65: Finding Intimacy In Everyday Life: How To Have Great Sex

Welcome to "65: Finding Intimacy In Everyday Life: How To Have Great Sex," of the "All Things Love and Intimacy," podcast with Katie Ziskind. This episode brings to light how our society doesn't offer sex positive information and debunks culture misinformation and myths about good sex. Common myths about sex include, my partner should know everything that I need to orgasm without me having to speak up, sex should be good every time, that males and females should be ready for sex at the same time, that sex is an obligation or duty in a marriage, that if we don't have good sex then we must be incompatible, ect. You can learn from this episode that great sex doesn't happen by accident as well as important ingredients for mind-blowing sex like emotional security, empathy, adequate foreplay, and a playful environment are. We don't get sex positive education on how to support a female or vulva owner on orgasming first, and have her pleasure prioritized, and we don't get education on how to speak up and have a voice to tell you partner what you like and don't like. Feeling safe in terms of emotional expression is key when it comes to emotional foreplay. Katie Ziskind empowers listeners to share and recognize it is their responsibility to tell their partner what they need to feel aroused, or what they expect sexually. We can't expect a partner to be a mind reader, and speaking up is a part of co-creating sexual excitement. Katie Ziskind offers information on emotional communication as a part of foreplay. She breaks down four parts of sex: 1) emotional foreplay, 2) sexual foreplay, 3) peak such as orgasms, and 4) aftercare. Talking kindly is very essenital for having great sex. Rather than belittling each other, critical, defensive, being snappy, or interrupting each other, think about how gentle, sensitive communication are important ingredients for a great sex life. Having great sex is about creating positive associations with sexual connection, sexual expression, and sexual desire. It means a gentle, slow opening, that supports female sexual pleasure. Emotional safety and playful emotional communication are required long before physical and sexual time together. In terms of sexual foreplay, a vulva owner need 45 to 90 minutes to have circulation and blood flow move into the clitoris area, as well as to shift mentally into her sexual, erotic self. The female pleasure system needs 45 to 90 minutes where as the male pleasure system only needs 4 to 8 minutes. A male partner who jumps right to penetration ends up making sex dull and painful, leading to a cycle of sexual avoidance. Sexual desire heightens for a vulva owner over that 45 to 90 minutes of foreplay. This time for foreplay supports sexual embodiment. Katie Ziskind gives analogies that support understanding of how to support more pleasurable sexual experiences and how to have great sex, rather than get stuck in a cycle of sexual avoidance and sexual disconnection. Sex can be bonding, incredible exciting, and positive experiences, but it means gaining sex education and seeking professional help in many cases to make sex a comfortable, familiar conversation in your marriage. Katie Ziskind is a sex positive, LGBTQIA+, queer affirming relationship coach, certified sex therapy informed professional, and Gottman level two trained marriage specialist. Her mission is to help you feel more comfortable talking about emotional expression, gain emotional intimacy skills, and feel confident talking about your sexual needs, sexual expectations, erotic desires, and fantasies with your partner or partners. Katie Ziskind loves helping couples break cycles of emotional distance and sexual avoidance, and develop emotional connection and rebuild sexual desire and sexual intimacy.  You can build an emotionally secure, loving, playful, and passionate bond and healthy sex life by working with her at WisdomWithinCt.com. This episode is no replacement for seeking professional help.