Life Lessons From A Modern Cowboy - Dry Creek Dewayne - #869

How would you describe what you do if you meet someone for the first time? Wow Well, what the school does is I bring people out for a week at a time and teach horsemanship the basic fundamentals of working with horses and understanding horses, but that is more of a springboard for life I started out we started out with a YouTube channel where I was just just wanting to give some basic horsemanship tips and some things for young people who are wanting to get into wrangling or cowboy and her packing and And it took on a life of its own and and we started getting a lot of questions a lot of comments on the channel It's like hey if you'll start a school We'll come you know and so it's just kind of grown from there So it's it's hard to say we teach horsemanship, but then we also try to help young people have a more Grounded solid approach to life. What career did you want to do when you were a kid? I wanted a cowboy That was it, you know every little boy in this country at a certain age They want to be a cowboy when they grow up the only difference with me was I never outgrew it.

That's all I ever wanted to do Talk to me about your upbringing. What was childhood like? Definitely not cowboy. I had a very solid family And my dad my family is I'm the seventh generation of my family born in central Kentucky My dad my granddad my great-granddad and my mom saw the family too And my dad was a Baptist preacher and so we moved a lot for his work and but I didn't grow up my Opportunities for you know farm work Ranches and stuff like that was when I visited my grandparents back in Kentucky And I knew back then this is you know what I wanted to do it just it took a while for me to be able to actually do it But I was raised in a you know a very close knit very solid very country patriarchal family, you know just very old school Kentucky Yeah What's do the rest of your family think about having a rogue Wrangler and it I don't know um the I Was different I was a different man back when I was raising my children Um and back as a young man.

I was wound really tight Um, what do you mean when you say that I had a bad temper and I was under a lot of stress for a lot of years And so I wasn't the calm laid back easy going fella that you know people see today And so I think in my children are wrong and I think you know in a lot of ways they're still sitting back trying to trying to Compare the old me with the new me that you know It's only been about five years that I found the the place where I could just get some self-control and learn how to chill and and Get a handle on things, you know So I think in a lot of ways my family are just there just set back watching and trying to justify the one what they see now What they knew for so many years. What's the story of your initiation into this life? Into the cowboy life. I was newly married and we had a baby of just the infant and I was working we were in Little town called Alpine, Tennessee And there was a Burke line furniture factory there that made recliners and I was working in the shipping and was not happy Didn't like the job.

What did you hear? Oh, I was 26 and Was reading Western Horseman and there was a ad in the back in the classifieds about a elk hunting lodge in Idaho That was offering you could come out and if you would work for the summer for free they would teach you packing and And I just I said, you know what I'm going to do it. I'm doing it. I'm taking the jump I'm not spending the rest of my life working in a factory and sitting here and doing this I'm going to go chase the dream that I've had since I was a child and so my wife and our infant she flew to Hawaii to stay with her dad and I sold everything we had which wasn't much and I got a saddle and and my gear and took a Greyhound bus to Up into Idaho and then wouldn't nobody there to pick me up that was supposed to pick me up So I hitchhiked from there into chalice Idaho And this was way before cell phone so I found a pay phone and I called the ranch and the manager of the ranch is I Don't know who you are.

I never heard anything about you the owner is Rafting the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon with his girlfriend and he never told me you were coming and But he came and picked me up and I stayed on there for the summer and I learned a bunch and then I left there and hitchhiked from chalice Idaho to Cody Wyoming and when I got Cody I had like nine dollars and So I found a campground where they let me pitch my little one-man pup tent the six dollars a night I remember it because and I stated that one because they had a shower house and I'm like I'm not going to become a scrubby homeless person You know so I stayed there and I just started calling every ranch every dude ranch every outfit every day calling calling calling I ran out of money and the lady who owned the the That campground there she told me she said my dad needs somebody to haul. Hey, so I went to help him And he paid me $15 for hauling hay like this came back another night state another supper next day She said if you'll police the campground for cigarette But I'll give you a bowl of soup and a sandwich and another night stay so I did and then the next day one of them outfits called Called me back came and said I'm interviewing I threw my bedroll and everything into the back of their truck and went out went to work You're doing all of this with a infant No, no, but they're in why you're in why you're still a part of this system now So you're away from your wife. You're away from your first child for several months. Yeah, I don't recommend it was that difficult In a way it was in another way It wasn't as difficult as it should have been.

Um, we got this tension, right? You've got this tension between slowly moving toward a dream that you've had for a long time It's career aspiration this fulfillment of a life purpose and then also that desire to be a good father a good husband But you also are you're making any sacrifices in order to create the future complex situation my wife and we're still married today It's 34 years in March congratulations. Thank you but I'm six years older than she is and we're totally different and I had been on my own for a long time when we got married and As happens in marriage, you know, we'd hit that two-year mark in the luster was gone We weren't getting along very well, you know, so she wasn't I don't think she was heartbroken at the separation for a while You know any more than I was and so after I got settled I had worked for the summer there And then I wound up with another outfit and after I got settled she I flew her and the baby out and we'd had enough time apart for all the Turmon the bubbling to settle down and then we could start working on it again So it was in in one sense. It was difficult another sense.

It was a bit of a relief, you know that it shouldn't have been It doesn't speak well to where I was in my character at the time But yeah, maybe that six month break is enabled a 35 year marriage, right? You need though my wife is coming up I've traveled all over the world and I've always been a very restless fella and there's been times where my wife is coming to me and Set down and said honey. I love you, but you got to go Go hunting go visit a buddy go do something But you can't sit around and drive me crazy all day. So, you know, she knows and she's been very supportive over the years What was the mindset shift?

I'm interested to learn about old Dwayne and new Dwayne and where that calming trajectory? Why that happens what instigated it? Well, I'll just say I came I came to a place in life where I just didn't like me anymore I looked in the mirror and I'm like I will not spend the next 50 years with this guy like I have the last 50 I don't like me nobody around likes me. Um, I can't Well, just it just catalyst just came about and I'm like I can't I can't do this anymore I was I had had a small heart attack and I knew it was a heart attack and I was at the point I'm not gonna lay there in bed and I felt it come on and I'm like I think I'm having a heart attack good I don't have to fight this anymore.

I'm not gonna wake my wife up. I went sleep. You were in bed next to your wife. Yeah Yeah, I went sleep.

I woke up next morning. I'm like dang it. I'm still here And so and I didn't tell her and I went to the doctor had further heart problems and other problems And I finally went to the doctor and they did a EKG and they're like yeah You had a heart situation back on this and I'm and it was just kind of like I can't I can't continue to live like this You know and my kids didn't like me. I wasn't abusive You know, I was never but I just I wasn't a very nice person and I was just very on edge very angry very And I finally so I had to make some decisions What's making me like this?

I need to get it out of my life and never people Including family that I'm like nope y'all are gone. I stopped watching the news I'm like nope y'all are gone, you know started changing my diet Started spending a lot of time out on the front porch just smoking cigars letting the world go by and slowly over time You know got a hand-lown stuff and Went back to reading you know when as a kid I read heavily you know and got back went back to reading poetry and Marcus Aurelius and stuff And just kind of got some of my perspective back. I think that's a Hopeful message for young men that find themselves being angry and not in a place where they want to be angry There's no there's no benefit to it. You know, it doesn't fix anything Even when you're in a fight and I was in law enforcement for a while even when you're in a fight if you get angry in the fight Yeah, maybe your adrenaline comes up, but you lose your head, you know, you lose your strategy And you know anger it just it just turned out.

I'm like this is not profitable And this is eating me up inside and I'm making stupid decisions and this is this is just got it yet You told me as we were talking outside about how Horses can detect your emotional state your heart rate and if you enter into an environment with them, right? They'll match you right if you enter in all sympathetically aroused presumably angry and frustrated They're gonna be able to tell right. How did you manage to get through so many years working with horses still being this angry guy? How how important was learning about yourself through working with horses?

The question is how did I not get killed? How did horses not kill me? It was always a fight. I mean I loved horses, but there was always it wasn't ever what I wanted it to be and I never really realized The longest time and then there's there's I'm just gonna there's a horseman out there.

He doesn't know me Okay, and so I'm not his name's Buck Brandman and he's been my my biggest influence in the horse world Okay, and so a lot of stuff I say is when it comes to horse world you man doing that sounds really smart. It's not mine I'm not taking credit for it. Okay, but I learned from him that your horse is just a mirror of you They're just a reflection of you and so any problem that you're having with your horse is just a reflection of a problem that you have inside And when I started getting that and I started understanding now and I started taking that to heart being Learning to calm myself for the horse You know, so I could accomplish something with the horse I which I should have had enough sense when I was young to do that for my wife or for my kids, you know But sometimes you need a host to teach you what a human tongue, you know Mark Twain said that youth is wasted on the young so But when I started and it started working you know there's times I've gone out to work a horse and I was like man I just I'm not in a good place today and I've sat down in a chair Outside the pin looking at the horse lit up a cigar smoked a cigar looking at the horse Cigars done light up another cigar. Maybe it was a pipe, you know, but another one said there and then go home Just one ready that day just I wasn't and it's like did I accomplish anything today?

No, but I didn't wreck anything today and that's it sometimes that's a victory sometimes the biggest victory is you know I didn't make a mess today It was a good day and I finally had to start figuring that out I've been thinking a lot recently about mundane successes these sort of small personal victories that you do in private There's no fanfare. There's no audience. No one's even going to applaud you. No one's gonna give you a pat on the back How boring have a success to say I didn't mess up another horse's day today like there is a few lower Magnificent successes you could do and yet I think we need language around how that is something that's important That is a victory that you should be able to say at the end of the day when you look yourself in the mirror Hey, you would gentle with that person when you were frustrated right this person came up to you and you were all agitated and you chose to put Civility first like that's something and no one's gonna give you a pat on the back for being modestly polite and civilized Right.

I just I really it's cool that you say that I really think that more language around Being gentle with yourself and appreciating when you have these small Unmagnificent victories is probably something good well if you look at it, you know like in math You know you study your negative numbers and your positive numbers in math Okay, so you've got a chart and they start to my left you've got negative five negative four negative three negative two negative one zero One two three four five and in life you're at negative five You know and people tend to think and sometimes we tend to think until I'm at two I didn't accomplish anything, but you know getting from a negative five to a negative four. That's a victory and And then so we're avoiding going from a negative four to a negative five. Yes just staying at a negative five We didn't go to negative six. That's a victory, you know You know when I was young come home from work.

How was how was your day-to-day, honey? I didn't I didn't get in a fight, so it was a good day, you know, and but that is a victory it's a You know, I study in and I well you name your podcast, you know wisdom wisdom is not In my studies. I'm starting to see this wisdom is predominant Something that you do if you study the book of Proverbs in the Bible Okay, if you study meditations my markers are really us and you studied these wisdom writings There's much more of the wisdom writings that are telling you things not to do Then are telling you need to do this to be wise but more of it is if you're wise you won't do this and so Like what we're talking here a lot of a lot of victories is just I didn't do that today There's an idea from mathematics called never multiply by zero So we can have two million multiplied by 47 multiplied by 2.1 multiplied by 20,000 Multiply by zero is zero zero so if you spend all of your time working on your health and avoiding seed oils and eating only Grass-fed organic meat but one day decide to drive your car without a seatbelt on that's multiplying by zero right again into a wreck right and So much of life I think is avoiding pitfalls not expediting successes because the pitfalls can kick you out of the game permanently But they can do things that are so catastrophic they take much longer to come back from and this is in some ways a Excuse for being a versatile risk, but I think it's just been clever about risk and knowing where you can take risks that have limited downside Right, right? Unlimited downside, right?

Well, you know we work a lot with horses of course and we've gotten some horses in this year They weren't ours like my son had bought a horse last year and the horse was if you knew what you were doing You could ride the horse, but the horse is not a broke horse He didn't have him for very long and then he deployed overseas. He's in the military so we brought him to our place and so You know, there's all these things and not the two young men that were working with me. It's like, okay, don't move fast Don't jump, you know, don't let's do this. Let's get her.

Let's be calm, you know because they're a prey animal So there's all this stuff that we work with you know and and so the young man that wrote he went outroading and and he didn't do anything like but it was just he reached in a saddlebag and pulled out one of These water bottles and it crinkled and and that horse He just jumped out of his skin I mean it didn't turn into a wreck, but it was just like you spend all of this time moving easy around the horse working with them real easy and Slow, you know, so the saddle, it's tension about nice and slow, it's about three and moving all nice and easy and easy and in Just one thing crinkling a water bottle and it's you just multiplied by zero. Oh this man, everybody I tried pretty much every green strength that I could to work out which one was best and I came across AG one and I stuck with it for Three years because it is the best it's the most comprehensive highly tested and rigorously formulated one scoop of AG one contains 75 vitamins minerals and whole food sourcing Greenants including a multi vitamin pre and probiotic green superfood blend and more that all work together to fill the nutritional gaps in your diet increases energy and focus and helps With your digestion best of all, there is a 90 day money back guarantee So you might not be sure you might think that this is a big commitment But no it isn't you can buy it and try it every single day for three months If you don't like it If you're money back right now AG one is running a special black Friday off for all of November you get a year's free supply vitamin D3 K2 5 free AG one travel packs plus free bonus gift just go to the link in the description below head to drink AG one dot com slash Modern wisdom that's drink AG one dot com slash What do you learn about humans from working with horses? Humans don't know how to communicate Communication is our biggest weakness That's not like the number but that's something that lately. This is this has been just really hammered home to me Working with horses and working with humans And communication is a much more complex Issue then then I think many of us give it credit for So you take you take a horse in a human a relationship with horse and human alright for that to work There has to be communication when we have a couple of problems here first off the horse doesn't speak English and we don't speak horse All right, but as humans we insist that the horse comes in our world But we're too arrogant or too lazy or a combination of both to learn to speak horse and horses language is not verbal It's all movement.

It's all body language. It's all this and so that is a problem But another problem is is us and the horse we are We're predator animals All right, we are the human is we're predators All right We're designed to eat meat our eyes are side by side on the front of our face We see one picture and we're designed to see what we want and go get it the horses are prey animal They are the animal that everything that eats meat wants to eat and so they have a complete different instinct their instinct is everything wants to eat me You know we wake up of the morning and we say you know I want to be a trophy husband, you know, that's my I Okay, what do I want to go get today the horse wakes up and says I don't want to get eaten today Two totally different instinct. All right, so to be able to build a communication with a horse We have to move into the world and learn to speak but learn to think how they think well I mean we can say Men and women are the same thing, you know, but women are different from men They have a different way of thinking and like I said my wife I've been married almost 34 years and even today there's things I say and she absolutely what she heard is not what I said You know, and so I have to I have to and vice versa, you know So of communication and you cannot have 34 years of relationship with one person if there's no communication It's interesting the fact that when you're around a horse you have this It's like an external barometer or thermometer for you and what's going on right so I mentioned to you that I'd spend a little bit of time with horses recently So I rode my first horse out here in Texas and that was fun and then I went and did equine therapy so that was caring for a horse right and Drinking the tubes and doing all the rest of this stuff and Honestly in retrospect one of the most embarrassing in a situations with this horse So first off these things are big you don't realize unless you're around horses Just how big they're and the kind of scary because there's a lot of them and they're just muscle, right? You know on stage bodybuilder prep level machine, right?

So anyway, we're getting used to one of these horses and we're brushing her and she's super chill really really relaxed And then they said okay So we're gonna give you this tool and this tool is what you can use to clean out the hoops, right? And this horse will know what's happening when you bring the tool up, but you need to Make its feels sufficiently comfortable so that it will raise its foot up for you You need to be careful about where it puts its foot back down Yeah, because it I had crocs on which was not a good idea anyway So you sort of put your hand firmly upper hind leg slide it down a little pinch at the ankle a little more do this So so you need to feel relaxed as you walk up to the horse you need to imagine that the horse is going to do this You need to make it comfortable for it needs to be comfortable with you So and so forth and I remember walking up to the horse and thinking if this horse doesn't like me That's a comment on me I really want this horse to like me and my self-worth had immediately become outsourced to whether or not this horse I met ten minutes ago was gonna lift it two for five seconds so that I could move a little bit of dirt out of it Right and honestly that one incident I'd I'd been calling it horse meditation because I thought like it's cute Or whatever but really how much can I learn about myself from being around a horse that one incident? I must think about it every week every couple of weeks this need to be wanted this need to be accepted this outsourcing of my own self-esteem to Something else and this sort of Derigation of how I felt about myself right based on whether or not a horse lifted its foot up or didn't right thankfully It did but it just really made me think about why do we put our sense of self-worth and and The fact that you have this creature who is as you say kind of just reflecting you right back at you Right there's no way to hide anymore from the way that you're behaving Especially if you can clamp down the anger or the aggression or the sadness or the whatever but inside it's still rippling and vibrating Well, I suspect I mean you and I we only met today All right, but you strike me as a kind of person that you don't very often Approach another man like that like my self-worth is predicated on whether this guy respects me or not Okay, especially another alpha. Okay now horses not an alpha Okay, that horse is definitely not an alpha if you wanted to you could put that horse on the barbecue for supper that night And there's nothing he could do about it.

Okay, so it speaks to me the fact that you predicated your view of your self-worth on whether Another creature whose well-being was in your hands Like you or accepted you or not does that make sense? I'm it really it really does and I've been thinking and talking about this a lot recently There is a category of people of which I'm one Who see other people's emotional states as our responsibility, right? If you're not happy, I'm not happy, right? If you're not happy, I have to fix it Right and that's noble in some ways But it's only noble if it's a choice if you're choosing to do it to help if it's a compulsion if you're Forced to do it through some sense of obligation or whatever.

It's not even the outcome may be good It's not quite as virtuous as it may seem well, it becomes unverteous When your help of others is about you I do this because it makes me feel better. I do this because it gives me purpose in life I do this because you're gonna like me more you're gonna respect me more that's where it becomes a problem But it's not a problem if it's just you know empathy and So yeah, I don't know where I was going with that But there you go is there a particular horse that you have learned a lot from in your life is there a few keystone Horses that you had relationships with the talk you an awful lot. Um, there are there's there's several um We so I was riding for an outfit in Alaska Guidance and they brought in a mare and she was a retired the best I could understand she was a retired barrel racing horse from here in Texas And so when I signed on they assigned her to me because nobody else we couldn't put guests on her none of the other rangers wanted to ride her because her her Go to was run if something disturbed her head came up and it's run just run that that's my answer to escape to just run and It wasn't something that I could physically fight and stop um, and so that horse really made me step outside of the thought process of physically controlling something that has a mental emotional issue and getting in her head and figuring out What can I do if the problem is mentally or emotionally? What can I do to get in to her head and get into her emotions and fix that for her?

And so what I did and it's so simple it, you know, probably make sense to a lot of folks But while we were sitting there and while she was calm sitting there at the ranch waiting for others to get on the horses I would just come in with the lightest little pressure and get her to tip her nose Not pull her nose and just give a signal. Hey tip your nose So she'd tip her nose and we just do that and just do that and then when we get out on the trail and she started getting anxious about something and her head Would come up I would just default to that and so she would find something that she was secure the signal And it would she would calm down and she would come down and working with that mayor for the summer I made huge strides of myself in stepping outside of the norm of trying to physically control something that isn't ideal Yeah, I mentioned that I had a written horse for the first time in Texas and they gave me whatever the leader of the group is For the horse whatever that's called And I was right far at the back Yeah, and this horse was eating and the lady that was guiding the group said just give me a little poll No, come along and give me a little poll. He didn't move I mean it is absurd to explain how strong these things next are yeah, and I'm like I don't think you Doesn't want doesn't want to come just like no just a little bit more a little bit more I'm like a pretty strong guy. I was like, okay, I'll give a big poll didn't move I'm like and by this time there hundred yards away.

Yeah, like still doesn't want it doesn't seem like you want So like a really big poll so I went mixed grip like you do on a deadlift Yeah, set my feet into the stirrups and like like one rep max this horse is head up and finally he got up And that was absolutely not the most efficient way to get him to do that thing that would have been a much better way Right than me right well, so your average horse your average quarter horse size horse, you know It's gonna weigh between 800 and 1100 pounds. Okay now when I teach folks is I don't want his body Okay, I want his mind now if I physically like you just went through if I physically get his body to do what I want But I don't have his mind as soon as he gets a chance He's gonna go back again But if I ignore the body and I get the mind if I have the mind I have the body So in a situation like that what I do is I don't pull his head up Okay, I take the reins and I bounce that bit that's in its mouth I'm I bounce it pretty sharp and he decides in his mind. I don't like that I think I will pick I will pick my head up and it's like I'm not gonna pick your head up That's what you have a neck for okay, you have that neck. That's what it's for.

I'm not picking your head up I'm going to suggest to you that you decided to send your best interest for you to pick your head up and we go for the Mine and how much in life, you know, you've got all these folks working for you here And you have to you can't physically brow beat and nag and I tried you tried doesn't work. No, no, no, no That's a legend. Yeah, I've already heard stories. Yeah, they're abused Yeah, but you want to make things so that they decide that if this this is what Chris wants done It's in my best interest.

I want to go do that and again It's communication, you know, and again, it's getting in the horses mind and working with a horse in that manner Oh I'll give you an illustration if I can't all right one of the cardinal sins in my book is when I go to get on the horse And the horse walks off when I'm part way up, you know, I'm stepping up I swing in my leg over and he's walking He's leaving okay. That's a cardinal sin. So we have a difference of opinion here me in the horse It's like I want you to plant your feet and I want you to be still while I get on and then I'll tell you when I want you to go He says well, I want to go So I'm not going to sit there and take pull back and say well and do that one leg and hop along Cassidy down Well, I'm trying to get inside. I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna physically hold him back I'm gonna put my toe in the stir but I'm gonna go to step up and when he walks off I'm gonna step back out and I'm gonna make him keep walking in a circle around me eight or ten times I'm like I wanted you to stand still but you want to walk. I tell you what I'm a nice guy I'm gonna let you walk. I'm gonna let you do what you want in a controlled manner You pick the tune and I'll pick the dance and I'll make him walk around. He's like I don't want to walk anymore But you said that's what you wanted so I'm letting you do what you want He's like I don't want to walk anymore.

Okay, stop Well, I want you stand here while I get in the saddle and he says anybody take a couple of times better Well, he says you know what I think what I want to do is I want to stand here while he gets in the saddle You know so we communicate and when I got his mind when I changed his want to I didn't have to fight with his body And so that that's just that's how that's how you approach it You understand and you communicate I thought you say that sometimes you have to apologize to the host for being an idiot Yes, how do you apologize to a host of they don't care I apologize to the horse For my sake. I mean the horse nothing the horse does is personal. All right the horse a buck y'all They won't come back and apologize to you They did what they did because that's what they felt was necessary at the time And so they don't operate on that wavelength But there's times when I do something and it turns out I'm like that was my fault and that was stupid You know the horse doesn't take it personal either and I can apologize to the horse and the horse It just isn't in his thing But I apologize to the horse To humble myself and to bring myself down and to say look you need to pay attention dummy and not do that again You get the horse doesn't really he doesn't want an apology He just doesn't want you to do it again sounds like you've learned a lot to do with patience and humility through this Yeah You know part of it is is when you're young you can pick a fight and you can win some of them And when you're older and you're busted up I got plates and screws in my neck and I got joints throughout a shape and stuff You're not going to win that fight anyhow not physically anymore and so it's that's where you start saying you know What I need to approach this um in a in a better way Plates and screws in the neck mm-hmm But I've heard you say that not most of those were actually from hosting accidents But you were in a plane crash a car crash and you rolled a motor home off a hill I was a passenger off a mountain in Alaska. I need to hear those stories, please Wait, I spent a winter in Fort Yukon, which is above the Arctic Circle in Alaska staying with a fellow and Had a little 180 a little session of 180 bush but I think it was 180 and we were flying out and They were dead a winter it was like 30 below zero and in the back of that plane We had like a hundred pound propane tank a transmission out of a van some spare tires and So we're flying back south to Fairbanks And when we landed in as we're touching down in Fairbanks We had a crosswind and so you kind of tilt the plane as you're landing in that crosswind and so as we touch down and I'm setting up on the Copata on passenger side I see the landing gear go wrong the wheel and everything go rolling off across the tundra and so I reach over and I'm like Hey, is that supposed to and then that strut came down and hit and we flipped in ground looped and carried on the runway with all of this Watching machines There was a transmission out of a at a half-tonne Chevy van and a hundred pound bottle propane bottle and just flying around Yeah, he didn't hit us Which is good, but we stood out on that course I was wearing cowboy boots So we're standing out on the runway and Fairbanks waiting for FAA to come out and it's 30 below zero and and they come out and Inspected and we picked up the wing a bunch of us and pushed the plane off the runways And then I had to catch two more flights that day to get back home So yeah, what about the motel motor home?

I was a passenger in the back and we were coming down narrow road off the mountain and The lady that was driving there were a couple of teenagers in the seat right here and they were fussing and bickering And so she turned around to tell them stop fussing hey y'all stop fussing to just throw right off So we went down I don't know how far down we went but we slid down and hit and landed up against a bunch of trees. No rolling. No, it didn't roll. Okay.

No Yeah So you just just life and then you know a lot of bucked off been bucked off a lot of bruises and yeah And fractures and branches landed in places and and so it's just it was accumulation of life and then I was in I was in the police Academy And we were studying Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and I was doing a backwards tactical role and some popped in my net And I didn't say anything and so then we went on a big run and this run was pretty We'd run for about a mile and without and then we'd stop and drop and do burpees and bicycles and I then jump up run some more and By the time we got back to Academy my heart rate wouldn't go down It and then I had this weird feeling of like an electrical net in my body and My heart rate would not go down. So finally they put me in the ambulance and took me to the hospital And I was like that far away from severing my spinal cord And but it was already bad way worse than that. I had no idea and that tactical backwards tactical role had just had just Brought it to the edge. So maybe an odd blessing in some ways that it won't you and that didn't go when you got bucked off a horse Right, right and I don't ride bucking horses anymore I mean I say that you never know a horse is always a horse is a horse But after so many years I can pretty well tell when one is a little hanky and I'm like I don't have anything to prove anymore I'm not riding that horse if you haven't been feeling a shop or as energized as you like getting a blood work done is the Best place to start which is why I partnered with function They were lab tests twice a year that monitor over 100 biomarkers They've got a team of expert physicians that take that data put it in a simple dashboard and give you actual recommendations to improve your health and lifespan Function track everything from your heart health to your hormone levels and your thyroid function plus nutrient deficiencies They even screen for 50 types of cancer at stage one Which is five times more data than you get from your annual physical First of all dr.

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All right. I like to say that raising children is like holding a wet bar So if you squeeze it too tight squeeze it out squirts out of your hands if you don't hold it tight enough it slides out of your hands You know raising children you got to be balanced there has to be discipline We as human beings need discipline in our life But there has to be love and grace and understanding and so a lot of children who grow up with issues from being raised You know those issues are because their parents are out of balance when we're not marriage You've got problems in your marriage. It's usually somebody's out of balance You know they're too distant or they're too clingy, you know, they're too demanding or they're too permissive They don't have personal boundaries. It's just out of balance.

Um, I think Oh heck, I'm gonna do what they gonna do to me. Okay. I don't like the trend in this circled men's motivation circle I don't like the hustle culture as is being brought out and taught today I don't agree with it because I think it's out of balance. I think young men need to know that hey It's okay for you to sit down and to read and have a cigar and a chill and a think because I guarantee if you're in the weight room Pumping out all these reps and running on the machine and then you're going into the cubicle and you're flipping a computer and You're not thinking you're learning you're taking in but you're not meditating on stuff and you're not you're not thinking But that can be taken so far that young men are made to feel guilty for just setting down and Thinking and relaxing and I understand that there was a tendency in this country We had a lot of young men that were not raised with dads.

They weren't raised to work You know and so it's sitting on the couch playing the stupid Xbox, you know not growing up learning to work So that pendulum went too far this way So now you've got guys who in order to counteract that they swung the pendulum too far this way and a balanced man He needs to be somewhere in the middle He needs to be able to work to do what needs to be done to improve himself And he also needs to set around by the fire in the backyard and have a cigar and read some Kipling and just stay balanced There needs to be balanced. I wrote an essay about that this week. Did you mind if I read it to you? Absolutely not I think type A people had a type B problem and type B people had a type A problem Insecure overachievers need to learn how to chill out and relax and lazy people need to learn how to work hard and be disciplined Given that you subscribe to me.

I'm going to guess you'll probably type A some version of a walking anxiety disorder harnessed for productivity as Andrew Wilkinson says Here's the thing you may have already realized type A people with a type B problem get very little sympathy because a miserable But outwardly successful person always appears to be in a much more preferential position than the content being lazy But on the verge of being bankrupt person the problems of opportunity will always get less sympathy than one's obscurity One feels like a choice the other like a limitation one is a boy's while luxury the other is some systemic imposition I need someone to teach me how to be disciplined and work harder feels noble and doppeld aiming and charitable I need someone to teach me how to switch off and relax feels dopaminergic and addicted and transactional and opulent every underdog movie ever has a training montage of Someone working their life out by working harder non included a guy learning how to log out of slack at 6 p.m Or finally enjoy beach holiday. So yes type A people may have objectively better lives But subjectively they're ravaged by the sense that they've never done enough They wake up every morning feeling as if they've already fallen behind and only if they dominate their entire day flawlessly Well, they have dragged themselves back up to some minimum level of acceptable output Which means they can go to sleep that night without feeling like they've wasted it congratulations You might be very successful, but you might also be very miserable Just work harder bro advice reliably makes everyone more successful in the only way that they can be judged Outwardly there are very few issues in life Which can't be solved by just working harder So everybody treats it like a panacea not a purpose-built tool and on average maybe more people do need to hear David Goggins shouting in their face To go harder rather than Eckhart Tale whispering in their ear that they are already enough But for a certain perhaps minority cohort of people they actually need to hear the opposite message We need a parasympathetic Goggins who's going to carry the TV remote and the cigars hashtag rest harder than me type B problems Adjust as tough as type A ones, but they require a much less sexy solution peace one that you can't achieve by just working harder I agree a hundred percent I Have guys come into the school and they're like they're just I'm like I don't say anything It's not my business I'm like you're gonna die young tightly wound just tightly wound and it's never enough. It's never enough I'm like when is it enough? What is enough?

You know, I've been thinking the last couple weeks I'm like, you know the saying is just keep the main thing the main thing but I think where we crash and burn is how we define the main thing, you know, and it's I see myself in a very small tiny way in Vintasma way I see myself as the anti-David Goggins. I see myself as a guy's like there's places where his message is needed I'm not knocking the guy. Okay, there are places where his message is needed But his message is not needed for everybody. Okay, um, I'm gonna I'm gonna probably step over lying here You can edit out anything you want.

All right. I'm really bothered by these guys who are financial gurus who will fire you if you don't have a six pack There's a problem. There's a main thing staying the main thing problem with that viewpoint on life um and I Want to see I want to see men that I'm for whatever reason one of a boy brought in to influence I want to see them find balance. I don't want to see them find money.

I don't want to see them find six packs if that Is part of the result of it fine. Okay, but I want them to find balance and I want them to find that Place inside where they're like my main thing is my main thing and it's enough I've heard you say that a good man is born to serve not born to make money. Absolutely. What's that mean to you?

Well, if I make money and I've heard all excuses because there's guys who have a problem me saying that all right Um, but if I make money I make money for me now. I've got you know my wife definitely benefits from it And you know my children all overgrown they benefit from it but ultimately in the end if I'm Pour all my life into making money. That's for me You know, but if I if I pour my life into as many people as is fitting and I don't know Their life is better for me. Haven't come through I Ultimately I want and I'll never know in some tiny way I would what means most to me is that when you leave here today in some small way your life is better for us Having said down and talked that means that means more um and And so we're you know, I think we are I think a real man is born to serve and serve means provide for those that are in your sphere Of you to provide for uh, it means to protect it means to encourage it means to teach and to train Uh, and sometimes it means to step back and let them hit the wall Sometimes the best service you can do for somebody is to when it's all done walk up and look down and say did that hurt You know, that's that's what they need it Uh, but we won't do that because it makes us look bad and even in our service to others we do it for ulterior motives You know, but but yes, um I believe that very strongly I believe I believe if you spend your whole life to yourself for yourself You have no purpose to be in here.

This this planet is not in any way better for you having been here Uh, is that what a good night is to you? That's one of good men is to me When when I when my wife and I and we've moved we've lived all over but we've it's been a thing of ours when we leave We try to leave the house in some way better than when we found it And that's how I approach life Is like when people come across my path. I try To leave their life a little better than when I found it and you know what that may be just looking at that poor tired lady Checking out at walmart with the sore feet and the glazed over eyes and looking right now. I say how are you doing today?

It don't take much You know, but it's like I guarantee in some small way her life was a little better when I passed through that walmart line Then it was before I got there. Uh, And yeah, I think that's a good man a good man is a man who can protect and who can provide a new conserve who can comfort Who can reprimand who can discipline? Whatever's necessary to make the world a little better because he passed through We'll get back to talking to Dwayne in one minute, but first I need to tell you about element for the last three years I've started my morning every single day with element It is a tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't each grab and go stick contains a science-backed electrolyte ratio It's sodium potassium and magnesium with no coloring no junk or any other BS You might not be under slept. You might not need more caffeine You might just be dehydrated and proper hydration is not just about having sufficient fluids in your body It's having enough electrolytes to allow your body to use that water.

Best of all, they have a no questions asked reef on policy with an unlimited duration So you can buy it and try it for as long as you want if you don't like it for any reason They'll give you a new back and you don't even need to return the box. That's how confident they are. You love it right now You can try it completely risk free and get a free sample pack of all eight flavors I go to the link in the description below by heading to drinklmnt.com slash modern wisdom that's drink lmnt.com What do you think about the balance when it comes for men between strength and softness? Is rationality, emotionality, rigidity, vulnerability I think that's a balance that a lot of men struggle with I still think that the conversation around emotions around being open whether it's with your friends or a partner or even yourself I mean you literally denied yourself going to the doctor for a heart attack Like the male ability to deny that things are wrong whether they're physical or emotional is like a reality distorting power that we all have Right How do you come to think about that balance between the hardness and the softness in men?

I'm still old school I'm still very old school Now there comes a point where it can be debilitating to those around me Okay, um if I bottle everything up inside so that I get to the point that I am Toxic or debilitating to those around me then I need to get some help But as long as I'm not I don't need to add more burden for them to carry That's that's just me. Can you be a bit more specific about what that is? How that shows up for you? um My wife has been encouraging me for a while now For me to go and talk to somebody just there's years and years and years of I mean there were a lot of rough years there um But I'm like I can't I can't do that You know, I mean the guy I know the guy gets paid to sit there and uh, but it's not it's just not necessary You know, um, I'm still of you know, I'm still old enough And I I'm of the I'm of the school.

It's like just Just deal with it suck it up suck it up. You know, I broke three ribs one time in a barn silent horses horse to a fit Took eight aspirin and gone on that horse and did a four-hour ride Because I had a job to do it's my job. Now. I know Let's go back to balance.

Okay. I was about to mention that I understand I'm with you on a percent But at the same time your balance and my balance and his balance are different um, and so I think I think a man has to find his own balance um and the You're gonna guess so many messages on your disagree with this. Um But I I think that this thought of men's mental health emotional health go get help go. I'm not saying it's bad I'm not saying it's wrong.

I'm not saying it's out of place But I think like everything else I think it could be taken to the point that men just become weak And brother, let me tell you in this day and age we don't need more weak men. Um, now when you're when your internal battles Come to the point that you need help because they have weakened you Then get help You know But I think everybody's balance is different And I fear There was a problem for years on this side But I fear just like everything else with that subject being pushed the way it is We're going to get out of balance on the other side and it's like and everybody needs therapy for everything. This is the New ones I think around what we were talking about type a problems type B problems right because it's easy to just take that as a One single meal on a plate as opposed to multiple different pieces or a onesie Right, you put it as opposed to an outfit that's piecemeal and together So there's a British writer called Matthew Syed who's coming on the show soon And the interesting thing about tennis as a sports reporter is that you had three phenomenal world champions all at the same time You had Nadal you had uh jockovitch and you had Federer and he used to go to Wimbledon and he would see how they were warming up And each had a different approach so he'd go and see Nadal and he's just raw aggression his tops off And he's hitting the balls hard as he curd and he's sort of just fury and then he'd go and see jockovitch And he's like a robot and this guy's precise precision rationality Then he'd go and see Federer and he's playing trick shots. He's laughing and he's having fun He's sort of flirting with the ball girls and stuff like that And each of these guys have won titles while all of them have been playing and they've traded places Someone this court someone a different type of surface, etc But if you were to look at any of them and say in order for me to be a world champion, I must be Okay, well, which one because all of them are world champions.

Yes, and this is I think You're right The message may largely have swung too far back toward the You cannot deal with any difficulty. You must prioritize your internal state over external responsibilities Mindful Mondays and time off Tuesdays and you know cookie run states um And it's trying to find who's this message for particularly and I think really trying to get People that are listening to feed it through the filter of is this for me? Is this or is this for someone else right and that point around just go harder, bro Can cause you to have a heart attack late in bed next to your wife. Yeah, uh, and you okay?

That that's something that I probably do need to heed right and on the other side Am I a useless blob of emotional nothingness? Okay? Well, maybe I need a bit more David Goggins in my life Right, and I think finding that balance and not having a one-size fits all answer So how does a man a and an individual picking the individual? How does he find that balance?

That fits him with difficulty. I think for me. It's come with age. It's coming to learning myself It's come with experience of understanding what Happened the last time that this situation occurred and how I felt right and trying to so what would you encourage or um?

Advice a young man 19 23 who doesn't have that benefit of the age and experience? And what would you advise him and say look this is kind of an area that might help you find your balance? I think Checking in with yourself and not treating your first response as always the correct one Uh, I think the immediate Sort of reflex that we often have especially especially as young men young and men Is an issue because that You haven't accumulated enough experience for you to be able to call it gut instinct wisdom, right? What it is is probably your default response, which is from childhood from the group that you grow up in maybe it's dad's pattern Maybe it's mom's pattern.

Maybe it's the teacher and the way you have to protect yourself in school It's unlikely that that is the best way for you to deal with things. I think Don't believe everything you think yeah, um Can we Can we boil it down to a bouia base and say look When When you have the thought don't trust the thought I need to do this or I need to do that What if we start asking ourselves? Why? Why do I need to run 300 miles with two broken legs because david goggan said so you know, why do I need to do that?

What is the purpose not why for me? But why do I need to do that to make myself the man I need to be for those around me Why do I need to say you know what I need to spend more time in the backyard With a cigar Why do I need to do that? And if the answer is because i'm becoming an overwhelmed over tight losing my balance losing my focus on what really matters in life I'm becoming hard to live with To those that I care the most about to those who I'm the most responsible for so the why is This will make me a better person for those around me Me being able to bench press 200 pounds as opposed to 180 pounds does not necessarily make me a better person For those that i'm here to serve It feeds my ego So maybe a little more time in the gym doesn't answer the why and a little more time in the backyard with my kids That gives me a better answer to the why do I need to make this choice as opposed to that choice and Maybe that's a little more accessible to a young man without a lot of experience I'm really interested in this blend that you have of Real introspection and uh accepting of your own flaws and and faults with the old school mentality of pick up a weight and carry it I think one of the things that men that want to achieve things in their life struggle with a lot is Being kind of with themselves when they fall short even if they tried their best right it did everything that they could right Reality didn't deliver to them the thing that they wanted right outcome right how have you learned to have a better relationship with Yourself the voice inside of your head to be to be kinder if things go badly Just smiling I like me. I like me Um, I would buy me a drink I look at me now and I and I see all the words Okay, I see all the negatives more than anybody else does I see the positives and over the whole balance of stuff I like me and I can give myself the same grace if you and i were friends I can give myself the same grace I can give you Because I like me I like me in spite of my understanding and the reality of my weaknesses and my words and my scars and everything But you know all in all i'm a pretty good dude and uh Man, you gotta get to that point Outside of arrogance arrogance is pride mixed with ignorance.

All right, that that's the definition of arrogance I'm not talking arrogance. I'm talking about look as a human being. I've built it this I've succeeded at that I've wrecked this but I've built that and all in all, you know, I've tried and uh But I like me so i'm gonna give me some grace And it's as simple as that I would buy me a cigar. I wonder how many men can say that Not as many as should And how many people can say that how many people say I like me they would give more grace more care more attention more love to somebody else than themselves There's a statistic around I think on average the likelihood that you are going to complete a course of antibiotics yourself Mm-hmm about 50 percent right the likelihood of your dog completing it is 95 percent.

Yes Yeah, so we're literally capable of caring for a pet right double as well as we can for ourselves remembering that if you die No one can look after the pet right so in an odd roundabout way serving yourself and Serving others from a cup which overflows around your own right or the saucer that sits around your cup Is important uh without and again this sort of tension between self-serving being narcissistic being egotistical being self-centered Yeah, not meaning that right it's this delicate balance and this is what comes with growing up And I think this is why One-size-fits-all flaming sword advice seems to die away as people get a little older Yeah, you listen to a Joe Rogan And a lot of what he's saying is hedged in some regard it's cabbiated You know, it's this is what worked for me right not this is how everybody should do it right and uh Yeah, there's a humility that comes with age right right right because there's If you turn around and look back with open eyes at your life, you see all the scars You know, I mean you can't You can't The only way you cannot be humble in old age is when you refuse to look at the reality of your life up to today I you know that's the only way because nobody's scaking through it perfectly But this is what drives This is what drives my and it's it's sounds ludicrous in my ears, but my business endeavors today This is the core of what drives me Okay, there is no business out there that I can take on There is no monetary endeavor that I can take on that is worth the gamble of me losing me It took me years of a lot of grief and pain and work to get to be who I am today and spy knew who I was and I don't want to lose that I don't want to lose myself in business I don't want to lose myself in trying to earn a better living in trying to get a name and trying to do this It's like I have turned down I have turned down so much because I've looked at it and I've asked myself Who's just going to make me be? Who's just going to turn me into even a little bit as I guess it's just not worth it It's just not it's not worth it And so I'm right now trying to find the balance in undertaking something that's not going to Alter me that I'm not going to lose myself and then not Succeeding at something because I was too afraid to try it Which has never been an issue with me before I've never been afraid of failure before But now I've got something I don't want to lose and that's myself that I actually like a me that I actually like Um, is that make any sense that you're just 100% okay The person that you have to spend the most time talking to in your life is yourself Try not to lose that respect right right and I think You know, this was a lesson that I realized to what the end of my 20s where I'd accumulated a lot of success and status And maybe the way that modern society tells a young man that he should with Freedom and notoriety and and women and stuff like that and that was cool and like to look back on fun But it was beginning to get to the stage where I didn't like me all that much I wasn't anything bad, but I just felt like there was I was built for more I was built for different built for something else right and I realized that I wasn't keeping promises to myself right that If I said I was going to wake up at a certain time the snooze button would be hit three times right if I said that I was going to stick to my diet or go to the gym or do this thing Maybe it would happen but it wouldn't happen quite the way that I'd meant it to and there would be some negotiating and some cajoling and some falling short So imagine that you had a friend and every time that you invited this friend out for lunch They showed up an hour late or they didn't show up at all after a while you Stop trusting them and stop inviting them out at all right when you are that friends yourself Yeah, you know how can you have faith that you're going to go and do all of the things that you want in life when you can't not hit the snooze button Right, but you can't not cheat on your diet You can't not do you know you are constructed by the tiny decisions that you make every single day And even if you think that nobody else is watching and even if no one is There's this little ticker in the back of your mind when you go to bed You know you would you would gentle with yourself when you got agitated right good. Yeah, you were kind with the lady That looked like she was tired at Walmart. Mm-hmm.

You said something Peaceful and encouraging to her good. Yeah, but you did these things Right it's something that makes you feel not so proud about yourself Right and you know in some ways It's a great correcting mechanism because there is no hiding from it and right your people turn to alcohol and distraction and digression And depersonalization in order to deal with the fact that they don't like themselves right But ultimately you need to live with the decisions that you make right to live with you right There is this set of scales inside of your mind that's Just balancing things all the time and if it you know, you know, yeah, people and people don't know how to like themselves I mean people don't know how to like themselves, but it's not complicated. We'll get back to talking to Dwayne in one minute But first I need to tell you about nomadic traveling should be about the journey not the chaos of packing which is why i'm such a massive fan Uh-huh Of nomadic look at this sucker They make the best luggage that i've ever found and their brand new method carry on is engineered to be lighter stronger and can hold up to 20 more than other carry-ons look at all of this additional room here for Activities that means you can fit an entire week's worth of clothes or more without stressing about space This is why i'm such a massive fan of nomadic because they make the best luggage on the planet and their products will last you literally a lifetime They're lifetime guarantee So this is the final carry-on that you will ever need to buy plus in return or exchange any product within 30 days for any reason And you get 20% off by going to the link in the description below by heading to nomadic.com slash modern wisdom. That's nomatic.com slash Modern wisdom.

Tell me how do you like yourself find somebody that you like That you genuinely like and figure out what it is about them you like I like that. That's something I like that person is uh Their understanding their general they're hardworking. They're honest They're this this is this is what I like about them and incorporate that stuff into your own life If that's the stuff you like then incorporate that stuff into who you are and then you like yourself It's not rocket science, you know What there are things there are things that you like as a person that wouldn't mean anything to me There are things that you like in another person that wouldn't mean anything to me There's things that I like in another person just goes out how i'm wired and it wouldn't mean anything to you All right, so that is what I like in a person So if i'll work at taking on those attributes It helps me become a person that I like I always Used to feel um a little nervous when Talking to people and perhaps the my horse situation uh, belied this I always wanted people to like me Yeah, I was unpopular as a kid only child a lot of time in solitude bullied in school and I wanted people around me to think that I was Fun or cool or interesting or want to be near me or want to be around me or whatever And I think I I assumed that that was always this sort of grand charismatic Out of reach impressive person needed to be impressive needed to walk into a room and luck all of the things I can do right And then this was two years ago my friend George made me realize this just by virtue of being peaceful and brilliant And I realized that the reason I love being around him wasn't because he was the most charismatic guy in the room Or the most even the most interesting guy in the room although he can be But because he made me feel like the most interesting person in the room and I think this is such an important lesson for people who want To be liked who want to struggle socially, uh, I want to become better People like people that make them feel good. They don't care that much about how impressive the person is right because it's great story I think it was Winston Churchill's wife who met the two uh, u.s president candidates uh Truman and somebody else And she said that she sat down at dinner with both of them in the space about month each other So she left from the first president feeling like he was the smartest man in the world She left from the second president feeling like she was the smartest woman in the world right right and it is significantly easier To make someone else feel interesting than it is to be interesting to make someone else feel charismatic than it is to be charismatic It is but from an individual and this is where I see things because of all of the particular um Comments and questions and emails and stuff I get from young man.

Okay. Um, you take a young man out there and and everything you just said is 100 correct. I agree with 100 percent. It's it's dead on But there there are guys out there that don't have someone like that in their life Someone who's going to be that person that makes him feel good about themselves But if we become the person That we like I have recently come to the play and this drives people crazy.

I think I think it irritates people Um, I have come to the place in my life where when I meet somebody and they don't like me and you can tell I don't care And when I meet somebody that that you know, they're like they really like me. It's like, okay, but it doesn't carry much weight either Because i'm going to be leaving I'm going to be leaving, you know, we're not staying. I like me and it's enough And so when I meet someone who doesn't like me or I meet someone who does like me It doesn't alter my sale. I suppose that's the the vicious circle of If you don't like you you will continue to outsource yourself Worth to the people around you.

Yes, which makes you more desperate and more needy Which inherently makes you less likable because people know that you're pliable and malleable and will kind of do whatever you need to do in order to gain their approval, right? Mercifully the horse did let it too fuck but It's a vicious circle and I get that and you know, I'm a Rehabilitating people pleaser in that regard, right? But this is this is the fascinating thing I think about developing as a person that The journey that you're on parts of it will resonate with other people right see bits of them and you right? They see a little bit I was angry.

I'm angry as a young man. I see that in joint. I was never angry I was never my anger was always turned in with not how would right? Uh, so for me it was low mood Was fear was worry was concerned tight closed down Never out right not fighting wasn't showing aggression.

I wasn't being you know, it's okay. Well, if I'm the angry young guy Interlectally philosophically, maybe I can say something that's remotely interesting, but I've got no lived experience That's actually gonna help you right right right right? Right, right? Black belt master it dealing with that right?

That's where picking different bits apart. I agree I think you know, there's been a lot of talk about Crisis of masculinity role models for men in the modern world the multiplicity of backgrounds that guys are coming from the unseen fatherlessness epidemic that we had which has created a vacuum that's required people like you to step in a surrogate patriarch, right? Right, right? What are you hearing from the guys in your audience?

What are they often asking? What are they coming to? What are the problems that they're dealing with mostly? relationships girls Um, they they were not raised they were not raised with a dad who said hey, this is how you treat a lady You know, this is this is how you know when girls talk And they say this what they actually mean is this and I'm not talking about no means no But I'm talking about you know, I don't I don't know you don't have to get me something when you go get something I don't want anything um, but it is and so young men these days were never taught by another man How to treat a lady like a lady and they go in to a relationship girlfriends marriages getting all their information from hollywood?

And it's a crash and burn because they don't understand relationships. They don't understand communication Uh, they don't understand the balance between being a man and being a boar being a buffoon, you know, being a tyrant They don't know the difference between being Kind of call names on here. Absolutely. Okay, andru tape Okay, or or some little milk shop over here, you know, there's you got the two extremes and they can't find that place in the middle Um, the biggest thing by far is relationships.

What is your advice from 34 and a bit years of marriage and negotiating with a woman from venus? What is your advice to young guys on how they can treat a lady better and understand them treated like she's special I mean for one thing For one thing My problem with the feminist movement is why in the sam hill with something is something as special and wonderful as a woman Want to be equal with a man? Why do you want to bring yourself down to that level? You know as a christian god gave two very special gifts to mankind The first one was a woman and the second was jesus christ Okay, you can teach an ape to work construction You cannot teach an ape to raise human children I think it's degrading to women to try to be the same as a man is okay, treat them special Uh, and and secondly is communicate All right, if you don't understand what they're saying if you're confused set down and gently say look i'm sorry I don't understand.

I don't understand what you're feeling. I don't understand But I'd love to understand if you can help me and just sit down and communicate Just listen to them. You know a lot of times they don't they just they just want somebody to listen to them They don't want you to fix it. They just want you to listen to them while they while they take all this boiling stuff inside their head And put it out so they can actually hear it And sometimes that helps them sort out all these thoughts that's in their head they need to just put it out so they can hear it And they don't need you to demean them.

I say okay I'll fix this just just listen to them as a quote from timothy leery that says women who aspire to be equal with men lack ambition Yeah, yeah, I hadn't heard that but I agree with it I'm like I get up and give you my seat because I think you're special not because I think you're my equal Guy comes in he's 57 years old. He's physically equal to me. He's all mine. I'm not gonna get him give me my seat All right So I give you my seat not because I think you're my equal if you're my equal you can stand just like I do I give you my seat because you're special.

What about the reverse? What do you wish more women knew about how men operated? Oh There's 10,000 times more going on inside the head of a man than you have any idea He's carrying burdens that you don't have a clue about and he don't know how to express him And he don't know what to do about it And he figures if he puts it out there and communicates it He's just gonna be shot down called a fool called weak so he carries inside and you have no clue The burdens and the hell that most men are carrying inside and not even showing you I wish more women understood that Yeah, it's a Strange problem. I think of the modern discussion around men and why they're struggling But a lot of the solutions that get put forward a lot of the only acceptable solutions that get put forward are If only you acted less like a man all of your problems would go away that men are treated like defective women as opposed to treated like work in progress Men the average man.

I believe the average real man does not need To go get therapy For the battles and the burdens he's carried inside what he needs Is for those that he's carrying them for? To recognize that they're there and to respect it and to be grateful for it They don't need to talk it out To get rid of it They need the one that they're going through this hell for To recognize it's there and to be grateful that the man is carrying this for them. They don't need therapy. They need gratitude How important do you think it is to communicate that as a man?

You've said there are 10,000 things challenges trauma Complete inability to communicate it whether maybe you can communicate to a horse better than you can communicate to your significant other right What's your thoughts around vulnerability within a relationship if it's you're not going to the therapist perhaps Right, how about opening up about these fears and concerns and well first off. Let's let's take away. Let's take away vulnerability Okay, because a lot of times men won't open up They won't respond because it's looked at as becoming vulnerable and it's like the you know the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dye It's a little tiny leak But if I allow this little tiny leak the entire diet is going to give away. That's why we can't allow the little tiny leak Okay, so if if I if I'm sitting here And if I'm one of these guys and my significant other is sitting there I can communicate to her what I need to communicate without being vulnerable.

I can maintain my strength and communicate to her Okay, I can say look I'm I'm working 60 hours a week And the environment that I'm working in is very very difficult And I come home and I only have eight hours here to house and this is the only place of peace I have in this entire world And when I come home, you're angry all the time. You're not satisfied about anything You're you want that you know whatever the situation is If you're not going to provide for me that little bit of peace That this is the only place I can get What are we doing? Now you're not vulnerable. You're not getting walked on.

You're not being a jerk You're not coming in throwing stuff down and saying this you're just communicating the hard reality truth is The hard reality truth is Our relationship at this point has boiled down to this Now you have a beautiful house You have you never worry about there being grocery money You have a car I put the fuel in your car because you let it go to empty all the time I provide this and this and this and what I'd like for you is some peace and some understanding You know if that's where your situation is but to communicate it in such a way not to come in and whine Not to grovel And not to tyrant You know not to yell not to pick a fight is that it's like look I'm just communicating because I think we have a lack of understanding here So I need you to understand this is where things are right now And so you can communicate It's just as important as what you communicate Transparent communication like that is so raw You know making being able to put across what you mean Yeah Without Laidening it with Resentment passive aggression right right I had a I knew I got yours years many years ago He had a little dog One of those little very little rat dogs, you know And his one his little joys and laugh was he look at that dog and he'd smile and he'd say you're so stupid You're the ugliest dumbest most worthless dog ever seen in my life And that dog would just wiggle and roll over and just and he'd look at me say it doesn't matter what you say it's how you say it Dog has no idea what I'm saying, but I say it in a loving tone and it's all good You know there's a lot of truth to that communicating with people We can say things that are not necessarily blatantly offensive But we can say it in a real belligerent aggressive tone And all they hear is the tone they didn't hear the message. That's right. They don't even hear the words What do you learn about the importance of fatherhood? Yes, sir seven children seven children.

Yeah, what do you learn about the importance of fatherhood? All right, I believe God God made man. Okay And God created man and God gave man the word and the word at that time was don't eat of the fruit of those two trees Okay, that was a symbol. That's all the word God gave man at that time Then God gave man work and the work was he said take care of this garden and then God gave man a woman To help the man.

Okay That man and then the woman God gave him that became a marriage And then that man and wife had children and those children had children and then they became governments Okay You see where I'm going In this country this country was found this was founded as a christian country. This is what I believe people can do whatever I believe that This country is only as strong as the churches Even our founding fathers says America will remain great as long as america is good when america ceases to be good america will cease to be great This country is only as strong as the churches in this country The churches are only as strong as the families that make up those churches Those families are only as strong as the marriages that those families are built on and those marriages are only as strong and good as the man That God built the marriages on As goes the man so goes the marriage, Tagos the marriage so goes the fanly, as goes the family so goes to the shirts, as goes the churches so goes the country. Everything is built on the husband and the father. And this country is a failure today because the fathers and the husbands have failed.

How? Failing to be the... Failing to be the example they need to be. Failing to be the leaders they need to be.

Failing to be the disciplinarians that they need to be. Failing to be the providers that they need to be. If you don't have... If you don't have the backbone as a husband and as a father to be the bad guy, You've got no business being a father or husband.

There's times when you have to know This is not a good direction for my marriage for my family and everybody's gonna be mad at me My wife is gonna be mad at me my kids are gonna hate me But in the long run this is a very bad direction And I'm putting my foot down and we're not doing that and you become the bad guy But you do it for the long-term strength and safety of the family and we've lost that I mean We've lost that in this country to a very large degree and and so I think I mean our next generation our next generation is going to run the politics or go run the finances They're gonna run the judicial system everything in this country and they're going to be the result in a very large degree And there's gonna be those who don't agree with us But they're gonna be the result of whatever the father's made them or whatever they become because they didn't have a father and so I think fatherhood is paramount. I think it's paramount for the future of a society Speaking of doing things that make your family mad at you I heard that you didn't let your daughters date until they were in their late teens. That's right, right? Right and that you grilled the potential suitors when they ever started dating them Every boy had to come to me tell me the process tell me the story though Well, they would come you know the boys would come hey you wanna you wanna and she was taught you got to go talk to daddy We don't even talk about this you go talk to daddy two of my son-in-laws today for years They would come it's like I'd like to yeah, and they would they'd come to me and they're like I'd like to you know Write your daughter.

I'd like to them like no No, no Well, what about this? No, why not? It's like look you're a good kid But my problem with you is you're a kid all right grow up and the two of my son-in-law say they were literally years They kept coming back and I'm like no let me see what kind of man you're gonna become Okay, my daughter's not marrying a boy and a lot of boys They grew up to not be good men So why let her get into an emotional attachment with a boy who will never grow up and why am I not protecting her from that? Heartache in the future and both of them now are married to my daughters, but they're there came up on what years later I'm like okay, I've watched you all right you grew up you can contact my daughter now How did that go down with the daughters?

I don't know they wouldn't come bust to me But I think my daughters appreciated knowing they had a father who was not just looking out for them today They're feelings today or whatever but looking out for their entire future and putting them on the right road I brought a man in my office one time and I had a desk along the wall We sat down in front of desk. He was sitting in front of me I pulled out the middle drawer and my desk pulled out a buoy knife about that long Slammed it on the desk between us. I said do you have any questions? He said no sir no sir.

No sir. I don't have any questions I said all right then put it back to door closed it and we got him left They never had any question my daughters are married all my daughters that are married are married to good men Good man, and I've told everyone I'm at the wedding. I've pulled everyone. I'm at the wedding aside I said if you ever hurt her they will never find your body.

I said there will be no court There will be no what they call it. I you know you go down and you swear out a You can't come in with so many protective orders. It won't be any of that if you ever hurt her they won't find your body She'll be my daughter to the day she dies and they all they all know everybody knows you know It's just like and I think they appreciate it and I think I'm sure they appreciate it on the wedding day Yeah, oh yeah, well I didn't tell them he may have later, but that's okay, but you know there's I Think there's a lot of women out there. We'll just say man I wish I'd had somebody in my life that that had that kind of commitment to my safety and to my future Why do people think that you were saying that is it because you're a tyrant?

Is it because you wanted to dominate or over your daughter's lives or is it because you love them and you want the best for them? And you want them to be safe and protected and happy just that because I'm not everyone of my children when they got Married your adults and I never interfere in their decisions never I never say you can't go here You should do that. I never tell their husband. You should get this job.

You should do that You we don't interfere in how they raise their children my children are not raising their children the way I raise them I never say anything about it. It's you're an adult. I raise you being adult. You're a parent those children are your children I'm not a tyrant at all But they know from a distance Zeus is looking from Olympia and he will throw that thunderbolt down to some I trust they know that is like that's always there.

He's never meddling. He's never in the way He's never in our affairs, but if he's always there if we ever need him What do you think were the most important lessons that you took your kids? I want you hope that your kids lend Your word Don't your word is your bond don't lie now. I I would go jail for this today But my kids are growing and gone we had it we had a deal in the house and it's like and I spanked my children Okay, there it is There's there's a set penalty for breaking this rule If you do if you break the rule you're gonna get that penalty if you lie about it The penalty is doubled.

So it's like my boy. She's like you don't hit girls. You don't hit girls All right, and so you know if if uh, you know if they haul off and smack their sister comes in you know He hit me. She's crying to red mark on the side of her face.

Call him in It's like did you hit her now if it's proven that he did hit her, you know, there's gonna be like 15 legs I mean the penalty was severe. You don't hit women. All right, if he said no, I didn't hit her. Oh son Don't do that.

No, I didn't hit her and then two of the other siblings come in say he did we saw it Well, he got the 15 licks for hitting a sister But he got 30 licks for lying about it. So we got 45 licks total It's like lying is the worst thing do not lie go through life You be honest you speak the truth even to your harm even to your detriment. You do not lie and you don't hit women So don't lie don't lie. Oh, you're your word is your a man's most important a Man's most valuable most important resource is his good name if a man ain't got a good name.

He ain't got nothing So don't lie be respectful, you know be respectful to others be respectful to your elders even if even if they're not respectable They still been through life enough, you know their position earns them want their behavior won't you know You had seven kids. Mm-hmm. We rich. How do you afford seven kids a lot of people at the moment have a problem?

I can't start a family. I don't have enough money. I don't have the xyans ed It's one of the most common reasons we'll have and not starting families yet No, wait, so during that time there were years where my income tax return like for the year I made 16 to 18 thousand dollars for the year I worked hard work two jobs. We were very frugal.

I had a guy. I spent one time. I was working Actually, I was working we were living in temple, Texas and I was working at used to be Watson Electric was an industrial electrical supply And I was working at the counter when the contractors come in he said doing do you do you get? Assistance on the side.

I mean, what do you mean? He said, you know food stamps welfare or something? I had four kids at the time. I said no man.

I don't get anything. He's like does your wife work I said no my wife is a mother of four kids at home. He said then how do you do it? He said I know basically what you're making here.

How do you do it? I said what's a very very difficult very complex Very mathematical equation. I see sure you want to hear it. He said I want to hear it.

I said you sure he said man I'm sure how do you do it? I said we say no we just say no no we're not going out to eat No, we don't need satellite TV. No, you don't need a hundred dollar pair of basketball shoes No, we don't have to have TV dinners. No, my wife can cook You just say no no, I bought a 1976 Dodge Dart paid cash for you know for seven hundred dollars I don't need a car payment.

I just need a vehicle that get me from point a to point B. I said just say no Live within your means it's amazing. I mean we rented a mobile home We were in a mobile home, you know three hundred dollars a month whatever it was I mean people lived in the mobile home myself my wife and and With the three children. We had the three children at the time.

Yeah, so it's just live within your means You don't need near as much as you think you need You know and who cares about the status symbol of those around you what they think you are and And then you find out when you get up to my age that the people out there who are super super truly super wealthy for real Most of them they look like they're living in the mobile home driving the Dodge Dart. They don't show it You know, I mean they don't have all the big supercars and everything. You're truly Obnoxiously wealthy guys You know they're driving Toyotas. They're driving Hondas.

That's what I like about Austin the richest people drive the shit is cause Yeah, yeah, so it's a big circle and so if you want to get this out of circle start over here You know if you want to get to the level of where you are so rich you drive the crappiest car You start by driving the crappiest car. Yeah, I think Starting at the end or realizing What do older people do what did people that are a little bit further down the line? How do they dress? What do they spend the time thinking about doing what are they invested in and Realizing if you can end up there and if you can see that most people with age for a good amount of time comes Some wisdom and some understanding right you think well you probably take some of that now and right down into the present moments and Speedrun this whole wisdom growing up thing a little bit right what what?

How big was Warren Buffett's mansion? He lived in a little three bedroom. Oh, I don't three bedroom little brick ranch house I know see been in for decades, you know, he drove a car. He just wore suits, you know, how does Mark Zuckerberg dress?

Sweat's in a t-shirt, you know, how does um watch his name Amazon look at how he pays us? Yeah Bezos, you know What are these guys doing um it's like oh? Maybe I should learn something Speaking of famous people Who are some of the role models that you have looked up to over the years? Um, I can't think of anybody famous that was what about private people my dad um uh Cowboy in Kansas.

I worked with her for several years really respected him. He was a scratchy fella But he had his honesty and and uh, he really had a big effect. So just some of the folks I've worked with and been around Well, my dad was probably the My dad and I were not always on the same page about everything But I have never met a man in my life where I looked at and said That guy's more honest than my dad. My dad was the most honest man.

I've ever known in my life Um and no one has affected me more in that area than he did Think what I'm talking about leaving the world in a better place than you found it Not doing things that Darrigate the well-being of the people that are around you that you're supposed to look after and careful I do think that you know if somebody asks the question who had been the biggest influences who have been your biggest role models I think the goal of Every father should be for their son to say that dad. Yeah, I think that's usually a pretty good indication. You did a good job It's pretty good. Yeah, it's it's pretty good.

Um And he was My dad was always himself but himself was a good guy himself was enough He was never wealthy never famous never but he was very much respected in his field and You know, there's a There's very little more than a man could ask for when he leaves this world Then saying like I was known as an honest man I was known as a very respectable man and everybody that knew me respected me They may not all liked me, but they all respected me and everything else is really not that important. I'm interested You have this Facility now which maybe you're gonna have to slow down for a little bit and re-organize to make it work If you were able to design your perfect day, what would that look like? What would an ideal day for you be? That I could like whatever you in my life now.

Yeah, you know life right now What does it what is it perfect normal day look like for you? Man my days right now are all over the map. I don't um That's a really good question. I don't know if I have an answer for that.

Um, I Were you stung me? I don't know I wonder if that's an indication of how much sort of change and upheaval is going on inflection and attention and stuff like that for you at the moment I think it's an indication of how The quality of my day is internalized How it's not affected by my environment by what's going on? Um, I think it's more of that It's like whatever happens, you know, we can whatever I'm doing today. We can make this a really good day Um instead of thinking more along the lines of if I can do this and this and if this can happen And if I can be here and if I can have this property and I can have this schedule and that then that's gonna be the perfect Then I can have a good day.

Yeah, well, that's how I'm one of my friends Alex says if you can have a bad day for no reason then you can have a good day for no reason You know, I've been staying on my best friend losing temple and uh day before yesterday I got him. He had to go to work I got up took a shower made two or three cups of coffee, you know and I got online and I said I know there's cigar lounges around here There's got to be and I found one in belt nice folks As I went to the cigar lounge and I just sat there and smoked a couple cigars and talked to folks until about one o'clock Went back to the house sat on the porch and and talked with um my buddy's wife about poetry She's real big in the poetry and we just sat on the porch and talked and then he came home and he and I went to A long-star steakhouse and I had a ribeye for supper and I'm like today was a really really good day You know, what did I accomplish? Who cares? What did I break?

Nothing? It was just a really good day, you know, it's just the ideal day and There's something to be said for getting to that place in your life that you don't have to architect What a good day is gonna be You make good days you make good days out of whatever you got Whatever's there there wasn't a horse anywhere in sight. I didn't go riding, you know Um my wife is back home. She wasn't here, but we should like this is where I am.

This is what I got This is what my good days gonna look like Do I know ladies and gentlemen, I Love everything that you do. You're fantastic. Everybody needs to check out your youtube channel Everyone needs to go and follow the stuff that you're doing online I I can't believe that you've been hiding away somewhere and now you've sort of right broken above the surface I really hope that so many people are gonna be blown away by you know the things that you talk about It's very very impressive. I'm really really glad that you're doing what you're doing.

Well, thank you. I appreciate it I appreciate it. It's been an honor. You have me here.

I'm very thankful. Thank you