A 50-Year Marriage Rewritten by Dementia

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Donald Wiss, a retired orthopedic trauma surgeon and devoted husband, whose caregiving journey is as profound as it is heartbreaking. I first met Dr. Wiss at a small board and care here in Los Angeles, and I’ve had the privilege of seeing firsthand the love and dedication he brings to caring for his wife, Deborah, who was diagnosed with mixed vascular Alzheimer’s dementia. In our conversation, he takes us back through their incredible 50-year love story and shares how subtle memory changes slowly revealed something much more serious.We talk about what happens when life doesn’t go according to plan—when retirement dreams shift into full-time caregiving, and when love means showing up in entirely new ways. Dr. Wiss opens up about the realities of dementia, from navigating denial and diagnosis to making difficult care decisions and finding moments of connection in the midst of loss. This episode is filled with honesty, resilience, and powerful insights for anyone walking the caregiving path. Episode Highlights[00:00] - Dr. Wiss shares his daily ritual of expressing love and gratitude to Deborah[01:31] - I introduce Dr. Wiss and how we first met through caregiver support[02:23] - The beautiful backstory of Dr. Wiss and Deborah’s 50-year love story[05:11] - Early warning signs of memory loss and the gradual realization something was wrong[07:10] - A pivotal trip reveals the severity of Deborah’s cognitive decline[10:29] - Understanding anosognosia and the challenges of lack of self-awareness[12:42] - Dr. Wiss makes the life-changing decision to retire and become a full-time caregiver[16:59] - Life during COVID and the emotional intensity of caregiving at home[21:49] - Navigating daily routines, music, and finding ways to connect[22:59] - The transition to adult day care and initial resistance[25:29] - Making the difficult decision to move Deborah into memory care[28:04] - Finding the right fit: from large facilities to small residential care[31:42] - Letting go of the “fixer” mindset and accepting dementia’s reality[33:53] - The emotional toll of watching a loved one change before your eyes[37:05] - The power of resilience, acceptance, and redefining purpose[38:49] - Why saying “I love you” never stops mattering[41:59] - How relationships and support systems evolve over time[44:41] - Practical communication tips: how to speak with someone with dementia[45:15] - The heartbreak of goodbye—and how that changes over time[46:41] - Medication decisions and navigating treatment thoughtfully[49:06] - Reflections on the future of dementia care and hope for breakthroughsLinks and ResourcesDr. Donald Wiss’ Book:One Life, No Rehearsal: A Surgeon’s Memoir of Healing, Heartbreak, and Legacy https://www.amazon.com/ONE-LIFE-NO-REHEARSAL-Heartbreak/dp/B0FG1HL971Do you have a caregiving story to share? Barbara would love to hear from you! Please leave her a message at 310-362-8232 or send her an email through DementiaDiscussions.net. If you found value in today's episode, please don't forget to rate, follow, share, and leave a review. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners and continue producing this content.