62 - Accommodating for Dating

How can we change society to accommodate disability?I was recently at a conference in which this was asked of the audience in a workshop on presuming competence and ableism.  It got me thinking what if we were to substitute the word society with dating? How can we change dating to accommodate disability?That question in itself may be the rest of my life’s work. It’s huge. It’s the answer to so many challenges around dating and disability. If we accommodated, which I define as people opening up their minds and hearts, in the dating world, how would dating become different for everyone? Would people be more compassionate, tolerant, and understanding of not just people with disabilities but all people? Would people be more patient and kind, rather than be so quick to swipe left?How Do We Accommodate?Self Awareness I think we begin with a lot more self awareness on everyone’s part. This means being aware and taking responsibility for the judgments we have. I’m talking about people who are disabled and people who are not. We often think that if we’re dating someone without a disability that they will certainly have judgments of us, but don’t we also have judgments about them which creates defenses? These defenses then create barriers to further understanding one another.If we engage with one another from a place of being aware and owning our judgments, that will foster a more genuine understanding and openness with one another.Willingness to Let Go of What You Think You WantThis will seem contrary to what I usually talk and teach about regarding knowing what kind of partner you want, which I do believe is important. However, it helps to have a little openness to being surprised by what the universe sends your way. While it’s good to know our general type, it’s also very healthy to have wiggle room for the unexpected.I’m sure if six months before my husband met me, if someone said to him, “Hey, you know that woman you’ve been longing to meet? She’ll have cerebral palsy by the way,” he probably would have said, “I don’t think so.” But meeting me and having the openness to let go of expectations as we got to know one another helped him accommodate for a disabled partner.Become a Problem SolverWhen you live with a disability, problem solving becomes second nature because we have to do it constantly. Everything from inaccessible entrances to workplace discrimination to dealing with condescending people, we problem solve.What I notice in the dating world, is a disability equates to a problem, but not as easily do people think about a solution. When you’re face with the potential of your date being a wheelchair user or on the spectrum, why not ask “Well, how could hanging out with this person work?” This question is so much more accommodating than the “They’re different, this won’Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate