53: When You Are Struggling with Alcoholism: Navigating Alcoholism In Your Marriage

Welcome to episode, "53: When You Are Struggling with Alcoholism: Navigating Alcoholism In Your Marriage," where Katie Ziskind, sex and intimacy marriage specialist and relationship coach explores the shame, guilt, and trauma associated with alcoholism. Alcoholism can lead to more marital conflicts, frustrating fights, emotional disconnection, and damage intimacy. Experiencing trauma and experiences where you felt hurt, betrayed, emotionally neglected, and abused can lead to numbing behaviors, negative coping mechanisms. Struggling with alcoholism, while it negatively affects your marriage, can be incredibly challenging, especially when compounded by feelings of shame, guilt, and past trauma. Alcoholism is a common way many cope with intense emotions and put on a fake, perfectionistic, and happy face. Overcoming these emotions and addressing the underlying issues contributing to your alcoholism requires courage, self-compassion, and a willingness to seek support. Katie Ziskind discusses resources such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Al-Anon. Connecting with others who are also struggling with alcoholism can provide valuable support, encouragement, and validation. AA is a positive place to learn from others and work with a sponsor. Another part Katie Ziskind discusses is awareness of triggers and cravings when in sobriety. Verbalize to your partner if the smell of alcohol on their breath triggers your cravings, and let your partner know how much it would help if you your partner didn't drink alcohol. Be aware of the environments that help you keep your commitment to sobriety, self-care, and mental clarity, such as going to a gentle yoga class on a Friday night, or for an afternoon picnic in your local park instead of going to a bar, where you'll feel tempted to drink alcohol. Distance yourself from people, places, or situations that may trigger cravings or hinder your progress. It can be helpful to recognize and acknowledge the shame and guilt you're experiencing, and know that all emotions will pass in time. Shame, guilt, and trauma are often intense emotions that can be triggers to using alcohol to cope. Know that you don't have to fix or judge any feeling and that all feelings are a normal part of your human experience. Understand that your emotions are normal but not permanent, just like how the weather changes day to day. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judgment. When cravings for alcohol feel intense, turn to a healthy coping tool and release that overwhelming emotion in a positive, holistic way. Identify alternative coping strategies to manage stress, anxiety, and other triggers without turning to alcohol. This could include talking to your spouse, mindfulness meditation, exercise, journaling, jogging, going to an AA meeting, or engaging in creative activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Living a 100% alcoholic free life is essential for many alcoholics, which can also support a more emotionally connected married life. Many alcoholics find that one drink is too many and 1000 drinks are never enough. Even having one drink, or rationalizing, "I'll have just one," can be a very slippery slope. Katie Ziskind also makes a point to review and give examples of positive affirmations and positive self-talk that are a key part of remaining sober. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you navigate this challenging journey of alcoholism and recovery. Recognize that overcoming alcoholism is a process. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Alcohol may have caused damage, pain, and hurt in your marriage, so apologize for any harm your drinking may have caused in your romantic relationship. Addressing shame, guilt, and trauma, helps you both personally and within your marriage. You and your partner can better your marriage by working with Katie Ziskind at www.WisdomWithinCt.com This podcast is no replacement for professional help.