769: How to Connect Better with Remote Colleagues, with Charles Duhigg

Charles Duhigg: Supercommunicators Charles Duhigg is a Pulitzer Prize–winning investigative journalist and the author of The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better. He is a winner of the National Academies of Sciences, National Journalism, and George Polk awards. He writes for The New Yorker and other publications and is the author of Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection (Amazon, Bookshop)*. A lot of us grew up in a world where most of our relationships started in person. That means many of us are beautifully equipped for a world that no longer exists. In this conversation, Charles and I discuss how to get better at connecting in a remote-first world. Key Points When the telephone first became popular, people had to learn how to communicate with it. We’re at a similar inflection point with digital communication. We all have three kinds of conversations: (1) What’s this really about? (practical/decision-making), (2) How do we feel? (emotional), and (3) Who are we? (identity). Many of us tend to default to practical/decision-making conversations online and miss conversations about emotion and identity. Ask questions that invite an emotional or identity response. Instead of, “Where do you live?” consider a shift like, “What do you love about where you live?” Notice when people bring elements into a conversation that aren’t related to the topic. These clues, especially online, can point to entry points for emotional connection. Supercommunicators pay just a bit more attention to how people communicate than the rest of us. A slight shift can make a big difference. Resources Mentioned Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg (Amazon, Bookshop)* Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes The Way to Get People Talking, with Andrew Warner (episode 560) How to Lead Engaging Meetings, with Jess Britt (episode 721) How to Show Up Authentically in Tough Situations, with Andrew Brodsky (episode 727) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.