has to run from the VHS I assume well, it's a live feed So you assume that on the other end of that cable whatever the video camera is on the other end like it's just like The cable is plugged into that camera driven across the beach and then brought to Ted Danson on a TV Yeah, so the cable is presumably miles long down the speech.
Yes It's not even like a crime of passion It takes a lot. Yeah, it's methodical. Yeah, so he buries Ted dancing up to his neck and he His wife is also buried up to her neck elsewhere elsewhere and they can't communicate with each other They can only watch each other on these TV screens and they are going to die The tide is out right now. It's low tide tide is coming in and that's that's one thing And then Leslie also just leaves him and he has video camera set up on both of them And just goes back to his like swing and pad it is a swing and pad and it's like the kind of thing where you assume the living room Is recessed into the ground yeah, I'm just yes, yes, yeah, it's watch your stuff.
Yeah, he's got like he's got a setup Where it's like it's more than two TV screens. It's like it's two of two of like 16 TV screens are broadcasting them drowning. Yeah, oh man when I was a kid I thought like you know how when you When you had like security cameras or whatever right you would have like just a bunch of each individual camera would have its own TV Yeah, right, but then so like once in a while you would see like all 20 of those TVs were on one image But they were divided up over yeah, yeah, I thought that was amazing Who can do this you could just do this probably one guy you call if you need all of your TVs to do one thing Yeah, but like in what situation now do you need all your TVs? Do you need like 20 TVs to all if you're like that if you're like a band and it's part of your stage show That's it.
That's the only time. Yeah, but that's kind of like oh, you know when they'll need it when they do like a max headroom A jukebox musical about music from like the 90s. Ah, yeah That's when they'll do it again or when they adapt that movie toys into a musical and they do the Robin Williams Yeah, and they do the fake David Burns song. Uh-huh.
Yeah, you're probably gonna want that in there. Yeah, yeah, I didn't expect it Yeah, it seems like the right choice for my toys musical So Leslie Knillsen watches both of these people die. Mm-hmm and the tide just comes in and Ted Danson is Is yelling at the camera? He's like I'm gonna get you.
I don't know how yet, but I'm going to At this point Ted Danson I believe him I've seen the previous 45 minutes of this movie and I'm like it doesn't end here. This isn't the horror See I I conversely was like oh no no way. This is it for this guy I've seen this sort of thing before I've seen somebody buried up to their neck and yeah that drowned by the tide And this is where the buck stops Will you be wrong? Because later on Leslie Knillsen but much later on like two hours into the movie.
Yeah Immediately after yeah immediately after Leslie Knillsen is terrorized by the dead corpses of Ted Danson and his wife And they're like uh their side here has the Caribbean monsters, but worse. Yeah, like the Davy Jones crew except not cool designs Yeah, they're completely water-locked. Mm-hmm. Oh my god.
I forgot there's a there's a fantastic shot of Ted Danson on actually under water Like with yeah buried under buried up to his neck. Oh, that's stressed me right out. Oh god I didn't care for it. No too real.
Yeah too real. That was the scariest thing I've seen in the whole fucking movie ends up being the scariest thing the Last story compare it comes close just in terms of like making me very uncomfortable Uh-huh, but this is hand-down like people drowning on on camera is like it's one of the worst things you can do to me I hate like the idea if somebody's like would you rather burn to death or drown like uh neither Both of them seem like a complete nightmare, but I guess burn I think drowning is worse right because burning eventually like not long Into the process your nerve endings burn off and then you're just like your body probably goes into some sort of shock Then you're just doing that thing where you're staggering with your hands out in front of you I've seen that right yeah, that that seems like kind of embarrassing To just lose control of your faculties like that right but drowning. Oh my god. That is the nightmare to me like the suffocation the like Presumably you'd be conscious Where like before it happened so you'd be trying to not drown yeah your hardest and then it would start happening right and then we're just And you're oh god, and if you're in salt water apparently it hurts terribly Yeah, it all has to hurt so bad.
Oh god. It's Awful, we have fun. Yeah, let me show so Ted dancing is completely underwater. It's like it's almost like his head is in a fish tank Yeah, that's the shot.
Mm-hmm. I was wondering I was like how they shoot this and how they get them out in time Yeah, that's like uh casino royale has one of those and that one's really bad. Which one is that the draft? Oh the drowning?
Yeah, yeah, okay spoilers For casino royale. I didn't say who drowns James Bond. It's James Bond. He dies with that Yeah, the next two or three movies are all about Dame Judy Dench.
Yeah, not even about like her in the field just about her what she means Yeah, deal with her An abstract mum. Yeah the um skyfall. That's just about her looking in sky flow Yeah, man. You got it.
Yeah skyfall is just about her looking into like doing a skydiving thing She gets she has like a group on for it and she like watches some uh go pro videos of people doing it And she's like that maybe watch point break a bunch of times and then ultimately decides not to do it It's one woman's journey into not doing a free fall. Yeah Spectre is about her getting a um was the thing that ghost hunters use to measure like electronic. Oh, I don't know EVPs Sure. Yeah, they get it.
I forget it's something like you know where my bits going. Yeah. All right cool So, yeah, this one ends with well Leslie Nielsen starts finally uses. Yes.
Okay. No. No, I'm still doing my thing Right. Yeah, Judy.
That's fine. So Leslie Nielsen in uh creep show. Yeah He finally makes use of that gun of his his uh naked gun if you will Oh boy. Will you?
Yeah, I will. Thank you. Um, and he starts firing at dead dancing, but they're dead. Oh my god I'm uh, you're on fire.
I'm a monster. I think maybe it is better to drown than to be on fire if this is what being on fire is like Yeah, yeah, so he starts shooting at Ted danson and teddy just uh keeps right on trucking. Yeah, they're like gurgling Uh They're just gonna get him. Yeah, yeah, they're dead.
You can't kill what's already dead. Right. So you think George Romero had to explain that to everyone Explain what zombies are. Yeah.
Yeah. He's made two zombie movies at this point And they're like, I don't we still don't get it. Wait. So am I dead or not dead?
Yeah, they're wait. Am I dead or alive? No in between. Yeah Nothing Um, how's it end?
They kill him. Well, no, they they bury him up to his neck and he he's laughing and saying I can hold my breath for a really long time That's right. Yeah, uh, 12 hours 12 hours Here's what I don't understand. Oh They know that um if someone buries you up to your neck, you know, you come back as an undead waterlogged sea thing But do see I don't know if they did a revenge thing.
I think it might be a revenge So like after they did that did they just like collapse or Do they get to live together and walk old bliss They hold hands and walk into the sea together. That's really nice. Yeah, it's actually that's actually a happy ending and then Yeah, it's not even worth it. It was do you want to know?
Yeah, I was gonna try to turn this into the prequel to cheers I gotta say where Ted danson is an alcoholic A former baseball player. Yeah, it wasn't worth the effort. I was right to think that it wasn't worth the effort Yeah, so the next story dion's waterlog Um What comes after this one is this the great? Maybe my favorite.
This is my favorite. This was barbo really showing her range and by range you mean tits. Yeah, right? Yeah double D range baby.
I I have a crush on 1977 through 83 barbo. So this did nothing for you. No, this is prime time barbo didn't this come out in 84 82? Oh, okay.
Never mind. Yeah, so she's tapering. No, this is peak peak barbo. Yeah, this is just top bow Adrian barbo in this Nothing that's not Burnham.
No, I like barbo burgale way more Some some joke about do you get the feeling you're caught up on it, right? Yes, do you really get the feeling that they're trying to make concert Tina wire like a catchphrase? Yeah, I can't all I hear when I listen back to that show is concertina wire Is distracting the amount of time they spend talking about concertina wire I have some problems with this whole season of cereal Main mostly that I don't give mostly that you a lot of art shit. You're a die hard patriot.
Yeah, and he's a traitor. Yep to the country Him and Snowden Um Trump you just don't do 16. That's right. 2,216 I You heard me.
Oh, man. We gotta make we gotta make like a big cartel shirt available. That says Trump 2,216 How about that 2002 and then just comma 16 But spelled out that's right. Yeah.
All right. I wear it Um, where's it just the year 20,000? I like the other way better The one with the comma. Yeah, and then the word 16 Oh boy.
Um, all right, so the crate Um This story centers around hellhole broke. Yes. Oh my goodness gracious. This one's full of friggin curveballs It's a good good story Um, basically it starts with it starts at the planar keys hellhole brock.
Come on Wait, some vanarkey isn't that the other show that the guy who made bastard executioner made? That's you are correct The best from the writer of the bastard actually writer is producer director of the bastard He apparently released some very angry note that none of people watched the bastard executioner Which is a real testament to how bad that show is like the brain. Yeah behind that show. Mm-hmm.
It's a bratty little brain To say that not enough people watched Who who are you going for who asked for the bastard executioner? I don't know. I don't know gain. It's game of thrones meets sons of anarchy You know who doesn't watch both of those shows anyone.
I feel like sons of anarchy is for like you mean like who Is everything it's two circles. Yeah. Yeah, like the wheels of a motorcycle completely independent of each other. Yes Um Yeah, sons of anarchy is one of those shows that I also lump in Dexter with sons of anarchy as being a show for people who Associates people who want to be like this is this is art.
I'm watching art, but it's actually just schlock. Yeah, bastard or sons of anarchy Dexter Um big bang theory is like the comedic equivalent. They're like dramatic big bang theories. Yeah.
Yeah So the crime I know what we're gonna say. I know a lot of people love the big bang theory. Do you? Wait, you know a lot of people love it or you know a lot of people who love it both actually, it's not That bad.
No, it's the worst. Yeah, there there are mostly aren't jokes on it, which I think is what I find so frustrating. There are no jokes at all, I think and uh The I feel like the audience for big bang is like mom. Well, they're laughing at nerds is like the general thing Like they're like oh, they're a bunch of nerds and it's hilarious because they don't get anything.
Yeah, um And I feel like that's kind of mean it's kind of mean, but also like it's like Did I once hear someone describe it as nerd blackface or did I think of that? I can either way, but yeah, yeah, that's yeah It's like not to put the two on the same degree of you know problem at city right because it's a Nerd blackface is clearly worse than actual life. Yeah, okay regular blackface was like fun minstrel shows Have you ever been to a minstrel show? I've been to too many.
Oh, it almost I'm almost desensitized to minstrel shows at this point I've had too much fun. So the crate. Yeah, let's get off this racist hand. Yeah, bring it back in Um, so they starts at the party right that's the first scene They're right they're professors at a college College and atrium arborbo is hellhole broks wife drunk and drunk always drunk though, right?
In character as well, right. Yeah, but she's like a she's a real like she's just a Shrew kind of shrinking nasty emasculating yes, oh my god like the She is like the personification of what misogynists are afraid of like what fuels misogynist right is this fear of this woman If you go to return of the kings calm. This is what they're talking about. It was not like a men's rights thing It certainly is I encourage everybody not to go to return the games But if you do I guess based on this title we could also be a men's rights podcast Yeah, our whole audience just like everybody just show off because they're like wait.
This isn't a man's right. Yeah first episode gets thousands of downloads I hope I'm not incriminating by myself by saying that you know how many men what who is who is men's rights? Sex with men's rights activists no one right huge part of the problem not that it's anyone's responsibility No, I want to be clear. I think I think it's great that no one's having sex with no one should be having sex with men's rights But that's like I feel like a major stance is like oh we we want virgin that's a big thing with men's They're like we want a woman who's never had sex before only had sex with one other person Very it doesn't seem so arbitrary until you open it up to one other person.
Yeah, yeah But they're like they want the purest woman possible. What does that even mean? I have no fucking clue like a baby Yeah, they want like and they're it's real gross stuff They're like we don't care like what how old a man is and how old a woman is it's real like oh I could be 60 years old and be dating up on 18 Oh man, I can't wait to include men's rights activists in the description of this episode and incur the ire of people I don't care about my god. Yeah, I'm gonna say men's rights activists biggest cons I'll endorse that and you know what this show from now on yeah from this point forward last three episodes Well, I guess the first two episodes because we took a pretty strong feminist stance in the third episode.
Yeah with uh Shelley. Yeah, do you fall? Shelley, what's up girl? You know what's crazy about her just to kind of undo all of the progress we made is that she's like fatter than I thought she could ever get now Not that she's particularly fat.
It's just like I was usually Yeah, you were wired like that you assume that like it's only gonna get worse somehow just thinner if you will She looks like I think like just a normal. Yeah, but like she's Shelley Duvall fat She's fat for Shelley Duvall. Sure. Um, yeah, so how do we get here?
Oh, I was gonna say it's the first. Yeah from from now on We're just we're anti-men's rights activists. We don't endorse their politics, right? Yes.
I gotta hate it I hate the idea of it. I don't like no Whatever it is. You know what? You know what really freaks me out is when I hear Women say like, uh, chivalry's dead.
Yes good. You don't want that Yeah, that's that's the reason you feel bad about yourself is because of chivalry right in part I know a lot of them. I'm a really good person. So the crate the crate barbo plays like a really shrill woman.
Yes, um, but still barbo. Ah, ah doing going going going going going going Uh, and she's just uh shouting at hellhole brook at this party telling embarrassing stories about him Just kind of knocking his dick in the dirt if you will so in 1980 she was in the fog jot carpenter. Love it That's a great one and then the year before 81 she's in uh, escape from new york Love it great john carpenter and then an increase show so a role here. Yeah, she's killing it.
Mm-hmm prime time barbo and And then she plays against type in this one and is just yeah, just a bitch and stuff. Yeah real and stuff So they get a crate. Mm-hmm. Well, they don't the other guy does do really by is that Fritz weaver it is for its family Um for its weaver another professor at this college.
Uh, they find a janitor. I suppose find a crate he looks like he's Waterlogged in this iMDB. Oh, yeah, we're looking at his iMDB picture He if he had more seaweed on him here. No, let me tell you what's going on in that picture you as of um December 29th 2015 when we're recording the show right Fritz weavers current iMDB picture looks like a combination of john carrey and angus scrim Did I not get clean out of the park?
Yeah, yeah, all right, so Fritz weaver also plays a professor at this college Um a janitor alerts him to the presence of an old old crate under a staircase Um with the help of the janitor he takes it out Um and they pry it open in an empty classroom is the janitor charlie is that his name? Oh Maybe only because I only asked because uh the actor who plays charlie is named robert harper and his iMDB picture is just a sketch It's an actual drawing. Yeah, he was he was implicated in a series of arseons in the greater los angeles area. Ah that explains everything All right, so there's a crate under the stairs.
There's a crate under the stairs. They take it out from under the stairs They pry it open with uh tools pro bars and the like and when they do Um it eats the janitor right just gobble right a thing. You don't really see it yet. I don't think no you see it might see a hand Yeah, I think like the screen turns red.
Mm, right? No, and like there's like a big like wa everybody. La and yeah, the janitor just gets eaten right up And that's the end yeah movie ends right there. It's very weird then uh Fritz I think he shoves it back under the stairs he Must right yes, it goes back under the stairs because um How that's where hallbrook is just so fucking fed up with his bitch wife.
That's right. She's being a real bitch And he can't take it anymore. So what does he do? He's like Fritz my wife's a bitch What can we do about this and person like you got to check this one thing out?
Well, wasn't it just that he was like super stressed out about this whole thing and he's like Howl Holbrook is just like don't worry. I'll take care of it here. Take these drugs I've slipped into your drink and go to sleep upstairs Uh, right doesn't need to to Fritz doesn't even like knock him out. Oh wait.
Did I miss I think he knocks him out? Maybe maybe I'm wrong um But he leaves a note for his shitty wife and it's like hey come eat me under the stairs at college It is love howl Holbrook right age. It's insanity. Yeah, um, but it works.
Yeah, she's like she knows so well Yeah, and she she's like oh this fucking guy again, and she goes under this she does it She goes under the stairs and he seems to show like a bit of conflict when it happens He feels like he's gonna regret it But once once what we find out is a giant orangutan eats his wife a goo. It's a goo. It's a big big goo But it's like it's not even a ring attack. It's like it's a monster.
It's like mutant orangutan It's as if like it's a shitty puppet. Yeah, it is It's a turti, but if you had like you know how like bebop and rock steady from the ninja turtles they were um like one is a Like a rhino and the other one is a warthog or something, right? Yeah Yeah, so like and but they and they're like oh, we're just normal animals and then we like grow into like bigger things That's sort of what this orangutan is like the vibe. It's putting off Yeah, if they do a remarkable job of making it look like a comic book drawing Yeah, from you and orangutan.
Yeah, like is silly The only reason it doesn't work is because the rest of it isn't as stylized as that orangutan is because it's really like very cartoonish and kind of like on paper You you get the sense that like the character design looks exactly like the puppet they made right um But yeah, it eats barbo and then I was right up and then Fritz Weaver. He's back in the game Yep, and he's like we got it we can't just keep feeding this fucking thing. Yes We have to get rid of it. So they managed to lock it back up right they lock it back up chain it up and they throw it into into the fucking drink Yep, and it ends with the hands coming out Like the it's chained up the orangu hand Yeah, the the box has chains all around it and it ends with like the box sort of like popping open just enough for the hands to like get out Just enough for water to get in and drown the monkey.
Yeah, so like I never understood that because terrible cliffhanger. Yeah, cuz like well, they're never like we found this in the ocean, right? They're not like that. No, they don't say that.
They're not like that at all. Yeah, it's just a big monkey So like it would drown like any normal sized monkey. Yeah, it might take a second longer But stuck at the bottom of the what you call it drink Yeah, it's gonna drown in death. Yeah, it's a terrible cliffhanger.
Yeah, it's nothing Um, and then that brings us to the last story the last one which covered in roaches Just that's that's really the whole thing. I couldn't even so I've been watching this um by myself. Yeah, and Right around I guess when that story started my girlfriend showed up so I don't really She kept asking me what was going on and also I stopped paying attention because it's a lot of work to watch one of these sometimes I was too busy. Honestly.
I think I was too busy like describing the Ted Danson one to her because that was a good one Yeah, that's a real good one. Well, yeah, she's like what's going on and you're just like the guy's covered. Oh big water monkey, please Look that danson was underwater and then there was a monkey that was underwater. But they separate stories.
They don't cross paths Uh Leslie nelson. Uh, he's also and then she was up underwater and barbell gets gobbled up and then Ed Harris is dancing a bit It's but don't worry because dad got his cake. It's complete gobbledygook Ed Harris is dancing a bit Um, yeah, I don't honestly I don't remember anything about this one so if you want to it was this guy is It's just an he's an old man. This is another like it's a solo run.
It's like the the jordy story Do you think Stephen King also requested to play this character? He thinks he probably did. Can you Stephen King? Uh, can you play?
Like a scientist sure who are almost scientists? All right. Well, why don't you play jordy? Done and done.
Um Not this guy. He's he's like in a lab coat. I don't see a job. I thought he was like the security guy for the building segment is called they're creeping up on you.
That's a terrible A in the movies called creep show. Oh, and it the main guy is played by david early Um And so he's in a lab coat. He's in like it's like a clean room. Yeah, everything is white It's total.
Yeah, and he sees like a roach And he sprays it like he kills it and then like more roaches start coming in and he just starts killing the roaches And someone comes to his door at one point. No, I don't remember that. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Someone comes to his door I don't know what they want or who they are guys Should we skip this one? No, because the whole point of this one is the guy ends up like Um So coming to the roaches. Yeah, eventually it's like his clothes his like maytag repairman clothes and they're full of roaches Yeah, he well No, his body his whole fucking his roaches They like it cuts to a scene where he's just laying there and everybody and the whole audience is watching like the fuck Did you watch this with a whole audience?
Uh-huh. Oh, where were you? It's in 1980 Um And then roaches start just start pouring out of every hole in this guy's body even his Do they also come out as butthole Uh-huh bro that tight tight butthole did they crawl over his pretty pink sphincter? They were crawling out of his pee hole.
They crawl out of his pee hole too. Every hole That's the third one. Yeah Yep And the roaches just start pouring out that he's he's lost he's dead now The roaches have killed him which roaches don't do I don't know this I don't think this was a great story. Yeah, like conceivably orangutans have murdered people like that That's at least happened before that one was Leslie nelson has buried people in the sand right like I don't there's Dad's have taken away comic books from their sons The Leslie nelson one is creepy and like a serial killing kind of way and then the rangatang one is scary and like oh There's a monster literal monster under the stairs that's scary to kids You know that is like the most condescending thing anyone has ever said about anything.
Oh, yes, that's very scary to kids Yeah, you know pussy kids Um, but this one is just like bugs. Yeah bugs and the scary but not not now. Not these um They already covered this territory. This is a jordy vera like this is a very much Like it's the same sort of thing where like a thing is just overtaking someone right you don't need both and As much as steven king is in jordy vera.
I still think it's the better of the two Yeah, yeah, so and then it ends with the bookend with the dad tomak ins from the beginning He is like at breakfast with his wife and he's like damn kid with his Still man about it the following morning. It's got an anger problem. He starts choking Like I am right now The pizza that I ate earlier, uh, he starts choking and the wife is like oh my god What's wrong with you? And he's like by the way his wife is droopy dog a very concerned droopy dog oh my god Cut to the little boy up in his room with a voodoo doll And he's just stabbing the shit out of it And it's he's stabbing his dad and he got the voodoo doll out of the back of a creep show magazine And there you go the end the end of the movie I I love this.
I love anthology movies. I do too Uh, I think anthology horror movies work really well better than like any like imagine a dramatic anthology Though that wouldn't be fun. Drama sucks genre movies. Please always dramatic anthology is like uh, what's an example like a um who directed amorous paris or um 21 grams how like or like I think it's all the same guy and uh battle It's all like oh well.
It's they're like three stories, but they intersect help fiction Well, Paul fiction. I guess is an anthology Yeah, right, but it's all set in the same world. Yeah, but I that's kind of an anthology movie I'll I will say works best for probably har har and then if you do it with sketch it. I mean comedy It's just sketch so right yeah, um, but that doesn't even work as well Like anyone will tell you that and now for something completely different by money python is nowhere near as good as flying circus Anyone will tell you that yeah, but like I want you to go to a construction site And I want you to go ask around I want you to go up to any of any of just like the the day laborers and be like excuse me Is and now for something completely different as good as flying circus and they'd be like the heck are you talking about?
And then they begin and finish their big hoey. They just slide it down their throat right like scooby do Yeah Eating like the whole sandwich with the two big olive on it. Yep. Yep.
Yep. I hate it. Um, but har anthologies are fun They're fun. They're fun.
Just like if you take a horror story and boil it down to like 20 30 minutes That's like perfect. You don't have to drag it out It doesn't have to get redundant It's that you don't run the risk of like doing that thing that har movies do when they shoot themselves in the foot and give too much um What's the word you do it at the beginning of a movie? Exposition yeah, yeah, there we go. Yeah, like a lot of a lot of horror movies get bogged down in like the logic of what's making right like There's no point in the Geordie Verrill story where they're like well you see this alien moss is from another planet We're blah blah blah blah blah blah blah right it doesn't happen.
Don't explain it whatsoever No, there's no like and that's the thing too if one of them sucks right on to the next one Yes, and we're we're into something else now. Tell me a different story, please You're not it's not you know Friday the 13th part six where you have to fill 90 minutes Is that the one where Jason's in hell? I don't know where he is. He is always on the move Did you see he was in New York?
He was in Manhattan the big apple the big easy um Yeah, there's I think we're gonna do creep show too. We should do creep show too. Is it? I don't know.
I I will only do it if those movies are continuations of these stories So after everyone has died right just like in those worlds. It just picks up there Yep, like the Leslie Nielsen one would just be a beach right for 20 minutes. It's just a serene Just look maybe like Martha's been one guy one guy comes by and scatters his wife's ashes Yep, perfect That's great. There's a movie recently trick or treat from maybe like five or six years ago I heard VHS is a very good one VHS VHS too.
I don't see those movies because those are too scary for me Way too scary. I'm not even joking. I know horror movies too scary Welcome to king Hosted by a man who's afraid of his own shadow most of the time Um, but yeah, what was your favorite one? Mmm probably At the time I think uh the Ted danson one.
Yeah, that one it's really well done Like there everybody's going for it in not in a hammy way like they're actually in a competent actor way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Leslie Nielsen can act. Yeah, it's mostly Leslie Nielsen and Ted danson playing off of each other and it's they just No, yeah, that one's great.
That one was my favorite at the time, but I think in hindsight It's the thing under the stairs one the crate. Yeah, that's the crate is my favorite one Probably just because I get to look at so many john carpenter actors. Yeah and primo titties Yeah, yeah, it's not about how whole brooks face. I find really compelling.
It's so yeah, he looks like He should be a different actor. He Hellhole brook with a mustache is perfect for like a curd vonigod biopic. Oh god damn I said god. Oh, you like that one He's also he's also what like I think I thought he was john carpenter before I knew what john carpenter looked like Yeah, and do they look like or am I just um?
They don't not really not particularly at all now. So it's all in my head. Yeah, there's something about young hellhole brook though that It's not like he's a handsome man. Like that's why he has to play like he's just sad sack a character actor Characters have those like faces.
Yeah, you like you're like I don't know who the guys like what his name is But he I can name seven on screen for more than 20 minutes I want him to play very specific roles and I want him to like fucking come in do his goddamn job and then leave I have a question about the term character actor And it's like a question that i'm sure a lot of hacky 80s comedians have asked oh but like What the fuck does that mean character? Yeah, like what is the origin of that term because like there's no actor who's not playing a character Oh is it I'm this I'm this thick headed. Well, no, is it just the idea that like a leading actor is more like a persona like a certain persona Yeah, repeated over and over again kind of I don't know the origin of the term character actor is but when I think of character actors I think of guys who can fit into different parts and different roles and they're not leading men like Tom Cruise is gonna open up a movie like he'll like people go Not so much I think anymore, but like you know 10 or 20 or whatever Tom Cruise was like a draw Like you have a big name guys that are like oh I have to go see the new whoever movie like that Like like a Tom Cruise like apology a money Apology a money is a good character. Right.
Yes, um, Philip Seymour Hoffman kind of toes that line I guess because he I think by the end of his career it got to the point where people were like I'll go Well, that's the thing like there. I think character actors have a wider, um, I guess success rate Usually probably get steadier work as a character actor. Right like and you don't have to be Handsome. I'm gonna say like better if you're not yeah, you like you have to if you have a unique look That's sort of the perfect John Turturo John Turturo is a character actor John Goodman.
Yes, everyone in a comb brothers movie even the leads. Yeah. Yes, sure Although I guess Jeff Bridges is a leading man Jeff Bridges is a leading man. Oh, like now it's kind of like the dude But yeah, um, he's he's really Betty white at himself.
Steve Buscemi. Yeah, he's the epitome of like a character actor Right, which is why everyone was so happy to see him as Nucky Thompson in board one right? Um, I like Philp Seymour Hoffman. You're right like he By the end of his career everybody's like I gotta go see Ed That's what they were really like with the end of his career.
Oh Whoa, I gotta go see that new Philp Seymour Hoffman movie because it's probably amazing Like you know, uh, paltomas Anderson movie starring or you know heavily heavily featuring. Yeah, it philips you were often is gonna be great Um, and then you have like like john turturo pops up in like little independent movies and then transformers and it's like transformers Yeah, he plays like fbi agent, but that's the thing like he like character actors jump around They and they're like they're hired guns basically. Hey, remember that weird stretch in like the early to mid 2000s when Steve Buscemi and John Turturo were in Adam Sandler movies. Yeah, that was weird.
Huh? That was a weird bit of business Yeah, it kind of seemed like Steve Buscemi I realized it said Buscemi and then Buscemi and I realized I'm not sure how to actually pronounce his name Uh, it seemed like Steve Buscemi kind of passed the buck on to john turturo has he been in them since like billy mattison right? Interminently, yeah, and then he was like have you met my friend john turturo He would be you know, it'd be great for this john turturo. He was he was it was good mr.
Deeds Um But yet like I always it always seems like character actors are doing More a lot of times more interesting things like a film simor off it He'll be in like something funny and then something very serious And it works in both ways, you know, like uh whenever Like I don't know we keep talking about tom cruise here, but tom cruise is like an action guy now Um, and when he was in tropic thunder in the less grossman role. Yes, and he was being like silly everybody's like holy shit Like we don't even understand this because it's tom cruise and he's people had to be told that it was tom cruise Yeah, to the point where no one believed that tomkers would fit into a fat suit right? They just didn't fit in a fat suit. He's too thin Just doesn't make any sense.
No But like that logic or if the idea of him playing a fat guy either one. Yeah, um, Which john carpenter works with like he's like a big character actor guy. Yeah great stuff And that's who we're talking about on this show harry dean stan character actor I know the name he was uh brain in escape from new york. Okay.
He was in repo man. I've never seen repo man Oh boy, it's good. Is this steven king movie? It's not then I can't ever see it and that's where we'll end The long discussion about character actors and john carpenter movie and not seeing repo man I like that you kind of when you started mentioning junk armadors being a big character actor guy It kind of felt like you were trying to tie everything back together.
Yeah, it was It didn't work. What's our next movie? Perfect. Our next movie is kujo kujo.
That's the one with the dog. It is the dog Never seen it huge dog lover. Very excited. We will see what happens.
I'm probably gonna love it right? Yep. All right till next time Do we have a catchphrase like a sign off we should get one um Maybe next time Maybe next time isn't a bad one. All right