41. Dear Damona

On this week’s episode, Chatrice and Luis welcome Damona Hoffman, certified dating coach and host of Dates and Mates podcast. Since last episode, Luis visit Chicago and wondering their role in a social circle, while Chatrice spent the holiday weekend on the lake and received a random text. Damona talks to Chatrice and Luis about a recent message exchange from Chatrice; data trends in dating, realtionships, and divorce rates; representation in dating and relationship help field; and, new dating terms we should be aware of. Time Stamps 0:20 - Hello and Welcome Back 0:59 - What hosts have been up to 1:59 - Role within a social circle or friend group (Question, what is your role within a friend group?) care taker | social glue | hype woman | logistics 10:13 - Me moment of the week for the hosts 12:22 - Shout Out for the Culture: National Bikini Day (July 5th); Victoria Secret’s plus size inclusivity campaign attempt; slight-ish: Nicole Ritchie 19:52 - Guest intro 21:05 - Welcome Damona Hoffman! 23:56 - Tale of a Tinderoni 25:51 - Drive through the texts to the real in-person interaction 25:59 - “Texing is a necessary part of courtship and that everybody has to do their part for it to work and for you to get to that next step” 27:06 - Putting framework around communication helps move things along 29:11 - “You gotta get off the texts and off the apps to become a real person” 29:58 - Advice for person sending texts that are killing the conversation 31:02 - Avoid the texting trap: acknowledge that you have not been asked anything, “Is there anything you are curious to know about me?” “I feel like i haven’t said anything about myself, don’t you want to know my deep dark secrets” 33:55 - Pie of how much time and energy you have, dating can take up a big or small part, acknowledge how much you time or energy you have 36:22 - Hot Vax Summer and Data: lot of data said people are looking for a serious relationship, but it is the summer when dating/relationship doesn’t really happen 38:24 - Divorse and separation rates in the next couple of months 38:55 - Damona predicted there would be higher divorce rates, in Wuhan it was 3x higher than the average; did not happen here in the US, Damona predicts it will happen later this year (summer/fall) 42:53 - Representation in dating and relationship help field 43:37 - Racial preferences in dating, people have been hiding behind racial bias and unwilling to exmaine them 44:00 - Dating industry has enabled people to keep this racial bias, not examine it, and labelling it as a “dating preference” 48:00 - “Race open” when it comes to dating 52:41 - Asking Damona Questions from the Courting Cuties 53:13 - One person wants to meet in person sooner while the other person wants to keep talking and getting to know you you 54:05 - Strict rule: one week from the point of texting to next step like phone call, video date; that person is a time waster, says Damona 55:15 - Gay hook up apps: can lock things down in 10 messages or less 57:31 - Don’t accept a date/next phase within the same day, or same day dating because it is most likely they are looking for a hook up 58:45 - How to communicate to time wasters about your timeline? 59:04 - You don’t know owe anyone anything, you owe them human decency and some level of communication. You gotta take ownership of getting what you want to 59:35 - Damona advises women she works with to lead the converesation, to send the first message 1:02:15 - Current dating terms we shoud know about 1:02:34 - Zombie-ing: when ghosting comes back from the grave 1:03:05 - Orbiting: when the person is hanging out, they haven’t made a move, start liking your posts, or keep commenting on your posts 1:04:47 - The impact of social media on dating or hte opportunity with social media and dating 1:08:51 - Cold Girl Fall: when people will really start to date Links: Damona’s Washington Post article on racial bias - https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/date-labdaters-say-they-dont-tolerate-racial-bias-their-actions-say-they-do-have-racial-preferences/2020/06/18/0d1eace4-a039-11ea-9590-1858a893bd59_story.html Website: courtingincolor.com / Email: [email protected] / Instagram: @CourtNColor Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review!