#616: Insights from Dr. Andrew Huberman, Greg McKeown, Jocko Willink, Brené Brown, and Naval Ravikant episode artwork

EPISODE · Aug 24, 2022 · 1H 29M

#616: Insights from Dr. Andrew Huberman, Greg McKeown, Jocko Willink, Brené Brown, and Naval Ravikant

from The Tim Ferriss Show

Insights from Dr. Andrew Huberman, Greg McKeown, Jocko Willink, Brené Brown, and Naval Ravikant | Brought to you by LinkedIn Marketing Solutions marketing platform with 800M+ users, Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement, and Allform premium, modular furniture. More on all three below. Welcome to another episode of The Tim Ferriss Show, where it is usually my job to deconstruct world-class performers to tease out the routines, habits, et cetera that you can apply to your own life. This episode is something different. It’s an experimental format that I’m super excited about, and it’s back by popular demand.This is an episode that scratches an itch I’ve had for years. I am not always able to listen to every great podcast episode out there, even when they are by some of my closest friends. The answer to my predicament was to ask them to send me a top segment from their podcast that I could listen to and—more importantly—also share with you, my dear listeners. My team edited them together, and here we are! This episode is a compilation of 15-to-30-minute clips from some of the best podcasters — and also best interviewees – in the world and certainly some of my favorites.At the beginning of each clip, you will hear an intro from the host and where to find their work and podcast. At the end, I’ll also share one or two of my favorite clips from episodes of The Tim Ferriss Show.You can view this episode as a buffet, and I strongly suggest that you check out the shows included. If you like my podcast, you will very likely enjoy the featured shows in this episode.And before you go: Do you like this format? Please let me know on Twitter at @tferriss and also mention @TeamTimFerriss.Please enjoy!SHOW NOTES:00:06:34 Who is Dr. Andrew Huberman?00:09:22 Dopamine is the universal currency of foraging and seeking.00:12:01 The purpose and effects of dopamine fluctuation.00:14:51 Dopamine and addiction.00:16:15 How to tune your dopamine system for discipline and motivation.00:26:05 Who is Greg McKeown?00:26:36 What is Essentialism?00:27:44 How to accelerate your understanding of Essentialism.00:28:10 The catalyst event that drove Greg toward Essentialism.00:29:38 If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.00:30:32 WIN: What’s Important Now?00:30:49 The disciplined pursuit of less and starting a “said ‘no’ to” list.00:33:16 Facing trade-offs.00:36:50 Creating an essential intent: verb, population, outcome, date.00:39:39 Finding flow through the genius of routine.00:46:57 Who is Jocko Willink?00:47:57 An unexpected problem is just the opportunity to figure out a solution.00:50:14 Who is Brené Brown?00:50:46 Reconciling self-acceptance with the urge to achieve and improve.00:52:23 Can there be such a thing as self-aware complacency?01:04:10 The crux skill that underlies all others.01:06:07 Is narcissism just the shame-based fear of being ordinary?01:09:22 How heavy is your pathological armor?01:10:23 Who is Naval Ravikant?01:11:12 How to get rich (without getting lucky — or being unethical).This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Marketing Solutions, the go-to tool for B2B marketers and advertisers who want to drive brand awareness, generate leads, or build long-term relationships that result in real business impact.With a community of more than 800 million professionals, LinkedIn is gigantic, but it can be hyper-specific. You have access to a diverse group of people all searching for things they need to grow professionally. LinkedIn has the marketing tools to help you target your customers with precision, right down to job title, company name, industry, etc. To redeem your free $100 LinkedIn ad credit and launch your first campaign, go to LinkedIn.com/TFS!*This episode is also brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could use only one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually AG1 by Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system. Right now, Athletic Greens is offering you their Vitamin D Liquid Formula free with your first subscription purchase—a vital nutrient for a strong immune system and strong bones. Visit AthleticGreens.com/Tim to claim this special offer today and receive the free Vitamin D Liquid Formula (and five free travel packs) with your first subscription purchase! That’s up to a one-year supply of Vitamin D as added value when you try their delicious and comprehensive all-in-one daily greens product.*This episode is also brought to you by Allform! If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you’ve probably heard me talk about Helix Sleep mattresses, which I’ve been using since 2017. They also launched a company called Allform that makes premium, customizable sofas and chairs shipped right to your door—at a fraction of the cost of traditional stores. You can pick your fabric (and they’re all spill, stain, and scratch resistant), the sofa color, the color of the legs, and the sofa size and shape to make sure it’s perfect for you and your home.Allform arrives in just 3–7 days, and you can assemble it yourself in a few minutes—no tools needed. To find your perfect sofa and receive 20% off all orders, check out Allform.com/Tim.*For show notes and past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast.For deals from sponsors of The Tim Ferriss Show, please visit tim.blog/podcast-sponsorsSign up for Tim’s email newsletter (5-Bullet Friday) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissYouTube: youtube.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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#616: Insights from Dr. Andrew Huberman, Greg McKeown, Jocko Willink, Brené Brown, and Naval Ravikant

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This episode is brought to you by all form. If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you've probably heard me talk about Helix Sleep and their mattresses, which I've been using since 2017. I have two of them upstairs for him sitting at this moment. Helix has gone beyond the bedroom and started making sofas.

They launched a company called All Form, A-L-L-F-O-R-M, and they're making premium, customizable sofas and chairs shipped right to your door at a fraction of the cost of traditional stores. So I'm sitting here by living right now in its entirely all form furniture. I've got two chairs, I've got an ottoman, and I have an L sectional couch. And I'll come back to that.

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I mean, I've been using these things hours and hours and hours every single day. So I am using what I am sharing with you guys and getting a sofa without trying it in store sounds risky. You don't need to worry. All form sofas are delivered directly to your home with fast free shipping and you get 100 days to decide if you want to keep it.

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So check it out. Take a look. They've got all sorts of cool stuff to choose from. I was skeptical and actually worked.

It worked much better than I could have imagined and I'm very, very happy. So to find your perfect sofa, check out all form dot com slash Tim that's a l l f o r m dot com slash Tim all forms offering 20% off all orders to you. My dear listeners at all form dot com slash Tim make sure you use the code Tim at checkout that's all form dot com slash Tim and use code Tim at checkout. This episode is brought to you by athletic greens.

I get asked all the time what I would take if I can only take one supplement. I've been asked this for years. The answer is invariably a G one by athletic greens. I view it as all in one nutritional insurance.

So you can cover your bases. If you're traveling, if you're just busy, you're not sure if your meals were where they should be. It covers your bases. I've recommended it since the four hour body, which was God, he owns ago 2010 and I did not get paid to do so with approximately 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food source ingredients.

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That's athletic greens dot com slash Tim. Hello boys and girls ladies and germs. This is Tim Ferris. Welcome to another episode of the Tim Ferris Show where it is usually my job to deconstruct world class performers to tease out their routines habits, etc.

that you can apply to your own life and lives. This episode is something different. It's an experimental format that I am super excited about and apparently so are many of you. It's back by popular demand.

This is an episode that scratches an itch I've had for many years now. I'm not always able to listen to every great podcast episode out there, even when they are by some of my closest friends. To answer that predicament, I decided to ask them, many of my friends to send a top segment from their own podcast podcasts that I could listen to and more importantly also share with you, my dear listeners, my team edited them together. And here we are.

This episode is a compilation of roughly 15 to 30 minute clips from some of the best podcasters and also best interviewees in the world and certainly some of my favorites at the beginning of each clip. You will hear an intro from the host and where to find their work and podcasts at the end. I'll also share one or two of my favorite clips from episodes of the Tim Ferris Show. You can view this episode as a buffet and I strongly suggest that you check out the shows included.

If you like my podcast, you will very likely enjoy the feature shows in this episode. For the full list of the guest feature today, see the episodes description or as usual head to Tim dot log slash podcast for all the details and before you go. Do you like this format? Please let me know on Twitter at T Ferris T F R R I S S and also mentioned slash CC at team Tim Ferris.

If you remember without further ado, please enjoy. I'm Andrew Huberman and I'm a professor of neurology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. So I run a research laboratory and I teach at Stanford, but I'm also the host of the human lab podcast, which is a weekly podcast focused on science and science based tools for everyday life. The clip you're about to hear is from our episode of the human lab podcast entitled controlling your dopamine for motivation, focus and satisfaction.

This episode on dopamine turned out to be one of our more popular episodes and the clip you're about to hear focuses on this incredible molecule dopamine, which exists in all of us and in fact is the universal chemical substrate by which motivation focus and drive come to be. And it's an incredible molecule because it doesn't care whether or not you're pursuing work or romantic partner or some other sort of behavior or goal. It is simply a molecule that activates specific neural circuits brain areas in your body and head that drive you to pursue more. In fact, others have referred to dopamine as the molecule of more.

Those are not my words. Those are the words of others. I should point out. So contrary to popular belief, dopamine doesn't control happiness.

It controls motivation and desire and craving. That is it controls the desire for more and has this incredible ability to put us into action. It shapes the way that we think. It shapes the way that we feel about what we are doing and it's very powerful and it has various aspects to that power, including our dopamine baseline, which you'll soon learn about and peaks in dopamine that right on top of that baseline and make us feel either more motivated or less motivated over various periods of time.

So here in the clip that follows, you can learn all about the biology of dopamine and in particular how to leverage the biology of dopamine for motivation, focus and drive, not just in the moment, but continually over and over across time. If you'd like to learn more about science and science related tools for mental health, physical health and performance, you can find all episodes of the Huberman Lab podcast at Huberman Lab.com. It's there with links to all formats. So YouTube, Apple, Spotify and other formats of the podcast.

All those episodes are also time stamped. We were very inspired and remain inspired by the Tim Ferriss podcast and the incredibly detailed time stamps that are there that allow people to navigate to the specific topics of interest easily. So we have time stamp all our podcasts in homage to Tim and of course we have great respect for Tim and one of the great pioneers of modern podcasting and sharing important information. You can also find Huberman Lab on Instagram and Twitter and there we cover science and science related tools, some of which overlap with information covered on the Huberman Lab podcast and some of which is distinct from information on the Huberman Lab podcast.

And last but certainly not least, thank you for your interest in science. Now I've been alluding to this dopamine peaks versus dopamine baseline things since the beginning of the episode, talk about tonic and phasic release and so forth. But now let's really drill into what this means and how to leverage it for our own purposes. In order to do that, let's take a step back and ask why would we have a dopamine system like this?

Why would we have a dopamine system at all? But we have to remember what our species primary interest is. Our species like all species has a main interest and that's to make more of itself. It's not just about sex and reproduction, it's about foraging for resources.

Resources can be food, it can be water, it can be salt, can be shelter, can be social connection. Dopamine is the universal currency of foraging and seeking. We call sometimes talk about motivation and craving but we mean in the evolutionary adaptive context what we mean is foraging and seeking water, seeking food, seeking mates, seeking things that make us feel good and avoiding things that don't make us feel good but in particular seeking things that will provide sustenance and pleasure in the short term and will extend the species in the long term. Once we understand that dopamine is a driver for us to seek things, it makes perfect sense as to why it would have a baseline level and it would have peaks and that the baseline and peaks would be related in some sort of direct way.

Here's what I mean by that. Let's say that you were not alive now but you were alive 10,000 years ago and you woke up and you looked and you realized you had minimal water and you had minimal food left. Maybe you have a child, maybe you have a partner, maybe you're in an entire village but you realize that you need things. You need to be able to generate the energy to go seek those things and chances are there were dangers in seeking those things.

Yes, it could be saber to tigers and things of that sort but there are other dangers too. There's the danger of a cut to your skin that could lead to infection, there's the danger of storms, there's the danger of cold, there's the danger of leaving your loved ones behind. So you go out in forage, you could be hunting, you could be gathering or you could be doing both. The going out and foraging process was we are certain driven by dopamine.

There's no fossil record of the brain but the circuits have existed we know for tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of years and they are present in every animal, not just mammals but even in little worms like the aliens, the same process mediated by dopamine. So dopamine drives you to go out and look for things and then let's say you find a couple berries and these ones are rotten, these ones are good. Maybe you hunt an animal and kill it or you find an animal that was recently killed and you decide to take the meat. You are going to achieve or I should say experience some sort of dopamine release, you found the reward, that's great, but then it needs to return to some lower level.

Why? Well because if you just stayed there you would never continue to forage for more. It doesn't just increase your baseline and then stay there, it goes back down. And what's very important to understand is that it doesn't just go back down to the level it was before, it goes down to a level below what it was before you went out seeking that thing.

Now this is counterintuitive. We often think, oh okay I'm going to pursue the win. Let's move this to modern day. I'm going to run this marathon.

I'm going to train for this marathon. Then you run the marathon and you finish, you cross the finish line, you feel great and you think okay now I'm set for the entire year. I'm going to feel so much better. I'm going to feel this accomplishment in my body.

It's going to be so great. That's not what happens. You might feel some of those things but your level of dopamine has actually dropped below baseline. Now eventually it will ratchet back up.

But two things are really important. First of all the extent to which it drops below baseline is proportional to how high the peak was. So if you cross the finish line pretty happy, it won't drop that much below baseline afterward. If you cross the finish line ecstatic, well a day or two later you're going to feel quite a bit lower than you would otherwise.

You might not be depressed because it depends on where that baseline wants to begin with. But the so-called postpartum depression that people experience after giving birth or after some big win, a graduation or any kind of celebration, that postpartum drop in mood and affect and motivation is the drop in baseline dopamine. This is very important to understand because this happens on very rapid time scales and it can last quite a long time. It also explains the behavior that most of us are familiar with of engaging in something that we really enjoy, going to a restaurant that we absolutely love or engaging in some way with some person that we really really enjoy.

But if we continue to engage in that behavior over and over again, it kind of loses its edge. It starts to kind of feel less exciting to us. Some of us experience that drop in excitement more quickly and more severely than others, but everyone experiences that to some extent. And this has direct roots in these evolutionarily conserved circuits.

Some of you may be hearing this and think, no, no, no, that's not how it works for me. I'm just riding higher and higher all the time. I love my kids. I love my job.

I love school. I love wins. I don't want losses. I agree.

We all feel good when we are achieving things, but oftentimes we are feeling good because we are layering in different aspects of life, consuming things and doing things that increase our dopamine. We're getting those peaks, but afterward the drop in baseline occurs and it always takes a little while to get back to our stable baseline. We really all have a sort of dopamine set point. And if we continue to indulge in the same behaviors or even different behaviors that increase our dopamine in these big peaks over and over and over again, we won't experience the same level of joy from those behaviors or from anything at all.

Now that has a name. It's called addiction, but even for people who aren't addicted, even for people who don't have an attachment to any specific substance or behavior, this drop in below baseline after any peak in dopamine is substantial and it governs whether or not we are going to feel motivated to continue to pursue other things. Fortunately, there's a way to work with this such that we can constantly stay motivated, but also keep that baseline of dopamine at an appropriate healthy level. Now I'd like to talk about the positive aspects of rewards for our behavior and the negative aspects of rewards for our behavior.

And from that, I will suggest a protocol by which you can achieve a better relationship to your activities and to your dopamine system. In fact, it will help tune up your dopamine system for discipline, hard work and motivation. Hard work is hard. Generally, most people don't like working hard.

Some people do, but most people work hard in order to achieve some end goal. End goals are terrific and rewards are terrific, whether or not they are monetary, social or any kind. However, because of the way that dopamine relates to our perception of time, working hard at something, for sake of a reward that comes afterward, can make the hard work much more challenging and make us much less likely to lean into hard work in the future. Let me give you a couple examples by way of data and experiments.

There's a classic experiment done actually at Stanford many years ago in which children in nursery school and kindergarten drew pictures and they drew pictures because they like to draw. The researchers took kids that like to draw and they started giving them a reward for drawing. The reward generally was a gold star or some thing that a young child would find rewarding. Then they stopped giving them the gold star and what they found is the children had a much lower tendency to draw on their own.

No reward. Now, remember, this was an activity that prior to receiving a reward, the children intrinsically enjoyed and selected to do. No one was telling them to draw. What this relates to is so-called intrinsic versus extrinsic reinforcement.

When we receive rewards, even if we give ourselves rewards for something, we tend to associate less pleasure with the actual activity itself that evoked the reward. Now, that might seem counterintuitive, but that's just the way that these dopamine and energy circuits work. And now understanding these peaks and baselines and dopamine, which I won't review again, this should make sense. If you get a peak in dopamine from a reward, it's going to lower your baseline and the cognitive interpretation is that you didn't really do the activity because you enjoyed the activity you did it for the reward.

Now, this doesn't mean all rewards of all kinds are bad, but it's also important to understand that dopamine controls our perception of time. When and how much dopamine we experience is the way that we carve up what we call our experience of time. When we engage in an activity, let's say school or hard work of any kind or exercise, because of the reward we are going to give ourselves a receive at the end, the trophy, the sundae, the meal, whatever it happens to be, we actually are extending the time bin over which we are analyzing or perceiving that experience. And because the reward comes at the end, we start to dissociate the neural circuits for dopamine and reward that would have normally been active during the activity.

And because it all arrives at the end, over time, we have the experience of less and less pleasure from that particular activity while we're doing it. Now, this is the antithesis of growth mindset. My colleague at Stanford, Carol Dweck, as many of you know, has come up with this incredible theory in principle and actually goes beyond theory in principle called growth mindset, which is this striving to be better to be in this mindset of I'm not there yet, but striving itself is there. The end goal, and that of course delivers you to tremendous performance that's been observed over and over and over again, that people that have growth mindset, have growth mindset end up performing very well because they're focused on the effort itself.

And all of us can cultivate growth mindset. The neural mechanism of cultivating growth mindset involves learning to access the rewards from effort and doing. And that's hard to do because you have to engage this prefrontal component of the mesolimic circuit. You have to tell yourself, okay, this effort is great.

This effort is pleasureful, even though you might actually be in a state of physical pain from the exercise or I can recall this from college just feeling like I wanted to get up from my desk, but forcing myself to study. Forcing myself to study forcing myself and forcing myself what you find over time is that you can start to associate dopamine release. You can evoke dopamine release from the friction and the challenge that you happen to be in. You completely eliminate the ability to generate those circuits and the rewarding process of being able to reward friction while in effort if you are focused only on the goal that comes at the end because of the way that dopamine marks time.

So if you say, oh, I'm going to do this very hard thing and I'm going to push and push and push and push for that end goal that comes later, not only do you enjoy the process of what you're doing less, you actually make it more painful. While you're engaging in it, you make yourself less efficient at it because if you were able to access dopamine while in effort, dopamine has all these incredible properties of increasing the amount of energy in our body and in our mind, our ability to focus by way of dopamine's conversion into epinephrine. But also you are undermining your ability to lean back into that activity the next time. The next time you need twice as much coffee and three times as much loud music and four times as much energy drink and the social connection just to get out the door in order to do the run or to study.

So what's more beneficial in fact can serve as a tremendous amplifier on all endeavors that you engage in, especially hard endeavors, is to, A, not start layering in other sources of dopamine in order to get to the starting line, not layering in other sources of dopamine in order to be able to continue, but rather to subjectively start to attach the feeling of friction and effort to an internally generated reward system. And this is not meant to be vague. This is a system that exists in your mind that exists in the minds of humans for hundreds of thousands of years by which you're not just pursuing the things that are innately pleasurable, food, sex, warmth, water when you're thirsty. But the beauty of this mesolimbic reward pathway that I talked about earlier is that it includes the four brain.

So you can tell yourself the effort part is the good part. I know it's painful. I know this doesn't feel good, but I'm focused on this. I'm going to start to access the reward.

You will find the rewards, meaning the dopamine release inside of effort. If you repeat this over and over again, and what's beautiful about it is that it starts to become reflexive for all types of effort. When we focus only on the trophy, only on the grade, only on the win as the reward, you undermine that entire process. So how do you do this?

You do this in those moments of the most intense friction. You tell yourself, this is very painful. And because it's painful, it will evoke an increase in dopamine release later, meaning it will increase my baseline in dopamine. But you also have to tell yourself that in that moment, you are doing it by choice and you're doing it because you love it.

And I know that sounds like lying to yourself and in some ways it is lying to yourself, but it's lying to yourself in the context of a truth which is that you want it to feel better. You want it to feel even pleasurable. Now, this is very far and away different from thinking about the reward that comes at the end. The hot fudge sundae after you cross the finish line and you can replace hot fudge sundae with whatever reward happens to be appealing to you.

We revere people who are capable of doing what I'm describing. David Goggins comes to mind as a really good example. Many of you are probably familiar with David Goggins former Navy Seal who essentially has made a post-military career career out of it. Out of explaining and sharing his process of turning the effort into the reward.

There are many other examples of this too, of course. Throughout evolutionary history, there's no question that we revered people who were willing to go out in forage and hunt and gather and care take in ways that other members of our species probably found exhausting and probably would have preferred to just put their feet up or soak them in a cool stream rather than continue to forage. The ability to access this pleasure from effort aspect of our dopaminergic circuitry is without question the most powerful aspect of dopamine and our biology of dopamine. And the beautiful thing is it's accessible to all of us.

But just to highlight the things that can interfere with and prevent you from getting dopamine release from effort itself. Don't spike dopamine prior to engaging in effort. And don't spike dopamine after engaging in effort. Learn to spike your dopamine from effort itself.

Welcome, I'm your host, Greg McEwen. And for those who are new here, I'm the author of Two New York Times Best Sellers, Effortless and Essentialism. And the host of this newly minted, Greg McEwen podcast, where I am on a journey with you to learn how to negotiate. What really matters when it really matters with the people who really matter.

And this really dovetails with the core idea within essentialism itself. Essentialism isn't about getting more done in less time. It's about getting only the right things done. Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin?

Have you ever been busy but not productive? Do you feel like your time is constantly hijacked by other people's agenda for you? If you aren't suggest any of these, the way out is the way of the essentialist. So by the end of this episode, you will be better able to eliminate the non-essentials from your life.

Today, I'm going to share with you five specific things you can do right now, actionable advice for how you can be more of an essentialist. By the end of this episode, you will be better able to eliminate the non-essentials from your life. So let's get to it. If you want to accelerate your understanding of what I share with you today, here's how to do it.

Teach the ideas in this podcast to someone else within the next 24 to 48 hours of listening. It will deepen your understanding. It will help you to implement the ideas faster yourself. And it will also help educate the people around you so that you're not the lone essentialist in the room.

On a bright winter day, I visited my wife, Anna, in the hospital. Even in the hospital, Anna was radiant, but I also knew she was exhausted. It was the day after our precious daughter was born healthy and happy at seven pounds, three ounces. Yet what should have been one of the happiest, most serene days of my life was actually filled with tension.

Even as my beautiful new baby lay in my wife's tired arms, I was on the phone and on the email. And I was feeling pressured to go to a client meeting. My colleague had written days before Friday between one and two would be a bad time to have a baby because I need you to be at this client meeting. It was now Friday, and though I was pretty certain that the email had been written in jest, I felt pressure to attend.

Instinctively, I knew what to do. It was clearly a time to be there for my wife and newborn child. So when asked whether I planned to attend the meeting, I said with all the conviction I could muster. Yes.

So to my shame, while my wife lay in the hospital with our hours old baby, I went to the meeting. What was I doing there? I had said yes to please. And in doing so, I'd hurt my family, my integrity, and even the client relationship.

As it turned out, exactly nothing came from that meeting, but even if it had surely, I had made a fool's bargain. In trying to keep everyone happy, I had sacrificed what matters most. On reflection, I discovered this important lesson. If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will.

The word priority came into the English language in the 1400s. It was singular. Priority, the very first or prioritized thing. And according to Peter Drucker, it stayed singular for the next 500 years.

So it wasn't until the Industrial Revolution where people started using the term priorities, pluralizing the term. And yet what does that even mean? How can you have very, very many, very first before all other things, things? And yet haven't you been to a meeting yourself where somebody said with no sense of irony at all, here are my 34 priorities.

So one way back, one thing you can do now is to identify what the priority is in this moment. This first practice I will simply call win because it's a nice acronym. What's important now? That's how to begin this journey to becoming an essentialist.

Don't overthink it, but ask the question, what's important now? So number one was win, and number two is less. Many intelligent, ambitious people struggle to figure out what is the priority for them in this moment, and for a perfectly good reason. A reason I call the paradox of success.

It can be summed up in four predictable phases. Phase one, when we really have clarity of purpose, it enables us to succeed at our endeavor. Phase two, when we have success, we gain a reputation as a go-to person. We become good, all so and so who is always there when you need him?

We are presented with increased options and opportunities. Phase three, when we have increased options and opportunities, which is actually code for demands upon our time and energies, it leads to diffused efforts. We get spread thinner and thinner, which leads to phase four. We become distracted from what would otherwise be our highest level of contribution.

The effect of our success has been to undermine the very clarity that led to success in the first place, overstating the point in order to make it. The pursuit of success can be a catalyst for failure, especially if it leads to what Jim Collins has called, the undisciplined pursuit of more. The antidote to that is the disciplined pursuit of less. What I would encourage you to do right now is to start a said no to list.

That is, in addition to your to do list, write down the things that you've actually said no to. This will have a couple of benefits to you. First, it will be empowering to discover you can say no. Many of us are not as at the idea.

We just don't even say the word. We don't use it. We could, but we don't. The second is, as your list accumulates, you'll be able to evaluate whether you're pleased with that decision.

Because I'm not advocating you start saying no to everyone and everything without really thinking about it. That would be a different book of book called Noism or something. But the idea of essentialism is to say yes to the essentials, but also no to the non-essentials, so that you can reinvest that time, resource, your attention, your energy to the things that really are most important. Number three is trade off.

Imagine you could go back to 1972 and invest a dollar in each company in the S&P 500. Which company would provide you the largest return on your investment by 30 years later, like 2002? Would it be GE, IBM, Intel, McDonald's, Berkshire Hathaway, the correct answer, and almost nobody ever gets the answer right? Is Southwest Airlines?

It's a pretty startling answer because the airline industry is notoriously bad at generating profits. Yeah, at Southwest, led by Hope Kelleher, has consistently year after year produced amazing financial results. Did they do it by trying to be all things to all people? Or did they do it through a disciplined pursuit of less?

Rather than fly to every destination, they deliberately chose to offer only point to point flights. Instead of jacking up prices to cover the cost of meals, they decided they would serve none. Instead of assigning seats in advance, they would let people choose them as they got on the plane. Instead of upselling their passengers on glitzy first-class service, they offered only coach.

These trade offs weren't made by default but by design. And each and every one of them was made as part of a deliberate strategy to keep costs down. Did they run the risk of alienating customers who wanted the broader range of destinations? Yes.

But Kelleher and his executive team were totally clear about what the company was, a low-cost airline, and what they were not. And their trade offs reflected as much. Kelleher explained it this way. He said, you have to look at every opportunity and say, well, no, I'm sorry.

We're not going to do a thousand different things that really won't contribute much to the end result we are trying to achieve. At first, Southwest was lambasted by critics and they say as everybody. Yet after years, it became clear that Southwest was onto something and competitors in the industry took notice of Southwest's soaring profits and started trying to imitate their approach. But instead of adopting Kelleher's essentialist approach, cut lunch, they instead chose a straddled strategy.

In the simplest term, straddling means keeping your existing strategy intact while simultaneously also trying to adopt the strategy of a competitor. And one of the most visible attempts of that at the time was continental airlines. They started a program called continental light, and in the end it confused everybody involved so much that they set records in the airline industry for complaints per day. They lost $150 million and they fired the CEO.

The moral of the story is ignoring the reality of trade-offs is a terrible strategy. The teams end, of course, for individuals as well. Trade-offs are real and they should be embraced and even celebrated because they're the essence of what great strategy are all about. One thing you can do immediately is to ask the question, what trade-off am I going to make?

When you're faced with two options of what to do in this moment, don't say, I'm just going to do both. Say, which trade-off am I going to make? What do I need to say no to in order to say yes to this? Number four is intent.

Or more particularly to create an essential intent. Most teams that I have worked with, most companies and most individuals, have a challenge when it comes to creating clarity about what they want in the future. Most vision statements and mission statements and value statements are so ambiguous, even though they're meant to inspire, they often leave people number wiser about what to actually pursue and what not to pursue. They are therefore not fit for purpose.

But when I coach individuals and ask them, okay, what is essential to you to achieve over the next two to three years? If there's only one thing that you could do, what is it? I'm almost always faced with a blank stare or a list of many, many different things. What would the power be if you could identify a single essential intent that could help you to navigate everything else along your journey?

There is a structure that can be really useful in helping you identify an essential intent. It's the following. Verb, population, outcome, date. It's a bit like a Mad Libs exercise.

Verb, what is it that you can uniquely contribute? What is it that you do better, perhaps, than anyone else? Population, who are the most important people in your life? Who are the most important customers in your business?

Outcome. What is the benefit to them? What is the priority benefit to them? There may be many benefits, but what's the priority benefit?

And then date. To be able to turn your intent into a specific metric, add a date by which you want to achieve it. As you start to wiggle away at your essential intent, be careful to stop word smithing and start deciding. When developing statements of purpose, whether it's for your company, your team, or for yourself, there's a tendency I've noticed where people start to go through the process.

You see, I've noticed where people start obsessing about trivial stylistic details. Should we use this word or that word? But this makes it all too easy to slip into meaningless clichés and buzzwords that lead to vague, meaningless statements. And essential intent doesn't have to be elegantly crafted.

It's the substance not the styled accounts. So instead, ask the more essential question that will inform every future decision you will ever make. If we could be truly excellent at one thing, what would it be? An essential intent done right is one decision that makes a thousand.

Number five is flow, or the genius of routine. For years before Michael Phelps won all those goals at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, he followed the same routine every race. He arrived two hours early. He stretched and loosened up according to a precise pattern, 800 mixer, 50 freestyle, 600 kicking with the kickboard, 400 pulling a boy, and more.

After the warmer, he would dry off, put on his earphones and sit, never lie down on the massage table. From that moment, he and his coach, the rather remarkable Bob Bowman, wouldn't speak a word to each other until the race was over. At 45 minutes before the race, he would put on his race suit. At 30 minutes, he would get into the warmup pool and do 600 to 800 meters there.

With 10 minutes to go, he'd walk to the ready room. He would find a seat alone, never next to anyone. He liked to keep the seats on both sides of him clear for his things, goggles on one side, towel on the other. When his race was called, he would walk to the blocks.

There he would do what he always did, two stretches, first as straight leg stretch and then with a bent knee, left leg first every time. Then the right earbud would come out. When his name was called, he would take out the left earbud. He would step onto the block, always from the left.

He would dry the block every time. Then he would stand, flap his arms in a feltzian way. Feltz explains, it's just a routine. My routine is the routine I've gone through my whole life.

And I'm not going to change it now. And that is that. But his coach Bob Bowman, who designed this physical routine with Feltz, said that's not all. He also gave Feltz a routine for what to think about as he went to sleep.

And first thing, when he woke up, he called it, watching the videotape. There's no actual tape, of course. The tape was just a visualization of the perfect race in exquisite detail and slow motion. So Feltz could visualize every moment from his starting position on top of the blocks through each stroke until he emerged from the pool victorious with water dripping from his face.

He didn't do the mental routine occasionally. He did it every day before he went to bed and every day when he woke up for years. When Bob wanted to challenge him in practices, he would shout, put in the videotape, and Feltz would push beyond his limits. Eventually, the mental routine was so ingrained that Bob barely had to whisper the phrase, get the videotape ready, before a race.

And Feltz was always ready to hit play. When asked about the routine, Bob said, if you were to ask Michael what's going on in his head before the competition, he would say he's not really thinking about anything. He's just following the program. But that's not really right.

It's more like his habits have taken over. When the race arrives, he's more than halfway through his plan, and he's been victorious in every step. All the stretches went like he had planned. The warm-up laps were just as he visualized.

His headphones are playing exactly what he expected. The actual race is just another step. In a pattern that started earlier that day, and has been nothing but victories. Winning is a natural extension.

All of us know that Feltz won the record eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics. But I was always fascinated by how he'd done it in a way that made it look so effortless. And of course, practice is part of it. But routine is embedded in all of that practice, in making it appear to be as effortless as it appeared.

I talked to Bob Bowman just recently, and he talked to me through his experience in the final race of those eight gold medals. After it was done, and he himself said it had surprised him at how effortless it had actually been. When visiting Beijing years after Feltz breathtaking accomplishment, I couldn't help but think how Feltz and the other Olympians had all made their feet look so effortless. It's certainly a testament to the genius of the right routine.

The way of the non-essentialist is to think that essentials only get done when they are forced. That execution is a matter of a raw effort alone. You labor to make it happen. You push through.

You even force it through. But the way of the essentialist is subtly different. The essentialist designs a routine that makes achieving what you have identified as essential, the default position. My suggestion to you is to tackle your routines one by one.

It would be unfortunate, a little ironic, even if you become so taken with the genius routine that you have been able to do. You can even with the genius routine that you are tempted to try to overhaul lots of routines and all at the same time. What I've learned is that if you start slow and small routines, you can layer them on one after another in order to utterly change the results and performance of your life. Once we master routines, things become automatic and that's an enormous victory.

Once you put the routines in place, they are gifts that keep on giving. Let's go back to the questions I asked at the beginning. Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin? Have you ever been busy but not productive?

Do you feel like your time is constantly hijacked by other people's agenda? The way out is the way of the essentialist. I've covered five specific things you can do right now to become more essentialist and therefore to be able to operate at a higher point of contribution. If you have found this episode useful, please subscribe to the Greg McEwen podcast.

Also in my newsletter, gregmqm.com forward slash one M.W. Read essentialist. Read effortless. Because I didn't just write them.

I wrote them for you. Just a quick thanks to one of our sponsors and we'll be right back to the show. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Marketing Solutions. LinkedIn is one of the most effective places for B2B marketers to engage with decision makers, influencers and leaders.

LinkedIn's platform is built to make B2B marketing more effective for your business with tools to help you develop better relationships with your key customers while building your brand. It has the trusted data and lead generation that you need to be KPIs, drive ROI and stand out amongst the competition. All the things. And with the marketing tools on LinkedIn, you can reach your precise audience right down to their job title, company name, location and much more to make sure your ads are always being seen by those who matter to you.

Rethink your B2B marketing with LinkedIn ads and get a $100 credit on your next campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com slash TFS to claim your credit as in Tim Ferris Show. That's LinkedIn.com slash TFS. You can also find a link in this episode's description.

For a quickie and a change of pace, what follows is the wildly popular two minute good in all caps clip from Jocko Willink. Jocko Willink on Twitter at Jocko Willink. That's J-O-C-K-O-L-L-I-N-K is one of the scariest human beings I have ever met. He is one of the scariest people imaginable.

He is lean roughly 230 pounds and a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt who used to tap out. Let's call it 10 to 20 Navy Seals per workout. He's a legend in the special operations world. His viral podcast Interview with Me, which you can find at Tim.blog slash Jocko, was the first long-form public interview.

Maybe the first public interview he ever did. You can find his podcast, which is massively popular. Jocko Podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts. I was so impressed by this good clip that a slightly edited text version of it appears in one of my previous books, Tools of Titans.

Please enjoy. One of my direct subordinates, one of my guys that worked for me. He would call me up or pull me aside with some major problems, some issue that was going on. And he'd say, boss, we got this and that and the other thing.

And I'd look at him and I'd say, good. And finally one day he was telling me about some issue that he was having some problem and he said, I already know what you're going to say. I said, well, what am I going to say? He said, you're going to say good.

He said, that's what you always say. When something is wrong and going bad, you always just look at me and say good. And I said, well, yeah. When things are going bad, there's going to be some good that's going to come from it.

Didn't get the new high speed gear we wanted. Good. Didn't get promoted. Good.

One time to get better. Oh, mission got canceled. Good. We can focus on a little.

Didn't get funded. Didn't get the job you wanted. Got injured. Spray my ankle.

Got tapped out. Good. Got beat. Good.

Good. Unexpected problems. Good. We have the opportunity to figure out a solution.

That's it. When things are going bad, don't get all bummed out. Don't get startled. Don't get frustrated.

If you can say the word good, guess what? Who needs you still alive? Who needs you still breathing? And if you're still breathing?

Or no, you still got some fight left in. So get up. Dust off. Reload.

Re-calibrate. Re-engage. Go out on the attack. And now a clip from the Tim Ferris Show.

This is a clip from my most recent interview with Brene Brown. Many of you know her. Brene, you can find her on Twitter at Brene Brown, is a research professor at the University of Houston, and a visiting professor in management at the University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. She's the author of six, count them six, number one New York Times bestsellers, and is the host of the Spotify original podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead.

You can find my first interview with Brene at Tim.blog slash Brene. How do you answer that question? If I said Tim, where's the line between being our best selves or striving for excellence and embracing who we are? Funny you should ask, because we're recording this in January 2020, and I thought a lot about this on New Year's Eve and in the few days after the passing of the New Year, when I was going through notes and photographs and everything from the past year.

I'm actually still doing that review. I mean, we're well through the midpoint of January, and I'm still doing my last year review. And one of the conversations with my girlfriend with some of my best friends was this topic, exactly. And I can tell you where I landed, because I wanted to try to get the right phrasing for me of the question.

So I talked about the line, and there were a number of different versions of the question. One was, how can you be self accepting without becoming complacent? Oh, that's right. That's right.

That was one. And then how can you be high achieving without being self-flagellating or self-abusing? And I thought about the line, as you phrased it, I thought about the line, and I realized that I had trouble answering that question, like where the line is. So the question that I started to ask myself, which was informed by a book I've been reading for the last month or so, called Already Free, is written by a bolder-based psychotherapist who also is a Buddhist contemplative.

And he would be the first to say, these two do not mesh. They actually contradict each other in some ways, but you can make room for and use both. So informed by this book, which I was reading during the passing of the New Year, I thought to myself, maybe the question is, how can I make room for both striving and self acceptance? And so this might seem really clinical and boring, but I just schedule blocks of time for both and practices for both.

So for instance, there's a journal called the Five Minute Journal, and part of that is what I'm grateful for, three bullets, what made today great, three bullets. And those are generally small things. Sometimes they're big things, but I try to include at least one small thing so that I don't become myopically fixated on the extraordinary. Right.

And because I think one of the risks of being heavily achievement focused is that you only give yourself a pat on the back when you've done something that is the equivalent of a home run talk or a massive project launch or setting a world record sometime in your mind. And you can become really miserable that way. So in my personal life, driving and achievement being in Gear 6 is and has been forever the default. And I think that's coping mechanism for a lot of things that happen when I was younger, but nonetheless, that is the default.

So the self acceptance is putting things in the calendar as practices that will ensure I take time for that because my experience is that if I don't put them in the calendar, they just get squeezed out by everything else. How do you think about it? Well, I'm changing in real time because I love to make room for both. But I think the only place that I have come to around using my question about the line, where's the line between I love that complacency and self acceptance and complacency.

And for me, I always think, where's the line between, so I'll just take it to my organization and my role as a leader in that organization. We believe in excellence in beauty and all things. And we are not jacking around like, like, if a font's wrong, I will notice it. So where is the line between excellence in beauty and all things and perfectionism that is paralyzing your work itself?

So there's always, you know, where's the line between my perfectionism and my being my best self. The only thing I've come to so far that has been the shift from me between, it's a midlife shift. I think it's a midlife shift for everyone. And it's taken me a good five years in midlife.

I will determine the line. You will not determine the line for me. So I know, I know that for me, it doesn't matter what I'm achieving or accomplishing. If I'm not eating in a way that makes sense for me, working out and sleeping, that it doesn't matter.

So like, for whether you're saying, boy, you need to lose 30 pounds or you're on the side where you're like, healthy at every, you know, whatever it doesn't matter, I don't care what you think on either side. What I think is, I know I need to work out five days a week. I know that I need to eat this way. I know I need to write down what I'm eating.

Because otherwise I'm like, I can be a stress card person. So for me, the day I reclaimed that line as internally set, not externally set was a huge changer for me. But I do think I need to make room for both. I'm going to look into that.

It is very Buddhist. It is not the competition conflict thing. Yeah. And what this author, I'm blanking on his name, but we'll put it in the show notes.

What he uses his labels are on the Western psychotherapy side, he talks about the developmental view. So you look back at the outdated strategies that have become patterns in your life that are no longer applicable or are being overused. And then you take steps to improve or change your behaviors. And that would include your thought patterns.

And then on the Buddhist side, I would just say, if Buddhist is a word bothers you, on the awareness side, he would call it the foritional view, which is being effectively becoming, incultivating the ability to be okay with whatever is. And so another aspect of this that I've been thinking about a lot is, there is, there are different types of self-acceptance. And I think this is really important. It's only something I've thought very closely about in the last handful of years because I spent most of my life hating myself, tolerating myself for moments, but there's a lot of self-loathing driving performance.

And I, for a long time, viewed any type of self-acceptance as self-acceptance, self-acceptance equals complacency period. And you need to be your own devil whipping yourself in the back to try harder. What I've realized, and this is informed by a lot of reading, of course, is that there is complacent self-acceptance where you say, everything I'm doing is just fine. I don't need to change anything.

And I shouldn't change anything. I need to stop there for a second. You can edit it, but I'm a plaza. I need to think.

There is this thing as what? And I can modify. What I said is I do think there are multiple types of self-acceptance and that term self-acceptance could be used to excuse complacency in the sense that you can say, I am practicing self-acceptance, which means everything is great, everything is as it should be, la la la. I don't need to change anything.

But then there is a self-acceptance which says, for instance, as an example, I'm making this up like black right now. I am nervous and I'm frustrated and I'm angry because A, B and C is happening in my life and we're doing this podcast and I'm bald now. And like in 2007, and oh my God, it's my head of just a shiny cue ball on camera right now, blah blah blah. And I could accept all of those things as true because they are.

Those are my experience. And then for some of them, I could resolve to take steps to improve upon those things. So there's a situation I need to fix. Great.

Let me go fix it because that's making me or agitating me in some way. So I think that there's a self-acceptance which is a macro. I don't need to change anything. And then there's a self-acceptance which is really just truthfully accepting whatever you're experiencing at the moment as what is happening.

As opposed to saying, I don't want to feel angry. I don't feel angry and fighting and fighting and tugging yourself in multiple directions. So that might sound kind of esoteric, but for me, it's been very profound in that you can be forgiving of whatever you are experiencing in your body, in your psyche in the moment, while still putting in place steps to improve whatever it is you're hoping to improve. I think it's possible to do both.

I think it's possible to do both too. For sure. I do because I live both. I do.

I go back to like the Union belief that the paradox is the only real thing that has enough attention to capture human experience. So I think you can have self-love and self-acceptance and want to be better in other ways. In fact, I don't think you can change without. So here are the things I want to unwind.

I don't think you can truly change for the better in a lasting, meaningful way unless it is driven by self-acceptance. I agree with that. So I think being a shit out of yourself for performance, which I work with a lot of sports people now, it works. And if all you have to do is pay someone for one season or all you do is one game or one whatever, you're okay.

But lasting meaningful change has to be driven by self-acceptance. The other thing that is just so shocking to me about complacency and self-acceptance is as I think back, and I would really have to go into the data, but just sitting here, I don't think I have ever come across a single person who I, not a single person that I can think of, who was complacent, driven by self-acceptance. Like, I don't think, I don't know, I don't know that that is not an oxymoron. I gotta tell you that, like self-aware complacency doesn't work for me as a construct.

Self-aware, no. I don't like it. Or self-accepted complacency. I don't know that I believe that.

Yeah, I mean, I'll push a little bit. I would say, yeah. I think you're going to get a look on your face. Yeah, I think that I'm struggling for the right terminology, but I think we all know people who are alcoholics have various issues, and they are in denial of having problems.

Yes. Let me stop you there. Yeah. And say that is neither self-awareness nor self-acceptance.

Definitely not self-acceptance either. Well, I would, maybe there's a better word, but I would just say that there are people who are delusional to the extent that they either believe they don't have a problem that they have or they have a problem and refuse to accept it as a problem. I think that- For sure. Right.

So, and we can go a lot of directions to this, but I would say that I think we can agree there are complacent people. There are complacent people, and among those complacent people, I think there are those who hate themselves. There are those who love themselves and are narcissistic, and I know a number of these. And then there's a lot in between.

And I think that you- there are complacent- in some respects complacent narcissists who, almost by definition, being a narcissist, love themselves. So is that self-acceptance? Maybe yes, maybe no. I would say that it is, but it's a disabling self-acceptance, whereas to your point about lasting behavioral change, I think that at least psychologically, if you are divorcing parts of yourself, if you hate parts of yourself aspects of yourself that have been informed by your history, that- and I'm borrowing this phrase from somewhere else, but what you resist persists, right?

And that you are going to carry that unproductive and in some ways self-defeating tension within you, even if someone is forcing you to change your behavior or incentivizing you to change your external behavior. Right? And so even if technically you're changing a behavior, if you carry self-loathing, even partial self-loathing with you, hating an aspect of yourself or certain emotion within yourself, I view that as a loss. I agree.

Yeah. So, this is getting out there a bit, but this is the type of stuff that- sometimes I worry that I lose that I've lost my life. I can make a confession. Yeah.

Because for a long time, I'm thinking about writing a blog post about this, but for a very long time, if you look at all the books that I've written, it's like book on entrepreneurship, book on physical performance, book on cognitive performance and learning for our chef, et cetera, et cetera, it's mostly developmental. It's about improving performance in one or more areas. And now what I've spent more and more time on, like we're spending time on right now, is the inner game. Right?

Sure. And the importance of developing a keen level of self-awareness so that you can examine the contents of your- this is going to get super woo-woo for a second- we're going to set up the content of your conscience. Right? Wherever you go, you're carrying your mind with you.

And so to develop a familiarity with that, I think, is the crux skill that underlies everything else. And you and I both know plenty of the cheaters who are miserable, who are high-performing, well-known people who are utterly miserable. And to me, the question of why is that? How can that be the case is the question that I'm extremely interested in these days.

And, but I worry that having built an audience who is largely, not entirely, kind of go-go-go, ra-ra-ra win-win-win. There's nothing wrong with that, but people who are trying to develop skills and competitive advantages and so on, that I may lose a large portion of those people in shifting into talking about more of these things. We'll see where it goes, but that's something that has occurred to me. And I think I'm willing to make that trade.

I think I'm willing to take that, if that's a cost of doing business. I don't know. So a couple of things. One, the go-go-go audience that you've built.

This may scare them, but as someone who works with elite athletes and professional folks and CEOs and those things, what I can tell you is, this is the hardest challenge you've issued. And it's not about the conceptual complexity of what we're talking about. It's about unlocking performance is one thing. Unlocking people way harder, way scarier, and unlocking ourselves and creating self-awareness.

To me, you would be remiss not to go here. Because, you know, I don't know, I think, like something you said when you were talking about, we all know a lot of narcissists and they love themselves, but that's actually something that's important to me. That's actually not true. Do you know that narcissism is the most shame-based of all the personality disorders?

Narcissism is not about self-love at all. It's about grandiosity, driven by high performance and self-hatred. I define it as the shame-based fear of being ordinary. And so you have, to me, you have this audience that, and I'm one of them, and I'm probably an outlier, I guess, maybe an or a rush man, like, a person always outlier.

Audiences are 40, 40, 50 percent female, but I appreciate it. Yeah, it's shifted a lot in the last handful of years. Yeah, but I think, you know, when I get invited in by a Fortune 50 CEO, and here she says, look, we need help, we need help with the team. They're not asking me to help with time productivity.

They're not helping me to set up a scrum or ad-job process for software development. They're saying, you know, we're at each other's throats. We hate each other. It's a shame-based finger-pointing.

Like, it's all about self-awareness and changing those behaviors. And to me, you know, to me, the hard thing about this area and your work is a lot of what I've learned from you that has changed my life has been not only effectiveness based on the way that I've learned from you. That has changed my life has been not only effectiveness based, but efficiency based. And so where you can lose people with this conversation is this is not an efficient process.

Yeah, right. You know what I mean? There's no, I don't think there's a four-hour self-awareness. I have no plans to write that one.

Yeah, but I mean, but people would love it if you could unlock that fast. But to me, this is the capstone conversation for you. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I do. Because what's it all in for? Yeah. You know, like, I'm fit, I'm winning, I'm smart, I'm successful, and I'm on my third marriage and I don't speak to any of my children.

Yeah. Like, I see all the time. I see all the time. Yeah.

Right. Because I'm going to tell you not to dismiss the importance of that work. That's easier. Yeah.

It is easier. You know, because the thing about these conversations that you know, I end up having every time we sit down, it's the second time that both times we sit down is what differentiates us as a social species is the need to be seen and known and loved. And the need to see and know and love others. And no one rides for free.

Like, we all come into this adulthood with hard stuff. And what I would say is true about complacency. And 95% of what I see that people call pathology is its armor. Yeah.

It's not its armor. It's how it's behaviors and ways of thinking that I've developed to protect myself from being hurt. And now another clip from the Tim Ferriss Show. This is a clip from my most recent interview with Novell Robicon, a very close friend of mine.

Novell, you can find him on Twitter at Novell and AVAL is the co-founder and chairman of AngelList. He is an angel investor, which is a huge understatement. He's invested in more than 100 companies, including many, many mega successes to name a few Twitter, Uber, notion, open door, postmates and wish. You can subscribe to Novell, his podcast on wealth and happiness on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you find your fine podcasts.

You can also find my first interview with Novell, which was at the time and it's probably still one of my most popular episodes ever at Tim.blog. Slash, Novell. Your Pin tweet is a tweet storm. So it's a series of tweets, the headline of which is How to Get Rich and the New Parenthesis Without Getting Lucky.

It has, as we record this, 44.8,000 retweets, 110 plus thousand favorites. We're not going to go through this whole thing. It's quite long, but I'm curious to know what parts of it you think people are paying too much attention to or overemphasize and what parts of it do you wish people would pay more attention to? Because there are many different pieces of advice in this thread.

That tweet storm is a series of principles that I kind of wrote for myself in my head when I was 13 and I was trying to figure out how to make money. And it kind of came with a framework of how to be rich, but not by accident, to do it in a way that I could repeat it over and over and I would leave a little up the chance. Because I think there's kind of this, it's not completely mythology, but there's this belief that to make money you have to be born rich or you have to be privileged or you have to be in the right circles or to get lucky. And I think that there are still ways to accomplish the original American dream, which is make money, but do it in a deliberate, systematic way.

And when I say money, I mean wealth, I don't mean like a law firm where you make a couple hundred bucks an hour, but you're still tied to the clock. When you wake up, when you go to sleep, when you live where you want, and you have freedom. So to me, the purpose of money is freedom. And for that, you need to create wealth.

And can you do it ethically? Can you do it sustainably? Can you do it reliably? Can you do it with people that you like?

Can you do it doing things that you enjoy? And I think it's absolutely possible. And I like to think that I'm at least one of many living proof points for that. Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger are examples of others, not that I'm in their status of their league, but other people have done it.

So that was the whole point of that framework. And the tweet storm is just wrote it down one day. And it's funny because obviously I have some experience at Twitter, so I know how to craft things. But I think that was written back in the day when the tweet limit was 140 characters too, so it was harder.

But I just woke up one night when I've been thinking about it and I wrote up the whole tweet storm almost exactly like you see it. And there are lots and lots of missing pieces. Like obviously that is just like a very high level, very zen kon like or haiku like or even hallmark card like framework. It's missing a ton of details which I then tried to extrapolate on in my podcast series on the same topic.

What do people overemphasize and what are people missing? And actually, no, let me pause and just read a few of them. This is from May 31, 2018. So a few examples and you don't have to comment on these specific examples, but just for people who haven't seen this, I want to give them an idea.

So the second of these various tweets in this sequence is understand that ethical wealth creation is possible if you secretly despise wealth, it will elude you and of that particular tweet. And then there's another one you're not going to get rich renting out your time, your muscle and equity, a piece of a business to gain your financial freedom. That one right there is the most important one, which is you basically in modern life, what happens is like the person who is the best at doing something in the world will get to do it for the entire world through a combination of leverage and distribution accountability and specific knowledge, all of which I talk about in the tweet storm. If you're the best in the world of doing something like if you're the best teacher in the world that math, you should be teaching the entire world math.

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This episode was published on August 24, 2022.

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