Hey, this is Red Band, and you are listening to Kill Tony. Check out our website, DeathSquad.tv. There you have every past episode of Kill Tony, including video portions of the show. And if you click on tour dates, you can come see us live.
Every Monday, we're at the Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas, but we're always on the road, and we always have comedy shows also. So go to DeathSquad.tv and click on tour dates. Our website for all the merchandise is ShopSquad.tv. There you have the Kill Tony shirt, Death Squad shirt, hats, everything at ShopSquad.tv.
Ryan J. Ebelt, he is the house artist. He draws every episode. He sells prints of all the drawings he does, and we have the Kill Tony book and a bunch of stuff.
Go to RyanJEbelt.com. And last but not least, TonyHinchCliff.com for everything Golden Pony. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Band, coming to you live from Vulcan Gas Company here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.
Get up front, Tony! Austin, Texas, it's like 2 in the afternoon. Are you guys ready to have the greatest night of your lives? Yeah!
Guys, have a big hand for Ryan Red Band, everybody. He's here. We've been doing this together for almost 9 years. Good morning.
You're the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you by the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. Ladies and gentlemen, have a hand for this band that you were just listening to. As you sit there, lucky, in the greatest city in the world, Austin, Texas. South by Southwest is happening.
There's a bunch of people that flew in from other cities that are out here nerding around, fucking dorking it up, feeling important with their badges. I'm sick of it. I hate it. This is my first time seeing South by Southwest from the viewpoint of an Austin citizen.
And it is hell. It's the worst. These daytime shows were a bad idea. Everything's a bad idea.
I regret everything. The sun is out. I see the sun peeking through the cracks of doors and holes in the walls that I didn't know existed involving gas companies. It's like being in some weird Indiana Jones-style cave or something.
You see that there's just literally holes. That's Michael Gonzalez on the drums. It's the Screwball Peanut Butter Whiskey Kill Tony band. The great Matt Muelling on guitar.
And that's our friend D Madness on the bass there. Some beautiful vocals. Beautiful vocals here tonight. We're also sponsored by the great W Hotel, where now, if you stay on a Sunday or Monday night, you can use the promo code KILTONY and get 25% off.
And Red Bull and White Claw. And the Yellow Rose and the Red Rose. You guys ready to start tonight's episode? I know you are.
Before we do, here's more about the amazing sponsors that make tonight's episode available for you here right now. Hey, y'all. This spring, revamp your daily routine with Be Spoke Post and their new seasonal lineup of must-have box of awesome collections. Be Spoke Post partners with small businesses and emerging brands to bring you the most unique goods every month.
I love this stuff. I've gotten sent some really cool suit cover, like bag, travel bag things. Some amazing stuff to mix the Manhattans and old fashions and whatnot. Really classy, cool stuff.
No matter what you have going on this season, Box of Awesome has you covered. From camping gear essentials to cookout must-have like hot sauces and barbecue rubs. Box of Awesome has collections for every part of your life. Red Band, you know all about this stuff.
And it's real easy to get started if you just take the quiz at boxofawesome.com. Your answers will help them pick the right Box of Awesome for you. They release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories. Each box is valued at around $70, but you only pay a fraction of that price.
Plus, with each Box of Awesome, you're supporting small businesses. 90% of everything that comes in your Box of Awesome is from a small up-and-coming brand. It's free to sign up, and you can skip a month or cancel anytime. That's right.
So get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code KILTONY at checkout. That's boxofawesome.com. Code KILTONY for 20% off your first box. Boxofawesome.com.
Code KILTONY. Did you know that according to the latest research, 90% of employers plan to make enhancing the employee experience a top priority in 2022? After all, a happy workplace is key to attracting and keeping great employees. And if you need to add more employees to your team, there's ZipRecruiter.
Their matching technology helps you find the right people for your roles fast. And right now, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash KILTONY. And, you know, it's unbelievable how employers can make their employees happier, you know, just by focusing on company culture, offering more learning opportunities, allowing for more flexibility and work schedules, and ZipRecruiter is helping companies do this. Right, Redband?
Yeah, ZipRecruiter uses its powerful technology to find and match the right candidates up with your job. Then it proactively presents these candidates to you. You can easily review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply for your job, which encourages them to apply faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site in the U.S.
based on G2 ratings. ZipRecruiter's technology is so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Find the right employees for your workplace with ZipRecruiter. Try it for free at this exclusive web address.
ZipRecruiter.com slash KILTONY. All one word. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash K-I-L-L-T-O-N-Y. ZipRecruiter.
The smartest way to hire. You know, guys, I'm a lot older than I look, which means my mom is a lot older than she looks. She's 75 years old, lives in Youngstown, barely gets around at all. Anyway, my point is, since she doesn't travel or come out to visit, and I can't go back to Youngstown to visit, I mean, I'm busy being one of the top Young Rising, you know what?
So, I bought her a Skylight. Look, it's super cool. It's a digital frame that has pictures of me and my life and my new cars and guns and things like that. I get to send her these pictures via my own email, and it's super close.
Nowadays, staying in touch with those we love is more important than ever, and the Skylight digital photo frame makes it easy. You can either email photos or upload them straight to the app anytime from anywhere. Redband, you know about this, man. Yeah, I think my mom's in the same boat as your mom, but she doesn't know how to use her phone.
She doesn't know how to use her computer to scare her. And now, this is a great way to feel closer to the ones you love, even when you're far away. It sets up effortlessly in 60 seconds, and you can even tell your mom, I'm like, hey, mom, I want to send you something now, and she can, like, just do nothing. Just look at it, and that appears.
It's magic to her. She thinks that there's a little, there's a magician in there or something. It has a gorgeous 10-inch touchscreen so her old eyes can see it. You can swipe through the photos with your finger, or my mom probably just uses a walking stick.
And even tap to thank the person who sent the photo. There's also 100% satisfaction guaranteed. If you don't, when your moms don't love that Skylight, you get a full refund. Wow.
Preloaded with your favorite photos for a special Mother's Day gift surprise them with photos they didn't even know you had. You can tap the heart button, and it will let the sender know you love the photo. This makes the frame interactive and fun to use. My mom loves all the photos because she's so lonely.
And now, as a special holiday offer, you can get $10 off your purchase of a Skylight frame when you go to skylightframe.com and enter the code TONY. That's right. To get $10 off your purchase of a Skylight frame, just go to skylightframe.com and enter code TONY. That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E.com and use code TONY.
Hey, y'all. The show's about to begin. Now's a good time to remind you that Tony's brought to you by Freeze Pipe. Smoking that good stuff doesn't have to hurt your lungs.
With Freeze Pipe, you can get an ice-cold hit every time. Here's how it works. The pipe comes with a detachable chamber. You freeze beforehand.
When you're ready to rip, the smoke passes through the frozen part and cools down the smoke as you inhale. It's just like putting ice cubes in a bong, but better. It's non-toxic, freezes faster than water, and stays frozen longer. I have been using this.
I have the little bong one. Redman has the full-size bong. I have a little bubbler, I do believe. And let me tell you, this thing is unbelievable.
They have a special little gel thing you put in the freezer, and it freezes super fast, and it stays super cold. And the thing's just better than smoking a normal pipe. I mean, normally, I'm going to be honest with you. We're all different.
Normally, I am loyal to the soil. I'm a blunt guy, through and through. I was born and raised in an all-black neighborhood. Not that that affects anything, but it does.
But with this specific pipe, I've fallen in love, and it makes me feel comfortable and cozy watching Harry Potter movies, hitting this ice-cold bubbler. It feels absolutely great. Redman, how's the big bong? Well, it's great.
You know, what's weird is when we're from Ohio, I don't know if you did this, I used to take my bong and stuff it with snow. Snow hits. But that was gross. You'd have like acorns in there and band-aids and whatever was in your yard, you know, it's gross.
So this just makes a lot of sense. And whether you hit a pipe, bubbler, bong, or dab, they got it all. That's right. So go to thefreezepipe.com and press in the code TONY to save 10% off your first order.
Get your bong, pipe, or bubbler today. That's freezepipe.com and press in the code TONY to save 10%. If you can smoke from it, freezepipe makes it. So go to freezepipe.com and press in the code TONY to save 10%.
Wow, that took fucking forever. Worth it, though, because it's going to help pay for the hotel stay of tonight's amazing guest, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's guest, a young woman who I truly believe in my heart, not only one of the funniest characters in the history of Kill Tony, former band member, but truly, I watched her set last night on a stand-up show, and I truly believe this woman is on her way to being, or possibly could already be, literally, the funniest female stand-up comedian in the world. Makes a noise for her.
She's a legend on this show. It's Jessie Jetsky-Johnson, everybody. Comedy store royalty, current employee, former full-time Kill Tony band member. This is the Jetsky, Jessie Johnson.
Hi, Jessie. Welcome back. Thanks for having me. These last three days, I literally went from the bucket to the band to a guest.
You did it all. That was crazy. That is. That is the trifecta here on Kill Tony.
That's pretty... Not in three days. Not in three days. Yeah.
No. Good question. Matt asked if... People who don't know me are going to be like, damn, she worked out that ladder fast.
Yeah. Exactly. People think there's no equality for women. Meanwhile, you don't even get hired.
You only last one day at each job. Yeah. Just chattering that ceiling. That's it.
Absolutely. You're doing everything that Hillary Clinton didn't. Jetsky, you know the show well. We're going to have fun here.
We're going to watch a bunch of comedians. I pull names out of the bucket. We watch them do 60 seconds. We're time to put a kitten.
Wrap it up. We'll find out more about them. We have a few regulars. You guys ready to start tonight's show?
Sweet. We'll do it with a regular. One of the best out there. Starting out tonight's show with a brand new minute.
Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Hans Kemp. Hey, what's up, Texas? Good to be here in the freedom capital of the world. I'm a liberal.
I believe in universal basic income. I think everyone should get $1,000 every month because I think poor people are disgusting. And I want to exterminate them. I'm a huge feminist.
I love ugly bitches. I love fat bitches. I love annoying bitches. They're just all bitches to me.
Pretty big liberal. You think Mexican people, before they come to America, their friends are like, Oh, you're going to America? You know you can drink the shower water over there. It's tough being Asian.
Every race can kill us. White people can kill us. Black people can definitely kill us. Even sometimes Mexican people.
That's why I'm not worried about mental illness. I'm not worried about panic attacks. I'm worried about Hispanic attacks. I'm not worried about depression.
I'm worried about Deshaunson. All right, that's my time. Thank you. The best clothes in the game.
Laughs at himself and excitedly says, I love it. There you go. Just attacking poor people and Hispanics tonight. And women.
Oh, yeah. And women. Or as you call them bitches. Hans, how are you?
What's going on? I'm doing pretty good. South by Southwest is pretty fun. I've been hanging out with a lot of couples.
Okay. Third wheeling it up like a rickshaw over here. Is that what's going on? I'm carrying the relationship.
Socially enriching, but sexually frustrating. I also, I'm a proficient slinger. I'm really good at slinging. What are we talking about?
It's a little sling that I have right here. I use it to slay giants and destroy my enemies. Wait a second. What the fuck is that?
What do you do with that? This is like a little fling. And I use it to fling rocks really fast. Are you serious?
How do you do it? Hans is autistic, for those of you that didn't know. So he always has little toys and gadgets. Oh, shit.
Are you loading that up? What is that? Mushroom? It's a little paper towel, just so that I don't want to hurt the audience, but.
You really? Whoa. Holy shit. This is like when his little helper got into Indiana Jones' bag or something like that.
You call him Dr. Jones. I am Indiana now. Wow.
Wow. Wow. How cool your life is. Incredible.
You can do that anytime you want with little paper towels? Yeah. Wow. I think we're finding out why you get to hang out with a lot of couples.
I'm not a threat. You really aren't. Absolutely. Now, is there a game or a sport to it, or are you just like throwing rocks around?
I'm throwing rocks really hard at things, and it just makes me feel like a man. Really? Yeah. Wow.
That's what you, okay. What's the most dangerous thing that you've slung? Probably like a rock that's like that big. Yeah.
Where do you do that at? I used to camp in the middle of the desert during the pandemic, and I was just slinging rocks all over the place. You're trying to sling pussy, but I just sling a rock. Yeah.
I hope you do find the girl Hans. You just gotta get out there and shoot your sling shot. Yeah. You ever skipping stones?
Did it start off with that? I mean, no. I don't know. I mean, skipping stones is like, you know, not really the same thing, but yeah.
It's a whole other art, man. Come on. Yeah. Yeah.
Plus, you have to keep it dry. Like the women's pussies that are around you at all times. For carrying a sling around Hans. What else is going on?
What else have you been doing for fun when you're not out there slinging rocks? Literally living the life of a caveman. I am, what am I doing? I'm playing basketball with comedians.
I'm longboarding. I longboarded here tonight. Wait. What do you mean?
Oh, the type of skateboard. Yeah. Okay. Where'd you longboard from?
From under the bridge where I parked. From under the bridge where you parked. Yeah. I-35.
Oh, wow. Oh, you parked under an I-35 bridge? Yeah. Wow.
Yeah. Are you going to sing this or something? I don't know what's happening here exactly, but the band's just taking it and running with it. We don't have that much momentum, so.
I don't want to be a son when I go outside singing my fucking rocks. Because I get no pussy. I tried really hard. But it's just couples.
Why doesn't anyone want to suck my little cock? Hans Kim. Thank you. And not easy to do a new minute every episode of the show, especially when we record three in one week.
Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for him one more time. That's Hans Kim, everybody. That was impressive. It was impressive.
He brought it together in the end. He didn't really rhyme that well, but the lyrics were funny. He did try to rhyme couples with little cock there at the end. For those of you that were paying attention, I like to consider myself a bit of a lyricist since I've been in the writer's field for over a decade.
Anyway, your next comedian, first comedian out of the bucket tonight, goes by the name of Rachel Oakes, everyone. We're going to meet Rachel together all at once. How cool is that? Here she is, everybody.
Clap your hands one more time. like a Rachel Oaks. Hello, hello. This is amazing.
Thank you so much for being here, guys. I absolutely love this. My name is Rachel. I come from a big family.
I'm one of seven sisters. Yes, my mom gave birth seven times. She's a super mom. And you know, people like to talk about how difficult childbirth is on women, but think about how hard it is on a baby's head.
Have you ever seen a baby after it's just been born all cone-shaped? Any new moms here? Any moms at all? Your pussy is so strong.
To do that to a human skull is impressive. I mean, I'm sure it took a beating, but at one point your pussy said no. And a human head said, okay, I didn't mean to have things in my hand when I did that, or the microphone, but I wanted to commit, so. Anyway, that was my time.
Thanks, guys. Okay, Rachel Oaks. Absolutely. There it is.
That was a minute. Hi, Rachel. Welcome. You were here, you were on the show a couple days ago?
Monday night. There you go. And how did that go? I liked it.
I had fun. I got some good laughs. I felt really frozen during the interview. Oh, okay, so it was totally different than tonight.
Yes, way different than tonight. It was much better. Awesome. Where do you think you went wrong?
I'm going to tell you where I think. I think it was the beginning. Okay. I think you came out and you said, hey, I just want to thank you all for being here, but nobody is here to see you.
No, no, no. And I didn't mean to imply that they were. I thank the people for being here. Okay, you thank them, Tony.
I apologize. And then you said, I love this, right? I love being here. What was your exact words?
I just love that I get to be up here, that I get to try. Yeah, and you say that, but it takes all the excitement out. You know what I mean? And now everybody thinks you're nice, you're human, you know what I mean?
You can come out and just guns a blazing with your librarian energy that you have to fucking come out and dominate. You're so human, Rachel. So, Renatis, what did I learn about you in the interview from Monday? Oh, I totally, I didn't give you anything to work with.
You have cats? I do have a cat. There you go. How did you know that?
I mean, it's just a special type of energy. You can tell when somebody has a cat. It's sort of like, you know, they're a little bit rattier than a dog owner. You know what I mean?
Not to say that you're ratty. I'm talking about cat owners, how I identify a cat owner. I feel like you might have some other small animal, like a fish or something like that? No, just a cat.
Just a cat. How long have you had a cat for? Just a couple months. Okay.
New cat. But you've had old cats, too? No, no, no. Just my first cat.
Wow. That seems interesting to me. Okay. What's the cat's name?
His name is, don't hate me. His name is Cat. What the fuck? Serial killer.
What's wrong with you? We gave him a lot of names, but me and my husband just called him Cat. Oh, okay. Husband.
How long have you been married for? I got married last year. Just a couple months. Same time I got the cat, actually.
Geez, look at you. Making big moves. Hell yeah. Was it your idea?
One pussy closes, another one opens. You know what I mean? Was it your idea to get the cat, or was it? Your husband?
Yeah, yeah. Because he wants you to shut up after every minute? Red man, be nice. He's saying that the cat meowing would somehow stop her.
It came out wrong. I see what you did. Yeah, but your husband likes cats? Yeah, we just wanted to hang out with another creature.
It was a pandemic, so we wanted to have a cat. That's great that you're in a gay marriage. That's so cool. How did you know that?
I love it. So what does the husband do for work? He's going to school to become a doctor. Ooh, what kind of doctor?
He doesn't know yet, but you guys made a gynecologist joke last time. Gotcha. And what do you do again? I'm traveling right now.
I'm helping my friend Ann really open up her, not open up, but we're just working on her sushi restaurant. Oh, cool. Okay. What do you do for the sushi restaurant?
I'm more of her business manager, so I try to make sure she looks good. You try to make what? Make sure she looks good. I mean, she already looks good, but I just try to help out.
I've been working with her for a couple years now, so it's not that interesting. Sorry, I'll try better. What else do you want to know? Okie dokie.
Talk about having, you said you have seven sisters? I have seven sisters, yeah. We're six sisters. Any brothers?
One of seven. One brother, yep. Right, okay. Seven siblings, yeah.
So your mom's pussy is wrecked, indeed. No doubt about it. Have you ever seen it as an adult? Nope, no, no sir.
No? I can't talk about my mom. I wish I could hear just about it, but I'll just let you say what you're going to do. I'll block it out.
Wow, that makes it really depressing when you say that. I love it. Did you know that I was born laughing? Is that true?
Yeah, my mother has a hilarious vagina. I wrote that for her. It does have the tones of your voice in it. Okay, Rachel, I love it.
So this is, where did you meet your husband at? I met him at a bar. Really? You go to bars?
Yeah. Wow, what kind of bar was it? Was it trivia night or something like that? No.
Applebee's? Yeah, we were at the club, you know. What kind of bar was it? It's a brick of the bar.
Backyard, San Diego. Okay, all right. What part of San Diego? Mission Beach, Pacific Beach.
I know exactly that area very well. Yeah, I lived there for five years. Wow, I love that. Okay, very cool.
And how did you know, when you guys met this guy, when you two nerds fucking locked, when you guys locked lenses, what was his opening line? Oh, I pointed to a shirt, just like I did on Monday night, and I flipped him on the nose. Wow. I've done it to a lot of people.
He is the only one that had a response. He just pointed to a neon sign and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. Wow, rapey. The fuck?
Rapey. Wow. I liked it, I liked it. No one had any response.
Everybody gets pissed, or they just start really drunk. Right, because it's an annoying thing to do to people. Yes, yes, I'm very annoying. Yeah, I mean, it's incredible.
Meanwhile, this guy's straight to kiss on the cheek. Your opening line was, hey, there's something on your shirt, dink. And he goes, what's that over there? And you're so stupid, you're like, what?
And then he kisses you on the cheek. Since you're a dork, I'm guessing at that point, you're just gushing everywhere. He gives a kiss on the cheek when you have a cat. That's so sweet.
Oh, right, of course. All right. Yeah, yes, the wedding bells were ringing in that moment. Once these nerds start pecking one another.
All right, Rachel, congratulations. I mean, the set, really lackluster. How long have you been on stand-up again? Since February.
Since February, so that's perfect. That's a rough minute, but it happens. Did you get a joke book the other day? A small one?
I did get a small joke book yesterday. Well, then there you go. Appreciate it. There you go.
Rachel Oaks, everybody. Thank you, Rachel. Sometimes people come up here, they say they love it. And then they get their medicine.
Make some noise for your next comedian. This seems like a first-time name. Tawabi, everybody. Or perhaps Tawasi.
Tawabi. There he is, everybody. Make some noise for Tawabi, everyone. Oh, Jesus.
So this is my first time in Texas. My mom was really nervous when I said I was coming out of here. She was like, but what about the abortion thing? And I told her mom, we talked about this before.
I'm keeping it. So the only other one I got, so a pirate walks into a bar, right? He's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. So he's got a pushback, he moves around, he walks up to the bar, sits down.
The bartender goes, my man, you know you got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants. And it's driving me nuts! That's all I got. Thank you all very much.
I appreciate you. Did you guys fucking clap at that? What kind of audience is here tonight, exactly? Are you guys all right?
Four o'clock. God, what a hacky audience we have here. I appreciate you. How's it going?
One more time for... Tawabi. Tawabi, everybody. Here he is.
First time of Tawabi. Looking like it ludicrous with a public defender. You're like Reservoir Doggy Dog. I never get to do that joke, Reservoir Doggy Dog.
I've been waiting for someone like you. Tonight was a dad. I appreciate it, mate. I love it, Tawabi.
Where are you from? I'm from Philly. Philly. Born and raised on the playground is where you spent most of your days?
I've only been to Bel Air once, but yeah, yeah. Was it West Philadelphia? Yeah, yeah. Goddamn right.
Absolutely. So what brings you to Austin, Texas? I'm making music. I rap and produce.
I'm getting a little show out here, so we've been trying to do this when I was a kid, so we said, fuck it, let's hop the plane and go do this joint. Go do what? John is like a Philly super noun to me and any person that plays in a door thing. Okay, and what are you saying?
You came here from South by Southwest? Yeah, I got a little show actually down the street at Teller's at 8. Really? What are you doing on your show?
I rap, sing, produce. Really? Can we hear a little bit of your rap right now? Yeah, yeah.
All right, sweet. Let's get a fucking... Tell these guys what you want. They're geniuses.
They can literally in absolute seconds. You want me to start? Go go. All right, here he is making his musical Kill Tony debut.
This is Tawabi, everybody. One more time for Tawabi. One day, I'll be popping like seals on bottles at activist. Y'all rapping like the anthem.
Real niggas is not gonna stand for this. Only Matt, let's listen to it. Go get your glasses. I used to pull them as the water bottles for my glasses.
I used to throw two Adderall for your 10th back. Two years later, pop them same true pills to write 10 reps. Bitches from my college days so text them out call back. Because the party can't so mean you can't get your ass glass.
My bitch like bitches. And I don't like your rats if they don't leave me in stitches. Niggas on their room sticks looking out for snitches. They gold is like some Harry Potter niggas playing Quidditch.
I don't want to hear it if you ain't never did it. Never been around it. Ain't that that experience? Bust it, gang's delicious.
Y'all need to put it in. So can't a dollar from every product you might live over it. I mean, unbelievable. Wow.
Holy shit. Ones out of every 20 or 30 of those there's an actual somebody with any talent whatsoever. And it boggles our minds the people that are here every week. I'm looking at some of the regulars in the audience.
They're like, holy shit, he's doing it. What's your heart, man? For real? Hell yeah, dude.
So how long have you been doing music for? I was like 30,000. Okay, absolutely. Both parents in your life growing up?
Yeah, like separating and shit, whatever. Right, okay, cool. You have a lot of siblings? Technically, like three people you grow with like siblings and stuff but I got one real brother.
I get the feeling you have a lot of cousins. Technically, yes, Tony. You're not wrong. What do you do for work?
How do you make money, Talobi? Lots of different ways. I actually screen print. So I used to sell I used to make other artists merch.
I sold my own merch like screen print and make it. Used to sell Adderall. Dead-end jobs. Wow.
Used to sell Adderall. You opened with I do lots of different things, Tony. And the second thing you said was Adderall. We got the Adderall real quick there.
I'd be really interested to know what other things you have. I get the feeling that if you opened one side of your jacket we would know. Oh, fake Rolexes. Very good.
Hell yeah. I love it, Talobi. What do you like to do for fun? What is a guy like you so much charisma?
Oh, man, smoke, drink. I don't really just do that and make music and fuck around, man. Do you have any hobbies like daytime bullshit? Honestly, I love stand-up.
I've been watching your show for the past year and some change. One of my favorite genres to turn on now. I've been watching stand-up since a young bull and it's like, Yeah, man. That's one of my favorite genres.
You're calling it a John? John. J-A-W-M. J-A-W-N.
John. Yeah. Kill Tony's a John. No, no, no.
Yeah, but you don't want to call yourself a John because you only call John's like bitches. You call bitches a John's. Dudes is bulls. It's weird, man.
Bulls? Bulls, yeah. This is all too much for me. I understand.
I get it. I didn't realize black people are turning into transgender people with all their fucking with all their different words and everything. That's a bull over there. This is a John.
She be a John would be proper vernacular. Am I correct? Wait, say that one of my John? She be a John.
You can say like that John over there. Or I can say she is a John. Yeah, that's a good John. You can do that too.
Okay. That's a bad John. But there is no he is a John. He's a bull.
Oh, yeah, he's a bull. What the fuck? Wow. I didn't make it up.
Isn't there an I am a John? I am. Yeah, you can say that. I can say that.
I can do whatever you want. I support you. You got it. Okay, okay.
You're our new ghetto linguistics expert, our chief linguistics correspondent from the great city of Philadelphia. I love it. Are there any other words that us white people wouldn't know about from Philly? I feel like I brought like two big secrets a day from the city, so I feel like, you know, I got to sprinkle it out and not everything I want.
Right, not everything I want. So you're literally going to keep some slang words secret from us. If I ever come back, I got to toss it up in here. He's a sailman.
Other than Cracker, are there any words that black people use to make fun of white people? Honky is my favorite one. Oh, wow. I do a new thing now where it's like honky or cuck.
I just like call them white people cuck now. See, I'm so glad I asked this question. There's a second where everybody's like, where is he going with this? And then all of a sudden you fucking catch a good one.