EPISODE · Aug 28, 2025 · 12 MIN
77: (5 hidden) LIES driving your relationship anxiety (Part 02) Cognitive Distortions
from The Anxious To Secure PODCAST · host Jula - The Anxious To Secure Coach
Ever catch yourself thinking… “Did I do something wrong?” “They’re pulling away... what if they’re losing interest?” “This relationship feels OFF, but I don’t know why.” You’re not “too much.” You’re not dramatic. You might just be stuck in cognitive distortions...sneaky thought patterns that fuel anxious attachment and make you feel unsafe in love In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 5 most common cognitive distortions that mess with your brain and your heart when you’re dating or in a relationship.. especially if you feel hyper-aware, sensitive, or constantly looking for signs something’s wrong. We’ll explore: Personalization... Why you blame yourself when they get distant Negative Filtering... Why your brain zooms in on the “bad parts” and ignores what’s going well Control Fallacy.. That exhausting feeling of needing to fix everything All-or-Nothing Thinking.. The belief that one mistake means the whole thing’s doomed Fortune Telling.. Why you assume the worst is coming, before it even happens These mental habits can make you feel like you’re always on edge… reading between the lines… overthinking texts… bracing for the moment they leave But once you see these patterns...you can start challenging them And when you shift your thoughts, your nervous system starts to settle This is how you rewire anxious attachment from the inside out. Which one of these distortions hits hardest for you? CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Cognitive Distortions in Your Relationship 01:16 01 Personalization 02:03 02 Negative Filtering 02:52 03 Control Fallacy 03:58 P.S. Have you tried therapy but still feeling anxious? 05:16 Coaching vs Therapy 09:23 04 All-or-Nothing Thinking 10:26 05 Fortune Telling Want more support? ➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤 (daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk ➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤 (2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription ➞ SHOP: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop COURSES 👩🏻💻📓✍🏻(for little money) ➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse ➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety Grab more FREE resources: ALL: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach Like…. Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety ✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner) DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns. Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
What this episode covers
Ever catch yourself thinking…“Did I do something wrong?”“They’re pulling away... what if they’re losing interest?”“This relationship feels OFF, but I don’t know why.” You’re not “too much.” You’re not dramatic.You might just be stuck in cognitive distortions...sneaky thought patterns that fuel anxious attachment and make you feel unsafe in love In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 5 most common cognitive distortions that mess with your brain and your heart when you’re dating or in a relationship.. especially if you feel hyper-aware, sensitive, or constantly looking for signs something’s wrong. We’ll explore:Personalization... Why you blame yourself when they get distantNegative Filtering... Why your brain zooms in on the “bad parts” and ignores what’s going wellControl Fallacy.. That exhausting feeling of needing to fix everythingAll-or-Nothing Thinking.. The belief that one mistake means the whole thing’s doomedFortune Telling.. Why you assume the worst is coming, before it even happens These mental habits can make you feel like you’re always on edge… reading between the lines… overthinking texts… bracing for the moment they leave But once you see these patterns...you can start challenging them And when you shift your thoughts, your nervous system starts to settle This is how you rewire anxious attachment from the inside out. Which one of these distortions hits hardest for you? CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Cognitive Distortions in Your Relationship01:16 01 Personalization02:03 02 Negative Filtering02:52 03 Control Fallacy03:58 P.S. Have you tried therapy but still feeling anxious?05:16 Coaching vs Therapy09:23 04 All-or-Nothing Thinking10:26 05 Fortune Telling Want more support? ➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤 (daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk ➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤 (2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription ➞ SHOP: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop COURSES 👩🏻💻📓✍🏻(for little money) ➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse ➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?) https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety Grab more FREE resources: ALL: https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach Like…. Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety ✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner) DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns. Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
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77: (5 hidden) LIES driving your relationship anxiety (Part 02) Cognitive Distortions
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