Hello, and nice to see you again. Thanks for joining us today on this very, very special episode of the H3 Podcast, No Means Left Behind. First of all, let me welcome you all under the gazebo. Today, on a very special episode of the H3 Podcast, we'll be joined by Dan the producer, Ian the intern, Ela the pregnant.
No Means Left Behind. Today we are sponsored by Skillshare. Now let me explain what is going on today. Throughout the year, we've covered a lot of stories, we've talked about a lot of things, but there's always these great goofs, laughs, and gaffs, and boofs, even I would even venture to say a couple of boofs, that fall through the crack.
They're great, but we just didn't have time to get to them. And so we've asked Dan and Ian and Ela and even myself to go through all of our documents over the course of the past year and to salvage, to save our fallen meme brothers who have fallen behind enemy lines. And we've said, no, these are fresh, these are spooky, these deserve to be aired. And so that is what we are here to do today.
So today, no meme will be left behind. And that's it. So Ian and Dan, would you join us please in the office here in the studio? So introducing Dan, of course, yes, round of applause.
Join us if you would, please. Thank you so much. Now Dan and Ian, now how long have you guys been with us? Let's see, it was...
What was your first episode, guys? First episode was, you know what, the first episode was Joey Salas. What? I think so.
How was that as an introduction? I don't know if you were fans of us, but you knew who we were. Yeah, no, I was a fan. I watched the show, or the main channel, pretty regularly.
So I knew Joey Salas, and that was definitely a weird thing to step into. But I think the second week was Steve-O, which was fucking awesome to get to meet him. So that was a good introduction. Dan, the producer, we cherish and love.
We were a bit of a mess here, and Dan was like a great recommendation from somebody through Twitch, right? And so we were like, dude, do you want to just work full-time? I was like, well, yeah. And the rest has been history, as they say.
So about a year ago? Well, it was even longer. Summer. It was summer of 2017.
So there you go. Time flies, man. Time flies. And Ian, of course, the illustrious, I want to say the eternal intern, reached out to us, has a great origin story.
Ian. Ian was reaching out to us even before we hired Dan, I think. Really? But we didn't have the capacity to even follow up with him.
Well, I probably told the story a couple of times, but it bears being repeated because it's such a great origin story. We get a lot of emails from people in our, you know, we have a work with H3 email that's open to the general public. We get a lot of requests, a lot of emails, but Ian comes through, very respectable, very eloquent, and he says, hey, you know what? I would like to be an intern for you.
And you must have emailed us like 20 times, like Shawshank Redemption. Remember when he was writing a letter, asking for his library funds? That was good. To be fair, I kept telling him, keep checking in with us, because I know we'll need help, but we can't do it right now, but we will.
And were you a fan of ours, Ian? Yeah, yeah, I was. And you still are? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I really kind of harassed you guys. I was basically, you know, just, you know, bothering you non-stop, and it worked out. Now, was that a technique? I have to ask, were you writing other people similar emails?
Because you had a strategy, and I'm wondering who other people were you, you know, writing out. Not really, actually, because, you know, you guys were the most open. You know, a lot of people just, you know, trash, recycle this email. So, you know, you guys were open, like you said, you said keep trying, so, you know, I did.
You kept at it. Well, that's a good life lesson for all the people out there, that persistence is truly the key to either success or prison, depending on how weird you are. Yeah, in your case, success. Yeah, restraining work, one or the other.
It's good to know the difference, but not all of us have that gift. And Ian, I want to say, has been a treat, a pleasure, a joy. We love Ian so much. God bless Ian, an intern.
He's not really an intern anymore. He's blossomed into so much more. Yeah, my first episode was when Skippy and John Smith. Oh, really?
Yeah. Oh. Yeah, so that was a lot of one to come into. Wow, I feel like things have tamed since you guys started.
We've got to get back into doing some more weird and wild stuff. But those were the days. Yeah, we pepper sprayed Joey Salads in over a year. Well, I'm looking forward to our Christmas special.
This 21st, right, we're going to do another charity Christmas special. Is this it? I don't think we've... Oh, okay, well, yeah, we're doing it with Justin, Roiland, Alex, Arish, and Dana.
Terrace. Terrace. I don't know if I'm spying. I think that's right.
Yeah, I think, Brad, I don't know. I blanked. But anyway, and Joey Salads. Also, we're trying to think, how can we, you know, involve Joey Salads in this?
And we were thinking, well, we already pepper sprayed him. Maybe we can shoot him with a non-lethal beanbag. I don't know. It'd be fun.
And, of course, Justin will actually be the one that pulled the trigger as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, the 21st, mark it down on the calendar, boys. We're going to do a lot of good this year.
And that would be the last episode before we take a little break. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Well, guys, here we are gathered today at the podcast table, and we have a lot of...
We're here. Yeah, how does it feel being in here? Do you guys like being in here or do you not like being in here? It's...
I don't know. I definitely prefer to be behind the scenes, but it's okay. Ian, do you like your airtime? No, I'm having a panic attack.
I feel like you like the airtime. I think I'm a camera at the camera. No, you're not a hog. You're not, but I know he's a hog.
But, I mean, you know, you have a presence on camera. Yeah, you have a natural charisma. I feel like I relate. I always think that Ian is, like, more like me.
It's subtle. It's subtle camera work, you know. It's subtle panic attacks. It's subtle to keep it together, but still.
Yeah, I mean, I don't mind it. Sure, you love it. We slammed that handle of whiskey right before we came in here, so. Yeah, I don't battle as hard.
On Instagram, I was browsing the Explore tab, and, you know, they've got this algorithm, so when you click one video, then they know to show you more like it. And I started watching these incredible Turkish chefs doing stuff that I've never seen done with food before. And I went down this crazy rabbit hole of Turkish Instagram cooking. Some amazing, some disgusting, some hilarious.
It's got it all, and I'm passionate about this. And I watched this to this day. In fact, I saw one this morning that I'd like to open up with that was completely, completely confused by it. Maybe you guys can tell me.
What is this? So, tell me. What is this? Penis?
I don't know what it is. It looks like a... He says penis. It looks like it's like dried flour coming out of this.
I don't know what on earth it is. Well, I was curious, so I translated the description. Oh, that was great. And I'll read it for you guys here.
You know, I'm Turkish. I've never seen that. Yeah, I've never seen anything like that. The translation says, For 16 months, in tripe, belly fat cheese, open and tasted for the wildlife, it was quite heavy and couldn't even stand the smell, but a very special and delicious cheese.
In general, the families for consumption at home, such as pressing out the rumen, would not coincide... Yeah, this gets... That clears it up. It just says wildlife, but not what animal.
Well, it sounds like it was fermented in an actual belly, but I love this line. I couldn't even stand the smell. It's very special. Yeah, so there you have it.
But with that being said, let's jump right into the Turkish food. Yeah. Let's see what we have here. So one thing I've noticed, because in Israel, obviously, there's rules of kosher, which means you cannot mix meat and cheese.
But the Turks, almost in a way of being like, sucks to be Jewish, they go all out on the cheese. I mean, like, even in America, I've never seen before. Take a look at this. I thought they were kosher in Turkey as well.
Well, it's halal, Dan. Halal, right, right, right. And they actually, halal, you can mix meat and cheese. They cannot drink alcohol.
But they share a lot of similarities, like they don't eat pig. Right, right, yeah. But they can't. Like a weird seafood.
Shellfish. Shellfish, yeah. But they can't do the dairy and the meat. And so they are like.
God bless him, as you should. They're like, praise me to Allah, we're going all out with that dairy and meat. Yeah, as you should. He's so happy.
And then, first of all, what is, like, this whole method of cooking is bananas to me. So he cooked it in, like, a pile of sand. Whoa. He takes out this unbelievably tender rack of ribs.
Love the music, reminds me of Spider-Man and Elsa. Those bones slide right out. I mean, this is an incredibly, beautifully cut piece of meat. Now, here's where it gets insane.
I don't know what this is, but he took eight, what was it, like, ten pounds of cheese and put it on top. I see one. Oh. Ten pounds of cheese on top.
And just without any grape at all, that's even half. I mean, look at it. Sprinkled a little paprika, just for a good measure. Imagine that.
I'll tell you something right now. I would eat the shit out of it. I mean, it's decades, for sure. You were kind of obsessed with this video.
Because, like, does it ever get excited about that? I know you guys are boring vegans, but, Ian, did you have a response to that? Did your pulse increase? Weirdly, I love meat, but that completely made me not hungry at all.
It's the opposite. I mean, it's like a log of food. I don't like eating logs of food. I would definitely try that.
And you guys, you find it, I imagine. I don't know what's nauseous, but I probably would be nauseous from this. If you could feel nauseous. Yeah.
It's not great. I mean, I'm not vegan, so I've been trying to eat meat. Ten years ago? It's been a minute.
I'm deep in it. You're deep in it. Do you ever feel that your will will break for any purpose? Yeah, occasionally.
And what is it that tempts you? You know, weirdly, seafood still is, like, appetizing more so than meat. It's weird, because it's very much just kind of baked in after a while. And certain things, like any kind of pork, pig, the smell of it is, like, makes me almost nauseous.
It's, like, so bad. But, like, other meats, like chicken, not bad at all. Like, that's not bad. And even beef.
Or some of these pork, in particular. Yeah, pork, well, it's powerful. And it's somehow that the Muslims and the Jews both are like, we can't eat that shit. So, maybe there's something to that.
Maybe, yeah. And so, why did you go vegetarian, Dan? Originally, for a girl I was dating. Damn!
The best reason, absolutely. I went on a vegetarian for a guy. Oh, there you go, there you go. I was vegan for a relationship.
Really? Wait, really? Oh, wait, how long are you vegan? Like six months.
I started to feel very ill. Did you immediately bounce when you broke up with her? No, I tried to keep it for a bit, but you have to do it correctly. So, I was like, oh, I'll just eat some Cheerios because I don't know how to cook anything.
Sure. You have to have, like, a whole plan of meals. Oh, you become, like, malnutritionist? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, look at you. How was that? I mean, was it worth it for her? Was she good?
No. No, it wasn't worth it. Okay. All right, well, there you have it, guys.
There's a good chance that you guys will go on a diet at some point in your life or off a diet because of some dick or vagina. So, there you have it. But moving on, we're just in. This is just one video in.
To me, I went, ooh, you know, why don't you ever take cheesy shits on my meat? The way he just dumps the cheese on there is something. Where he's like, aren't these amazing, like, he's like, look at these amazing slow-clicked ribs. Nope, we're not done with it yet.
Boom! Like, seriously, five pounds of cheese. It's alive. Yeah, well, guess what?
It is something that's moving in my dick. Gotcha. Because I like it that much. I like that.
Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you for laughing and indulging me. Guys, appreciate that.
Next. No, we laugh. It literally doesn't make sense. Like, I don't even know how he uses all this.
Is it a restaurant? I mean, no, but even still. Yeah, it's gotta be. It is a restaurant.
Yeah. He looks like he's on the old Equals 3 set. That's true. Wow, Ray William Johnson took a weird twist in life.
Whoa. So, he flips upside down with probably 20 or 30 pounds of food. Oh, my God. A food that, frankly, doesn't even look like it belongs together, but right off the bone.
Oh, my God. Right off the bone. This is their move. But it's like they're making a mess now with the food.
I know. It's amazing, like. Stop never listening. You hit that?
And what? If it was cooked in meat? Yeah, I mean. My mom cooks it.
Separately, but yeah. So, if it's cooked in meat, you're still down. I mean, it's a gray area. Okay, it's a gray area.
So, the volume is really kind of what fascinates me here. He's so happy. He's having such a good time. Yeah, he always smiles all the time.
Do you know who this guy is? Can you, like, seek him out? Yeah, he's cute on Instagram. His videos get, like, millions of views.
I feel like you gotta go to Turkey someday and go eat at this guy's light. I'm here to go to Turkey. They don't like Jews there, do you? Absolutely, Turkey.
But it's, like, gotten worse. I think it did get worse lately, but you can go. I can go? No, as a Jewish.
I can go get some of this meat? Yeah. How was your trip to Turkey? It was nice.
It was, like, going to Greece, you know. Really? Did you see any crazy food and stuff? Turkey's pretty secular.
I mean, it's not. No, it's gotten worse. I wasn't eating. I think it's getting a little crazy there lately, yeah.
I ate regular stuff. Nothing crazy. That's a shame. Same a lot to Israel.
Okay, so here you go. Is this your boy again? All smiles? Sand?
I don't know what he did. It looks like snow. He's cooking meat. Salt?
Yeah, I think it's salt. Look at this. Look at that perfect. Look at that smile.
Look at that meat. What's up to love? This guy's a legend. It's a beautifully, perfectly cooked beef loin.
Okay? But wait. This is before they found out the Spider-Man also music. Hmm.
But wait, my dude. Do you think it was done yet? No, he wasn't. A huge pan of cheese.
Oh, my God. This was pretty normal. There you go. Yes, sir.
Look at this. There's more cheese than steak. Oh, my goodness. So, there you go.
I'm telling you, these guys are way over the top. It's almost like, I feel like he's almost trolling the American crowd. Because here's what you want to see, right? But it's Turkish people watching it.
It's not Americans. Is it? I'm the only American watching this. I swear to God, it's all Turkish in the comments.
But that's what I thought, too. Everyone's like, oh, look at what these Americans eat. And these Turkish people are like, making us look like amateurs. Yeah, yeah.
Damn. I've never seen it. I'm going to stop watching porn. Just watch when he pours that cheese on the steak.
That's enough to get me a rock guard every time. What else we got? This one is so weird, man. I'm wondering what you guys are going to think about this.
So, he starts with the meat. He's got a huge hammer. He's got a mallet, a massive hammer. And a witch's cauldron.
So, he's doing this classic little shake, meat off the bone. Yes, sir. I don't know what's on the bottom there, but I'm down. So, now he takes it.
So, he's got meat and tomato paste and a huge hammer. And he's liquidized. He's smashed it all into... It looks like refried beans.
Yeah, it looks like a refried bean. I've never seen him cooking like this in my whole life. So, now, somehow this chicken and meat is turned into a paste. And he's lined up on the pan.
And now he's just covering it with boiling oil. Oh, my God. Like, if you told me there was meat in that, I would have no idea. I mean, what the hell was this?
Is that wild or what? I don't know. It looks like you could, like... It's like asphalt at the end.
You could pay for road with that. But you start with this really succulent, beautiful meat. And then you just... And then he pours, like, oil over it, like, but it's fascinating.
We've got more, you guys. Don't lose hope. Here's your boy. He's the sheep king.
I think he mostly cooks lamb, so he made this hit for all his fans on Instagram, the world at large here. Yes, CZN. Yes, everybody throw your hands up. CZN Borak.
I love how he's, like, going to eat you fucking kids, like, here. Throw it up, y'all. Hey, is this his song? Yeah.
This is the original shit. But this guy's restaurant's super famous. Like, on his Instagram, I've seen the president of Turkey there. I've seen Subdivari's in his right one.
Watch his Instagram. I have no idea. I just, I follow it. I don't know what it is.
It's Turkish. I really don't. Dude, if you type Turkish food, he'll pop up. He's the god.
Bro, he's the god. Look at him. He's hurting the sheep. He's the god.
You have, like, a little Piper thing going on there, yeah. I'm telling you, this is a whole rabbit hole. But I'm not done yet, because on my adventures, did you know that Salt Bay, the original Salt Bay, is part of the Turkish food phenomenon? Right, yeah.
He is probably next to this guy, the most famous. His videos get so many views. I'm talking like 12, 20 million views on Instagram with him doing stuff like that. Slapping meat.
Slapping the shit out of the meat. Oh, I have another sheep god. All right, sorry. It looks like a penis.
I mean, this shit is so wild. Whoa. Yeah, this is the sheep god. Look at this.
It's just sheep carcasses. And a giant sheep meat penis in the middle. I mean, I've never seen anything like it in my life. It's a sheep holocaust.
I mean, that's what the Nazi did. It's a sheep, yeah. But it looks amazing. I mean.
That's pretty awesome. Yeah. That meat is like, the presentation is pretty unbelievable. The way they cook it and everything is so off the chain.
That one is actually on the menu as sheep holocaust. And it's a very popular dish, especially in the Middle East. I love how when you have these super heavy, nasty dishes, and you just sprinkle a little like a parsley bundle to make it fresh. So there you have it.
It's kind of mean, like if you set that here, I don't know what we do. Like, where do we approach that? Well, he wasn't done. The second part is that he puts it in a cauldron and beats it into a paste.
Oh, I see. That was a true part. Okay, so back to Salt Bae. So this video has like 10 million.
I shit you not, this video has 10 million on Instagram of Salt Bae. I was kind of, I have to say, a little bit disillusioned when I saw Salt Bae's actual content. Because as you'll see, in this video, he does not display the best cooking prowess. Let's watch.
So he has a sausage that's pre-wrapped, cuts it, very dramatically, just peels off the wrapping, like he wants to fuck it on me. So now he takes a whole sausage, cuts it in half. Okay, I'm with it so far. Really not, didn't do it.
And he just throws it on the grill. Let's smacking it together. Flips it. Yep, okay.
And here's, of course, where all good Turkish cuisine goes. Tons of meat. Doesn't, not spread evenly, not even close to spreading. I mean, not even close.
Like, not even close. The whole left side is no cheese, and the right side is, and he smashes it down. And there you have it, my friend. That's it?
That's it. That's all he's done. Yeah, that's it. He didn't even cook anything.
What the what? What are you doing? So there you have it, and the Turkish flag. Oh, hell yeah.
That one had me a little perplexed. After the Lamb God, I thought it was a letdown. Yeah, it's like watching, like, a straight-to-DVD sequel. Right, right.
I'm not into it. Yeah, I mean, well, gee whiz, I feel like I've done this exact meal when I was five. Right. Take a hot dog, cut in half, and put some cheese on it.
So there you have it, Salt Bay in the flesh. And one more that I thought was pretty insane that I'll share with you from Salt Bay. He has what appears to be a beef medallion. Oh, yeah, move your whole body when you do it.
Seems like he's doing something technical. Oh, come on. Look at his money. Actually, I heard he wears a diaper because he comes in his pants ten times a day when he cuts meat.
I think Neo bought him in the second major. Yeah, you're right. You're right about that. So here he goes, you know, and now after staring at it, he rolls it in gold flakes.
Gold flakes. Wait, really? Those are gold flakes. The purpose of that, I have no idea.
And as far as I can tell, gold flakes. The precious metal. The precious metal, yes, Dan. But it's animal?
Yeah, I've seen gold flakes in dishes. It's much less than it appears. Oh, classic move. There it is.
So, again, I'm just like Mortal Kombat. So, you know. The other guy makes him look like a tool. There's no comparison.
So there you have it. Turkish cuisine. I had no idea. It's fascinating stuff.
Went that deep. Is this also Turkish? Yes, big, big, big. I say those are the two big boys in Turkish.
Turkish? But what's funny if you get into this rabbit hole is that you'll find a bunch of knockoffs who are doing so bad content. Trying to catch up with these guys. It's like guys who are just making a falafel, but they're trying to dance to be sexy about it.
And it has like 20,000 views, but it's just, it's great. And they're trying to get a smile. He's just making falafels and he's got a big smile. It's great.
Turkish food on Instagram. Interesting. Okay. So there you have it.
There is the segment extraordinaire. Up next, Ian has got something for us. Should we take a break? We're at 3.30.
Oh, yeah. So after this short break, very short break, Ian is going to grace us with people falling off stage, celebrities, guys. So we have a whole segment of celebrities falling off stage during their performances. Is that correct, Ian?
Yeah, we got a few of those. Hell yeah. I'm very much looking forward to that. That sounds like a lot.
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Head on over to teddyfresh.com slash collection slash sale. We've got to do something about that URL. Shopify. You can't change that, huh?
Shopify. Teddyfresh.com slash collection slash sale. But you can just go to the website and click the sales tab. Hey, we're back.
How did you do that? Okay. I was wondering how Dan knew we were coming back. Just not good.
We are back, everybody. No meme left behind. Ian? Yeah.
It is your duty to save a meme. I don't remember who kicked off the stage falling one. Did you? Was the...
I think the Genesis may have been Kelsey Grammer. Is he going to play it from here? Well, I'm going to get audio from that left. Let's switch.
Here. Yeah, you should do it. No problem. I think the Genesis was Kelsey Grammer.
We had put that video in the God Vaple. Oh, in the God Vaple, right. Okay. Well, I've got that one here.
So let me grab that here. I don't believe we ever have to. It was a small world, pretending I was a U.N. interpreter.
Let's just set this up a little bit with some content. Yeah. So he was doing a speech at Disneyland, I think, for just... Wait, it was Disney?
Yeah. Or he was at California Adventure. It was a small world, pretending I was a U.N. interpreter.
Oh, you're right. All bad things happen at a small world. I just love it so much. It's one of the best.
The good Lord. Yeah, definitely. He's pretty defeated about that one. I've often wondered.
You know there's this gag in Family Guy where Peter holds his leg and goes, Oh, brother. I wonder if this was in some way inspired by this clip, because he kind of does that here. Yeah, maybe. When did this...
This looks like a really old clip. Yeah, this is just as possible. There's like 10 people to see if he's okay. Oh, the slow-mo.
The slow-mo one. Oh, good Lord. Yeah, I didn't realize I was digging around, and Kelsey Grammers had a very... Very rough life.
I see. Yes. Like, very dark. Really?
Like what? His father was murdered, and his sister was murdered. Why? Separate times.
Random murders? It was... I think his father was targeted by someone. I read that, but then his sister was...
She was attacked by four guys, and they stabbed her and left her to die. What the hell? And then both of his half-brothers died in a scuba diving accident. What?
His whole family perished? I mean, yeah, all in different times of years apart. That is unbelievably tragic. I wouldn't leave the house if I was in.
Yeah. And then there was... I care he has fallen off the stage. There was a weird coincidence where the name of the guy who killed his father, brother in Frasier, and then the name of the guy who killed his sister, his name was Freddy, and his son's name in Frasier is Freddy.
So, like, it's just the two close characters in the Frasier are named after... Is that proof that we're in a simulation? I don't know. Or conspiracy to kill...
Interesting thing. Well, that is very tragic. Thank you, man. Yeah.
Yeah. Gee whiz. Yeah. It's kind of nuts how you can just go through your life.
Like, take my life, for example. Everything's great. Just, you know, we're married. We're about to have a baby.
And then one day, you could just be stabbed. And it's like, you know... That's it. And then you can also be having a speech and fall off the stage.
I mean, anything can happen. Those two things are about at the same level, yeah. Here's another one that we had. It was Madonna.
This was at the Brit Awards a few years ago. So, what happened here? I guess the cape was supposed to come off. That caught someone's horn or something?
Apparently, she was supposed to take the cape off earlier. But it was tied too tightly and she couldn't get it off. We're doing it. Yeah.
Let's see that one again. Yeah, that was my tumble there. Does that mean she knew it was coming? Oh.
They're trying to get it off, right? Somebody pulled it off. Someone yanked their ass off the stage. Oh, my God.
The dancers are all pros. They just, like, keep going. I think one of them may have been trying to help her get it off. Oh, he yanked her ass off the stage?
Yeah. Because he gave it a really good tug. And he was like, fuck this cape. Yeah, she responded to it.
She tweeted and said, Armani hooked me up. My beautiful cape was tied too tight. Nothing can stop me. And love really lifted me up.
That's nice. Zach, I heard you scream me out right from the back. Come on. She took a mega fall there.
Nothing can bring her down. What did she say? She said, well, love lifted me up. Love lifted her up, Zach.
Are you reviewing that? Absolutely. Here's a Bieber one. Trying to fix his pants.
And I didn't see this massive hole. He's got a lot of... Oh, shit. I pulled the fucking giant hole in the stage.
Ian, you set that up so casually. Yeah, he probably should have spotted that. It's a pretty big hole. First of all, who is managing the stage and leaves a giant hole in it?