41. No is a Complete Sentence

In this episode we are going to talk about how much our inability to say no and manage our personal time effects our lives in education. In our society we have a huge people pleasing problem. So much of our identity is tied up in how other people think about us. The most crazy part of this is a majority of the time it is just our thoughts about what we think the other people in our lives are thinking about us. If there is even a possibility of another person thinking that we weren’t amazing we form an instant story in our head about what that means. They are going to be upset, disappointed, let down, and on and on. This drives us to lead such stressed and over scheduled lives that it is killing us at every turn. We have practically zero margin and the margin we do have we are so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained that using the margin to enjoy life and enhance others is not even a possibility. We just vegetate, watch tv, and sleep to try and recoup. What if we actually just learned to say “no?” Just no, not no with a bunch of strings attached and guilt and stress later. Just no. and being okay with it. What if when people tell us no we are actually okay with it and we totally understand instead of pressuring them. Anne Lamont said, “no is a complete sentence.” So awesome and profound. We really don’t have to justify our answers or feel bad for making a great decision. See when we feel the need to justify it is because we have done something we feel is out of alignment with our values. If this is you then you need some thought work about why you are actually doing the things you are doing. As much as we want to please people all the time we really need to take a step back and understand the demands on our time in order to make more informed decisions in our lives! Agreeing to everything in order to try and look good and then doing a poor job with a task or project makes you look worse than you did in the beginning. I am a big fan of the principle of “unless it is a heck yes, then everything is a no until further review.” If the individual asking is not okay with the further review then the answer is going to be no. We need to be prepared and okay giving this response. This does not make you a lesser person, I promise! If the demands on your time seem endless then come work with me and I can help you straighten out those thoughts and free up the margin you desire!