#52: Should We Schedule Sex?

"My question has to do with trauma around scheduling sex. My husband of almost 15 years (in June) has struggled with a pornography compulsion since his teenage years. He has been sober for almost 3 years now and been in active recovery for a little over 2 years. We both have done specialized therapy on our own and a little together. I have done quite a bit of EMDR for sexual trauma from our marriage. I have also done a lot of my own work on owning and accepting my own sexuality which has helped a lot. However, I still struggle with planning and preparing for sex. We have 3 young children and my husband works a lot of long hours. Being able to schedule sex and for me to get in the mood quicker after kids go to bed would really help our sex life but it seems every time I know that sex is likely to happen or expected to happen (because I am the one suggesting it), I shut down. It’s been very frustrating for me and my husband. He struggles with initiating because of the rejection he felt all the time from me when he was in the throes of his compulsive behavior. What can we do to help work through this? Do you think I may need to do more EMDR? Maybe he needs to do some trauma therapy? Need more time? Not sure how to go about fixing this issue. Thanks so much for your time and your amazing words of wisdom that you so freely share! My life has dramatically changed for the better by listening to your podcasts!" We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up! Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website. Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization