#53: Into the Wild: Or, Into the Sean Penn

Into the Wild is an award-winning autobiography of a man named Sean Penn, who is an actor, a writer, a much-lauded grump, and a carrier of rifles through post-Katrina New Orleans. Sean Penn is also a man who really hates people who believe Americans have the right not to vote, such as General Snobbery mentors Trey Parker and Matt Stone. In fact, we have heard *rumors* that those who promote non-voting are quite often murdered by Sean “Sean” Penn himself. Thus, after this episode, we are both very afraid that Old “Man” Sean is going to off us with one of his many drones. That’s not to say we think you shouldn’t vote. But you know who DOES think you shouldn’t vote? Eddie Vedder! Ha ha. Just kidding. If that was true, then Sean “Penn” wouldn’t have forced him to do the music for this film. But the person who would likely say we shouldn’t vote it the one known as Chris McCandless, the stand-in for Sean Penn, minus the non-voting initiative. Chris “Mac Daddy” McCandless was a guy from a city who had very rich parents. One of those parents is William Hurt, who represents Sean Penn’s abusive father (explored also in Tree of Life, which Sean Penn *reportedly* forced Terrance Malick to make). William Hurt is a bad guy in this film. He also thinks he is God. That’s silly. As Mel Gibson said, “Only Jesus is God.” But hey, maybe Chris “Light A Candle” McCandless had some Jesus in him. That might be why he sees a light when he dies at the end. That’s not a spoiler. Everyone knows that happened because many American teenagers are forced now to read this book. Because of that fact, most American teenagers watch this movie instead. Thus, Sean Penn has successfully brainwashed most American teenagers to think they should go to the Alaskan wilderness because it’s super cool and an Eddie Vedder soundtrack will follow you as you do it. You might even meet Vince Vaughn on the road. He’s super cool. So it’s a polarizing film about a polarizing character. Who is the Real Sean Penn? Will he stand up? Please? And if he does, will he have the courage to sue General Snobbery, as we have challenged him to do? Tune in to this episode to find out, dear listener. And if we never return after this episode, which is highly likely, it’s because Sean Penn murdered us both.