#64 Grief, Identity, and Mom's without a Mom

Today, I interview Melissa Reilly whose life began in rural upstate New York with her parents and two sisters. Then one of her sisters became severely ill, and she and the other sister were often dropped off with anyone who could take them, so that their parents could take their ill sister for treatments. Melissa was shy with new people and began keeping her voice to herself, learning to observe people and read situations by their behavior. Her sweet sister died a couple years later, and the family went through a tremendous grieving process. Her parents eventually split up. Her mother began to struggle in many areas, and as Melissa grew up and went off to college and entered a graduate program, the miscommunication and frustration between them eventually led to a falling out. Melissa's mother suddenly died eight months later, and it broke her heart that they hadn't been able to reconcile their relationship beforehand. And just seven months after that, her other sister also passed away suddenly after a long struggle with her mental and physical health. Melissa waited 12 years before feeling ready to start a family of her own. She experienced infertility and losses but finally had a son. Wishing for the support of her mother, she realized that she was finally allowing herself to grieve her mom's loss for the first time. She had no mentor, and she felt like something was wrong with her and that she didn't have a voice. She had a successful career, but becoming a mother broke her. Melissa took a step back and it occurred to her that she wasn't alone after all. She shifted her work, feeling the passion to encourage her community of fellow moms without moms that motherhood is hard but rewarding, and that mothers can lean on each other to ask questions and find the support they need to believe in themselves. ___________ Melissa Reilly, Psy.D. is a mom of two boys, clinical psychologist, and mom coach passionate about helping moms separated from their mother by physical distance, estrangement, or death, move from feelings of insecurity, isolation, and overwhelm to a place of resilience. Through her personal and professional experience, she has come to recognize that Moms without a mom experience grief as part of their motherhood experience, even if they don’t realize it. The relationship moms have had (or didn’t have) with their mothers impacts how they see themselves but doesn’t define them. She believes it isn’t knowledge and skills that create resilience, but rather it is born through overcoming hardship, having a community, and living by one’s values. Melissa is honored to walk with moms on their journey to becoming the mom they always wanted to be. Her psychological practice, Shoudt & Reilly Psychological Services, serves residents of Berks County, Pennsylvania. She is now expanding her services to include parent coaching, focusing on Moms Without a Mom, which can be accessed by women all over the world through her website.Find Dr. Melissa here: https://www.momswithoutamom.com/ https://www.instagram.com/momswithoutamom/ https://www.facebook.com/Dr.MelissaReilly https://www.tiktok.com/@momswithoutamom Enjoy Being a Mom Again Quick Guide: https://www.momswithoutamom.com/enjoy-motherhood-again-guide Care For Yourself While You Care For Your Baby Guide: https://melissareillypsyd.lpages.co/bonding-with-baby-while-caring-for-yourself-opt-in Schedule a complimentary coaching call: https://MelissaReillyPsyDMomsWithoutAMom.as.me/free-coaching-call ___________I'm your podcast host, Dr. Doreen Downing, and I help people find their voice so they can overcome anxiety, be confident, and speak without fear. Get started now on your journey to your authentic voice by downloading my Free 7 Step Guide to Fearless Speaking: https://www.doreen7steps.com.Support the showI’m Dr. Doreen Downing and I help people find their voice so they can speak without fear. Get the Free 7-Step Guide to Fearless Speaking https://www.doreen7steps.com​.