#84: Why Is It So Hard To Ask For Help?

Send us Fan MailLinkedInInfluential Women VerifiedWhy asking for help is so hard—and why sometimes the first step isn't getting better. It's being met where you are.What happens when you're doing everything you're supposed to do—and you still don't feel better?This summer, I worked with a 12-year-old boy I'll call Max.He started making changes almost immediately: drinking more water, exercising, improving his sleep, reducing screen time, changing his morning routine, and paying attention to his self-talk and beliefs.And at first, it worked.He felt better.Then he crashed.And eventually he said:“None of this is working.”That moment taught me something important.Getting better isn't always a straight line.And sometimes, when we become so focused on feeling better, we accidentally start believing that having a bad day means we're failing.Max needed something different.He needed to be met where he actually was.Not told to “think positive.”Not given another list of things he was doing wrong.Not pushed to pretend he was okay.He needed someone to acknowledge where he was and hold out a hand.And that's where this episode begins.Because asking for help is hard.For children.For teenagers.For parents.For successful adults.For people in the workplace.For people who are used to being the ones everyone else depends on.Sometimes we're afraid we'll look weak.Sometimes we're embarrassed.Sometimes we don't even know what kind of help we need.Sometimes we're afraid we'll be misunderstood.And sometimes we've asked for help before—and received advice instead.But what if we changed the way we think about help?What if asking for help wasn't failure?What if knowing when you need another person was actually a form of strength, self-awareness and problem-solving?And what if we focused not only on becoming better at asking for help—but on becoming people who are safe to ask?In this episode, we explore:Why asking for help can feel like failureWhy children and teenagers may hide what they're experiencingThe role of stigma, embarrassment and self-relianceWhy people may fear being misunderstoodWhy “help” and “advice” aren't always the same thingHow parents can make it safer for children to speak honestlyWhy getting better isn't always linearWhy adults often hide workplace stress until they're burned outHow loneliness and connection affect our well-beingHow to ask for help earlierHow to become someone other people feel safe askingThe connection between human interaction, synchronization and the energy we bring to one anotherFive practical ways to notice, ask, listen and connectSeptember is National Suicide Prevention Month, making this an especially important time to have conversations about connection, support and asking for help.But this episode isn't about sitting in the problem.It's about what we can do.Notice.Ask.Listen.Connect.Reach out.And remember:You don't have to climb out of the well before someone is allowed to reach a hand down.If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress, having suicidal thoughts, or you're worried about someone else, call or text 988 in the United States for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.RESOURCE NOTE FOR THE EPISODEIf you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress, having suicidal thoughts, or you're worried about someone else, in the United States you can call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You do not have to wait until a situation becomes an emergency to reach out.If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.Research referenced: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; World Health Organization; peer-reviewed research on adolescent help-seeking and interpersonal synchrony.Thank you for joining me!If this episode resonates, please share it with a friend who needs a little inspiration today!