73: ADHD & Shame-Based Behavior with Ashley Gobeil

Does your child show behaviors like envy, anger, anxiety, sadness, depression, loneliness, isolation, or even avoidance? Does your child have lower self-esteem and negative self-talk? If so, you definitely want to tune in to today's episode. My guest, Ashley Gobeil, is no stranger to frequent listeners of the Soaring Child podcast, and we are excited once again to welcome her back. Ashley is a highly experienced therapist. She has a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology, a Masters in Social Health & Counseling, and a Masters of Social Work Qualifying. She has also completed a range of certifications on family therapy, developmental trauma, attachment theory, and more.  Ashley works in a variety of contexts including childcare, schools, child and adolescent mental health, domestic and family violence, family divorce, and childhood trauma. She has specific experience with children who have been given the diagnoses of ADHD, ODD and learning difficulties. She also shares her knowledge with other professionals in the sector by running a variety of educational training programs. Ashley joins the show today to talk about the connection between shame and ADHD and to help parents learn how to navigate the delicate balance between correcting behavior while also accepting a child for who they are and building up their self-esteem.    Here are the links mentioned in the episode:  Facebook Live Training with Ashley Gobeil - https://www.facebook.com/groups/AdhdAnxietyParentSupport/posts/1714596859061138/  Grab our ADHD-specific parenting online course for 50% off through Sep 15, 2023 - https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parenting-adhd *Coupon Code: DANA50 Downloadable tips to build self esteem in children: https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/opt-in-free-resource-self-esteem-4-kids    Key Takeaways: [2:41] The connection between shame & ADHD [4:50] Signs that indicate children are experiencing deep shame [5:07] The Shield of Shame [10:08] How parents can help kids who are experiencing shame [16:51] What to do when kids escalate or get angry when parents try to hold space for strong feelings [24:34] What parents can do to improve self-esteem & help kids who are experiencing shame [27:07] Why it's important to not use praise too much [29:09] The Love Languages [33:17] Key topics covered inside the ADHD Thrive Jumpstart 4 Parenting Program [35:55] Final tips for parents to help kids experiencing shame   Memorable Moments: "When we say 'shame,' it's their negative self-talk, and it seems to be very common with ADHD." "By the age of 10, kids with ADHD have received 20,000 more negative messages than their peers." "There seems to be quite a strong relationship between shame and ADHD that develops over time." "The feeling of shame is different from guilt. Guilt is, 'I've done something wrong. My behavior was wrong.' Whereas, shame is, 'I'm bad.'" "There's 4 categories of behavior that sit on that shield (of shame): minimizing…blame…denying…and rage." "We want to just accept where they're at, in that moment, without wanting to move them too quickly into reassurance." "When that child is experiencing shame, they really need to experience us as holding the space for them to experience that." "Vulnerability and shame…they sit together." "Some children, in particular where there has been a developed sense of shame or poor sense of self or lower self-esteem, receiving help can be pretty tricky as well." "You absolutely can support your child to develop a more positive sense of self." "We can shift their trajectory. It doesn't mean they're going to be struggling forever. We can support them to develop a more positive view…of who they are."     How to Connect with Ashley Gobeil Follow Ashley on Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/ashleychildtherapies/  Jumpstart for Parenting program: https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parenting-adhd (Use code DANA50 for 50% off now through Sep 15th)    Dana Kay Resources:   Website: https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ADHDThriveInstitute/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adhdthriveinstitute/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDThriveInstitute  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/adhd-thrive-institute/mycompany/  Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/adhdthriveinstitute/  Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adhd_thriveinstitute    International Best Selling Book, Thriving with ADHD – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/book/    Free Reduce ADHD Symptoms Naturally Masterclass - https://bit.ly/3GAbFQl    ADHD Parenting Course – https://info.adhdthriveinstitute.com/parenting-adhd - Coupon code for 50% off through Sep 15, 2023 DANA50 ADHD Thrive Method 4 Kids Program – https://adhdthriveinstitute.com/packages/