Oh my darling sweet lovey puffy my lovey puffy my guess puffy was probably a bad word to use huh? Oh, no, I'm not puffy and I'm not buffies. Paffter. I'll damn it.
You've already got about me once this week. Good God. Whatever Whatever I was in the middle of moving. I was in the middle of moving.
I was I got a new home. Oh, okay I got a new home. So I think that's kind of a big deal, but there's a lot of fucking let's get into a show We'll talk about one two three four. Do you feel your sex life is quite lame?
Scared your desires might be strange Come and join the kinky world of play Low and welcome to perverted podcast the show where we talk about the kinky lifestyle sex in the human mind recording on zencaster where sorry I have a horribly dirty mind and I'm not much of a housekeeper up there. I'm half girl I am count boogie and goddamn it. I have been spent a lot of effort I mean, I'm not necessarily a lazy person, but I'm not necessarily a Super hard worker either. You know, I get stuff done that I need to get done But man, you know with all this stuff and taking care of my dad since his wife passed and you know My friend and you know, so it's been that stuff and then so I guess the the news is is that I have a new home and So that's it's very very good.
By the way, I do live in a car So I didn't get a new home. That's a home. I just got a different car So but that requires dismantling you know because when you live in a car You have you know screens for mosquitoes and different things and you have to take out seats and do things and put boards and make beds And you know, it's like a whole thing so I had to disassemble one Assemble one and then reassemble the other two so I can sell the old crappy car And I'm telling you man Climbing under seats and lifting things and doing stuff and drilling and screwing all that stuff. I'm like ow Oh, this sucks this sucks.
So that's that's I've been busy with that, but the good news is is You know, I can take care of my dad lives about an hour away from me right and now that his wife has passed He's 87 and needs well, it'd be 87 in a couple weeks, but but now he needs care He's finally getting the care and now I can finally focus on him because you know our relationship never mind I think I've shared before it wasn't the the best relationship Because of her she didn't know and so I wasn't allowed in the house because I'm a pornographer Yeah, I'm sure I'm a pornographer What what does Grover think of the new car Grover is still in storage so Grover doesn't have to smell my poop bucket and Poor Grover did we ever talk about that on the show? You've talked about it once or twice yeah on the show how I had this stuffed Grover like a really good looking girl Like it looks like Grover and he's up. I can see him over there right now He's been sitting for a couple years now in storage He's much happier than being in the trunk of the camera because you know, you know, you sometimes use the bathroom and Why does it smell like shit in here? Why the fuck are you gonna throw that back away now?
Well Grover, I gotta make it to the trash can to throw it out, you know, like people do with their dog What why why is it next to me? In the summer when it's hot Sorry homeless, you know, what you got to deal with so yeah Grover Grover is very happy to not be involved But yes things are so it's a much a claim. It's probably too much information that people wanted But it's like you think about it's like hey homeless people where do they poop? Okay, think about it Sorry, well, it's you know, you want us to not go in the street and not go behind buildings So you have to make your people people like travel.
I mean there's signs. I've known people just basically like okay I'm gonna put a bucket and I can't report hello. There's portable pottys that people put in their car for long car rights That's and people who have like IBS and different things where you know, yeah, because I had a lot of stomach Oh, yeah, so you have a camp toilet in the car and that's just unflattering But that's just the reality people poop and you don't want to use a sickening disgusting bathroom Okay, I make it to one so you know there that for all of you that are new to perverted podcast we We talk about other things besides pooping. Yeah, we just don't really talk about homeless guys and pooping But you know today on 425 that's what we started now.
Let's get into the jinus I know you've been doing some fucking with donus have you uh, have you told him that you have to make a plan for anal? Yes, and I you know it's been a struggle with me with some of the medications. I'm on that it doesn't agree with my body Um plus it's just kind of like I want to but it's like I haven't done it so long I'm kind of a little nervous back, you know, and it's just it would just be a matter of putting a butt plug back in and kind of Retraining to do it. That's exactly what I was gonna say Why don't you guys instead of like going for an ass fucking?
Why not just have a little bit of butt play and bringing a small plug and just having tease your fucking butt hole and get you all turned on and And then you'd be like oh, yeah, I actually do like this and then you get brave and you're like fuck it throw down a towel It's fucking rock this whole man, but even like there's been times we've kind of done DPs where I just leave the butt plug in so it makes everything Little tighter. Yeah, so it's just basically like it's in there So and then you know, there's other times he's basically like you pull the plug and all right, let's go so but right It's just been so long and it's just I just need basically just you know, just push you gotta push you gotta push you gotta Put yeah man up man up and get fucking off Um, you gotta push the mojo a little sometimes and that's something that's very relevant To our newer listeners because that's something we used to talk about quite a bit is pushing the mojo Sometimes and I have to do it now because I've obviously been away from a lot of sex and play Uh for a long time now and sometimes you just when you go your body goes into that kind of primal Uh famine sexual famine and it kind of just shuts down the things like okay. There's no sex around We're not gonna procreate nature nature You know your body kind of goes into that kind of down mode and then you don't even really care You're just going through your life and you don't care And so sometimes you kind of have to push that Like even if it's just masturbating more regularly or you know trying to regenerate kind of that excitement in that mojo Sometimes you need to push that and especially with sex with a partner You know you're like I said it's not gonna work out and this thing You gotta do it sometimes you just gotta make the commitment and you have to push that mojo because I promise you I promise you Provertive podcast listeners once you start getting back into it your body will remember that you like sex Yeah It's a thing It's a thing you may not feel it but you know and it may take a couple of times to get back into that groove But sometimes you just got to commit and even if it's not good like there's people that have not had There's I've talked to a lot of women that are like oh my god I've had sex for for years and then you start getting all virginal about it Like oh I want it to be this and you start creating a script around it where it has to be special and You know what there's nothing more damaging to your sex life than than doing that You just go have bad sex having bad sex and get it get that physical pass the way and then focus on having good sex But push past that and don't create a bunch of scripts around it The more you know I do have the more you know I do have one awesome announcement announcement for having a chance to tell you So you want to know actually it goes with the kinky lifestyle So I think I told you that for the last several years A couple of people in our community have been raising money to reopen to open a dungeon They were helped to run a local dungeon here that closed down several years ago Oh wow All the money that they've been raising over these years has been going to funding it It's called the NC Croft And they just made the announcement at a play party this past saturday that well They not only they have they've gotten non-profit status So they because they're also going to be doing education but they have bought 40 acres of land in the middle of literal nowhere So there are no regulations as far as schools and churches and whatever So the kinky paradise is one step closer to where one step closer to having a brand new dungeon out here So are they going to build from scratch or they're just going to bring in some trailers? They're probably going to probably get us to drop some buildings like pre-cravicade Okay, sure sure.
Yeah And then of course, you know you campground and you know you just need to Level out some some dirt and campground and put up some fire pits and you fucking oh my god Yeah, 40 acres Yeah, the hunt actually the one I go to every other year actually this this is coming to saturday I'm not able to go but uh part of the hunt grounds is a kinky camp out So that way people can do the hunt and if they want to stand us they on site they have the campgrounds There's a lot of people camp out so yeah, it might be great for it to do uh, you know go play and then camp out overnight So but yeah, there's a lot of potential. Yeah, once they're closer to getting and especially 40 acres No one's gonna use your screen code so uh, yeah, you just do your if you take literally I mean literally two acres in the middle your two acres is going to that's three 500 people right there Yeah, maybe not 300 500 people but yeah three four acres you take up square in the middle And that way you can put the campgrounds on the look at I'm already producing their fucking four year I'm all coming at it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I did my club time No, I'm talking about come play in north carolina not run Oh, yeah, absolutely. I absolutely that may be a vacation in the making You know now I'm ready to do things and go out and uh, you know who But are you really gonna want to put me up for a week?
Yeah, why not? Okay, if you're cool, I'm cool. I'm cool with the couch. We'll put you in the leg room No, we have a really nice fold out boots on in my den.
It's really comfortable It's on the couch We have to use couch shoe. I mean it's a queen size boots on it's not a tiny foot on okay But you can have a couch too. The couches are electric so they can kind of Think kind of like you know gonna have there. Yeah, I just see I'm low maintenance and pretty low maintenance You know, so who knows maybe uh come on out and uh and you can come meet my cats I can meet the 800 cats of terror now two two they have nine lives.
It's 18 right there. It's 18 That is all I'm having is two crazy. Yeah, you say that now by the time I get there It's just like where you got fucking curlers in your hair. Oh, no, just a bag of cat kibbles under your arm No No, it's not because I bought a robotic litter box.
Yeah No, but it's funny I get to learn my phone when somebody's in the litter box because it like kind of it weighs the cats so I can kind of go Vigos in the litter box or Lucy's in the litter box. Oh my new cat We named her Lucy per by the way Lucy nice nice Is it necessary for you to get a fucking message when your cats are fucking no I can turn it off But yeah, I just turn it off. You just think it's funny Yeah, I just think it's funny where it's like Lucy's in the litter box and Lucy's back in the litter box like You could set up and only fans for your cats and just set out the camera trigger and go hey watch my cats pee You know, there's gonna be some German guy out there I wonder if a woman could get I guess if you get a big enough one you get a big enough one in this IP And I'm not racist against Germans. I'm half you know, I was raised in a German house.
You know, god damn it I'm talking about yay. We were once the closer to getting another dungeon in North Carolina And now you're watching cats pee and I'm just thinking I'm thinking money I'm thinking you know, there's gonna be someone that wants to watch cats pee And it just sets it up and it sets an alarm and people are like whoa Lucy's pee Yeah Scratch that dirt You leave my cat alone if you come visit. Is it bad to get come in your eye? Is it safe to set balls on fire?
Avoid the things you regret get advice better yet. Let our failures be your wins as we discuss kinky topics off Reddit Okay, so this is something we haven't talked about in a while and and I love this Because it's a great question. It's an honest question and and and and there is a headspace to it And this is where you have what are the rules? What am I supposed to be and then how do I do something that I want to do?
So here is How to suck a dick as a domain? Or a female dominant more commonly referred to you don't need a name by the way There isn't a Dame is a name that you use for a new listeners If you want to like dominatrix, dame or whatever or you can just say dominant because that's what you are And there are a lot of people that you don't need to differentiate just because you're a male or a female You're if you're dominant. You're a dominant You don't have to call it something But some people do like the name dame and it's part of the fantasy and the fetish And so then by all means that's what dame is used for in this situation Hey, I am a young new softish dame and it's super fun I don't know what soft dame means. I mean, maybe that's you're not you're not disciplinarian or maybe just doing soft, you know Not doing really hard sensation plays Pervert by gas or gmail.com.
What is softish dame mean? And it's super fun. Great. She's having a great time It feels like playing a character when I'm in the dame space.
Okay, so it sounds like she's getting new into this The issue with that is when I'm playing this character a lot of things can bring me out of it And it ruins the vibes for me, which leads me to just being overall worse And my then my amazing skills. So, uh, maybe she's new. She's a little insecure about her skill set Which is normal totally normal when you start out. Don't worry about it.
If your intention is there That is all that matters. The skills will happen in time the more, you know, can't believe sidebar The big one for her is sucking dick I'm aware fully that no act is submissive quote unquote, but there's nothing that makes me feel Like a pathetic sub more than having a dick in my mouth I'm looking for any suggestions to help me change my mindset or maybe ideas to make it easier act because it's something I enjoy So this is an honest any help is appreciated It is an honest question about being in a dominant headspace And then doing something that you are told in your head is normally an active submission And how do I change my mindset around that? I have a lot of advice with that as a top dominant because I partake of the kind of lingai right and how do I get into that headspace without feeling like a submissive little bitch I'll let you go first. I mean, okay.
I think you know a male dominant going down on a female submissus a little different than a female dominant going down on a male submissive But um the first thing I mean, there's the obvious you can think of I mean if she's a dominant if they're submissives into Decregation humiliation things like that. Yeah, you know what? You know what? Get down here and suck your dick Um, you know, that was the obvious things, but then I started thinking about all right, you know, she likes to suck dick So okay, cool.
How could we do this where it's quote unquote more dominant? And I've I've said for years to women it was it's even in my foot life profile that you know, especially with cock worship People who like to suck cock have the power because the cock is in your mouth. You could bite it off your cock It's your cock right now So but as far as like even like positioning like either tying down your submissive so they can't touch you or can't you know And I know plenty of guys love to put their hand on their females head and kind of force them down a bit Um or even having them lay on their back so that way she's kind of kneeling above him or standing above him on a table or something Um blindfold. Oh my gosh blindfold to work great with this or even like make sure it's like avert your gaze And it's just basically like hey if you look at me while i'm doing it or you make one, you know, i'm gonna stop Um, there's there's just some edging to the point where like you're to stop and like you say nope You can't come yet.
Sorry and just you know punish them if they do come There's so many things that you could do to make it a more dominant act quote unquote I mean, I mean you could probably come up with like 30 of them on top of your head I mean you have a lot um you have a lot that I would suggest also don't suck dick on your knees if that Um, you know, make sure like like make them lay down put them in whatever because ultimately all of my suggestions are going to Flow around the same concept That's mine. Yes, that's not yours. If you're sucking that dick make it your dick That's my dick. I'm sucking that because I like it And if I want to give you pleasure and I want to decide if you want to come and I want to finish you That's my decision just like that's what I do when i'm eating pussy and you touched on this Which is very very important.
I'm the one that has the power my dick's not in involved in that So, uh, I'm taking that that's something I'm taking And that's when it's mine and I can choose to do it or choose not to do it And if I like to see my submissive have pleasure, then that's my power Yes, that really is a headspace. It really is a switch in that ownership because when you're in that ownership Then whatever you do you own it It's yours to play with And as long as you have an understanding and you negotiate with your partner that when I do these things I'm doing this because I want to do this not because I'm submitting to you Because that's the thing if if the if the bottom all of a sudden went eat my pussy I'd be like fuck you But if she begs me to put my mouth over her now, that's a different dynamic, isn't it? Because she's begging me which does give me that control Exactly that I like so it's it really it's not a big headspace change, but there are things of course like you said with a blindfold That's a very good one so they don't make eye contact with you Um sucking dick on your knee not on your knees make them lay down or even put them in a in a weird situation You know that you know that make it or predicament or say you only get it this way and there's different things you can do ultimately If there's a relationship and once you've been involved You don't have to work as hard at it because I care about my partner Right and yes, I'm the dominant and yes I I want control and I take that control and she wants to give up control But ultimately I care about this person And and there's nothing not dominant about wanting to give a partner pleasure There's nothing that can actually conflicts with that because being dominant means I'm in control of myself And it means that if I want to care about my partner that that's not a bad thing It's not you don't have to you know I've had tons of things where it's like this is about me and what I want and the submissive is interested in giving up total control And they don't care if they like it or not the consensual and on consent and you know those things that's one thing But ultimately all I have to be is okay with it And not listen because that's another thing if you are getting in your head about this You are submitting you're submitting to the other voices You're submitting to the social pressure of some fucking loser dominant that's insecure that at some point said yeah I don't eat pussy because that's submissive You're submitting to that fucking dipshit So take back the power for yourself because this is all about a power exchange Take back that power and then whatever you do is going to be okay Even if it comes down to things where you get into there's masters and dominance that like being flogged Yeah, like being spanked Where you wear it's a service top and if you're telling and instructing you're submissive on how you want to be hit Or how you want to be serviced or how you want to be pegged or or whatever that is It's it is about you saying I am in control of this situation My submissive has given me control and as long as they understand that There's this line And if you say it in certain ways that's going to take me out of my headspace and turn me off and i'm not going to proceed So if you want me to stop eating your pussy go ahead and say yeah, you like that don't you boy bitch It's not going to work with me. Yeah, that's going to be the end of you and I've had people do stuff like that I've been doing things to people and they try grabbing my fucking hair or my ears and ride my hair And I take my hands and I put their fucking hands on their side and say don't grab my fucking ears Yeah, and so that's my job to be in control of that I like just take it.
Make it your dick. It's mine. Who's the suckers is that's right? Who's who's pussy?
Who owns the pussy? You do sir master master sir That's right if I want to put on a fucking dress a dildo up my ass and lick pussy and cry like a baby Then god damn it. I'll do it. It is dominant.
Okay. You might be crossing some switchy bounds at that point Once again be yourself Do you have anything else to add in this? No, I mean the only one thought I thought about is um even with the cock-teasing also I mean like how about getting like, you know, hey, you want to just like a cuckoo? Yes, please mister Yes, okay fine.
Take out a cock to go to dildo and like put it like in the wall next to him on the cross next I'm just kind of going to sound on that cock. I'm like, oh, that's not my cock. Oh, I'm going down on the cock Yeah, there's there's all sorts of things you can do. There's all sorts of ways you can make it fun.
Uh Ultimately, you're okay. You're okay. It's okay. Make it yours All right, let's get into another way one more.
Let's get into one more and we'll see if we can get this one done uh fairly quickly because It's not a quick one though, but it kind of is how does that myself up for success in first? parentheses proper kinky play with a dom so Dabbled dabbled in kink before never really let myself submit I'm going to change that tonight. We're too late to get advice from us But the rest of the listeners can benefit from my fucking rant. Uh, I really want to make my dom proud any advice, please Yeah So I'm just gonna stop it there because that's she goes on about you know the things they do and this is what they've done And you know now but now it's official.
This is a really big deal I overthink a lot and worry, but submission is something I really really really want to try I really want to be submissive I'm wholeheartedly going to try tonight. I'm I just really want to impress him with my progress and transformation I'm going to assume that that scene might not have gone that well No, no, no, no overthinkers you died Because what you're saying is I want to be the dominant Really and I want to show him that I am the best submissive and I am going to now answer every question that he might want or she might want to ask For them. This is a classic Submissive taking control issue. That is not what submission is submission is giving up control And allowing the dominant to have control So if you're gonna go in there and write the script and act a certain way and do things and no no No, you don't understand what you want dominant I'm going to come in and submit the way I think I should submit so I can prove to you that I am submissive is not submission You're fucking yourself.
You're fucking the scene If the goal is to be a submissive the goal is to then give up control And to have that in your negotiation prior I want to be here for you if you want and we'll get into the stake fucking thing the stake example In a minute, but go ahead and go but I had to give that rant first I mean now that I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I guess that could be I just took it as somebody who's just basically like I want to be the best submissive ever, you know, I I must impress him because I must be the best What does that even mean? What is the best submissive? You're not even real at that point Well, what's a proper kinky place scene?
I mean have you got spanked in the ass before but now you're doing it with a toy I mean that you know what is proper is kind of thing, but um I'm one of those overthinkers and it's just I can understand that first off If you think this is gonna go perfectly, it's not it's gonna be shit show It's and it's just it may just be that oh, I want to get spanked and then I want to get flocked And then I want to get fucked and then I want to aftercare and then we're cookie and you're in control now Yeah, you're you're you're you've now you've now written out the scene and script for the dominant No, but but but it's a thing but I could see the overthinker basically trying to play in everything else So that way when shit starts going sideways. No, no, no, we're gonna go do this. You know, you must do this first You must do this second. Did you ask the dominant?
True. Did you ask the dominant what they want to do in there in the scene that they're supposed to be leading? Is that what you did? But at the same time with her overthinking it If she thinks that it's something's not gonna go wrong.
It's gonna go wrong. You're gonna get hit with the toy the wrong way It seems to end you're gonna your your pain so I'm scared Whatever it is you have to expect that something's gonna go wrong And if you think something nothing's gonna go wrong, you're gonna make yourself off the faith for failure It's always going to go wrong But ultimately there and I'm hard on this because it's something that people do to sabotage themselves and and it becomes a problem in a relationship And they wonder why they're having problem in this dynamic It's because you've now changed the dynamic and so it doesn't mean that it's necessarily an evil intent to want to be good Something to want to be good and to prove that you are good at something But ultimately if you are taking over that control from the person then you have to ask yourself What am I actually doing here? Do I want to have a connection with this person? Do I want to explore submission or do I want to just get my fucking nut and validation for being great And how is that submissive at what point is that submissive?
And so if you haven't talked to your like this is a conversation I really want to be good. You should have this conversation with the dominant. Right? You shouldn't be having this with us the day before your place scene Yeah, and asking us for advice on how to be a good submissive if you want to be a good submissive Aren't you submitting to that dominant?
Isn't that what you're trying to do? Well, that should be good. That should be good. Yeah, she wrote so I just need to be submissive.
Why do you need to be submissive? Yeah, this is this is all a script in your head This is all a script in your head You're trying to prove something to either yourself or the people around you so you can brag to other submissives Which I've seen this in this disaster It's the same thing when dominance try to be uber dominance when dominance are like I'm the best Dom You're no longer interested in a connection with your submissive You're interested in bragging to other fucking doms And now you are not in a relationship It is disingenuous in authentic and you're going to have a disaster Or you're going to start in motion a pattern of behaviors that is going to lead you to nothing intimate To nothing deep to nothing authentic. It is a real real issue And that's why I get real hard on this because it goes way back To the stake analogy and uh, and I've heard the story I know it's been true in a couple of cents or things similar to it And here's the scenario The the dominant is sitting on the couch And the submissive has on her collar and her cuffs and she's she's going to be the best submissive That he has ever seen she's going to knock his socks off And she says sir Oh sir bowing bowing gracefully leaning and running through literally all nine of the slave positions Just effortlessly flylessly. She's practiced from youtube videos and sir pose pose pose pose pose What can I get you to eat?
And the dominant looks at her and goes hmm I would like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are good Sometimes you fuck it. I don't even work as you know, I'm eating better carbs But fuck man a good peanut butter fucking sometimes you just think about it all day And now the submissive has been asked like you're like fucking make me a pb and j That's what I want. Fucking do that go and then if you go through your dumb wave, you know, do the wave Yes, go now make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the submissive walks away But has that look on her face like what the fuck? Are you kidding me that I'm super submissive.
I've no I'll show him What a real meal is Goes and gets a steak goes gets a fucking ribeye steak out of the fridge And because apparently that was thought because she was expecting to make him something amazing like ribeye grills onions Fucking cuts it sautés little scalloped potatoes spends like a fucking 45 minutes in there whipping up this thing Soaks the steak in butter like oh man. Oh fucking man. I am gonna fucking rock this out Prepares it on a tray with garnish and parsley's and things comes in flowing through the seven nine slave positions while carrying it Not dropping a crumb lays it at his lap and says sir. I have made you a meal and the dominant amazed with this feast in front of him Looks down at her and picks up the tray And walks into the kitchen with it and opens the trash can and dumps her meal in the trash walks to the refrigerator Gets out the jelly and the peanut butter and bread and makes his own fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwich Yep, do not decide for the dominant What they want You have now become the dominant you have now shown that what you want you're so fucking stupid You don't even know what you want to make me look like a great submissive I'm gonna show you I've explained this to submissus before and they said I don't get it.
Why wouldn't you want the steak? And I stopped playing with that person. Yeah, they just didn't get it. They're like no that makes perfect sense I go well, I want a submissive I want somebody who wants to submit and allow me to lead and and create things and we work on things together and then you grow It become a better person and they're like no I just want to be a great submissive and I go I don't think you that's not what I want is a submissive, right?
Maybe you want maybe someone wants that maybe someone wants maybe a dominant, you know Because I guess you call any word any word you want Maybe that dominant just wants my slave to think of everything for me and make all my decisions for me Okay, that's that's a thing But in a sense do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, no It's just like obviously like the choice between a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that's a I want the steak but at the same time That submissive chose whoa, he's not asking me for a peanut butter jelly sandwich I know he likes to I'm gonna make him sick instead of basically saying no He asked me for a peanut butter jelly sandwich and maybe there was a lesson behind that Yeah, oh yeah, besides just the peanut butter and jelly sandwich Maybe the dominant has a plan for that Maybe he wanted the peanut butter and jelly sandwich because then he wanted to smear it on your back and fuck you Well, he looks it off you don't fucking know he or she is the dominant They are the ones that you are submitting to and saying I want to serve you Why is it a service to me if you're not giving me what I ask for because it's the same thing that you could do with anything Well, hey, I need help with this. Can you please go and do this and they're like, oh, no I need to reorganize this whole thing. That's not what you were asked to do You are not that is the word submission means to give up that control to acquiesce to the requests of somebody else If you are a dominant then you want somebody to be of service to you now we can talk a bunch about that I don't know It's something that I always see and I want to put the fucking hammer down on that quick Because I've seen this go on and destroy relationships And then they're like why I just tried to do everything perfect Well, maybe I don't want someone that's perfect I want you I asked you to be of service to me because I want you not some fucking illusion of you Not some cookie cutter fucking thing that you read in a magazine I want to be in a relationship with you.
I want to learn about you I want to learn what your likes dislikes flaws insecurities things that I can work on and help you become better That's what I want to be a part of I don't want some version of you that's bullshit because what that's a waste of my time. There's my rant Well, and it's just I can understand like I'll ask donnis Like do you want a cup of coffee? I know it's just you know, there's times like I know like okay, it's gonna work tomorrow Maybe I'll make a martini, but like if he asked me like hey, could you do this for me? You know, I'm not gonna sit there and go well Yeah, I know you want me to start your laundry, but do you want me to like, you know, put your shoes away?
No, you're not listening to the request and like you said with it with a dominant There may be just times where it's just basically like there are times where they're gonna test you and go Well, okay, you can have a peanut buttering jelly sandwich, but maybe she'll cut it a little hard to say Oh, look here's my dominant, you know, and just if I ask for that well true true true If I ask for that stick let's just stick to the I mean what would be the easiest way to be successful Yeah, if somebody makes a request of you and you are saying that you I want to be in service to you Why second guess anything that because it says I don't know what the fuck I want And that's insulting to me. Yeah, that's disrespectful to me Don't treat me like I'm an idiot like I'm so dumb now then if the dominant is completely wishy-washy And doesn't know what they want now you have another Another issue in the relationship because that there are wishy-washy dominance. I don't know what their dominance means and and that's fine We all make mistakes and we learn as we go, but ultimately Why do I need to be second-guests if you don't like what I'm saying say hey, are you sure you don't want something better? And I'll say no I want this right and then after that, okay fine.
So It's always been a peeve of mine. Don't think for me. I don't think for me Don't tell me don't tell me that I'm getting tired Don't tell you know because that's another thing sexually. That's a thing that's annoying You know when they get in their head, they're like, oh my god, I haven't come in the right time Oh, you don't think I'm capable of fucking stopping if I get tired You don't have to worry about this be the submissive Let go I am the one that you want to give authority to and control then believe that I can handle myself That if I'm getting tired that I'll just stop That I'm what am I gonna do?
I'm just oh my god. I can't fucking stop. I can't stop eating pussy my teeth I'm gonna die. You don't have to worry about that.
That's why you get in these relationships So that you can let go No, am I crazy on this? No, but it's it's you know, and there's one thing that like it keeps ringing in my head when she's talking about like For this is a really big deal. I overthink a lot and I worry about some shit, but I really want to try so I just need to be submissive Which I'm currently gonna do something like this puppy yourself. Okay, you're gonna be submissive tonight.
You're gonna be greeted and it's just like Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. There's there's some stuff here But ultimately I hope it did work out or I hope that she learned lessons that needed to be learned And I hope she listened to some of these and you know We all make a lot of mistakes and we have a lot of delusions of grandeur when we start and that's normal So I'm not gonna be mean and whatever to somebody and I've never been mean to somebody when I see this behavior But I will immediately address it I will say we need to talk about this and we need to talk about what is dominance and submission to each of us because maybe you have a different idea And that's not what I believe so now everyone on this show knows what I believe if I ask for a fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwich That's what I'm gonna get you one. That's what I that's what I want That's a good question to ask if I don't say if I say surprise me Maybe I'll say surprise me then you can put on three different jellies But you're still gonna give me that fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwich or don't I'll make it myself No Oh, I got mad at don't yesterday he made himself coffee. I'm like You met yourself coffee.
He goes Sometimes Good topic though good topics good good good stuff He gives the ladies voters. He's got the skills real ranger cervix with his tongue go bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang I don't know what I'm doing. Uh, you know, I just discovered that Neither of us. Yeah have that exceptional talent of beatboxing.
No, no not in the like I can actually I can like fake it for like 30 seconds But then I yeah, I read right now. I seem pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know if you've heard I watch a lot of the youtube red note videos Of these guys and gals that can like beatboxing in the 80s was like You know, right now these people are literally impersonating machinery Oh, yeah, and and like putting on entire shows and it's like so beyond so beyond anything that I could even conceive That it was good that you and I established that on our way into our segment enigma because how how the hell are you sexually? Um sexually I'm doing all right. Um, let's see Uh, haven't been too terribly kinky since last time I recorded but um, I mean Dee did sit on my face on sunday Did you eat her box? Oh, I I devoured her box.
Um, it was he what he did there instead of instead of instead of we're not good at beatbox But we can do the e-box. Ah That's why we don't have a lot of listeners enigma These are the jokes. So she sat on your face. Yeah, yep, so I'm a face made me come um and then try to make me come a second time But um it is finally starting to get actually warm here in la and so as a guy who runs hot anyway It's very hard for me to get there when it's hot.
Um, ah, I I'm not one of the people they that gets hornier when it's warmer Um, no me neither Yeah, so like there are definitely times when I'm like I'm edging but I'm edging because it's just so so hot And I just I can't my body can't get like get that to like that peak energy level to actually like expel um the orgasm But yeah, so can you uh get a uh, hot water bottle and put it in the fridge and put it under your ass Maybe maybe um, I've also been cool. Yeah. Yeah, I've also been thinking like a mini mini ac thing to keep in my room Um, just because like we we moved in together and the the downside to that is now the ac unit is in the main room and not in my room Where like the previous place was a studio apartment. So like I was literally like right next to the ac unit.
Um, so like Yeah, so like like it's fine for normal day-to-day stuff But like when I'm trying to exert energy in an a sexy way, um, it kind of limits like where where we can do stuff Um, at least we're at least if like I want to come which isn't like every time but Yeah, I like that. It's a very specific requirement. Uh, if you want me to nut I need ac I mean, yeah, I just need a unit. I need a unit.
So my unit works. See these are the jokes beatbox E-box You can tell i'm a lonely man today enigma, but um, the good news is you have a window you can throw uh, those things are pretty cheap actually I have a window. I also think in this like they might have gotten lost in the move But I had a one of those little desk coolers where like you fill it with water and then it uses the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah Um, so I have that so that I have I have options for for things that I could I could work try to set up Proverted podcast at gmail.com if you don't do well Sexually during the heat.
What are your suggestions for enigma? There you go. Let let him know. I'm gonna stick with uh, cool water bottles Yeah, not water bottles.
That's a good idea because they you know you can uh you put them on it feels nice again Not in the freezer because they obviously that's gonna be too cold but maybe in the fridge To uh to cool yourself up and then uh just put that over your head or you know you can do like there was a movie i'll have dr morro and marlin brando He had basically an ice bucket wrapped around the top of his head and they just put ice in the ice bucket and it cooled his head I don't know if that would work. Um, uh, you know frozen dildos up the ass So I am sure that could be uh that could definitely be get yourself a silver bullet That's what they call it in the military And uh in specific. I don't know if I told you about the silver bullet Uh, when they do these you know in these training camps, you know, I don't know if it's bootcamp But when they get to the more advanced camps, there's like these super like, you know carry 300 pounds of equipment through 20 miles in the heat And and these soldiers will drop dead and so their co's are like hey if you pass out you're getting a silver bullet So nobody wants to pass out Because a silver bullet is basically a cold water enema Which can save your life if your body temperature raises that much you have to lower your body temperature quickly or you can go into coma and die or whatever Right and so uh, so uh, they give you what is called the silver bullet and it's a cold water enema and uh, obviously these macho guys Maybe uh, don't want their commanding officer ripping down their pants in the middle of a field in front of all their uh, fellow soldiers So they uh try not to pass out, but maybe in your case Maybe silver bullet might make you a nut who knows I know vibrations can help make me nut, but I don't know We can see what uh what a cold one could do maybe you've talked about that So you can put a hitachi on the end of your dick and it'll make you come Um, it makes it easier. Yeah Yeah, I can't I've tried it a dozen times and it like feels interesting Like I'm like, oh, that's a neat feeling, but it's not a sexual feeling You know, it's kind of like oh well, I guess i'm circular because I think probably for circulation And exercise like obviously penis pumps are very helpful in increasing circulation And I think vibration is also good for circulation.
So I think for that But yeah, there's there's a lot of guys that like if you put a hitachi on the tip of the their dick that just sends them over the top and They'll and they'll spooey gooey because that's the technical term for it by the way Yeah, no, I definitely it's definitely something that I was playing like before I actually got a testosterone And then after testosterone it's actually become more Helpful because the tea kind of took away a little bit more sensation Um, and so like it it's it is now even harder for me to come Um, and I do enjoy I do enjoy coming so um, I just like I have I have the hitachi next to my desk I have a couple of like the little uh rechargeable ones next to my bed like I I'm just I'm just a vibrator guy now. That's just how it works Sure, but you know what we have the tools We have the technology and we keep getting more technology and things that are more effective And and I think those are all good things, especially when you have difficulties or you know like us where we struggle with erectile dysfunction at times Um, you know people get older bodies changes accidents I love the fact that that there's options and that we can find remedies around some of these things whether it's getting hot or you're actually Having some physical difficulties and that's kind of what we talk about here So goddamn it water bottle silver bullet vibrator on the dick march hut hut beat box Let's fucking go man. Hell yeah, let's go and here The segue to this would be all of these things and issues that we have can create in our relationships sexual compatibility issues Yep, and if we don't know how to communicate with our partners, we're kind of not fucked right literally So go ahead and sip into it zip into it. All right.
So our article today comes from the guardian.com Um, and it is entitled I'm a sex educator. Here's what you should know about sexual incompatibility Um, this was written by sex therapist Emily Nagasi Um, so there's no ideal aim for sexual connection if you feel something as often you should talk about it with your partner The main aim for everyone is that they should be glad to be there and be able to leave with no negative consequences Um, and they kind of should be filled with curiosity compassion and sense of play If parts aren't working, uh, what else can we do to keep the play happening? If the O is taking a while, you know get curious and try something else Incapatibility is just two people who have a script in their head that isn't connected and neither one's to do improv It may also be the case that you just don't connect with a partner or partners in a way that is fun for any of you There's no right or wrong way. Not really.
There's just what works in this season of the relationship and of the people Maybe the relationships works better just as roommates were best friends and not sexual partners One partner might just be gay and trying to force a connection that just isn't going to happen It also may occur that only one half of the relationship deals. There is something amiss It's a one-sided frustration that should be shared and not held back People may feel more comfortable just having what sex they can but not talking about what they actually want You can't get a sex therapist like Emily. Um, this article was written by one But just having a third person a 30-party person to help you out Maybe what the issue may be able to help with the issues and be incredibly helpful This isn't a one-time conversation. This is something you use throughout your life to better your relationships and your sex life Here here.
I like this article. She came off in some of it I mean it's a long article and you're gonna post that up on our FET Life group sure it did for the kids to see Um Sometimes she comes off a little cheesy, um, which is typical for book writing online sex therapist, um, sorry, that's my my little my little prejudice there, uh But uh, but some of the things she said I really do like and but it really didn't get that much into Kind of the nuts and bolts of that conversation like it's pretty common for us to say if there's something wrong You're supposed to talk about it And that's kind of a given and other than going to a therapist which she recommends or reading a ton of sex books There are other things and other ways that you can get to that conversation Uh, without having to go those routes Obviously if you can find a good sex therapist or good books and you're the type of person that will read a lot of books Great, but most of us don't have access to that and we are not that right so i'll let you go ahead and dig in first and then I got some thoughts Well, yeah, like I I definitely ran into this before like I think i've dabbled or uh, got into it I just been in relationships where there just was in a connection, um or they were forcing something like I've had or tell this much Issues for an on a majority of my adult life and there were there have been partners who took that personally And they're whether it was just like they just they needed a partner who could fuck them Um, or there's one partner that just really wanted kids and so getting fucked in Um, they they wanted to be they wanted to be the one to give me an orgasm Um, and that's not always like sometimes it has to be my hand Um, right and so it these are all things that like if Like I would like to think like if I was a little bit better communicator if they were a little better of a communicator Uh, we would have been able to come to an understanding. Um, and maybe and still had a Wonderful and enjoyable sex life. It's just not gonna happen with Uh, the way that the parts are are now or then or whatever, but um, but yeah, I I definitely wanted to do those before but like I You know, I've gushed about the many times in the past It's like one of the things that we do regularly is like we'll just have a conversation and talk about what's what's going on What's working?
What's not like she's very good about like if it's if it's in the moment And I'm I'm in the mood to have sex and she's not she'll be like, hey I'm cool with some like light petting making out and stuff but like yeah, I'm just not really feeling like sex I'm like, okay, that's that's fine. Um, I like uh, what was it a couple like a week or so ago? Uh, we were we were fooling around I got her off a bunch of times, but again, I just couldn't get there Um, um, and the gremlin center head were like, oh, we're kind of like poking at her and be like, hey I think you should make him come too. It's like, no, it's okay Like I didn't need to come.
I think there was a time crunch. Um, it was getting pretty late and she she works early in the morning I was like, you know what? I have no doubt that you as my partner are going to make me come and you know, she did, you know, really this week Um, and so like I don't I don't need that if like if there if we only have a limit amount of time only one of us came That's awesome. We I had fun because I really I really enjoy making my my partners feel pleasure and especially making them come so like There was no downside to her our thing like me me me Her returning the favor would have just been like a continuation of a fun time Um, but again, we have regular conversations.
We have regular check-ins Um, I think some people like whether it's sex or kink they think they think that you do the negotiation conversation once and then you never you never talk about it again Um, and that's that's not like can I be further from the truth? Like you you have you may not have a full extensive negotiation conversation that you have the very first time that you play But you're always checking in you're always communicating you're always talking like it's just it's part of relationships. That's what makes them work I agree. I agree.
Well said, um Now then you and I have had some experience and some trial and error and years to discover how to have these conversations and the reality is is A lot of people who aren't In the sex community into all the learning and classes and the years of doing this have a lot of apprehension about having these conversations Um, they don't have the experience. They're they're worried about either being rejected or hurting someone's feelings I mean, these are all realistic things that you have when there's that incompatibility because that incompatibility Is going to come with some stress and a lot of questions and then those parts of your brain Um, can poke at your insecurities can poke at your partners insecurities So there is nothing wrong with having a little bit of apprehension or even a lot of apprehension around this conversation but obviously If there is that incompatibility and you're somebody that is because she said and one of the things that I thought was kind of like Delusional was she was saying oh, it's very rare for people to actually break up over sexual incompatibility issues And that's kind of bullshit because the number two reason for divorce is cheating And the reason people cheat is because they're having fucking Prose they're sexually incompatible or they're not you know if you're having hot fucking sex with your partner and and a great relationship You know, you're you're likely not cheating So a lot of times people avoid the conversation and they're so afraid to have the conversation that they just go down bad roads And they'll do things because of those insecurities So my goal is to get people amped to get over that fear and have that conversation And some of that is is a little bit of groundwork on the individual's part I think the first third thing you have to ask Yourself to make yourself feel better about this conversation is does my partner care about my opinion? That should be the first thing in my opinion the first thing that you go into Does my partner care about me? Do I actually believe that have they shown evidence that they care about my opinion and my feelings because if they don't That's what you need to work on first.
Yeah, because if they don't care about your opinion in all the other areas of your relationship They're not gonna give a fuck about your sex. You're dead in the water. You don't why why bother getting into that conversation That's what you first need to work with yourself Is that does my partner care about my opinion? Does my partner show that they care about me because if they do then it is much easier to give yourself the confidence to say Well, I already know my partner cares about me I know my partner has shown me lots of evidence to this So I deserve to have this conversation about our sexuality together and that can help you get does that make sense?
No, it absolutely does like again like the comparison From de with other relationships It's like I am very confident that she is attracted to me because she makes that makes a point to like if I'm walking around naked or if I'm in An outfit that she finds attractive on me. She's gonna comment on it She's gonna make sure right that I know that she she is into what I'm what I'm delivering And and that's that's really important and that really helps when we get to like like the sex thing where like if one of us came Everyone didn't like I'm I'm okay with that because I know that she is still very attractive to me And we're still gonna have a good time Regardless of who came And you know we may like one of the things that I've commented on is like since we moved in together like I know that there's a little part of my brain that was like oh that means we're gonna fool around a lot more And no, that's not realistic You know because we both work and we both have lives and we both have you know nights where we're just not we just don't have the energy for it And and that's just the nature of it But like that doesn't take away from the fact that we find each other incredibly attractive and we love to Give each other a pleasure or whatever that turns into whether it could be orgasms It could be just fun really good make out sessions like sexual compatibility can be anything for actual sex such as like being enjoying each other's physical company and And just kind of like relishing those moments Okay, very good. So back back to the conversation Okay, um so now you know that there's an opinion that you feel confident to have this conversation with partner because they validated you in the other areas Of your relationship to recap right? So I think the next thing is because some people maybe aren't fluid In their their their sex talk as far as describing you need to know what you want Before you go into that conversation because remember your partner doesn't know what you want Because if they did then you would already be compatible in those areas So it's really important for you to have an understanding of what you want, you know, whether it's I want to be touched more I want more foreplay.
I want a different type of sex Um, I'm curious about these things whatever it is if you understand what you want Then you will be able to go into that conversation uh in a less confusing way because There's nothing to rail to conversation more than when you you get up The nerve to have that conversation and now you're in the conversation and your partner's like I don't Well, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't get it, you know, and you're like, well, I don't get it So you can you get it more for me? It's just not gonna work You know if you have an understanding of what you want then you can also ask yourself Well, how can I now approach this because a big thing that people are concerned about and even the therapist Had mentioned this a number of times is that you know Some of these things could be poking at your partner's egos or insecurities or them feeling they're not good enough for you sexually And those are all things that obviously if you care about something you don't want them to feel pain you want to have a successful conversation So the more you know about what you want you can now practice how you're going to approach these things You can approach them in a way that builds them up before you tell them the thing does that make sense like there's going to be something Okay, this is going to be messy Um, and I want you to know I am attracted to you I do feel all of these things and I feel sexual for you So now I want to talk about things that I I would either want more of or differently because sometimes it's a behavior That your partner is doing in bed that's turning you off, you know, and I've had that before where Somebody was and I didn't handle it as great as I could have And that's something I'll get to is the aftermath of disappointment in that conversation You know, I had somebody that was being very loud directly in my face Right and it was it was not only throwing me off It was making me feel very unsexual because I have sensitive hearing and uh, and they were literally screaming three inches from my face In their big moment and I didn't want you know, so how do you approach that by saying? Okay, can we turn our head or maybe there's something you can bite on?
You know once you know what you want you can now go how are they going to respond to me saying this? If you're like I want to feel more sensation this way is that going to possibly poke their insecurities? And if it is how can I get around that? To say it in a way that will maybe be more constructive Oh, I like this but I would also like this sensation or this behavior or this thing Even more and that would help me get to where I'm going Obviously, there's ways that you can say things that are better, but also you need to understand That no matter what you say or how you say it there may be a disappointment and a poke at the insecurity and an ego And that is just part of it That's just part of the thing if you can ride that out with your partner and you can start with the fact that I want to spoth the win.
I love you. I care about you. I want this to be a win I believe we can find Uh, make this better for everybody Then great, but there's still maybe a disappointment there Especially if you say I need more girth and I need you to stay hard and fuck me longer Right. Well, that's and that's something that I've got article touched on too.
It was like maybe you're just not a compatible partner Um, like, you know, if you're a side queen or like for for us Like if you need somebody who's dick is hard immediately and stays hard the whole time and there's no but like I'm just not the guy for you. Um, yeah, it's me too Like I if you really if you really just need to get reamed, um, I have a fucking machine Um And I can fuck you with that But um, I'm it won't it won't be a biological penis that is doing the fucking, um, if it's between you and her and I so like I um, that's just something that that is is natural and you know, you're not gonna turn everybody on Um male female penis vagina have hers, whatever You're just not gonna be everybody's type and that that is okay. Um, I think I think there's definitely get there are some hang ups where people Um, of think they should be um, and so they won't try to adjust Or they'll try to ignore things, um, to to make themselves more compatible when that's not that's not gonna be ultimately fun for anybody Um, because like you may not be able to get to your orgasm that you really want to get to because the partner is doing something that you're just not into Um, and that's just something that uh, it'll be a brutal truth, but it might as needs to be a truth that you talk about And it's it's also I think getting into those realistic expectations You know, like we I mean we can joke your partner's not gonna grow a bigger dick or squirt and have multiples just because you want it Right, there may be other things and in the article it was really good that she did talk about, you know, when you if you're in a long-term relationship Like the relationship is solid and you know, you have things and you know that in that relationship holds you together besides sexually Your bodies are going to start to change. That's what old age does if you're with somebody 10 20 30 years Um, you can expect things are going to change and you need to be able to change with those things And have realistic expectations, you know, women go through menopause at a certain time and sometimes that changes them Hormonely or they get dry or you know, there's there's so many things that can change You know, you know, we get bad backs and arthritis and you know, we can't do the positions We used to do or you know, you know, there's so much that changes having realistic expectations About your sex with your partner Because the rest of the relationship is good if the relationship isn't isn't good.
Once again, I go back to that's the thing You should be dealing with first. Why are you in a relationship where you're not valid and you're not communicating well And you don't have a good connection because most of the time if you fix that the sex is going to be better anyway, right? But those realistic expectations Will help you once you have the conversation start to find that thing. Maybe you do have a fucking machine Maybe this is something and maybe you know, and when you start getting into the other worlds Maybe there are people we can bring in professionally that can do this or that that I can't do and doesn't threaten me in this relationship Or we open up our relationship up and explore non-monogamy, whatever which most people aren't going to be into But there are there are fixes and things but ultimately if you're not compatible It may be a dead stop there and you have to decide how important your sexuality is Yeah, which is why I say don't You know, I feel bad for virgins that get that get married and start having babies, you know Or people that you know, I can't Express their homosexuality You know and they you know, they suspect and they can't you know My heart breaks for that because now you're in a relationship.
That's clearly not going to work sexually And now you're stuck So try to figure that shit out before you get deep into a committed relationship Especially before you start having kids and and buying property and shit Now you're stuck There's a lot of hang ups that Society puts on us that it's just like it can be hard to push past but that's you know, that's part That's a part of finding good like healthy relationships is figuring out what works and what and what helps you be connected with your partners Ultimately, I agree and you do deserve to have this conversation and uh if you feel you don't you're that's those are the things You got to work on first. Mm-hmm. You deserve to be in this conversation and will your partner accept that conversation and uh and get in there and don't be afraid to get messy Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've gotten in a conversation and just said this is going to be messy I care about you. Please understand the amazing because when you prepare people Then there they have a chance to build that, you know, okay.
I'm ready that this might hurt or be ugly or whatever Yeah, because sometimes thoughts aren't fully processed yet, so they're not going to come off the creek the cleanest but they still need to be expressed Thank you so much for joining us It sounded like you said cock about if there's anything you want to cock about on the show. I want to cock about on the show I got a cock right here. No, thank you. That's why 35 Why am I invited you to North Carolina by the way?
Yeah, we're gonna be in the same house. I'm gonna be like, oh, hey I didn't want to use your guys robe, so I just figured I'd air dry but the cat keeps playing with my nuts because they're three inches off the ground It's a little awkward. Sorry Okay, go ahead. Sorry.
Thank you Thank you guys for listening. It was a great fun show and we'll see you on the next big one