Welcome to the Small Steps Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Soon. I'm a nutritional therapy practitioner, blogger at Small Eats, author of Not At My Dastalunch, designer, and avid learner. In my nutrition practice, I help you cut through the health and wellness noise to find what works for you.
This podcast is here to educate, inspire, and empower you to grow, try new things, and live a life you truly feel good about one small step at a time. Each episode has small steps that you can try and see how they work for you. You can find all the show notes, small steps, and other episodes at small-eats.com slash podcast. Remember, the materials and content within this podcast are intended as general information only.
They are not to be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. So hello. Welcome back to another episode on the Small Steps Podcast in this episode 68. This is part of the Intention Settings series that is happening all in this month of January if you're listening to this live.
This is part two of five. So if you are just jumping in and you're like, oh cool, this sounds great. I highly recommend that you go back to part one, which is episode 67, so that you can really fully understand what we're talking about here, why we're talking about it, the intention, behind these Intention Settings series, and the context in which to really start, because all these episodes build on top of one another, and overall provide a great context. And we're breaking Intention Settings down into Small Steps.
So it will be helpful if you go back to this episode 67. I heard a lot of great things about the show. Thank you so much for sharing and talking about it on social media if you enjoy the show. I really love reading or if you want iTunes or share it on social media and tag me at small underscore e's so I can know what you're really resonating with with this show.
Like I said earlier, this is part two of five of the Intention Settings series. And this week, no, we are not setting intentions just yet. We are doing a little bit more investigating work because this week we are checking in and looking back for Intention Settings. Also, I want to remind you before we get too deep into the show that each step, each episode of this series comes with some awesome principles that encapsulate all the main questions that we talk about in each show and are a nice place for you to, if you are a writer, print it out and write it down on a piece of paper, or if you are a taper, download it and fill it out in the form.
Very cool. I designed it. I am a designer. So it's going to be really nice to look at.
It's going to function really well. You can get both versions of these in the show notes right now. And you can also go to small-eats.com slash podcast. Click on the show notes from there and get it.
Want to also mention that's a pretty cool part of this series that I don't usually do throughout the show. I don't usually put together cool printables for you. I do ask a lot of questions in the show. And usually it's like, all right, if you really want to do this work, you can go back in the show notes, or you can go listen to it again, write it down.
But I'm trying to take the barriers to entry out of this by creating these really cool printables for you, so that it can become very clear. Is this what you want to do? Is this not what you want to do? Here's a sheet.
Let's make it just not much easier for you. Why we are still doing, basically, prep work for sending intentions. It is so important to get clarity. And clarity doesn't come from just one thing.
There are different areas to look at. And the more that we get clear, the more that we can really create intentions and act upon intentions that really, really work for us and really align for us, and to see how maybe in the past, or to see how we haven't set intentionable in place to actually deeply align with us, how that has worked. Not in a way to shit on that, or to make us feel bad, just connecting the dots more, that we can continue to step away from things that we have been socialized and conditioned in, and that that's OK. And the more that we can see, what we really want, the more that we can look back and be like, oh yeah, those things are there.
That's really not what I wanted. That's not what I want in the first place. So before we get into this, I want to also talk about this idea that I see a lot around intention setting and resolution and stuff, and goal stuff that kind of irks me, and definitely builds on what we're talking about in the show. It's still early January when I'm recording this.
So I still, I'm seeing quite a bit of how to set resolutions, jokes about resolutions that are actually like diet, culture, bullshit about how many people have longed off, and there's still a lot out there. And the thing that I see a lot that really just irks me is the idea that without intentions or resolutions or whatever that we are lost, that we have to set these in order to write ourselves, that there's something deeply wrong with us. And this is why we are setting intentions and why we're setting resolutions because we're trying to make ourselves better, because we are wrong or not acceptable or shameful in a way. There's a lot of shame based in a lot of these things, which I'm like, I'm not here for this fucking shame.
I think that we can set resolutions and intentions and goals without shame. I think we can come from a place of really wanting to align with us and not rooting in shame. And a lot of the stuff that we have done in the past, because of the socializing to us, has been based in shame. And I think there's also this misconception that in order for us to set intentions or goals and move forward, that we have to fucking burn everything down.
I've seen so many things about like, you're not in 2019, you're in 2020, or you're not in the year that you were, or the month that you were, don't look back. Just keep looking forward. And while I understand the importance of looking forward, there is so much knowledge and so much important stuff that happened in the past that is worth looking at. I think there is a depth in which is helpful, and there's a depth to look at which is not helpful, because you might get stuck in looking at certain things, or you might get caught in some unresolved stuff that you haven't really looked at.
That might be better to look at with a professional that is able to also help you and tell you and maybe help you walk out of that if you feel like you get stuck in it, or be able to sit with you so that you can hold that space and feel all the feelings that you need to feel in that space. And the past is really fucking important. Because we learned so many things in the past, whether that was what we wanted to learn or what we thought we needed to learn, or any of those things that we expected, we have learned so many things about ourselves, how we work, how we don't work, what we've done. This whole episode is like, there is some important shit in the past.
We have learned important things, we have done important things. It's worth looking back in order to look forward. So the whole idea that you shouldn't look back, that you should only look forward. I'm like, well, well, there's a lot of nuance in that.
And it's also kind of like skipping over the fact that you've done a bunch of cool stuff, and that you have accomplished and learned a lot of things, whether that was what you wanted or not, and those things are worth looking at and reminding yourself because also, you feel it look back and you just look forward, how you've been remembered all the fucking cool shit that you've done. How are you even remember that you are a badass, and that you have done things, you are a smart person, if you don't look back. I think we often forget that, because again, our society is very like onto the next, onto the next, and a lot of us, especially women, I define people, we haven't really had the space to have time to celebrate and look back and like, yeah, that's right, I am doing this really cool stuff. I'm sure men as well, I'm men or anywhere in between, but I see this commonly in women that we don't give ourselves enough time and space to really give ourselves credit and really take a moment and be like, yeah, I did this stuff and I'm really fucking cool because I did it.
So this episode kind of creates that space for you, so that you're able to really check in, see what you've done within any amount of time, depending on what time you wanna set your intentions, the more you have time, the more you can look back, or maybe you just wanna do a certain period of time, that's totally up to you, you get to choose that. But I think the more that we get to look back and we get to realize the things that we know, the experiences that we've had and the things that have informed us, shaped us, and things that have worked, the more that we can set these intentions and move forward from again, a place that is really, really aligned with us. And also, you know, it gives you a great reminder, like, yeah, you does shit, you know what you're doing. That's the thing that I also don't like about a lot of the personal development self-development world, is that there is definitely this emphasis, and we talk about this in the episode recently, I'll put that in the show notes of, there's this guru culture that people think that they know better than you, and they know what is best for you, only you know what's best for you.
I've said this a few times in podcasts, and if you're a new, you may not have heard it, or maybe you haven't heard me say it in a while, but I'm not the expert on you, you were the expert on you. I'm here either on the podcast, or if you were to ever work with me as a nutritionist, I'm here to hold space and give you some ideas, and give you some suggestions, and maybe point some things out, then maybe you don't know, or give you some extra support, but like, you're doing the work, and you are very capable of knowing what you want. You might need some support to really pull back the curtains, and get really clear and dig down to like, what is the root of you, and not the root of diet culture, or any other systemic oppressions that have been present down on you, but you know what works for you best. So that is what the show is about.
Getting you to know what works best for you, and to really reinforce that, and to continue to unsubscribe from the idea that other people know what's better for you than you, because only you know what's best for you. Also want to give a reminder that, as we reflect and as we check in, I encourage you to give yourself a lot of kindness and compassion for yourself. This, again, is not a process to pour on a bunch of gasoline on a shamed fire, it is a process to help find the most supportive things for you, and some of those things might be kind of sticky. A lot of times I have learned what's the most supportive for me, not hard way, and looking back at some of that stuff isn't always pleasant, and might feel weird, and that's okay.
Know that the feelings of shame, or these uncomfortable feelings, or like, oh my God, I should have done this, they might come up, and that's okay. You don't have to fully subscribe to those feelings, or believe all of those feelings. Know that you did the best that you could, and see what it's telling you, and see maybe is there anything that you can learn from? Is there anything that it really taught you?
Maybe you already know, and maybe revisiting it might be not the best. Also, you get to decide, really, again, like I was just talking about, you get to decide how deep you go, and you get to decide if you don't wanna touch that, that's fine, if you don't be already to touch certain things that maybe imparted some lessons that you know, you don't have to, you get to decide at all times. This all depends on a lot of things, a lot of stuff. Some people, like, it's really not the time, and it's important to respect that in yourself, and there's some people, I've done this a lot.
I say this from experience, where you might be more ready, and there could be some reticence because you're scared, and that's okay, it's okay to be scared, and you get to decide whether you wanna push through that fear, and see what's there, and kind of sit in really uncomfortable shit, and look at stuff, or not. Like, you get to decide. There's no judgment here, I'm not saying that you should do it, or you shouldn't do it, I'm saying that if you feel ready for it, or if you feel what often has happened for me, it's like, I may not feel 100% ready, but I know that what I'm doing right now, you don't wanna do it. So a different discomfort pushes me to sit in another discomfort to figure out what was going on, that I reflect and think of things.
You get to do as much or as little as that as you want, and please give yourself a lot of kindness and compassion, and as always, if this feels a bit too much, you do not have to do this exercise, you do not have to do this whole process, or if you want to talk with someone, a mental health professional, someone that you trust, I also encourage you to do that, that feels the best and most supportive for you. So like last week's show, I've got some questions for you to check in and reflect on, and these are all gonna be in the worksheets that I have that are in the show notes. When you are working on these questions, if you choose to, let yourself write out or talk out if you are a talker rather than being a writer. Let yourself talk out and write out as much as you need to, you definitely do not need to censor yourself here.
If you find yourself wanting to write down something like, no, I don't wanna write that, or like, oh, that doesn't feel right. Just write it out, this is not an exercise in perfection, no one's gonna see this but you. It's not an exercise that comes out, there might be some stuff that's kind of been holding back, and if you let it go, you might be surprised at what you see. So question one is, how did last year go?
So this is assuming that you're looking back at the year, if you need to change the period of time, go for it, but right now I'm saying year, you can change that to whatever time period you would like. So asking this question can feel like a big, giant open door to either everything was so great, and everything was so wonderful, or this like one way ticket to like stop pity town, because a lot of times we have been trained to think about things as all good or all bad, we're only focusing on the good and focusing on the bad, we're just focusing on the bad, not focusing on the bad, not focusing on the good, depending on a lot of things in your life. As much as you can, I would encourage you to write down all of the things, the good stuff, the bad stuff, the in-between stuff, the okay stuff, and give yourself as much compassion for yourself as you can during this process. Your life is filled with all sorts of things, a full range of emotions, feelings, experiences, all the things, and so as much as you can, write down all those things.
And if this feels like, whoa, this is a really fucking big question, like this is a loaded question, I don't know where to start, maybe I'm a little bit overwhelmed, it could be helpful to break it down into some relevant areas of your life. And these will change depending on your life, your situation, what's going on there? Here are some examples that might give you a little bit of a jump start and might apply to you. So you could break it down as how do the last you go in my personal life?
Or maybe my professional life or my career? My relationships, my family, my passion projects, or side hustles if that applies to you, my hobbies, my health, my inner work, my mental health, anything that involves certain communities that you're in, anything else that kind of like gives you a framework to think about what happened in this year. Maybe you've got some major buckets in your life that you know that you're focusing on, maybe involves your kids and you want to talk about that. Whatever you see as like big areas in your life, it's helpful for you to think about it that way.
Like what happens with my relationship with my partner or what happened with my relationship with my children or what happened with my creating this hobby that I have now that I really love. Think about it like that if that is helpful for you. Also, and when I was saying earlier about a period of time, you can set this at whatever period of time that you want. I think it's helpful to think about it as like, if you're thinking about, am I gonna set an intention for the month?
Maybe look at the prior months or maybe look in a few more months. Whatever time period you set to reflect back on, I would do at least something longer than a week so that you have more data to pull from. That would be the best for the intention behind this exercise. So like we'll get at least longer than a week if you want to do a month, if you want to do a quarter, do two years, like whatever works for you, but I would say giving yourself enough data to pull from would be really helpful.
So question two is, what do you want to keep doing? Though this personal development guru world over there tells you that you don't know what you're doing in there or you should hire them. You have been doing a lot of shit that is on various levels, working. You're here, you're alive, you're functioning to some degree, you're doing it.
And we don't need to like, pick on like, quote how well you are doing or how much you feel like you're quote alienate or not. But on a lot of levels, things are going in your way. When we reflect and we decide on what we want to keep doing, that reminds us of like what we feel pretty like, yeah, all right, I've got a good handle on this. Or maybe this is something that you don't need to create intentions around because right now it's doing pretty well, you don't need to focus on it anymore.
Also, it reminds us that we don't, again, get thrown anything out the window, like we don't need to throw the baby out with a pack of water as that popular saying, and we don't need to start from scratch. There's a lot of things that are probably already working but it's a good reminder, like, oh yeah, I am doing well or well enough to my personal satisfaction that I don't need to focus on creating any intentions around this because this is doing fine. Maybe you set something as an intention and now it is a habit. Now it's something that's fully ingrained.
And you're like, okay, cool. I don't need to focus on this anymore. Or maybe I do want to keep focusing on this because it is working and I want to keep focusing on it. Like you get to decide on that.
Other things that you can reflect on what you want to keep doing, you can reflect on habits that you're doing, things that you know work for you. I think that's really, really important to know. Like what's working for you right now? Be really specific on that.
Like what routines work really well for you? What linchpin habits work for you? This is a thing from the, I think the power of how about trials do HIG? If you set this thing up, this thing will happen and therefore you'll do the thing.
So I think the one that's used a lot is if people set their workout clothes by the door, that's one more reason for them to like get out the door. Or knowing that I'm going to set out my clothes before work means that it's going to be easier for me to get out of bed and get out the door. Or I always do something in this particular order in order for this habit to get done. Like some people are like, oh yeah, I brush my teeth in the shower.
So I know I'm going to brush my teeth. Like there are things that you're already doing. Like you already know if I do this thing, near this thing, like habit and pattern clustering. If I do these things together, I know they will get done.
You probably have some of those things in your life. Like whether you're thinking about it or not. Also thinking about like morning and eating your teens or routines that you have in general. Those are all things that might be working for you.
Sometimes routines like kind of wear out their welcome and they may not work anymore. This might be a good time to be like, is this, is this not working? Because we can, routines can become ineffective. You can like run out of like this routine, though it is producing results, is not fucking working for me.
You might feel some resistance around it. So these are all important things to look at. Like what do you want to keep doing? And write all those things down.
This can include anything that you've been doing for your health, mental and physical, and your healing. This can be passions, hobbies, interests, all sorts of things, write down what stuff you want to keep doing. The third question is what do you want to let go of or put down? You want to acknowledge what you want to release in order to make space for the intentions that you want to set.
I talk all the time about the importance of adding things into your life and sometimes like literally to the place that you're eating on. And it's also super important to remember that while we can do a lot of stuff and we are capable of doing a lot of things, we do not have to do everything. In order to create intentions, I think it's also important to let some things go and put some things down. Because also if you do all the fucking things, your chances of burnout can be pretty high.
And I'm saying this from very close experience throughout many times that I've been burned out. You don't need to do it all. Doing it all is not a requirement. If that's an alliance with your values, like cool you do you, but I'm a big proponent of you do not have to do all the things.
I don't think it is necessary to do all the things. And so when you are creating intentions or adding anything into your life, I also think it's important to consider what will you maybe put down, walk away from, step away from so that you can create space for the new things that you're doing. You might think about it as like it's a swap anyway. If letting something go might be like too big.
Like what do you want to swap things out? What are you going to exchange for? I also want to acknowledge that some of these things could be easy to write down and be like, all right, I'm not going to do this. I'm just going to stop doing this.
Maybe this is something that you need in permission. Like when I mentioned routines that don't work for you, maybe like, oh, this thing really hasn't been working for me. And maybe like, oh, I'm just really want to let this go and you feel the sense of relief. And there is stuff that is so much harder to just be like, yep, I'm just going to let this go and walk away from it.
That can be really fucking hard depending on what it is. And also maybe how long you've been carrying it, especially if this is a belief that you have internalized, it can take a lot of time to, you can't just like set it down and walk away from it. It can take a lot of time for it to unfold, unravel, to kind of like find the ends of it. So you can kind of like take it all the way out.
And this might take working with a professional to really help you unravel, unfold it, have space, and healing around that and know that that is okay and definitely a normal part of the process. So I wanted to give some examples because I think there are two different things. Like we said, letting go or putting down. So letting go, I think, is really releasing things that don't work for you.
This could be things can apply to a lot of things. Relationships might be things you might need to end, or just acknowledge that they are not what they are and let them go. Ways of thinking or being, getting rid of physical items that don't resonate with you. This could be clothes or certain sentimental items that might have a lot of hard memories.
Things that you did you no longer do, like maybe they're hobbies that you can be underway from or maybe there were times in your life when you acted differently or sometimes like legit were a different person. Do you need to keep carrying those things and reminding yourself of that? Maybe you do, maybe you don't have to. Events from the past year or beyond if they were big or hard or brought up a lot of feelings or anything that you're like, you know what, I really don't need to carry this thing with me anymore.
And putting things down, this could be a lot of things, but I think that internalized ideas are beliefs or habits that don't work for you or anything that you've been energetically carrying, which is very amorphous and could be a lot of stuff and definitely related to internalized beliefs or ideas. We carry a lot of stuff when you let it go and when you put it down and you start to talk away and you start to do that work, you might feel like you have more energy, you might feel like things feel easier, like could feel like a lot of things. And I think that is a little bit more tricky and amorphous to do and as you do it, you might start to notice it. And the more that you pay attention and the more you're able to pay attention as much as you can, the more that you'll feel it.
Those are the three questions. And this week, I'm also suggesting a ritual to do it, to really cement that this small step process and honor what you're releasing and who you are. I think it's great to have a physical activity to do to really have this moment because a lot of times this stuff can all be very like a lot of brain work. And the more we also do like somatic things like body things and like moving our bodies, the more that we can really fully bring this into all areas of our life and hopefully continue to process that in other ways because we don't just process it or has we process in our body in all our ways as well.
So this is also gonna be in the worksheets in the show. If you do not want to print out the worksheets or you don't have access to print it out, you can also do this on just any blank sheet of paper. If you're doing this on your own sheet of paper and draw a line in the middle of the page, it doesn't matter whether it's portrait or landscape, whatever works for you. On one half of the paper, write out this year or whatever time period you chose, I and write something that you accomplished and that you did and that you're proud of.
And then after that, write I am and write out the quality that you admire about yourself that you buy this year or something that you're proud of or anything, something that is affirming and supportive and reminds you that you are a fucking badass. And on the other half of the sheet, write out I am releasing or putting down and write down the things you would like to release or put down. There's gonna be one thing, there's gonna be several things that's making this call to you. Thank you for what you've taught me.
So you and me like, what the fuck? Why are we thinking this? This was painful and hard and yes, I'm not trying to bypass that at all. And it's also important to thank it because these things did help us at one time in our life.
I do want to acknowledge that there could be things that you might not want to thank and that's totally fine. If you don't want to think so, it's cool. Like if you're releasing like a super toxic relationship and well, I don't know. It depends, it depends on what you are releasing and writing down.
If you feel like this thing is too close and you don't want to think it, cool, don't fucking think it. And I think that there is something, if it's not as emotionally charged right now, I think it's important to think it because it did help us serve us, teach us something that's worth acknowledging. And also I think if we think it and acknowledge that it was a thing and that we learned from it and that there is some Iota of positive things in there, not in the way that again bypasses it, we can hopefully lower the shame and hate around this thing depending on what it is. And again, if the thing that you're releasing is something that feels too sticky or too emotional or too charged or if thinking it feels like, you know what fuck you, you don't have to think it.
But if you feel like you are in a place or you're not in that really heated place, consider thinking it because it has taught you something. Maybe if it's a pattern, it has protected you from at one point has kept you going to some point. And again, depending on what it is, that might not resonate, that's totally fine. Once you've written those things out, cut the paper in half or fold it and tear it by the line that you drew.
Keep the first half, which is the things that are the accomplishments or the things you did that you're really proud of, the qualities that you admire about yourself. Keep that and put it somewhere that you can see it or somewhere that you know that it will be acknowledged all the time that you'll have that division of sight. The second half, the one that you're releasing, here's the fun part, destroy it. A fucking serious, destroy it in any way that feels cathartic and meaningful for you.
If you have a shredder, shut it up. If you wanna tear it up, go for it. If you wanna send it on fire in a safe area that you will not burn anything else because I had done that. I was trying to like release a bunch of terrible thoughts I had, and I was gonna burn it and I burned it in a metal bowl.
Forgot that our floor was linoleum, high quality and fucking burn a circle into the floor. So don't do what I did. Make sure that you have your burning something in a fire safe ball and I'm putting it in a place that won't also catch the floor or melt something. Please don't do that, but whatever it is, safe for you to set a fire in that rest of the way with you, set it on fire and you can safely just close with it if you just wanna wad it up and throw it in the trash if you want to bury it.
If you wanna do something in any other way, that doesn't litter because the other things don't grow. Do that, destroy it in any way, just fully close that ritual and just let those things go by fucking destroying it. And I think after you destroy that, give yourself a moment, take a deep breath, really feel it and after you destroy it, just really feel it as much as you can, just leave you. Depending on what it is, it might be something that takes more time to leave and to move fully on for you to fully let go of it, that's okay.
And this could be a helpful way to help you move through you. Small steps on this show reflect on those three questions in a way that resonates with you. That means you do the worksheets, running out yourself, talking about it, do the recognition and release ritual and give yourself lots of kindness and compassion as you work through this. This might be easier for you, this might be hard for you.
This might be somewhere in between me, that is okay. That does not mean you are fucking it up, you are doing it wrong, you are doing it exactly in the way that works for you and any feelings that come up are totally okay about. That is the thing for this week, we are reflecting, we are writing shit out, we are looking back, we're checking in on how we've done things, we are letting things go and we are giving ourselves a lot of kindness and compassion. Next week we are again, are gonna build on the show because all of these build up for the rest of the month.
So that will be that. And then again, if you are looking for the interview shows and you've listened this far, cool, thank you. Though we're gonna come back in February, but for the rest of January, we're gonna continue to build on these intentions, you're gonna keep getting vision printables and we're gonna keep doing small steps one after the other. If you like what we are doing here, if you have any suggestions, if you have any ideas, if you're like, hey, actually that thing you suggested was not the right thing, please let me know.
I would love to hear your feedback if you wanna share some social media, if you wanna share anything that you've been thinking through remaining on, please let me know, you know what if I'm me, add some on to what you eat on Instagram, email, and that is it for this week. Remember, you can do this once we'll stop at it.