98 | When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Understanding Romantic Obsession And Finding Your Way Back To Authentic Love With Amanda McCracken

Have you ever been so consumed by someone just out of reach that you checked your phone obsessively, fantasized endlessly, and somehow wanted them even more because they weren't fully available? There's actually a name for it — and in this episode of Pleasure in the Pause, Gabriella sits down with journalist, author, and limerence expert Amanda McCracken to talk about why so many of us get stuck chasing love instead of receiving it.At the heart of this conversation is a truth so many midlife women are quietly sitting with: we are all longing to be truly seen. But real love only becomes possible when we believe we are worthy of receiving it.Amanda McCracken is an award-winning journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, National Geographic, Elle, NPR, Outside, ESPN, SELF, Runner’s World, and many others. She published her first article about longing in 2013, which led to additional articles featuring personal anecdotes and deep research and interviews with the BBC and Katie Couric. She is now considered a “limerence expert” and intimacy advocate. Her 2023 TED Talk, “How Longing Keeps Us From Healthy Relationships,” and her podcast, The Longing Lab, highlight how longing can become self sabotaging and shares how to change our patterns of longing. McCracken is also a part-time university instructor, massage therapist, triathlon coach, and competitive athlete. Highlights from our discussion include:What limerence actually is, how it differs from a crush, and why today's dating culture — apps, social media, hookup culture — makes it more common than ever.Why the brain gets hooked on the chase: the trigger, the behavior, and the dopamine reward loop that keeps so many of us stuck.The moment Amanda realized she was more comfortable longing for love than actually having it — and what that revealed about her deeper fear of intimacy.The practical tools that helped her break the pattern, including cognitive reappraisal, nervous system work, EMDR, and a nightly mantra her therapist gave her.What healthy, realistic love actually feels like in midlife — and why Amanda says she trusted her husband before she loved him.CONNECT WITH AMANDA MCCRACKEN:WebsiteMy book: When Longing Becomes Your LoverMy podcast: The Longing LabWatch my TEDx talkRead my NYT story on limerenceInstagram: @amandajmccrackenTikTok: @thelonginglabCONNECT WITH GABRIELLA ESPINOSA:InstagramLinkedInWork with Gabriella! Full episodes on YouTube.The information shared on Pleasure in the Pause is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health or treatment. The views expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the host or Pleasure in the Pause.