5LQ Episode 450: Carey and Toni Nieuwhof

In this episode of the 5 Leadership Questions podcast, Todd Adkins and Ben Mandrell are joined by Carey and Toni Nieuwhof, author of Before You Split. They discuss the following questions: An overview of your background How did being in the pastorate affect your marriage and this book? What was the transition like going from being lawyers to being in the ministry? What was your viewpoint like as Carey’s spouse? What tips do you have on starting to attack this problem instead of watching it wither? BEST QUOTES “Leading up to my burnout there was a lot of strife in our marriage.” – Carey Nieuwhof “There were times where our personal struggle was so intense that it was hard to be at church on Sundays – for both of us.” – Toni Nieuwhof “At the end of the day, emotional maturity is spiritual maturity and emotional immaturity is spiritual immaturity.” – Carey Nieuwhof “It was a real bone of contention between us that there was so much success outside of our home but so much tension between us.” – Toni Nieuwhof “If you are winning at work, but you are losing at home, you are losing.” – Carey Nieuwhof “I want the people closest to me to be the people most grateful for me.” – Carey Nieuwhof “One of the problems that I’ve seen is the natural human tendency to be blinded by a victim narrative.” – Toni Nieuwhof “The problem with the victim narrative is that it allows us to take ourselves off the hook.” – Toni Nieuwhof “Leadership is so hard, our marriage was hard, and what I would do was look for the one thing I could control.” – Carey Nieuwhof “Whatever you can do to bring down the conflict level and take some of the intensity out of what is going on between you relationally is a great first focus, but that’s something you may need a counselor’s help with.” – Toni Nieuwhof “Your spouse cannot bear the weight of being your only friend.” – Toni Nieuwhof RECOMMENDED RESOURCES Lifeway Leadership Podcast Network Lifeway.com/CoronaVirus Before You Split by Toni Nieuwhof Didn’t See It Coming by Carey Nieuwhof The Emotionally Healthy Church by Pete Scazzero Smart Family Podcast