64: Lacking intimacy? Level up your Relationship with Self Love

What happens if you don't practice self love in a relationship? J.Go breaks down 6 common scenarios and how to show up better for your partner and yourself.    Take the Self Help Quiz + Sign up for J.Go's FREE Self Love Challenge starting on February 14th: https://www.jgofitlife.com/goloveyourself  Connect with Jordan: @JGoFitLife  Learn more about J.Go's signature 12-week Body Confident Blueprint Program:  https://www.jgofitlife.com/bcb    This episode doesn't only apply to romantic relationships: friendships, work relationships, and family relationships are also important places to practice self love.    **If you are in an unhealthy relationship or unsafe relationship - reach out to appropriate help or counselors.  Codependency: - These come with high self sacrifice and the feeling that you're losing yourself. You may start to resent the relationship.  - What to do: Focus on your needs first, be clear on your value, have independent interests and activities outside of that partner. Communicate these needs.  - Make some time for yourself and find an activity that you can do on your own - If your partner is pushing back on you having some personal time, that's a red flag.    Gas Lighting: - If you find yourself questioning your sanity, surround yourself with people that know you. They're going to be honest and level with you, and help you get a better grip on reality.  - Sometimes there's guilt, but know you are worthy of feeling grounded in who you are. - Be grounded in your truth.  - If someone makes you question yourself, see if it's coming from a genuine and loving space, or if it's a form of manipulation and control.    Lack of Boundaries: - If you're feeling spread thin, most likely you're not sticking to your boundaries. - Ask yourself: What do I want to say 'yes' more of to?  - Example: Going outside more, visiting more friends - What do you want to say 'no' to? - What are some boundaries you need? With your partner? With work? With family?   Projecting Insecurities: - When J.Go and Tom were younger, she would look for affirmation from him all the time. - She'd ask "Why are you making me feel this way?" --  mirroring how she was feeling on the inside back at him. -  If you're projecting insecurities, it's important to ask: What are you feeling insecure about? It might not have anything to do with your partner, but maybe a past relationship that's seeping into your current relationship.  - Communicate the insecurities to your partner. Think of action points that they can do that will help you. - Start with affirming yourself, that way you'll be more open to receiving love.  - Give yourself praise and affirmation - Be your biggest hype women - Refocus on what matters   Miscommunication - When miscommunication is coming up - you can take some time with yourself and identity what matters, what you're valuing, and getting more clear on what you really want to communicate - Emotions can get up and take over. They're not bad, but practice communicating them. Ask yourself why you're feeling that way and put it into words to help someone else understand.  - Be open to what the other person is saying without jumping to conclusions or feeling judged. Sometimes we'll get back to projecting emotions, we start to self blame and judge.  - In an argument, understand how each partner works - Identify the disconnect. Take time to see things from other people's perspectives, from a judgment-free space. This may require exiting the situation. - Go on a walk together or alone.   Shitty Sex - Emotional intimacy is crucial for a long-term sustainable sex life.  - Self love perspective: you've got to reconnect with your own body.  - Lots of examples in the "reconnecting with your body" episode https://jgofitlife.libsyn.com/reconnect-with-your-body-part-1-nurture-nature-naked  - Communicate your needs - Explore intimacy and trying new things, it's about baby steps - Quality time that is uninterrupted talk. No phones. No screens during dinner.  - Put something on the calendar for spending time together without screens   How do I know what I need in my self care practice to show myself love? -  Self care has to do with your self love language.  - J.Go has a quiz called The 5 Self Love Language: https://www.jgofitlife.com/selflovequiz  - Go Love Yourself 5 Day Challenge - Help you unlock your love language and find a deeper connection with yourself.  - Starts on Valentines Day - A couple's challenge also - Launching now - sign up, get the introduction email and take the quiz.  https://www.jgofitlife.com/goloveyourself