47: The Negative Fight Cycle and Emotionally Focused Skills and Education

Welcome to episode, "47: The Negative Fight Cycle and Emotionally Focused Skills and Education," of the "All Things Love and Intimacy," podcast with Katie Ziskind, relationship coach, couples sex and intimacy specialist, Gottman level two marriage therapist, wh specializes with couples needing emotional intimacy and closeness, as well as sexual intimacy and physical closeness. Katie Ziskind explores the intricacies of relationships and delve into the depths of human connection and talks about breaking the vicious cycle of conflict through emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) frameworks. In this podcast episode, you can learn about Sue Johnson's model of emotionally focused language and emotional vulnerability. As well, Katie Ziskind talks about how your childhood experiences and role models shape your views of your romantic relationship. She exploring attachment styles and their impact on adult relationships and married life. Having a parent who is an alcoholic, gambling addict, drug addict, work-a-holic, is narcissistic, emotionally neglectful, emotionally explosive, angry, highly anxious can lead to unmet love needs, pain points, and self-protective coping mechanisms that develop in childhood. These show up in marital arguments which prevent emotional intimacy, closeness, and vulnerability, that you so deeply want understand painful reactions. Katie Ziskind provides examples of how early relationships with caregivers can influence adult romantic relationships, conflict mechanisms, self-protection mechanisms, and emotionally painful cycles of reactivity. In this episode, we talk about the dynamics of pursuers and distancers in conflict, where one person gets intense, yells, and criticizes, leading the other partner to withdraw, pull away, use the silent treatment, and go into a stat of avoidance, triggering their parent's fears of abandonment, rejection, ect. Katie Ziskind talks about the detrimental effects of pursuer-distancer cycles on both emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy as well as vulnerability, closeness, and connection, which is what both of you are trying to get to in when inadvertently being hurtful and triggering each other. She discusses mindfulness skills for self-awareness, to slow down the cycle of fighting, pause, and verbalize what is happening. You can start to learn about the part you each play in the cycle of conflict. Each of you can learn to take ownership and accountability for co-creating a positive dance or positive interaction. Katie Ziskind encourages you to practice being present in the moment, observing your thoughts and emotions without judgment, so that you can slow down. This can mean cultivating awareness of bodily sensations associated with different emotions, especially ones that go with emotional dysregulation such a racing heart rate, intense tone of voice, changes in body temperature, ect. This episode encourages you work on developing the ability to accurately identify and label your emotions is a key piece in building emotional intimacy and stopping your negative fight cycle. Find a feelings wheel online if you need help talking about the wide range of emotion words to describe your feelings. Thank you for tuning in to "All Things Love and Intimacy." Remember, understanding emotions, breaking cycles, and nurturing connection are vital steps toward building healthy, close, safe, and a fulfilling relationship. Join us next time as we continue to explore the many facets of love and intimacy. This powerful therapeutic approach designed to heal and strengthen your intimate relationship. Work with Katie Ziskind, relationship coach, couples sex and intimacy specialist, Gottman level two marriage therapist, who specializes with couples needing emotional intimacy and closeness, as well as sexual intimacy and physical closeness at www.WisdomWithinCt.com This podcast is no replacement for seeking professional help.