68. The Biggest Myth in Horse Training: Dominance

What does it really mean to be a leader for your horse?For decades, riders have been taught that safety depends on being the “boss”—that horses need a dominant leader who controls every situation. But is that how horses actually live?In this episode of The Thinking Horse and Rider, I sit down with Kim Hallin of Unbridled LLC, author of Horse Wisdom, to explore what horse ethology tells us about leadership, dominance, and the complex social lives of horses. Together, we discuss why wild horse herds don’t operate the way many of us were taught, how fear and control have shaped traditional horsemanship, and what we can learn by observing horses with curiosity instead of judgment.We also explore how our relationships with horses often mirror our relationships with ourselves and others, why autonomy and emotional regulation matter, and how true leadership is built on trust, clarity, and connection—not force.If you’ve ever questioned the advice to “show your horse who’s boss,” this conversation will challenge you to think differently about partnership, leadership, and what horses have been trying to teach us all along.In this episode you’ll learn:• Why dominance theory doesn’t accurately describe horse society• How wild horses share leadership and adapt to changing situations• The difference between leadership and control• How fear influences both riders and training methods• What horses can teach us about relationships, community, and living with greater awarenessChapters and Timestamps00:00 Welcome Kim Hallin of Unbridled01:05 What “Unbridled” Really Means03:10 Horses, Humans, and Domesticated Beliefs05:35 Are Humans Still Learning From Nature?08:20 Where Dominance Theory May Have Started10:15 Why Horse Herds Aren’t Dominance Hierarchies13:35 Resource Guarding vs True Leadership16:20 Why Riders Cling to Control19:10 Fear, Trauma, and “Get Back On” Culture23:40 When Riding Stops Feeling Joyful27:30 How Fear Affects Horse and Rider Safety30:45 Are We Rebranding Control as Leadership?34:10 Boss vs Leader in Horse-Human Relationships37:30 What Wild Horses Teach About Cooperation41:05 Why Force Is Rare in Natural Herds44:15 Stallions, Fighting, and Misunderstood Behavior48:20 What Changes When Horses Aren’t Confined51:10 Scarcity, Hay Piles, and Domestic Herd Stress54:35 Shiloh the Mustang and Herd Education59:45 What Young Stallions Actually Need to Learn1:04:20 The Myth of the Alpha Mare1:07:15 How Herds Help Raise Foals1:11:10 Why Autonomy Matters for Horses1:14:25 Micromanagement and Learned Helplessness1:18:40 Naming Hard Truths Without Shame1:21:15 10-Minute Experiment: Watch Spinal Alignment1:26:30 Kim’s Retreats and Online Community1:30:10 Horse Wisdom, Ownership, and Consent1:34:45 Holding Complexity Without Getting TriggeredTo learn more about Kim Hallin’s work, visit  kimhallin.com⁠, where you’ll find information about her immersive retreats, online courses, membership community, and her book, Horse Wisdom: Life Lessons for Humanity. Kim also shares thoughtful essays exploring horse behavior, relationships, and the wisdom of nature through her Substack, My Unbridled Life. Whether you’re looking to deepen your understanding of horse ethology or explore the parallels between horses and human relationships, her work offers a unique and thought-provoking perspective.  Get the FREE Awareness workshop www.equusenlightened.comFind me on social media as @equusenlightened.  Join the Horse and Rider Lab on Skool. It’s free! https://www.skool.com/equus-enlightened-8966/aboutWatch on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@equusenlightenedRead blogs or find more links @ https://linktr.ee/equusenlightenedFind out more about Reconnect, Rebuild, and Ride with Heart https://equusenlightened.com/reconnect-rebuild-horse-human-partnership Email me at [email protected] Riding!