Welcome to the Small Steps Podcast. I'm your host, Amy Soon. I'm a nutritional therapy practitioner, food blogger at Small Eats, author of Not in My Desk Lunch, graphic designer, and avid learner. In my nutrition practice, I help nourish overworked women through customized nutrition and vitalness.
This podcast is here to educate, inspire, and empower you to grow, try new things, and live a life you truly feel good about, one small step at a time. Each show has small steps that you can try and see how they work for you. You can find all the show notes, information, and small steps about this show at small-eats.com slash podcast. Remember, the materials and content within this podcast are intended as general information only and are not to be considered as a substitute for medical, professional, advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Welcome back to another episode of the Small Steps Podcast. It is episode number nine. If you are listening to this live and you're in the United States, happy day before Thanksgiving. If you're not in America, happy Wednesday.
Happy day before Thursday. This is, like I've been kind of talking about, like I've definitely been talking about, this is a, this can be a very intense, busy, crazy, also happy time of year. You could be traveling, you could be about to be traveling, you'll be driving, you'll be staying home, and a lot of things come up around the holidays. Family stuff, energy stuff, just checking in with your life and being like, oh, is this where I want to be, especially if you're going to a family thing or a big dinner thing when everyone's like, so how are you doing?
And you're like, oh, I don't want to answer this question for the fifth time, to the same person or the same kind of person or have to get this question over and over and over again. This episode is all about finding your self-care tools. It definitely folds into the season of self-care, which has been something that's been on the podcast, on the blog, in my Facebook group, The Small East Circle, on Instagram, talking about how we can really bolster practices of self-care and love and kindness towards ourselves while we're experiencing this time of year, being in this time of year, moving through this time of year where, you know, you're going to get that question, how are you even doing or seeing people that you may not usually see, you may not want to see, all sorts of stuff comes up this time of year, whether it's seeing family, holidays, buying gifts, all the things that can be stressful and depleting, especially as a people pleaser, as a perfectionist, as a bliger, as someone that takes care of people and doesn't often prioritize themselves first, this can be a very exhausting time of year. I would like to help you not feel that way because I've definitely felt that way around this time of year for many years and we don't have to do that anymore.
It's not necessary. I would love to reach this level of like, the holidays don't bother me, but then at the same time, I feel like, I don't know, that seems very out of reach or like just not realistic and that's okay. Like we don't need to like win at the holidays, like that kind of defeats the purpose a little bit of taking care of yourself and like, we don't have to win anything here, taking care of yourself and honoring yourself and really like living through your own intentions and values, especially during this time of year is awesome and very helpful, you know, to live and just to feel good, to feel good and feel like you're centered and like, you're really showing up as yourself, especially at this time of year. We're talking about finding your self-care tools today because self-care looks different for everybody.
The definition is the same, but how we all practice self-care is very individual and very unique. Just like nutrition is bio-individual, how you practice self-care is very individual. So I wanted to talk about that, talk about self-care, how we practice it, why we need it, how I can work, all those things. So I mentioned self-care a lot and I realized that I've never actually defined self-care, it's kind of a miss on me.
Self-care is also very popular. Now we have the company that large have started to commodify self-care, which is Lovefock and Eyreoll, but if you don't know what self-care is, if you have not heard about it, it hasn't been like sold to you on an Instagram ad yet. Self-care, as defined by the Ox-raditionary, is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health. So I like that in this definition, the word practice is put in there.
So this is an ongoing thing that happens over and over and over again. Whether it's the same thing, whether it's a different thing, it's a practice. It's something that we do all the time. It's not a one and done thing.
It's not like, oh, I meditated once and I drank enough water one day, therefore, boom, hashtag nailed it. That's not really how self-care works. That's really not how anything works really, if you think about it. So that's what self-care is.
And it is unique to everyone and anyone. What may work for me may not work for you and that's totally fine. Ideally, it's something that happens daily or almost daily, even if that's not the same thing. But again, because it's a practice, it needs to be repeated.
Like the fact that you're doing anything self-care, it doesn't have to be the same thing every day. That helps a lot of people. That can be consistent for people. But if you're one of those people that's just like, I get bored.
You're going to get something different every single day. It depends on you and how you like to operate and your personality. But ideally, it is whatever you do for your self-care, it's something that happens daily or frequently. Whether it's every other day, every few days, like the more you're practicing it, the more you're building up this muscle and the more that you feel a little bit more resilient and that you can just keep going.
Because on the flip side, if you're not practicing self-care, that's when shit gets crazy and that's when you kind of feel out of control. You definitely feel super out of control. So most of the time, speaking of your personal experience, you figure out you need something when you don't have it. When you're on the floor, on the kitchen floor crying because you are so exhausted and depleted and you're like, how am I going to do all these things for all these people?
How am I going to get through this day? How am I going to do these things? How am I going to show up if you're not taking care of yourself? How are you going to do it?
So that's, I've cried on my kitchen floor many times in the past. I don't think I've cried on my kitchen floor in quite a while, which is a win. I'm counting that as a win. So usually, sometimes we have to get to this really extreme, uncomfortable burnout or really melt down any kind of place before we realize, oh, I need to take care of myself.
That's happened to me many times. Maybe it's happened to you. Because sometimes we just need that big, big thing in our face saying, hey, you can't ignore this anymore. I think this was Oprah and I'm not getting the story 100% right, but I really like the synology of the universe will tell you things by throwing a little petal at your window.
Just because you don't hear it doesn't mean it won't stop. But the pebble over time gets bigger and bigger and bigger. The more you ignore it, the worse it gets. So the pebble can turn into a rock, could turn into an even bigger rock, could turn into a brick, and they can turn into a fucking boulder if you don't pay attention.
And that's, that's when shit gets real. And you're like, oh my God, I just got flattened. I am so exhausted, so depleted at the bottom. How did I get here?
Because you ignored the signs or didn't want to deal with the signs that were telling you, hey, I need to slow down. I need to take care of myself. I need to be practicing things on the daily that support myself and support myself in carrying on with the rest of my life. I always remember that story sometimes when people are like, yeah, and then this really crazy, huge big thing happened.
And where did that come from? And I'm like, it's been there all along. Sometimes it's just harder to notice. And what's really important to remember if you've had those boulder moments I've had a view is to prevent those big ass boulders from flattening you again, start to pay attention, start to pay attention to when those like, when you feel something, you're like, huh, what is that?
And like, that might be the pebble that might be a rock. And like, oh, okay, like, what is this telling me is taking a moment to, and also like the go, go go busy of our society, which last week's podcast was really awesome with Ariana talking about like how to slow down the importance of that. So if you haven't listened to that, go listen, it's such a good episode. It was a really great reminder to listen to that again and be like, oh, yeah, yeah, I need this.
You need, we all need this. Like we're in, I don't think most of us are exempt from needing those reminders. How we know we need it is because it hits us upside the face over and over again. It shows up as feeling tired, feeling depleted, feeling really irritated, realizing that if someone asks you like, what do you feel grateful for?
And you're like, um, I don't know my dog. Like, if you're like trying to figure out like, if you're trying really hard to find the gratitude in your day, granted there are small things, grads, you can look like a lot of really small things. But if you feel really dissatisfied, not in a perfectionist comparing like winning kind of way about gratitude, if you're like, oh, like this is all, this is all that's like good in my life. Maybe it's time to start adding some of these practices or adding any practices.
Also I'm talking to you people pleasers out there because your girl is also a people pleaser recovering people pleaser. I feel like that like goes back and forth. Like sometimes I'm like, yeah, I'm a recovering people pleaser. And other times I'm like, still a people pleaser.
If you find that you are a people pleaser and you do a lot of things for a lot of people and you feel like you are not doing enough for yourself or you're starting to feel like that shadow side of like, you get really resentful, like you're still doing it and you're like, I'm fucking, I'm fucking, I'm. Another sign that it's time to re-up, double down or start doing some practice, some self-care practices. And also I would say that there can be times when the things that you're doing as self-care don't feel like self-care anymore. Like they've lost their luster or they're not like, right for you anymore in the stage of life that you're at.
That can be another thing to consider just because it worked for you like a year ago, three years ago, a month ago, may not mean it worked now. Again, totally fine. So I've talked about like, it's a practice, but how do we practice it? How do we practice self-care?
Self-care can be really tiny things. It can be really big things. It can happen every day. It can happen once a week.
It can happen every other day. All of these things and it can be like multiple things. You have multiple practices like within self-care. You do like multiple things and they don't all have to be related to each other.
What's really important behind how we practice self-care is the intention behind your self-care and the why you're doing this self-care. Like, yeah, you're doing it because it's how you can function and how you can feel filled back up and feel like you can do all the things for you. And yes, maybe for other people, mostly for you first. It's also something that fills us up rather than helps us check out.
Like when I was doing research for this, when I was trying to find some more examples, like a wider range of examples for how you can practice self-care, which I will go over a little later on the show, I found this article that was also saying like, hey, don't forget. Sometimes some self-care practices could slide into this gray area of it's not actually filling you up. It's checking you out of reality and feeling your feelings. Like you're numbing yourself rather than taking care of yourself.
So I feel like that can apply to anything that you do in excess. If you want to have chocolate, cool, have some chocolate. If you feel like you're just mindlessly eating that chocolate and you're not really paying attention to it, you're just kind of like chugging it down and like, oh, yeah, that's when it gets a little bit problematic or any food really. If you're just kind of like mindlessly eating it and using it as comfort, using it as a way to replace something and soothe yourself, it's really not about that food.
It's really about you finding a better way to soothe yourself because a lot of times we use food as a way to numb or soothe and that can be problematic for some people because that could lead to your relationship with food can change. It can change from something that nurses you and feels you have to something that you use to kind of disconnect. So that's the thing to think about as you're listening and as you're thinking about, oh, do I have any self-care practices? What are those?
What do I want to be? Only think about just like with everything. There are, like on the spectrum, like there are things that could be in your sweet spot and there are things that could kind of slide over to one side of like, this isn't actually helping me, this is just more like helping me numb or this is like on the other side, like this doesn't do anything for me. So think about that.
Like an example that the article had was like, if you want to go like dress nicely to feel confidently cool, that can be really important for people. And a lot of times retail therapy is a way that people feel like they have control. They like, oh, like if I go, I can go by this thing and it'll make me feel better and I just will have so much more control over the situation. But often that coping mechanism can spiral into something that you become dependent on needing to have retail therapy and needing to buy these things.
And it's just like transferring this need to take care of yourself, soothe yourself, like get to the root of bigger issues, like through buying a bunch of stuff, bypassing what really needs to be looked at with something else. Sometimes that's food, sometimes that's buying shit, sometimes that's close. Things to think about, this may apply to you, this may not apply to you. If it does, think about it.
If it doesn't, cool. Right now, especially with like, oh, self-care is so cool, like face masks and like Jane rollers and whatever, self-care can look boring as hell. All right. Sometimes self-care is not glamorous at all.
I would count going to the dentist, going to your doctor to get your yearly checkup. That's totally self-care. Like taking your car in for an oil change so it doesn't like crap out on you on the side of the road. That's technically self-care.
Meal prepping, self-care. Some people like really love meal prepping and it's really fun for them. Other people are like, fuck, I'm so tired of making all this food all day. I hear that.
And meal prepping is a form of self-care. Absolutely. Because you're giving your future self a gift of all this food so you can not have to worry during the week or if you don't have time during the week and you need to make something, my friend, Stogadro often says like, at the end of the day, you're will power, especially if you're dealing with a lot, which we all are. You will power can be super low and if you don't have that, you don't have that meal prep, you're just going to be like, fuck it.
I'm going to the drive-through or I'm like pulling up UberEats right now and just getting whatever or walking to that thing near me. Like, that's a form of self-care. It may not be the sexiest form of self-care. It definitely counts.
Also, really basic things like taking a shower. Those totally count. I feel like this definitely works for like people who work at home. Because when I like work at home on the weekends or if I'm not going to work for a few days like in the office, like I'm just so focused on working, I'm ever going to take a shower or like new moms, hands props about you, lots of vows do you like, you're just doing so much stuff that like, or you don't have time, like sometimes showering is like, oh whatever, like showering is really nice self-care.
It feels good to do and then you don't smell, which is always nice. But thinking a shower can just feel really nice. Wearing clothes that make you feel good, like I said earlier, like especially if you work from home or if you, you know, don't go out very often. It can be really easy to just like wear your pajamas all day and not feel like put together.
But sometimes people need to just wear the chill clothes and feel like they have permission to wear chill clothes and like wear whatever you want. There's definitely like, also depending on like all the things in your life and how you grow up and stuff like that. Sometimes wearing the chill clothes is like exactly what you need. I'm just going to wear pajamas all day because maybe you had, maybe your family told you the story that you always had to look nice all the time.
You always felt like you had to live up to the standard of like, oh I have to look nice, I have to look presentable. So maybe wearing the pajamas all day is like freedom for you. And that's a way for self-care. The same time, like sometimes wearing those clothes can feel super empowering and respectful to yourself and like, oh yeah, this is how I'm taking care of myself by showing up by wearing these turn clothes, which could be fancier clothes, could be more chill clothes.
And that's not glamorous. That's not glamorous or like, you know, those things that people are putting on like, grandma like making companies around. That's not glamorous at all. And it's also really important.
Also like decluttering and having a nice, for me this is really big for me because a visual clutter gives me anxiety. Like it's just like, because when I see things I'm sure other people can relate to this. If you do relate to this, shout out to you. Sometimes too many visual things, all of them are like talking to me.
They're like, hey, look at me, look at me, put me away, do this thing to me. Oh, like this thing might remind me like, oh you gotta do this. Like it's just too much information. Like, I can't take it.
Sometimes self care is just like taking a minute to declutter and putting stuff away. Like I'm definitely an out of sight, out of mind kind of person. If I don't see it, then I'm not going to think about it, especially as a highly sensitive person. I need to not see things all the time because then I will just get really overloaded.
Can decluttering is not a sexy thing, folding your clothes and putting them away and not having like that clutter on your bed or in a basket or on a chair. Like that is a form of self care. No, wrinkly clothes could totally be a form of self care. It all depends on what feels good to you and what feels important to you.
Like this definitely can go back to your why and to your values. So how do you find what works for you? It can take some trial and error if like you think about it and you're like, I have no idea what is fulfilling to me. What makes me feel good?
If you know what makes you feel good, follow all of those feelings and see how they are. Like if they, those are practice like, if you know like, yeah, I really feel good after I journal or pulling a tarot card or a card every day and thinking about that makes me like makes me feel centered and grounded and makes me feel good. If you know those things, lean into those things. If you're not sure, start trying some stuff.
Also remember that it can change. It can change depending on what's happening in your life, how you're feeling. Like literally like it could be this month, I'm not feeling this. Maybe I know why.
Maybe I don't. That's okay. That's totally okay. You are a dynamic being.
You change. It's okay. You would come back to those things maybe one day or maybe not. Also, totally fine.
Also self care can look like something you do with another person or it could be something you do alone. The thing that I was thinking about doing with another person like working out, you could do that with another person. That could be a form of self care, whether that's they're just there or you're actually doing something with another person could be a form of self care, could be like talking to someone you really love and having a great conversation with them. Like that could be really fulfilling for you depending on who you are and how you operate.
Like that could feel like, oh, I feel so much better. I feel like balanced and I feel good. Not that you depend on that person though. caveat.
It's really important. This is like something I think about and grapple with all the time. Like the self care still comes back to the self. So you don't want all of your practices to depend on another person because it's just you.
The end of the day is just you. So it's important for most, I would say personally, I think it's really important for most of your practices to still be things you can do by yourself, for yourself, with yourself. If some of them involve other people, that's totally cool. One of the things that I really enjoy from time to time is having what my friends and I call a lady dance party.
I'm a fucking adult and we do lady dance parties. We go to a friend's house, rotate sometimes. We put on some, we put on some music. Sometimes we rotate who chooses the music or anyone to pick the music and we just dance.
We just dance in someone's living room. Dad, I can do by myself. I can do that by myself. I can just like sometimes if I want to and I'm just alone, I just turn on some music and I just dance and I feel good.
I also feel good dancing with my friends, but I don't need them to have a dance party and to feel good about myself. So you see the difference, the act of dancing and having like just getting that out of my body and like feeling that stuff. I don't need another person to do it. It's cool and fun when I do it with other people.
I don't need to do that with another person. Something to think about, all the things. There's also like, I will, there's definitely like, I can do this myself. So if there are things that you like to do with other people that fulfill you, cool.
I would say it's probably best though for most of your self care practices to mostly be you and most of your mom around things you can do because if people schedule change or people are busy and you're prevented from doing that self care practice, that can be problematic. There also can be seasons where you need more self care than other times of the year. This could be that time of the year when you just need, it can, seasons. We have four seasons that are around changes in the, in the temperature, the light, all that stuff.
Seasons can last as long, other seasons in your life can last as long as short as I need to. They aren't really tied to any like real set amount of time. So when I talk about seasons, that's what I talk about. That's what I'm referring to.
I'm not just saying like winter, like this season of your life, like winter, like no, you can have season times and seasons of your life where other things are happening, whether it's in your brain and your body or like other things in the world are happening, other things in your environment are happening. And you just might just need more, you might need to up that self care game for yourself because you just need it. Maybe it's a hard time. Maybe it's a, you're growing and it's as awesome as growing is, it's also painful.
So you might need some more, you might have certain times in your life, certain seasons that you just need to double down on that self care. Totally fine. Or there could be times when you're feeling really good, whether because you've been consistently having a self care practice, to whatever degree it is, and there might be times when like just doing one or two are fine. Just like you change, your practices change and they grow and evolve anymore with you by a new age.
Let's get to this big ass list of all the things that self care can look like anything that sounds appealing to you, try it out and see if it really like works for you. I would say doing it a few times is a bad thinking about this with my like, I'm not a scientist, but I think about things like science and experiments, like trying things out. I would try certain things a few times before you say, eh, that's not right for me because you won't know you don't have enough evidence or enough information to really make a judgment or a call or an assessment because you don't have enough data super nerdy thing to say, but you don't have enough data to make a conclusion. So try it a few times and less like the first time you're like, fuck no, no, thank you.
Or like when you read it, you're like, yeah, that's really not for me. But if you're kind of curious and you try it and you're like, maybe try it one to two to three. How many more times before you're like, no, you know, I just, I don't think this works. But definitely give some things a few tries before you're like, nah, nah, because again, collecting that data and see what really works because for some people, it can take a while to like warm up to something or get in the groove of something depending on what it is.
And if you're one of those people, you already know that it takes a lot of time. Other people instantly know like, nah, not going to work. Some people may need a few times. Some people may need a lot more times than might need a month or so to be like, to collect that data and be like, you know, I don't think this works or, you know, I think this really works.
And I like this and I'm going to start incorporating it. So it all comes down to like how you operate and knowing how you operate. And if you don't really know how you operate or you haven't really like paid attention to it, give it a try for a little bit. See how you feel?
Big ass list of possible ways of self care. There are so many more and self care. Like what the point of this list is like self care can look like a lot of things. You look like a lot, a lot of things.
These are just some examples. There could be many more. So self care can look like pampering yourself. This is one that's getting the most buzz also because it's like tied to a lot of industry, like beauty industry.
So pampering yourself that could mean I'm not a big fan of this. Like personally, like those face masks, like everyone loves those like face masks that make people look like ghosts or robots. I don't know. Like that's just not my thing.
That could be your thing. If sheet masks are your thing, cool. Good for you. You sheet mask all day long.
I support you. It's not something for me. And I know that. So I'm not going to jump on that sheet mask train because I'm like, nah, not for me.
But it could be for you getting your nails like the popular one like getting your nails done. Bubble bass. Like that could be something that qualifies as pampering yourself. That could be one of those things.
Getting a massage. Also one of those things. Sometimes the thing that the thing that can be problematic about some of these ways of pampering yourself is that they are not as accessible to everybody. You can only cost money.
Like some of these, especially like services. Like, yeah, you're paying someone to do that. Can you afford that? Maybe you can.
Cool. If you can't, it's like, you know, like there's an accessibility issue for lots and lots of people on certain forms of like pampering that's getting a lot of play right now. So if you can do it and that appeals to you, you rock on with your bad self. If it doesn't appeal to you or if you feel like you can't afford it, there are many other things for your friend.
Still kind of in the like, if you can afford it, bracket, there could be a lot of different healing modalities that can be helpful for you. Again, if you can afford it and you know this feels great for you, try not like a massage, go into acupuncture, go into a chiropractor. Maybe if you're working through some things like going to physical therapy, like, you know, reset things and make things feel better in your body. These are all options that you can do.
Reiki, sound healing, all these things that definitely require seeing another person, paying another person, exchanging money for that skill, that healing, not for everybody, not accessible to everyone. If you can do it and you like it, cool. If you can't, there are many other things. One of the super cheap things that I love that I've talked about, quiet time.
Quiet time is one of my favorite things that literally I have done since I was a child. If I did not get quiet time, that meant I'm not down. So quiet time, just you and yourself. Nobody else, no one talking to you, doing what you want.
That can be like anything, like you can do anything in that time. Within that time, you could read, take a walk, just kind of like have space, just have space to think, like finally take a breath. You can do anything you want in quiet time. And sometimes it's really nice to have that time where you can just do whatever the fuck you want.
Like you just need that time to decompress, like having that space to be like, I can do whatever I want, I can be whatever I want, can feel really freeing, especially if you feel like you have a lot of time that is very segmented and slotted and you have to be here, you have to do this, you have to go to this meeting, you have to pick up this person, you have to do this like, unstructured time could be really, really restorative and really like, I can do whatever I want. And no one's talking to me. Working out or moving your body in whatever way works for you, whether that's, you know, going to the gym, lifting heavy shit, going to yoga, going to Pilates, running, going across the box or gym or moving your body can feel really awesome. Meditating, if that works for you.
You can do that just by sitting quietly and closing your eyes. You can download a meditation app, insight timer is one that I really like. There are so many meditation apps. It depends on what works for you.
That can be something that's really helpful, whether you do it every day, every other day, journaling. You guys know I talked about journaling a bunch of my friends. Also love journaling. Journaling can be whatever you want, however long or short you want.
You can literally talk about whatever you want. If you need something more structured, you could have a prompt of like, how am I feeling today or like gratitude? You can do a lot of things. Singing, singing is another way, a form of self-care.
It's one that I really, really love. Fun fact about me, I was in choir for a really long time growing up. I did it like in academia for like five years. And then I left because I did too many big surprise.
I did too many things. And I really wanted to focus on art. So I stopped. I left choir, but I really loved to sing and singing.
I noticed really, it really, really feels good to me. It really like singing also like on a science level, I've read several times in several different places. Like I don't have any of this in front of me, but singing and like hearing the sounds and like the place that your brain goes when you are singing is very helpful and very relaxing for yourself. Singing can be something dancing like I mentioned before.
That can be awesome, whether that's in your kitchen or in a club or in a living room or in a dance studio. That can also be like just like literally moving things out of your body. Again on Marilyn's podcast, we're talking about how trauma can live and manifest in like stay in the body. So you can like by moving, by like getting it out by expressing yourself, you're moving through that trauma, you're processing it.
Even if you don't have trauma, you're just like kind of getting things out. Same thing with other movement practices and going to the gym. Reading a book. Reading, I would say a fiction book.
Chrissy King. So awesome. If you don't follow her already, please follow her. She's an amazing, amazing woman in the fitness space in the intersectional space.
She's awesome. I am Chrissy King on Instagram. Go follow her. She had a great, like, oh, done.
Why haven't I thought about this? She was on Les Alfred's podcast. I will link that in the show notes called the Bounce Black Girl podcast. Really good podcast.
You definitely listen to it. She was talking about how Chrissy was talking about how one of her forms of self care is reading a fiction book. And I was like, oh, duh. I used to read so many books all the time, like fiction books.
Most of the books I read now or listen to now are nonfiction, which is cool. And also can feel like I'm always working. Like I'm always learning, which is awesome. And sometimes you just need to not learn.
Speaking of those old fucking loves to learn like learn so hard all the time, you need to break. You need to just like read something fun. So reading fiction. So that's from a girl Chrissy King.
Can be really fun, especially like fantasy or sci-fi or like fun stuff that's just so not of this world. Really like, yeah, you feel you have a break from your own life and you're not like, oh, reading really heavy things or maybe reading really heavy things is really fun for you. That aren't involved in your life. And you're like, yeah, this has nothing to do with my life.
And this is a nice break. Also can be a thing. Self care can look like a morning or evening ritual too. So a ritual is like a series of things that you do.
So that ritual can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. A morning or evening ritual could literally be like, it's something you repeat. Maybe you end your night with some tea. Like your brush of teeth, you have some tea or whatever where you want.
You have some tea and you just know like, all right, I'm winding down for the day. Or you start your day with some tea or you light a candle of something that you repeat that just kind of like for you. That's like, all right, this is what we're doing. We're doing this for myself.
Rituals can be super grounding. And most of the time when you feel when you have those moments of like, oh, shit, I really need self care. It's when you're not grounded and you're like spinning around like moving too fast and like, like, whoa, like this can be a way to ground you and be like, all right, everything could be crazy. But I know that when I wake up, I'm gonna have my cup of tea.
I'm gonna light my candle or like, I'm gonna water my plants this morning and like, look out, like could be a lot of things. Again, I said earlier, meal prep, that's totally a form of self care, drinking enough water. This also kind of counts as a not sexy form of self care and is really fucking important. Not drinking enough water and being dehydrated is one of the most common nutrient deficiencies that we have in the United States.
And you're like, what? What are you talking about? How is it a nutrient deficiency? Water is extremely important for your body.
It keeps you hydrated. You're mostly water. You need to like water also keeps like moves all the things in your body. So if you don't have enough water, you're not moving the things in your body that need to go places.
I do all those processes that keep you alive. Also headaches are super common if you don't have enough water. Your skin can be affected like by water. Like if you're like, oh, it's kind of dry.
Like, are you drinking enough water? Are you also are you eating enough fats? But like, are you drinking enough water? You're like, I just feel dry.
Get headaches. Like those are signs you need to drink more water. Drinking more water can be one of those like silent, like not super sexy ones and can be really, really helpful. Okay.
So when I said drinking enough water and you're like, well, how do I know? Well, how do I know if I'm drinking enough water? Is it that eight glasses a day? Nope.
Nope. Nope. Nope. That eight glass a day thing is some book and bullshit.
So if you want to figure out how much water, a base, like a minimum of how much water you should drink, take your body weight, divide it in half. And whatever that answer is, that's how much you should be minimum. You should be drinking in ounces. So if you are 200 pounds, that means you should have 100 ounces of water a day minimum.
If you are more active or if it's a one more time of year and you're sweating a lot, you need to drink more. Whatever that more is is something that you have to figure out for your body. And if you drink tea or coffee, you're going to have to, with each glass, each eight ounce glass, you're going to have to drink, I think it's like one and a half. There's a formula, but you're going to have to drink more water to offset that because coffee and tea are diuretics.
That means that they draw water out of the body. So that means you need to replace, you need to replace that water that you had with your coffee or tea faster because it's actively taking it out of your body, like in addition to peeing and all that stuff. So minimum half your body weight in ounces. If you're more active, if you're sweating more often, you need more.
How much more is something that you have to experiment with? Most of the times, by getting the minimum, that can be really helpful in that. You can, you can see like a very subtle difference. Eating foods that work for you totally counts of self care.
Because you don't want to feel like shit all the time. If you're eating a food and your body's, I mean, like, why did you do that to me? Can you feel bad? Eat the foods that work for your body.
That makes you feel good. Watching TV or movie, like if you have a show that you love and like it makes you feel so happy or a movie that you love and it just makes you feel so good and you love those actors, you love the storyline, go for it. The thing that I was mentioning earlier, if you find like you're watching like four hours of this show or if you're watching like the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy back to back to back as a way to like avoid life or numb out, I would look at that. That might be something to look at and to like dig deeper in.
But like watching something that you love. Cool. Going on a solo adventure is another form of self care. Ever friend and she loves to travel and what she loves the most is like traveling on her own and like exploring things and seeing new things like you can do that.
There can also be this great like liberating feeling of doing whatever the fuck you want and going wherever the fuck you want. Again, back to similar to the quiet time like going to solo adventure and explore something new. That could be like take yourself out to dinner or lunch or just drive to an area of town you've never been to park and start walking around. See what it's like.
One of the shops like what are the people like? What's the hair? Like are there any like is there nature around like what's that? What is that you put like going like having adventure and that's not something that requires a lot of money.
It takes time. It takes gas or bus fare or train but like just walking around and exploring like that can be a lot cheaper than like going on a because you that can be like a local adventure and then you could go like my friend like she's awesome and she's I think she's just leaving Bali right now like that's like the more that's like the highest level of like solo adventure. The smallest set version is like Dr. Nipod you've never been to.
Explore it speaking of nature being in nature can be so good. There's this term for spading where they've done studies where people who are in forest and like take nature walks their stress is lowered. That's the most important thing so go to nature and nature can be whatever it looks like for you. Even like parks count parks totally count because parks have trees parks look nice.
You go to a park if you're if you're in a really if you live in a really great area that has more access to like national parks or like bigger and more nature parks or nature preserves or maybe even in our breed them go there go there and just walk around and just soak it up and just be like and like look at stuff like find a flower that you love or a tree that you love and just like look at it and be like damn this is really beautiful and just what does it smell like it smells different like all the things go for a walk go for a walk anywhere we haven't lived on our street in our name pretty long like explore like go explore go see what's there go see what's fun you don't know until you take a walk or also you like won't know like notice things like oh I never noticed that house that I drove by like every day like there's a burp eater in there or or there's a like a little library there like that's cool like traveling or going somewhere new like I mentioned earlier that can be as big as planning a trip or like a big as like making time for yourself and like exploring the area that you live in making and creating things as a also a designer creator person that's making things for most of my life like doing things with your hands and making things can feel really really awesome whether that's literally anything designing things collaging things building something like planting things totally counts like if you want to make things like making a garden taking care of a garden like though there are also things as well like I mentioned earlier catching up with a loved one or talking with someone that just like talking with them like just feel so great and I feel like a lot of times this the more I think about this catching up with a loved one or someone that just really like clicks with you that is a lot about someone that really sees you and really can hold space for you and understand you and just acknowledge your existence by listening to you it is so important to feel like you are listened to and you're heard and you're acknowledged and appreciated for just being you so I feel like that is a root of catching up with a loved one and because you love them you know like that's awesome too that can just feel so like this is exactly what I needed because not all of our loved ones are near us whether that's like someone in your family or your friends I do this thing with some of my very very dear friends who don't live like near me and we're all pretty busy so we can't like getting on the phone is requires like scheduling and a lot of work we use this at Golden Boxer that's V-O-X-E-R and it's they call it like a walkie-talkie it's free so you just need their phone number and you can they need they need to make an account as well on Boxer it's on your phone and I just it's like voice text but so much better than my message voice text because don't get me started on how problematic and like backwards that is it's so not worth your time if you're trying to send lots of long messages and you can't if you do that and it's frustrating you switch to Boxer so what some of my friends and I do with each other is we will send messages to each other like long form messages like four to five minutes sometimes 15 minutes sometimes more depending on how long it's been we've caught up with each other and what's going on with our lives we just talk that was definitely training for this podcast was like sending all these messages sending all these boxes all the time getting comfortable with like hearing myself just talking to nothing for a long time but yeah we just talk and we just send each other audio pen pal or audio pen pals and we get that's how we catch up with each other and there's something so awesome about hearing someone's voice I used to be god I feel so old but not but old remember when we talk to people on the phone remember that when we talk to people on the phone there's something about hearing someone's voice and hearing and some just reading text that's can be really awesome if you have like a treat that you love like chocolate like I really like super fucking dark chocolate just having a square of that and just really savoring that back and just be like you know having that and that's also like slowing down and having that like stillness saying no and setting boundaries is totally a form of self-care I did a podcast on boundaries I'll leave it in the show notes but go back and listen to that episode about boundaries because setting boundaries and like taking care of yourself that way definitely a form of self-care sleep form of self-care for sure if you're not getting enough sleep that can really mess you up you need your body needs sleep to do so many things like your body continues to do stuff while you sleep your body heals while you sleep your body detoxes while you sleep it's restoring things it's integrating all this stuff like sleep sleep is so important like the people that pride themselves on like very little hours of sleep that makes me really nervous like oh man what is it not happening in your body that needs to happen when you're sleeping self-care could look like going to bed earlier sleeping in later depending on you wake up like shortening the activities in your day to like take that time to rest therapy definitely a form of self-care you guys know how much I love therapy I love therapy it's so awesome therapy is definitely a place and a practice that is really can be so so helpful like I think last month just by like life circumstances I wasn't able to go to therapy for two weeks my therapist canceled on me one week and then I had to cancel on her the next and oh my god I was really feeling it like I didn't realize it at first but like man I couldn't do it was hard it was difficult like it made things a little bit more difficult not knowing that I had that space and that person to like talk with and listen to me and like give me some feedback and therapy totally self-care being in the present moment it's a little bit more abstract also definitely a form of self-care so often we are thinking about what needs to be done at least for me a lot of people do it what needs to be done next what do I need to do what do I need to do now to prep for the future like no what do I need like always a lot of times we're thinking about the future and how to prepare for that and how to prepare for that and like anticipating things and supporting people and things that we're not really here and one of the things that always takes me is the fact that anxiety often happens from worrying about what hasn't happened yet so the more that we can check back in with what's happening right now the more that we can get into that habit of being here and not just letting our minds just go crazy how do we do that being in the present moment can be as simple as taking a deep breath and literally doing an inventory of all of your five senses what do you see right now what do you hear right now do you taste anything right now how do things feel what are you what what textures do you feel like noticing like how your genes feel or how your coat feels or how your socks feel in your feet noticing things through your five senses can really help you notice the present moment things that we did when we were kids that we don't do anymore like looking up at the sky and watching clouds pass by that can be so relaxing and so like like exactly what you need there are so many things this is at the end of this big ass list it's also pretty important not very sexy but put down that phone put it down so often we are and i'm a thousand percent guilty of this as well like we're really caught up in our phones because a lot of times our phone is our main point of connection to other people most of my really good friends don't live here they don't live in LA you know like how do we get in touch with people now we get in touch with people through our phones because our phone is a baby computer so it's just like so often we're like on our phones what's happening with social media what's happening with my friends i'm getting a text message like all this input and we're not we're totally detached from the present moment we're totally detached like sometimes the person standing right next to us that is there in your space because you're so fixated on your phone and you're not you're not thinking about yourself and how you're taking care of yourself if you're like sucked into like what's happening on Instagram what's happening with friends set it down if you have an iPhone there's a and you have iOS 12 there's that screen time thing that can like tell you how often you're on your phone you can set limits on certain apps i like putting my phone in airplane mode certain times when you focus oh my phone is always in do not disturb because i don't like the phone like blushing like hey hey hey hey no so my phone is always in do not disturb so i choose when i want to see things and it's not like trying to seduce me with like the notification pop up in the light turning on this has been a way longer episode than i anticipated i had a lot of things to say about self care that i did not realize so we will now transition into the small steps portion on this podcast there have been a lot of small steps in here already and a lot of things to think about and we've got a little bit more to talk about if you realize that you need some self care and you're not really sure how to do it or you're not really aware that you're doing self care things or you don't know how to like add that into your life do an audit of your day or your week depending on what your life is like and see how you're doing with your self care like check in on yourself like what are you doing anything right now like you won't know until you stop in like assess so you can take you can lock that down for the day or the week depending on what your life situation is like reflect on what makes you feel good like what things make you feel good if you're like oh i don't know i don't know what my self care is reflect on the thing that make you look like the things that you do i would say make sure that not all of those things have to do with being in service for other people being in service for other people can feel really good but self care is about yourself not about other people not doing things for other people so keep that in mind once you have a list of like what makes you feel good or something of all the many things that i've listed off like if sound appealing to you try out one or two of those things for a little bit and see how they feel if you don't like them try new things or maybe try them longer whenever it works for you when you find something that works for you make space for them in your schedule a lot of times we think we don't have enough time sometimes we literally don't have enough time and sometimes we need to make space for that like we need to be more aware of how we're spending our time so you can do a time audit of like what am i doing like maybe we're all definitely scrolling the gram way too often and if you decided to put down your phone for an extra 10 like 10 minutes what could you do with that 10 minutes you can do a lot of things in that 10 minutes you can easily meditate in 10 minutes you can easily journal for 10 minutes you can take a 10 minute walk you could do a yoga sequence for 10 minutes you could garden or water your plants for 10 minutes you can definitely drink water a glass of water in 10 minutes there are a lot of things you can do in 10 minutes and 10 minutes isn't crazy and again with girl marylin she's coming up the lathe today she has the practice in her podcast just go back and listen to marylin's podcast because it's so great there's so many awesome things in there it will be linked in the show notes she has a seven minute practice of her like loving in practice so 10 minutes feel great like does seven minutes feel insane no it doesn't so make space for that and i think it's also helpful to let the close people in your life know that you're making space for this especially if making space for this stuff impacts other people like going to a fitness class or going to a movement class or going to something that requires time like that can't impact them so let them know say hey this is something i'm working on or like maybe in you doing that they have to adjust i'm thinking about my friend marylin alive today so hey girl what's up i miss you marylin has on her instagram stories she posted that she's starting to do pilates on the reformer reform applies class because it's something she really needs for herself so she asked her husband if he could help get her daughter ready in the morning and so he did that so she could have herself here like you can ask people to like or like let them know like hey i'm doing this thing just so you know this might affect something or it might affect anything just be like hey i'm doing this stuff depending on your personality and if you're not sure and this would definitely be like a four tendencies kind of thing so i have a podcast about personality tests and personality types go listen to that depending on your specifically or four tendencies personality type you may also need an accountability partner but this would definitely be if you're in a blinder most people don't want to oblige a blider's hands up or bliders i'm in a blinder so if you need an accountability partner to help you reach out to someone everyone especially now that's like cool everyone's trying to work on self-care to some degree whether that's something that you just checking with them i'd say hey this is what i'm doing for myself today whether that's your partner or a friend or maybe you do it with them maybe you guys both want to go to that pilates or yoga class or movement class or dance class or you want to go on a walk together cool do that you totally do that so if you've already been doing a self-care practice and maybe something's kind of plateaued or stagnated try something else try another practice whether you are been curious about trying something else or something on this list sticks out to you try it see what it's like and be okay with letting the the things go that you've been doing that don't quite like fulfill you right now you may come back to them you may not it's all okay make space for more self-care if you if you have space and you feel like you need more maybe try making more space see how that feels especially if you feel like you're going through you're going through one of those seasons where you need more of it like to make more space see what it feels like if you notice that you're in like the you're a you might be hit by that over boulder like in any minute and you need to like make even more space or you need to like up your self-care game or like literally start your self-care game period first things first in addition to noticing it practice all the kindness this is a really easy way like when you notice it it's so easy just immediately beat yourself up and be like you're so dumb how dare you like you should know better blah blah blah you don't need to do that and or you don't need to listen to those voices in your head that are telling you that you're a piece of shit those voices for some of us are already there and already like a level a volume level that we don't like you don't just because it's there doesn't mean it's true and does not mean that you have to listen to it you don't have to listen to it you are not your thoughts if you didn't know you're not your thoughts you think all sort of things all the time and sometimes I know we've all had those moments like where the hell did that come from you can qualify all that negative self-talk as though where the hell did that come from you do not need to listen to it so definitely when you notice that you're like oh shit I could be hit by that over boulder any second I really need to up my game or need to start doing this also remind yourself that it is okay practice all the kindness that you can for yourself and be like good for you good for you good for you for noticing this before getting hit by that boulder it's time to be kind to myself how can I do that you don't need to be yourself up it's it's so unnecessary it's so unnecessary and just makes things be worse and you don't have to feel worse you don't I'm sure if you're noticing you're in the digital you already kind of feel bad you don't need to add to that see if there's something that you can take off your plate to make space for your self-care a lot of the times when this happens we're very very busy and we don't feel like we can make a lot of space so see if there's something that you can take off your plate whether that's setting boundaries and saying no which is an active self-care asking someone for help also a thing or just adjusting you can there are certain things that we impose on ourselves like just let something go there are a lot of things that we impose on ourselves especially if you are a people-pleaser perfectionist like there are all these things that we think we have to do and we think the world will fall apart if we don't do it most of the times when I stop doing something then I'm like oh no everything's gonna go to shit because I've stopped doing this one thing most of the time nothing happens like nothing happens most of that I'm like oh everything's still here everything's still fine like I'm fine the people around me are fine it's all because when you have those really high standards and when you have this level of perfectionism and taking care of people and doing all the things like it's already above and beyond you don't have to do it it's gonna be fine I promise do something that you know always makes you feel good that's very accessible for you and what you need to do a lot of the times like we'll think about those bigger examples like that aren't really accessible to you right now there are a lot of things that are accessible that you enjoy go back to those also like taking any breath always accessible at any time for any person and sometimes that that practice like can be as simple as getting some sleep too getting some sleep eating something that you know like what make your stomach hurt or like has enough fats proteins and carbs like something really nourishing let's lower on sugar or like lower on refined carbs because that's how you make your blood sugar go crazy make you feel a little crazier like you try that as simple as that also when you notice that like when you notice that you're in the danger zone remember how that feels remember what that feels like whether that's a physical feeling in your body or like you notice your thoughts kind of change and like take this weird turn and certain things start to come up more notice that notice that and remember that because it can come up again it probably will come up again because this is a practice this will come up again you're never just because you've avoided one boulder doesn't mean you're not going to potentially find another boulder that might smack you in the face again i noticed this where my day job has gotten busier whereas for the past few years it's been a little bit more mellow that i've transferred to the i left that other drop that was super busy it's been getting busier mind-to-care and i noticed after work like leaving work around the home i felt this feeling i have not felt in a really long time this feeling of like feeling pulled in too many directions and feeling a little tired and i was like oh fuck there it is i remember this feeling i remember this feeling and i remember exactly why this feeling happened i remember what this feeling led to i remember that this was not good for me and just because i can't change the situations that work that are busy doesn't mean i can't change how i deal with that busyness so that can look like taking more breaks at work that can look like doubling down on my sleep drinking enough water eating nourishing food taking breaks setting boundaries like remembering all the ways of remembering all the things i didn't do that led me to feeling that way and led me to especially a few years ago that led me to like the extreme place of like feeling that pulled feeling all the time like i can go back and remember like what did i feel like what was i doing these things aren't things that you just like oh okay got it and you like transition away from them and you like don't touch them ever again just because they're like not comfortable no remembering them and learning from them is so so so crucial so when it happens be aware be really aware and try to remember the feelings and thoughts so that if it happens again when it happens again you can spot it sooner and you'll be like all right i know what to do here i know what i need to do i know the self-care practices i need to double down on or try again or ask for help or step boundaries so i don't go back to that level of experience so i don't get crushed by this boulder all right let's wrap up all these small steps and get it going like i didn't realize how excited i would be about talking about all of these self-care things i really didn't and i love it so if you're just starting out with figuring out what self-care practices work for you and how to do that do an on it of your day and or your week and see how you're doing with self-care reflect on what makes you feel good that does not have to do with serving other people and write that down try one to two of those things that make you feel good or something from the big-ass list that i've mentioned in the show and try those out and see how this feel that may take you a few tries or it may be instant or it may take a month depends on you and what you how you operate once you find the things that you like make space for those things make consistency space for those things and if they're like things that take longer amounts of time or might impact the people around you let them know let them know and reach out to them if you need additional assistance to keep that going like if you need someone to take care of your kid or take care of something while you're doing that other thing or just letting them know like my schedule is adjusting depending on your personality type consider an accountability partner whether that's someone that you just say hey this is what i did for myself today or doing those things with them if you have been doing self-care practice for a little bit try out other things and see if you like them reflect on if the things that you're doing are working or not and if they're not let them go if they are working cool keep going um consider if you could make more space for self-care whether you're lying on it or you feel like you need it or if you just want to see how that feels also like self-care doesn't take like a million years just or i don't think i really touch on that but like self-care shouldn't take like five thousand hours or like your whole day if you want to do when you have that space cool if you don't also cool if you notice you're in that danger zone like you're going to get hit by that big ass molar and flattened and you need some self-care practice all that kind is towards yourself it's not an opportunity for you to be up on yourself it's time to be kind and forgiving and move and move through and move on don't get stuck in the blame shame game see if there's something that you can take off your plate so that you can make space for self-care that could mean saying no that can be asking for help that can mean setting boundaries do something that you know always makes you feel good no matter what and that can be really easy for you to do so planning a trip a little bit more difficult find something that you can quickly do in the situation that you're in right now that could be as simple as getting sleep in nourishing meal taking a walk taking breaks drinking enough water also take note on how you're how you're feeling the physical feelings in your body or the thoughts in your brain that kind of led you to be like oh no i'm in this danger zone and remember that so you can catch that if and when it comes back around again those are all the small steps those are all the they're not all the ways but there are many many ways on the tools of your self-care and how what works for you so i would love to know what are your tools for self-care what did anything resonate with you in the show please let me know please rate review subscribe the show hit me up on instagram and small underscore eats and tell me what you thought about this episode i also have a private Facebook community called the small each circle the link is in the show notes you can request a join we have these conversations you can let me know it's awesome community filled with cool women there are some men mostly women you can head to my website small dash eats calm for all the show notes ways to work with me awesome recipes i also am taking one-on-one nutrition clients at the moment so if you want to work on self-care more or if you want to work on self-care through the lens of food i'm here for you also this show was brought to you by my e-book not on my desk lunch not on my desk lunch is definitely a form of self-care so what is that it is not eating at your desk as a way to eat well they just well and like have some calm in your day there are four steps to getting to an item a desk lunch which are very easy and very attainable i explain those all in the e-book and i explain like the nutrition science about it if you're someone that's like any facts that's in there for you also because it's lunch i have 15 recipes that will give you at least a month if not more of work meals so that what you're eating and what you're digesting makes you feel good because that's super important so head to link in my show notes to get more about that and that is it for this week i hope you if you are celebrating Thanksgiving i hope you have a wonderful holiday i hope you get to see people that you love and have great moments and i also hope that you take care of yourself during this time if this is a time that is can be overwhelming for many reasons or if family is something that is um can bring up things or bring up certain things like i hope you're doing whatever you can or want to take care of yourself it is totally okay to put yourself first like please please put yourself first that's how i got into all this mess by not putting myself so please do what you can in whatever form you can it doesn't have to be big it can be small but take care of yourself this holiday and everyday and remember you can do it one small step at a time