It's episode 80, and today I'm talking about having presence. What's that, right? If you've heard of the psychologist Amy Cuddy, you might be familiar with this term, but everyone needs a refresher, right? And if you haven't heard of her, stay tuned for the lowdown.
I'm going to define the concept of presence for you. I'm going to talk about when we might want to most channel our own sense of presence. We're going to talk body language and how it impacts how we are perceived by others, and then some of the simple ways we can hack our own body language to feel more powerful. I'm going to go a little deeper and talk about the importance of recognizing triggers in situations where you may not feel your usual sense of confidence.
And I'm going to wrap up with some personal examples here and how I have consciously applied the concept of presence to make sure that I show up as my best self in certain situations. I use this stuff myself. So stay tuned for a discussion on how you can show up and be the most confident and powerful version of yourself. Welcome to Here to Thrive.
I'm your host, Kate Snowwise. This is a podcast for people who are ready to step up and live a happier life. It's for those of us who are dedicated to understanding ourselves and getting the best that we can out of this thing called life. It's a mix of psychology and modern spiritual thought, always with a focus on practical advice so that you can take it back and apply it to your own life.
I don't believe we're here to merely survive. I truly believe we're here to thrive. So let's get going. So I thought it was about time that I really go a little bit deeper on this concept of presence on the podcast.
And I was chuckling to myself because this has literally come up three separate times this week for me in conversations with other people. And when stuff like that happens, I take it as a little tap on my shoulder from the universe that I should talk to you about it. So here I am talking about presence as I kind of have been for half the week already. As a side note, one of the conversations that it did come up with this week was with next week's guest, April, who is a social psychologist.
And that conversation is super powerful. We're talking all about how we can get out of our own ways and live our lives to the fullest. So there's an Amy Cuddy snippet in that one. But subscribe now so you don't miss that.
That's the guest interview next week. But presence, what is it? I consider presence to be how you show up in the world. I think it's really closely tied to how you carry yourself.
And one of the most important parts of this definition is that it is a social construct. It's something that we experience in social settings. We instinctively know if someone else has presence. You know those people that just sort of have that air of confidence about them, that they seem to just own it.
That is presence. Now, the queen of presence, as I've mentioned already, is a Harvard social psychologist called Amy Cuddy. Now, she herself says that this is not charisma. Presence is not about being a charmer or being outgoing or an extrovert, but it is about bringing your inner power out.
It's about bringing your best self or, as she says, your boldest self out when it matters. It's showing up and being that inner Wonder Woman. By the way, I loved that movie. Have you seen that?
If you haven't, go and check out Wonder Woman. I felt like a superhero myself after watching it. Well, I kind of wanted to be her, but still, with watching. So when might we want to call on our own sense of presence?
When is this going to be useful in our lives? As I mentioned, it's a social construct. So presence is something we ultimately experience in social situations when we're around other people. So you'll likely want to call on it when you're in a situation where you want to be taken seriously by others or perceived well.
When you might be feeling like you're going to be judged and you want to put your best foot forward. You can probably immediately think of many situations where you might want to bring your best self out. It could be a job interview. It could be when you're talking to your boss.
It could be when you're doing a presentation at work or perhaps when you're meeting new people. When you're going into any sort of social situation that makes you feel a little nervous or uncomfortable, I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who would say that has never happened to them. Most of us feel uncomfortable in certain social situations. Just listening to this podcast, introducing you to this idea, I don't doubt that you'll start to recognize so many places in your own life where you could start to apply it.
There are other elements to presence, but Amy Cady's research really does focus on the body language element. She did study the biochemistry in the brain that can be altered by our body language and how we move our bodies. I'm going to keep it super simple and talk about the findings of hers that link up perfectly with what I believe we all know to be instinctively true. So whether that's got the scientific backing or not, I think you'd be hard-pressed to argue that stuff.
And that is that when we feel confident, we literally walk tall. We put our shoulders back and we hold our heads up high. If I asked you to picture a person who was confident, that is how you would see them, standing tall, shoulders back. It's that I got this kind of attitude, right?
So the flip is also true. When we feel weak or powerless or unsure, we usually do the complete opposite. We close in on ourselves. We slump our shoulders.
We may scuff our feet. We literally keep ourselves small. Can you think of a time when you've done that? Felt small and literally became small?
So here's the important bit. We can hack our body positions. We can hack our body language to feel more powerful. If we change what we're doing with our body intentionally, we can start to change the way we feel and are perceived by others.
Brilliant. And when you feel nervous or uncomfortable in a situation, if you can stay aware enough to notice that, you'll likely see that your natural tendency is that you will want to slump in on yourself. But if you can recognize that one, you're feeling nervous and two, that you want to make yourself smaller, you can override your body's natural desire to do that and purposely hold your shoulders back. You can stand tall.
Now, you may remember that Amy Cuddy suggests standing in a Superman pose. I'm going to call it a Wonder Woman pose for two minutes in the bathroom before important events. I can remember hearing that before I knew much about her and her research and chuckling to myself. But right, we can all do that.
We can all sneak off to the bathroom and stand there, power posing in a cubicle. No one's watching. But I would say, do what works for you. The important thing is that one, as I mentioned, you have to catch yourself feeling uncomfortable first.
You have to recognize when you're in the moment what you are doing, because if you can't recognize it when you're in the situation, you don't have the power to push the override button. You don't have the power to consciously change your body position. So being self-aware, that first point is crucial to whether or not you can execute on Amy Cuddy's ideas around changing body language. And one of the ways I have found that I have been so much more self-aware, and I would encourage you to do this exercise, is to make a note of all of the situations that you know trigger you.
What are the situations where you know you feel nervous, and your natural reaction is to pull back and hide out? Literally, if you're a journaler, make a little list in your journal. If you're not, I encourage you when you get to work, or maybe tomorrow, to make a little list of all of the situations that really undermine your sense of confidence. The reason I want you to do that is, if you make a list of them, you're going to be so much better at being aware when you're going into that situation next time.
I use myself as an example. I know that big social events, where I know very few people, make me outrageously uncomfortable. A networking event just makes me want to curl up and ball in the corner and literally disappear. I just, ugh.
I'm actually a lot shyer than people think. I'm very warm and outgoing. As soon as I've kind of got over that initial hump with people, which can sometimes happen quickly, but even going into new people's homes for the first time, if it's a one-on-one-ish type scenario, can really make me want to shrink. So knowing that these two situations trigger me before I am actually in them gives me a chance to empower myself in advance.
I can literally psych myself up and remember my tactics of shoulders back, head high, before I am in the situation, which makes it that much easier to apply when I get there and I'm overcome by the emotion of it all. Because that's the reality. When you are in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, the emotions are running super high and it can kind of make you feel a little mind foggy. So I get a step up on my anxiety.
I get a step up on my nerves and it's just like, execute the plan. A couple of months back, I went to an event where I literally knew no one. It was a make-me-ness worse. It had been snowing in Minneapolis and I got there late, which is an extra awesome trigger, right?
Now, I know everyone is looking at me and they probably weren't, but that's what my mind is telling me as I slipped in and sat down right at the back. And I noticed that when I sat in my seat, I immediately crossed my legs and crossed my arms across my body. Now, imagine that posture for a second. Legs crossed, arms crossed, shoulders immediately come down and I am literally wrapping in on myself like a snake.
As soon as I noticed it, I very intentionally, and I'm not saying it felt easy or comfortable, but I very intentionally did the opposite. I uncrossed my legs and sat with both feet on the floor and I uncrossed my arms and pulled them back so that I was sitting with them just locked behind my seat, which caused me to have very open body language. I was saying it to my body, I am not threatened, I am okay, and I immediately started to feel more relaxed and more powerful in the situation. I immediately started to feel like I was in control here.
I was channeling my power. So just a little example about how I apply this stuff to my own life. I'm not really Wonder Woman, although I like to pretend I am some days, but we all should do that. But that was just a little introduction to the idea of presence.
I would really encourage you, if you have been fascinated by this discussion, to read Amy Cuddy's book, Presence, or you can get it on Audible, the Audible version as well. It is a great read. She also has a TED Talk, which is one of the most watchable time, I believe, where she discusses her experience with imposter syndrome and some of this research on presence. But this really is a try it for yourself and see what you think kind of recommendation.
This is really one you have to apply and watch yourself. Watch how you feel. But if you can override your automatic functioning to make yourself feel that tiniest bit more confident or potentially a whole heap more confident and powerful in situations where it matters, why wouldn't you want to give it a go? I've found that by really being aware of my trigger situations in advance, I am that much better at being able to psychologically prepare for them and psych myself up with these tips and tricks I've shared here.
As Amy Cuddy would say, that will allow you to bring your best and bolder self to the game when it matters the most. Put your best foot forward. It's one of those cliches for a reason. You are wonderful.
I have had so much feedback in the last couple of weeks after saying how much I appreciate it on one of these episodes. So thank you for that. If you have a spare moment and you're enjoying the podcast, it would mean so much if you could leave a review. If you're listening on iTunes, they have made it a whole heap easier in the new app.
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