76: *5 Stages* How to Heal & Rewire After a BREAKUP (when you have an Anxious Attachment) episode artwork

EPISODE · Aug 26, 2025 · 22 MIN

76: *5 Stages* How to Heal & Rewire After a BREAKUP (when you have an Anxious Attachment)

from The Anxious To Secure PODCAST · host Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach

This episode is for you if you’re in the breakup loops and trying to heal and move through it. You said you were DONE. You swore you wouldn’t reach out again. But now you're spiraling. Checking their last seen. Reading old messages. Feeling that sick ache in your chest like you need them back just to feel okay.   When you have anxious attachment, a breakup doesn’t feel like “losing a relationship.” It feels like rejection, abandonment, like you're being erased. And your brain goes straight into panic mode.   In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 5 stages of healing after a breakup for the anxious type  and WHY each one feels so overwhelming.   We’ll start with the protest phase.. where you might beg, bargain, chase, or act like “you’re fine” when you’re actually falling apart. Then comes obsession + craving: where your nervous system feels addicted, and you can’t stop analyzing or fantasizing. Next is the shame spiral: that voice in your head saying “It’s because I wasn’t enough.” Then the grief + loneliness: that deep pain when the distractions wear off and the reality hits. And finally: the rewiring phase where you stop chasing a person and start repairing your inner safety. I’ll also show you where you might be getting stuck  like looping in the fantasy, hoping they’ll come back and finally give you what they never did. Or mistaking anxiety for intuition. Or trying to “heal” while secretly waiting for a text. This isn’t about pretending you're over it. This is about understanding what’s happening in your body, in your attachment system, so you can stop abandoning yourself to stop the pain.   You don’t need to be perfect to heal. You just need the right map  Let’s walk through it together... step by step.    Listen now & start breaking the cycle to rewire and heal from a breakup. Or watch on youtube and leave me comments, I love to be there for you xx   CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Breakup Healing and Anxious Attachment 02:45 Stage 1: Shock & Panic Mode = Denial 04:47 Stage 2 : Anger & Shame = the ANGER STAGE 08:27 Stage 3: Bargaining, Craving & Obsession = Bargaining 13:51 Stage 4: Loneliness & Identity Collapse = Depression 16:02 Relationship Coaching if you like support 16:40 Stage 5: Integration & Secure Rewiring = Acceptance 20:52 Final Reminders that heal it ALL   Want more support? ➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤 (daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk   ➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤 (2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription   ➞ SHOP: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop   COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money) ➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse   ➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety     Grab more FREE resources: ALL: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach Like…. Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety ✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)       DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

This episode is for you if you’re in the breakup loops and trying to heal and move through it.You said you were DONE. You swore you wouldn’t reach out again. But now you're spiraling. Checking their last seen. Reading old messages.Feeling that sick ache in your chest like you need them back just to feel okay.   When you have anxious attachment, a breakup doesn’t feel like “losing a relationship.”It feels like rejection, abandonment, like you're being erased.And your brain goes straight into panic mode.   In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 5 stages of healing after a breakup for the anxious type and WHY each one feels so overwhelming.   We’ll start with the protest phase.. where you might beg, bargain, chase, or act like “you’re fine” when you’re actually falling apart. Then comes obsession + craving: where your nervous system feels addicted, and you can’t stop analyzing or fantasizing. Next is the shame spiral: that voice in your head saying “It’s because I wasn’t enough.”Then the grief + loneliness: that deep pain when the distractions wear off and the reality hits. And finally: the rewiring phase where you stop chasing a person and start repairing your inner safety. I’ll also show you where you might be getting stuck  like looping in the fantasy, hoping they’ll come back and finally give you what they never did.Or mistaking anxiety for intuition.Or trying to “heal” while secretly waiting for a text. This isn’t about pretending you're over it.This is about understanding what’s happening in your body, in your attachment system, so you can stop abandoning yourself to stop the pain.   You don’t need to be perfect to heal.You just need the right map Let’s walk through it together... step by step.    Listen now & start breaking the cycle to rewire and heal from a breakup. Or watch on youtube and leave me comments, I love to be there for you xx   CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Breakup Healing and Anxious Attachment02:45 Stage 1: Shock & Panic Mode = Denial04:47 Stage 2 : Anger & Shame = the ANGER STAGE08:27 Stage 3: Bargaining, Craving & Obsession = Bargaining13:51 Stage 4: Loneliness & Identity Collapse = Depression16:02 Relationship Coaching if you like support16:40 Stage 5: Integration & Secure Rewiring = Acceptance20:52 Final Reminders that heal it ALL   Want more support? ➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤 (daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk   ➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤 (2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription   ➞ SHOP: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop   COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money) ➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse   ➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety     Grab more FREE resources: ALL: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach Like…. Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety ✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)       DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.   Remember: Change in your relatio

NOW PLAYING

76: *5 Stages* How to Heal & Rewire After a BREAKUP (when you have an Anxious Attachment)

0:00 22:25

No transcript for this episode yet

We transcribe on demand. Request one and we'll notify you when it's ready — usually under 10 minutes.

No similar episodes found.

No similar podcasts found.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long is this episode of The Anxious To Secure PODCAST?

This episode is 22 minutes long.

When was this The Anxious To Secure PODCAST episode published?

This episode was published on August 26, 2025.

What is this episode about?

This episode is for you if you’re in the breakup loops and trying to heal and move through it. You said you were DONE. You swore you wouldn’t reach out again. But now you're spiraling. Checking their last seen. Reading old messages. Feeling that...

Is there a transcript available for this episode?

Yes, a full transcript is available for this episode. You can read the complete transcript on the episode page.

Can I download this The Anxious To Secure PODCAST episode?

Yes, you can download this episode by clicking the download button on the episode player, or subscribe to the podcast in your preferred podcast app for automatic downloads.
URL copied to clipboard!