475. What to Do When Your Partner is Depressed with David Dozois

Navigating a loved one's mental health struggles can feel like walking a tightrope between wanting to save them and trying to keep your own head above water.In this episode, Dr. David Dozois from the University of Western Ontario highlights his book, What to Do When Your Partner Is Depressed, talking through the toll depression can take on relationships and why the supporting partner's experience so often goes unnoticed.He shares with us why our instinct to "fix" a partner's pain can often backfire, and offers up actionable strategies for giving real support, encouraging treatment, and how to shift from frustration to true connection, without taking on the role of an unpaid therapist.Plus, David touches on essential self-care, navigating tricky boundary dynamics, and safely approaching heavy, sensitive topics couples tend to avoid.Listen and Learn: How clinical depression differs from ordinary sadness, how it impacts both partners in a relationship, and actionable, evidence-based strategies to support a depressed partner without burning out or sacrificing their own well-being The complexities of supporting a depressed partner and reveal why the human impulse to "fix" things often backfires, sharing research-backed strategies on how to move from wrestling with your partner to truly connecting with them first The art of true active listening, explaining why genuine empathy means tuning into your partner’s heart rather than just rehearsing your next response Framing depression as a shared "we" problem rather than an individual label to encourage a struggling partner to seek help without putting them on the defensive How non-depressed partners can support their loved one without burning out or slipping into the role of an unpaid therapist How excessive reassurance seeking can strain a relationship, and why setting compassionate boundaries and practicing response prevention are essential for long-term trustNavigating the delicate balance between self-care and supporting a loved one through depression Resources: David’s Website: https://dozoislab.comDavid’s book: What to Do When Your Partner Is Depressed: Supporting Your Loved One While Caring for Yourselfhttps://uk.bookshop.org/p/books/what-to-do-when-your-partner-is-depressedPre-order Yael’s new book, Why Don’t You Understand Me?: The Surprising Science Behind Connecting in a World of Missed Signals. Then fill out THIS form to get pre-order bonuses!Link to Yael’s newsletter and (for paid subscribers), a chance to win a copy of David’s book!About David DozoisDavid Dozois is a professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Western Ontario, where he directs the clinical psychology graduate program and studies cognitive vulnerability to depression, the "why" behind who gets stuck in depressive thinking and why it's so hard to climb out. He's published more than 200 scientific articles and books and has served as president of the Canadian Psychological Association twice.His new book, What to Do When Your Partner Is Depressed: Supporting Your Loved One While Caring for Yourself, tackles something couples therapists see constantly and talk about far too little: depression is never really a solo experience. It moves into the relationship and unpacks its bags. The partner who isn't depressed often becomes the default project manager of the household, the mood, and the marriage, all while getting none of the concern, support, or permission to fall apart themselves. David's work is a rare combination of rigorous science and genuinely useful, human advice for the partner nobody's checking in on.Related Episodes:135. Power of Empathy and Motivational Interviewing with Stephen Rollnick255. Influence is Your Superpower with Zoe Chance397. The Mindful Path to Intimacy with James Cordova408. Connecting Like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner413. Validate with Caroline Fleck449. How to Feel Loved with Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis472. One Relationship, Two Brains with Cindy ArielSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.