48 - Wander vs. Cthulhu

Ia! Ia! Colossus fhtagn! Having destroyed fifteen of the sixteen colossi required to bring his maybe-not-actually-but-let's-face-it-probably girlfriend Mono back to life, the boy called Wander returns to the temple of the ancient god, Dormin, to find an unexpected seventeenth idol waiting for him. After politely inquiring as to what the actual fuck, he is told that there is one additional colossus that, while not part of the original bargain, is really going to cause problems now that it has woken up. That's an understatement, seeing as this new colossus is, in fact, Cthulhu, the squamous, tentacled high priest of the Great Old Ones. Bad luck that his alarm (currently set to the screams of the damned, with the whoops of sadistic hedonism scheduled to play ten minutes after he hits the snooze button) happened to go off now, of all times, but if Wander wants a resurrected Mono to awaken to a world that hasn't been consumed in a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom, he has to travel to the formerly sunken city of R'lyeh and slay the most terrifying half-glimpsed Lovecraftian nightmare of them all. Can the enigimatic giant-slayer use his magic sword, his mastery of shaky conditions, and his beleaguered but faithful horse, to conquer the giant that launched a thousand plushees? Or are the stars right for Wander to fall, frothing at the mouth and gibbering incoherently, beneath the non-Euclidean shadow of Cthulhu? Also featuring a Lousiana swamp cultist accent, an uncomfortable amount of alien body shaming, the return of the ever-popular chess vs. poker question, and a board game that nobody but Miles remembers how to play.