A Conversation with Susan Shapiro, Author of The Forgiveness Tour: How to Find the Perfect Apology

Should you forgive? How and under what circumstances? A deeply moving memoir by Susan Shapiro, a gifted, award-winning writer and professor, explores the nuanced topic of forgiveness in her book, The Forgiveness Tour: How to Find the Perfect Apology, which comes out in paperback on July 23. "[W]hat if the person who hurt you most refuses to apologize or express any regret? That's the question haunting Manhattan journalist Susan Shapiro when her trusted advisor of fifteen years repeatedly lies to her. Stunned by the betrayal, she can barely eat or sleep. She's always seen herself as big-hearted and benevolent, someone who will forgive anyone anything --as long as they're remorseful.... In her entrancing, heartfelt new memoir The Forgiveness Tour: How to Find the Perfect Apology, Shapiro wrestles with how to exonerate someone who can't cough up a measly "my bad" or mumble "mea culpa." Seeking wisdom, she explores the billion-dollar forgiveness industry touting the personal benefits of absolution, where the only choice on every channel is: radical forgiveness. She fears it's all bullshit. Desperate for enlightenment, she surveys her old rabbis, as well as religious leaders from every denomination. Unable to reconcile all the confusing abstractions, she embarks on a cross-country journey where she interviews people who suffered unforgivable wrongs that were never atoned: victims of genocides, sexual assault, infidelity, cruelty and racism. A Holocaust survivor in D.C. admits he's thrived from spite. A Michigan man meets with the drunk driver who killed his wife and children. A daughter in Seattle grapples with her mother--who stayed married to the father who raped her. Knowing their estrangement isn't her fault, a Florida mom spends eight years apologizing to her son anyway--with surprising results. Does love mean forever having to say you're sorry? Critics praised Shapiro's previous memoir Lighting Up: How I Stopped Smoking, Drinking and Everything Else I Loved in Life Except Sex as fiercely honest, fascinating, funny and "a mind-bendingly good read." Now the bestselling author and popular writing professor returns with a darker, wiser follow-up, addressing the universal enigma of blind forgiving. Shapiro's brilliant new gurus sooth her broken psyche and answer her burning mystery: How can you forgive someone without an apology? Does she? Should you?" In this episode, Susan talks about what she learned about forgiveness, some of her previous provocative books, tips for people who want to get published, and a few life lessons that have helped her along the way. A few reviews of her latest book: "Enlightening and universally relevant, the book shows us how to forgive even when it might be impossible to forget."-Kirkus "Susan Shapiro mixes memoir, religion, psychology and journalism to tell amazing stories of forgiveness. The tales, ranging from uplifting to unsettling, are always riveting."-A.J. Jacobs, bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically and It's All Relative Susan freelances for The New York Times, The Washington Post, WSJ, LA Times, NY Magazine, Salon, Elle, Oprah, Wired & New Yorker online. She's the bestselling author/coauthor of 18 books her family hates, like Five Men Who Broke My Heart, Lighting Up, Unhooked, The Bosnia List and her recent memoir The Forgiveness Tour. She lives with her scriptwriter husband in Manhattan and uses her writing/publishing guides The Book Bible and Byline Bible to teach her wildly popular "instant gratification takes too long" courses. She taught for 25 years at The New School, NYU, and Columbia University and now teaches primarily online in private classes & seminars, as well as in the MFA programs in the schools mentioned. For more information and to follow Susan: https://susanshapiro.net/index.html  https://www.facebook.com/susanshapironet https://www.instagram.com/profsue123/ https://twitter.com/Susanshapironet https://www.linkedin.com/in/susan-shapiro-9171755/