It's like the thing meets little Nikki, this week on King Me, hell has finally frozen over. This is sometimes they come back for more. My stupid face hit the microphone, because I got too excited doing my little little introduction. Welcome to King Me, this is the unofficial Stephen King movie podcast, the official podcast of, I don't know, King Me, did I say that wrong?
I wasn't listening to myself, I got a text message. Unofficial Stephen King movie podcast, official podcast of, gee, I don't know, let me think about a King Me, see, official podcast of, two takes on record. Yes, it's good for people to see how the sausage is made. It's the official podcast of sausage being made.
It's the official podcast, oh, you want a nice spicy wine? Welcome. What's that? You're welcome, everybody.
It's the official podcast of Slow Ride, Take It Easy by Fog Hat, like some damn fog hat. It's the official podcast of the racist, Seltzer, LaCroix. I don't know why, I don't know why Rob won't let us drop the sponsor. Listen, whatever it takes to pay the bills.
That's right. So if those anti-Semites at Casper mattress want to want to cut to this gym, you just give one of us a call on a secure line. Welcome to King Me. They say who I am, I'm Daggly Arty.
I'm Rob Avon. And this is the official podcast of Kinging Me. I know what I said already this time. Sometimes they come back for more, the third film, the third sometimes film.
Is that how we're, yeah, it's like the sunrise movie, the before trailer, as they come back for more, you know, that Richard Linklater, yes, it's the before trilogy. This is the sometimes trilogy. It is exactly the same. So first we had sometimes they come back, right, which off the bat sounds like the name of a sequel.
Yes. That's a movie where Greasers who died. Yeah. Come back.
Greasers. Come back to bully a kid they bullied when the kid was a boy. Right now he's a man. Yeah.
Did you get all that? So then there's sometimes they come back, oh, again. Again. And this time they're just demons.
They're kind, they're greasy and the one guy's got a little tiny butt. Oh, he's but I forgot about how small his butt is. His tiny slime hole. Yeah.
So gross. Um, yes, and they're greasers, but they're also like demons now. They're also like sort of swing daddy-os a little bit. They're a little bit bowling shirts.
Yeah. Yeah. Is this some zoot-soot writing? Yes.
Being havin- And then we have sometimes they come back for more where no one even makes an attempt at being a greaser. No. Nobody's a rockabiller. No one is no one's a stray cat.
No. No one's uh, nobody's. No cherry poppin' daddies. Yeah.
And I think also nobody's really trying here either. No, no, no. I felt like in in drips and drabs our main character, Captain Sam Cage was trying. But no, in general, no one tries.
The movie comes and goes. I, I would say that uh, Lieutenant Brian Shubinski, Max Perlek was trying, but I think that's just who he is. Shubinski. Shubinski.
Shubansk. Yeah, like da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Brian Shubinski. Fine Shubinski.
Thanks. So, yeah, no this is a bad movie. Our premise is the thing. The setup of the movie is the movie of the thing.
It's okay, yeah. Okay. I don't know. The opening title, yeah, the opening title of this movie.
They're definitely going for the thing of the thing. the credits intercut with just like shots of a research facility in the Arctic. And like, this didn't even come out right after the thing. I would excuse it if it were a cheap knockoff.
Yeah. What, 20 years? Almost 20 years later? Why?
I don't know. I would even go so far as to say our main character is a fake Kurt Russell. Would you agree with that? I don't know.
He's not doing like the same sort of swagger. He's not doing any of the way. I know, but I do feel like they were like, we need like a Kurt Russell type. We need someone who grows good stubble.
Let's hire a Clayton Roener. Yeah, Clayton Roener. Like he seemed nice for whatever that's where. OK, the only I recognize this guy actually from just one of the guys.
For just one of the guys. I've never seen it. I'm looking at his page. It's just one of the guys is about a young.
It's the journalist. It's the it's the show, brother, for gender. Yeah. Is that what that movie is called?
Soul, Soul, Soul, Man, Soul, Man. Wow. I said the more racist thing. Yeah, he did.
He did. It's in my bones. I've been drinking too much. Look, Roy.
She the young lady in that movie, she plays a journalist who goes undercover as a boy in high school to, I guess, do something, talk about gender politics in high school, some business to turn someone gay. Yeah. The most memorable part of that movie is the end when she opens up her shirt, exposing her to pendulous breasts. Yeah.
Just that's the sound they make. No, you're right. You're right. What have you never seen tits?
That's what they sound like. You're right. I can't. Yeah, no.
I have I have an EVP of someone's tits. That's an electronic voice phenomena. That's what ghost hunters use. So when they hear nothing and they say they found something, it's just it's an odd number of tits.
Jeez. But there's a, so she opens up her shirt, exposing her tits. And our guy here, what's his name? Roner Clayton Roner.
Yeah. He's like Captain Sam Cage. What are you doing with tits? What are you doing with them?
Yeah. Where do you get off having tits? That's actually pretty funny. It's pretty funny, actually.
Not like Soul Man, which is as far as I understand, not OK. It's fine. The impish smile that came over your face as soon as you said that I can't even be mad. It's what I'm up here.
Oh, it's dear. Thomas See Howl. I hear them making a sequel actually with Thomas See Howl reprising his role. Are you joking?
Yeah. Oh, thank goodness. Extremely extremely adults, Soul Man. I don't know.
Yeah, soul old man. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I don't want to.
This is our third episode we're recording today. Are we losing steam? No, we're fine. I feel great.
This is also a bad movie to lose steam on because there's not a lot. It does not have any steam to compensate. Right. Yeah.
We can't just be like, and then something crazy happened because nothing crazy happened. Interesting. Do you know the German title of this movie? Ickben ein.
Oh, this is soul man. My wait, is this for two or three? It's hard to tell. What is it?
No, it is three. Mark, Mark, I'm in Cvida. Three. Then the Holy.
Gefrail. So all of our German friends. I'm going to shout out to my jerry's out there. Also in this movie, Faith Ford.
That is the porniest name I've ever heard besides like Tits Gentlemen. Fucker. First name Tits Gentlemen. Last name, fucker.
I only fuck gentlemen though. So that's classy. Yeah, right. Girls always go for assholes.
Fuck. Yeah, I know. Right. How much just the shit is stewing in our heads?
Faith Ford. She. Dr. Jennifer Wills.
These are all like romance novel names. They are. Brian Shabanski. She was a little hungry.
She's been in stuff. She was in Murphy Brown. Back in the day. She was on the norm.
I don't know. I thought it was the norm from Cheers Spinoff. I thought so too when I clicked on it. I didn't know Norm McDonald had a show.
Short-lived, obviously. Who would agree with that? There was so much. Yeah.
Yeah. Just go to my mark. What do I do here? Too many cameras.
I can't remember. Which one? Atlantic City? Atlantic City?
This is unbearable. This has been a defying norms. Boy. That's a good one.
I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that's a good one. I'm going to say that.
I'm going to say that's a good one. I'm going to say that's a good one. I'm going to say that's a good one. That's a good one.
That's a good one. Yes. Max Perlich, who was Mach Perlich? He was in the movie Below?
Yo, fuck this guy. I hated him. I hated him so much. Okay, before we start recording.
Yeah. You said. You have to start recording. I know sooner.
You said he reminded you of somebody who was it. You want to say it on three? Yeah. Yeah.
One, two, three. Michael Wrap on it. Oh, Michael Wrap on it. Michael Wrap on it.
The two of them are going to movie together. Really? Called Beautiful Girls. Which I suppose.
Is it like swingers for like, with Timothy Hutton, King of the Long. King of the Long. It's kind of a weird movie, might be dated now. What's it called?
Beautiful Girls, Beautiful Girls. It's basically about how named after the Sean Kingston song. Possibly? No, it's not that song came out after.
It's about these towny guys. So I was right. You're close. And they.
Oh, Matt Dillon's in it. Yeah, back to last week. Yeah. Rose O'Donnell, Martha Plimpton, Nat Port.
Yeah. Mira Sorvino, Uma Thurman. Rob, this might be the sleeper hit of 1996. I've never heard of this film, but the cast is stacked.
I like this movie. It's very of its time. But it's about these guys. And they're.
You know what's weird is the poster. It looks very familiar. It's a familiar poster. It's one of those things that's sort of in the background.
Like I've definitely seen it at a blockbuster. Definitely. Definitely. Michael Rappaport, he's like, all these friends, right?
And he has this obsession with Beautiful Girls in general. Like, models and things like that. How interesting. He thinks that's the epitome of like, that's what I am a man.
And that's what I deserve, kind of a thing. He's a real Don John. Kind of, yeah. But it's, I don't know.
There's something interesting to be said about like, men's fantasies and how terrible they are and unrealistic. And just like, what society is sort of like projecting as like the top thing for, you know? Like every man should be with this model type. And it doesn't even matter what she's like.
She should just look this way kind of a thing. Yeah. It's an interesting kind of movie. Yeah.
I feel like I've heard of it. I'm looking at it and learning more about it. I'm sure it's pretty good. Like 95, 96?
96, yeah. So it's 20 years old. We've moved past this at this point. Yeah.
But I don't think it's bad. I don't think it's like, probably not. Yeah. I don't think it's like problematic or anything.
Hey, hey, if it's good enough for Matt Dillon, it's good enough for me. Yeah. Dan, I'm Dan. You're Dan?
I'm Dan. This week I'll be. Yeah. That's me, baby.
What did I like most about this conversation? I'm Dan. Sick balls. Mm-hmm.
And we can always make space in the conversation. To talk about my sick balls. The tagline for this movie. Yeah.
In all lowercase letters. Good times never seemed so good. Is that song prominently? Yeah, this week, Caroline is prominently played.
Oh, wow. They were hoping to do for that song what the big chill did for You Can't Always Get What You Want. But if you try sometimes you might find your go, which you need. It's an unwieldy title.
Too bad. Uma Thurman plays, I think she's just like, of maybe a girlfriend or something. She reprises her role as Poison Ivy. Yeah.
Just a grounded character study. But then her being a lunatic. She, you know, young and with her. I mean, with her gorgeous now.
But she was a model at the time and such. And she sort of used by some of the guys as like, I don't even know, like to get back at their girlfriends. Because like she's like so pretty and stuff like that. Like look at who I'm with now kind of a thing.
But she's like, she takes it upon herself to like tell some of these guys to go fuck themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, it's got some value. I think it has value.
I don't see why it shouldn't have value. And this has been another episode of Beautiful Guys. So am I doing Gilmore Girls? I think Max Perlich, though, looks like a less handsome David to company.
I would agree with that. But I think he carries himself like a little like a rapper. He's such a rapper for it. No, you're right.
Chase Masterson. That's her real name. No, it's not. No, it's not.
He plays Major Callio Grady. That's she goes down fast. I was not expecting her to die as quickly as she did. Don't you think they made her look like Hillary Swank from the last one?
Like they gave her the same haircut? Yeah, well, it's the it's give me the swank. You know, that is the she's the giggling court lady from Robin Hood Men and Tights. You know, give me the boys.
I'm crying. Yeah, Chase Masterson. Damien Chappa, as Dr. Carl Schilling, our baddie.
Damien Chappa. You know him? I know him as Ken from the Street Fighter movie. From the 90s.
Good. But he's also seemingly in every Steven Seagal movie. Yeah, he's ended unauthorized Marlon Brando by a pick called Brando Unauthorized. Oh my god.
Don't say the line. You can't say the line. OK. No, not you in the movie.
They can't. I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to talk him into it. Don't worry.
I'll take care of it. I'm not going to tell you what I was going to do. I got it. It's fun.
He was also in a movie called Vatos Locos. That's a Spanish language film. I think I should make fun. If it were a white people movie, then you can make fun.
Yeah, no. Did he kind of look like, who'd he look like besides Street Fighter? I don't know. I don't know either.
Let's not talk about the movie anymore. What's this movie? This movie is, I found it hard to follow. Yeah, because it's flimsy and ambitious plot wise.
Yeah. It's throwing some big ideas around. So is it weird? It's weird.
It's weird. We're the only two people who saw this movie who had seen the prior two. If you're watching this movie, it's not because you're a fan of the franchise. You're trying to fuck whoever's sitting next to you.
Maybe, though. You're probably not going to accomplish it if you're watching this movie. No, no. But like we said, it's very easy to check out of.
That's true. Yeah, I don't know. So the movie starts with him, the main character, Sam Cage, drunk. What was that?
Right off the bat. Why was he drunk? Give it what we know about him. Show that he's like a degenerate.
Given what we know we find out about him later, I don't know how he's drunk. So he's like, he's passed out on the bar. He wakes up, pours himself another drink. But then they're like, Cage in here now.
Captain Cage, we need you for a mission. They're the only guy at Cage. So they chopper him in. It's him and Major Callio Grady.
And she is explaining to him what's going on here. And that this doctor shilling has sort of gone rogue and maybe started killing people, right? Yes, that's the setup. So the setup is also fucking Apocalypse Now, which I didn't realize.
I was like, he's gone off the reservation. It's the thing in Little Nicky and Apocalypse Now. The big three. Right.
Yeah. Yeah, he's gone off the reservation. They're at this research facility, which they're also drilling for something. Yeah, they're like legally speaking.
It's a research facility, blah, blah, blah. It's like illegally speaking. It's an illegal mind courtesy of the Pentagon. Yeah.
It's so weird because right before that, they're like, this isn't military. They don't want military personnel involved. But then the Pentagon runs it and everyone there has a rank. Yeah.
Yes. What? Yeah. Right.
Because they're like, why don't they send the Navy seals in? They're like, the seals won't touch this place. Right. Because it's non-military.
Yeah. But it's extremely military. Lieutenant Brian Shabansky. How do you become a lieutenant?
I don't know. He says that he is a coward. Yeah. Oh, but he's not really a coward.
He's the devil. A lot of devils in this room. Many devils. Narrow it down, folks.
We can't all be the devil. Yeah. So they chop him in. And then there's that scene of them like repelling out of the helicopter.
And it's like, oh, no, we're not going to make it. That went on for goddamn ever. It's just a guy seemingly willfully lowering and raising the throttle on the airplane or the helicopter. What's the other one?
What's the airplane? It's like an airplane with a hat. The Whirly Birdie. Yeah, the Whirly Bird.
Yeah. It took them so long to decide to just cut their lines or whatever. Right. Yeah.
They're also wearing painters masks. Yeah. Yeah, they were. I know.
I know. And which made sense? Because seemingly, they were also over their coats wearing coveralls. Yeah.
What was happening? What was ever happening in this movie? This. Plus they're wearing gas masks.
That's really what you're chasing. Or a scarf would have cost less. And it had goggles. Anyway.
So they go to the edge of the facility, and they're greeted by Dr. Dervelle's holding a gun. I was trying to think of a name of the gun. Like that kind of gun.
It's like a machine gun. Yeah. Yes. What kind of gun?
It's a golden gun. It's like a team's fault. It's actually got way stronger bullets. It's got like super strong bullets in it.
It could kill you like, OK, no, it could actually kill you in one shot. And even if it just do you in the army, we kill you one shot. What? Yeah.
No, it's like the strongest gun that anyone has. It actually shoots diamond bullets and diamonds are the hardest thing in the world. So you can't escape them. So so so I'll deal with it.
Do you feel like that was maybe in the script? Yeah. It's actually got the coolest bullets. It's got the coolest bullets.
It was like, oh, no. That is a. It'll kill you so fast. Another callback to the last one.
I'm going to have to shoot at you. I'll die. I'll shoot wherever and just like the sound of it'll fucking kill you. Oh, fucking screwed.
Another callback to last week. Sean of the dead. Yeah. I think have that whole conversation about how you can't call them bullets.
You have to call them ammo. Around shells. Yeah, that's right. It's like, all right.
We have 19 bullets. Is that cool? I'm shells. Yeah.
We have 19 shells. Such a good joke. It's a great joke. It's great joke.
It's what we just did for three minutes, condensed into one nice joke. Can we talk about Sean of the dead? We're better on the page. What do you want?
Yeah. Let's talk about the Cornetto Trilogy. He's not my boyfriend. He gives up here.
Might be a little warm. Tap Sean on. Thanks, babe. That's so funny.
Yeah. Let's talk about the Cornetto Trilogy. It's right up there with this trilogy. The world's end.
Pretty good. It's good. It's not as good. It's not as good.
Which is your favorite? Sean of the dead, probably knowing you. Knowing your shit. Hey, no.
Just you're like zombies. I saw Sean of the dead when I was 21. And it was like a college kind of movie. Like we watched it so much.
So I have like, I have just fond memories of watching it. But Hot Fuzz is amazing. It's really good. There's the miniature fight that's so great.
I also didn't realize that it was like a real thing that British towns did. Was that like, miniatures of, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, I think it is.
I'm pretty sure it's a real thing. Anyway, what were you going to say about it? No, I think they're like, they're equal. Yeah, well, I mean, Sean of the dead has one of this is just like a gag I lean on a lot.
Like I think this is very funny to have doppelgangers. So when the two rows of doppelgangers walk by and say hi to each other, say hi to their opposites. Yeah, yeah. That's fucking great.
That's so good. It's so good. It's really great. Also love what's her name from Staste being like the opposite.
Yeah, yeah. The opposite of Simon Peck. What is her name? Jessica.
I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's fine. I can do this off the show.
Yeah. So I should say what do you like more? Sean of the Dead or hot fuzz? I've seen Sean of the Dead more.
Jessica Hines. Jessica Hines. There we go. Thank you.
It used to be something else. She got married and changed her name. Anyway, it used to be Sean of the Dead, but what hot fuzz? No, I don't know.
That's what I'm saying. I don't know if I like hot fuzz more because although hot fuzz has one of my other favorite gags where someone's standing near a picture of themselves and they're posed exactly like a picture. That is so bottomlessly funny today. They do it in that.
They do it in airplane. They do it in not another teen movie. Chris Evans does it. Chris Evans, Evan.
It's a movie. Yeah. None of the teen movie holds up. I can't believe it holds up.
It's shocking. None of those parody movies. Except for that and Scary Movie 3, which was a Zucker Brothers. It was pretty good.
Those Zucker Brothers are so stupid. They're the dumbest people. They've also gone on to make conservators. I was going to say yeah.
They too have gone on. They too have gone on with their reservation. Yeah. I don't know.
I think Sean of Dead, it was also the first introduction from me into Edgar Wright's sense of current. Yeah. Which it was just like so perfect to me. Now here's the thing.
I've never seen Ant-Man, but do you feel like it's suffered for its lack of... I think it could have been better if Simon Pegg or Edgar Wright was directed. Sure. It could have.
It's not bad. No, I'm sure it's not. I think it's good. It's totally enjoyable.
I know Marvel is like they're very, they want a certain thing to happen with these movies. And obviously they're smart to kind of micromanage in that way. But like I think they could have... It's fucking Ant-Man.
It's never going to... Ant-Man's not going to win the Infinity Wars. Right. It doesn't matter.
Have fun with it. I agree. I think you could have gone with it. Yeah.
Have one of these franchises that's just like heavily stylized. Why not? No. Anyway, so this movie...
Another good movie. So they do some shit. Yeah, they go in and then Jennifer Wells, Dr. Jennifer Wells, Faith Ford is shooting at them.
And she's sort of like their... She's the one. She's the one who's... Yeah.
She's their go to. She's the go to. There's also... They meet Shabansky who's the less handsome David Dukovany who's always wearing a kangle.
Oh my God. And he's just like, ayo dude. Ayo dude. He's like, he is Michael Rappaport.
He's just like, he's like talking about his homies. Yeah, yeah. Yo bro. Yo bro.
So yeah, they meet him and he's just a... He's been a little shit the whole time. Yeah, he's just kind of like... He's the wise maker.
It's marmy. Yeah. You think about it in terms of like, you think of it as like the thing or alien. Of course you have to have a wise cracking crew member.
You'd be foolish not to, but he's insufferable. Yeah. Everything about this movie is sort of insufferable. It's...
What about the part? It f***ing nods to all these other... Better movies. This movie is...
I mean it's unwatchable. Like there's also like zombie shit going on. Like it... Yeah.
They mention the other sometimes they come back movies in this while also completely disregarding them. Right. I guess more the first one they disregard than the second one because the second one there is still like a portal to hell. Yeah.
Reason. But it's not good. It's not good. Not gonna do it.
I am not going to do it. Yes, no. This is bad. So the...
Our main character guy and what's her name again? Major Callio Grady. They go down into like these icy tunnels looking for this shill... The...
The mine? Are they mine? Yeah. And I even had like...
This is a bottle movie. I had a hard time getting a sense of like the space of this place. Yeah. I can't make heads or tails.
Because like the mine was not the same as like... It was not attached to the building that they were living in. Right. But also...
There's an elevator into it. There's an elevator into the mine from the other building. Right. But also there's...
The sixth level is the top level. Even that. Even like a little thing like that was very confusing. Yeah.
I don't know. I had no idea what was happening at any point. It's... This movie is really hard to follow because it's just really...
Poorly made. Yeah. It's poorly made. It's unclear, unfocused.
By the end of it, two sons of the devil are duking it out in a battle for all eternity. Here's the thing that keeps happening in this movie though. They're like, all right. Let's go to sleep.
And then the next scene is like, hey, wake up. We got to do something. Yeah. What's the timeline?
Because also at one point he's like, when is a son up? And she's like two hours from now? Yeah. It's like, okay.
I know we're in Antarctica so it's like different. Right. Wouldn't it then be very sunny for a very long time? It's like, oh good.
You got here just in time. The nine months of darkness have passed. Right. There's also a major snowstorm happening outside.
My favorite character. My favorite character. Yeah. Fuck that.
And he's like, if he can handle it, I can handle it. Which is true. And I guess we find out why. I guess we shouldn't shit on that part.
But people do keep running out into the snow without any kind of coverage. Have you ever been out in like windy 10 degree weather? It's terrible. 30 degree weather.