50. Stef: Permission to exist

What does it cost a person to spend decades not being allowed to exist as themselves?In this episode of 34o – The Intimacy Podcast, Henrik sits down with Stef, host of Together Moving Forward, to explore what it means to live in constant vigilance — and what it takes to come back from it.From an early age, Stef learned to adapt.To monitor his posture, his voice, his presence.Not as a choice. But as survival.Growing up outside what was considered “normal”, he faced daily bullying, isolation, and years of hiding. Over time, that vigilance moved from the mind into the body — shaping his health, his identity and his relationship to himself.This is a conversation about:• The cost of growing up feeling different• How shame and chronic stress live in the body• Self-harm, EMDR and the long road back to safety• The difference between confidence and permission• What happens to intimacy when we stop editing ourselvesToday, Stef is back on the ice in his late fifties — not to perform, but to inhabit himself.His story is queer in context.But what he describes is deeply human.Because at the core of it all lies a simple shift:From performing who you are…to allowing yourself to exist.Redefining love, trust & how we connect