53. The Science of Motivating Kids, Managing Tantrums with Jenna Mazzillo

Parents spend a lot of time trying to get their kids to change their behavior. I know I struggle a ton with how to do this in a way that teaches her long-term skills, and doesn't just manipulate her into bending to my will in the short run. The heavily researched science of "behavioral psychology" has the answer! Put simply, humans DO things because they WANT something.  I discovered that some of my strategies were actually rewarding the wrong behavior. Like I noticed my daughter Della will clean up a mess for my wife with no problem, but with me it can turn into a whole thing. And that made me wonder if the behavior keeps happening because, without meaning to, I'm giving it more attention than I realized. Jenna Mazzillo is a board-certified behavior analyst, mom of two, and the creator behind ABA Naturally. She brings real behavior science to a challenge I face constantly: how do we help our kids listen, cooperate, regulate, and learn without yelling, bribing, coddling, or sending them away? Plus the science also applies to how we motivate ourselves, our partners, or other adults!  What surprised me most in this conversation is that the problem often isn't what we do during a tantrum or moment of defiance — it's everything we do before it. Jenna breaks down why proactive connection, not in-the-moment reaction, is what actually changes behavior over time. And how to help us remember the goal isn't just to change a certain behavior. It's to teach a better skill. If you're a dad trying to stay connected while also holding the line, this one will hit home. It's for parents who want less reactivity, more confidence, and a clearer way to handle challenging behavior without swinging too harsh or too soft. Inside this episode: Why kids might repeat behavior that gets negative attention How punishment may stop behavior but never teach a skill Why over-validating can keep kids stuck in the loop How 10 minutes of proactive connection helps you hold boundaries with less guilt What behavior science teaches us about tantrums and motivation How to help kids listen without yelling, bribing, or disconnecting 👉 Get 15% off your first Serenity Kids order with code: DADICATED15 https://myserenitykids.com/ Being Dadicated isn't about having all the answers. It's about showing up. It's about committing to the kind of dad—and man—you want to be, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Joe Carr is a dad to Della, husband to Serenity, co-founder of Serenity Kids baby food, and the voice behind Dadicated Joe. Follow Joe Carr on social media  Instagram: @dadicatedjoe  TikTok: @dadicatedjoe  YouTube @dadicatedjoe Jenna Mazzillo is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, Special Education Teacher, and mama Follow her on Instagram: @abanaturally