David Khalili: Surrogate Partner Therapy, Asexuality & Reparenting

In this conversation, Michelle Renee and David Khalili, MA, LMFT, discuss various topics related to connection, communication, and personal growth. They explore the importance of asking for help and setting boundaries, as well as the impact of goal-focused sex on relationships. They also discuss the role of journaling in emotional processing and the benefits of expanding the definition of sex. The conversation highlights the need for healthy endings and the value of working triadically to provide comprehensive support. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, communication, and building strong connections. In this conversation, David Khalili discusses his favorite parts of the book on ⁠Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker⁠. He highlights the concepts of reparenting and the inner critic. The discussion then moves on to understanding the inner critic and outer critic and the toxic relationship between the two. David emphasizes the importance of playing a different game in life and finding alternative ways of succeeding. The conversation also explores the topics of verbal ventilation, permission for tears, and the significance of grief and mourning. The impact of nurturing and the broad scope of complex PTSD are discussed. Finally, David shares information about Rouse Relational Wellness and the therapy services they offer. David Khalili (he/him) is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a board-certified sexologist, and the founder of Rouse Relational Wellness in San Fransisco. He can be found on social media at ⁠@rousetherapy⁠ and at ⁠https://www.rousetherapy.com⁠ Michelle Renee (she/her) is a San Diego-based Intimacy Guide and Surrogate Partner. Michelle's website is ⁠⁠https://meetmichellerenee.com⁠⁠ and can be found on social media at ⁠@meetmichellerenee⁠. If you’d like to ask a question, for Michelle to answer on an episode, ⁠click here⁠. To grab your own set of We’re Not Really Strangers, ⁠click here⁠. Other Links from this episode:⁠David Khalili on Get Nake with Dr Kate⁠⁠Reid's Formula for Difficult Conversations⁠⁠Sex Geek Summer Camp⁠⁠Reid on Bawdy Storytelling telling a Betty Dodson story⁠ Takeaways Asking for help and setting boundaries are essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. Goal-focused sex can lead to desperation and a lack of connection with partners. Journaling can be a powerful tool for emotional processing and self-reflection. Expanding the definition of sex can lead to more fulfilling and diverse sexual experiences. Healthy endings and working triadically can provide comprehensive support and promote personal growth. Reparenting and addressing the inner critic are important aspects of healing from Complex PTSD. Judging others and oneself is often a result of the toxic relationship between the inner critic and outer critic. Playing a different game in life and finding alternative ways of succeeding can help break free from constant self-criticism. Verbal ventilation and permission for tears are essential for emotional release and healing. Grief and mourning are necessary processes that should be acknowledged and supported. Complex PTSD can result from a lack of nurturing and emotional support. Taking breaks and engaging in comedy can be a helpful form of auto-regulation. The power of Golden Girls and other forms of comedy in improving mood and well-being. Rouse Relational Wellness offers a variety of therapy services focused on couples and sex therapy.