86. Get Your Hopes Up and Stop Bracing for Disappointment in Midlife

Have you ever thought about how often you say or think the phrase, "don't get your hopes up"? In midlife, dealing with career pivots, aging parents, and changing bodies, we often use this concept as a shield to protect ourselves. But what if lowering your expectations actually hurts you more?  In this episode, I dive into why "don't get your hopes up" is one of my least favorite phrases and why it's time to start getting excited about life again. We explore the evolutionary psychology behind our negativity bias, why we pre-experience pain through defensive pessimism, and the real clinical science behind hope.  What You’ll Learn:The Disappointment Trap: When we lower our expectations to protect ourselves, we force ourselves to live the disappointment before it even happens.  The Science of Hope: Clinical research shows hope is an active cognitive process that requires goals, agency, and pathways. Having high hopes is linked to better stress management and lower anxiety.  Episode Chapters:00:00 - The problem with the phrase "don't get your hopes up"  01:19 - Midlife crises, identity changes, and worrying about time left  06:29 - Navigating multiple hard life changes at once  10:25 - Jumping to worst-case scenarios and the terror barrier  13:44 - Evolutionary negativity bias and Brené Brown's "foreboding joy"  17:26 - The trap of defensive pessimism and experiencing pain twice  24:12 - Rick Snyder's Hope Theory: Goals, agency, and pathways  27:01 - Actionable strategies: Probability, preparation, and gratitude  31:39 - A sneak peek at next week's Everyday Style School guest  Links & Resources:Cheryl's Midlife Recharge: cherylpfischer.com/recharge  Listen to Episode 84 on the Terror Barrier  Why This Episode MattersBy recognizing your brain's natural instinct to brace for impact, you can actively choose to short-circuit the spiral of disappointment. Permitting yourself to get your hopes up and dream bigger is how you thrive, avoid living small, and make this phase of life amazing.  Take a little bit better care of yourself in midlife.Find the GreenSynergy Elixir and Energy Fizz duo at cherylpfischer.com/greens. Grab your water bottle, add these, and enjoy!Support the show🌸 Liked this episode? Share it with fellow Gen X women navigating hormone balance, an empty nest, and/or self-confidence!🫶 Love this show? Leave a review to help more women over 50 find us.💡Want menopause advice, mindset shifts, or support with midlife transformation?Find out more about the Midlife Recharge at cherylpfischer.com/coachingLet’s talk health after 50, self-talk, and redefining aging for women — without the “midlife crisis” narrative. Every week I'm adding new success strategies for midlife women.Connect with Cheryl: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website