55. Should I make my child say please and thank you?

Should you make your child say "please" and "thank you"? What if they refuse to greet someone, make eye contact or give a hug? Many parents feel caught between wanting to respect their child's autonomy and worrying about how other people will judge them. Is teaching manners really about kindness—or is it more about meeting other people's expectations? In this episode, we explore the difference between manners and genuine kindness, the pressure parents feel to raise "polite" children, and how culture, neurodivergence and social expectations shape the way we think about respectful behaviour. We also share personal stories about parenting, autism, selective mutism, cultural differences, people-pleasing and the fear of the adult gaze. Along the way, we ask what children actually need from us—and whether forcing polite behaviour helps them become kind human beings. Some of the questions and ideas we explore include: Should you force your child to say please and thank you? What if your child won't greet people? What's the difference between manners and kindness? How do cultural expectations shape children's behaviour? How can parents support neurodivergent children without forcing compliance? What matters more: fitting in or building an authentic relationship? Looking for support as you navigate learning outside school? Explore free masterclasses, resources, and a community of parents asking similar questions → Join UN-SKOOL Wondering what keeps shaping your reactions when parenting gets hard? → Discover Your Parenting Archetype Have a parenting, homeschooling, or unschooling question? Send it to us and we may answer it in an upcoming newsletter: → Dear Sari & Becka → Follow us on Instagram and come hang out with us between episodes. → Check out our website and explore more of our work, resources, and support. Radical Learning Talks was named the #2 Democratic Education Podcast to Listen to in 2026 by FeedSpot. See the full list