8: This One's a Quick One, Man

What else is there to say that hasn't already been said? I suppose someone's said that one before. But you know what no one, not a single living soul, has ever uttered even a single time in their entire life? "I genuinely believe that Ranch predates Cool Ranch by even a microsecond, and no amount of evidence will ever suffice to convince me otherwise." I guarantee you that no one has, or ever will, allow this sequence of words to leave their lips. For fear of the calamitous repercussions, to be sure.