A Farmer Is Not A Proctologist

Gunter kicks things off by calling Marshall demure—a word he doesn’t even know, which immediately sets the tone. Things only spiral from there. Marshall makes jokes about Whitney Houston, admits to “thinking” (which Gunter says is terrifying), and launches into a play-by-play of some insane driving he witnessed. Naturally, he blames all the chaos on Gunter being in the car—because weird stuff always happens when she’s around. Math inevitably sneaks in (mathlete alert), and Marshall manages to shade AI summaries while ranting about how nobody knows the rules of the road anymore. Gunter challenges his self-appointed title of “rules of the road expert,” and they compare their Driver’s Ed teachers—because why not? She also calls him out for religiously reading airplane safety cards, while Marshall insists his true superpower is finding errors in everything. He even wishes he could formally report the bugs and mistakes he discovers. Marshall then laments that society has given up on teaching people anything since smartphones took over, punctuating the rant with random historical facts (his specialty). Gunter admits she just uses him as her personal Google anyway. Then comes Theory #2 of the Day: the weird things Marshall started remembering during COVID lockdowns—Tiger King, Carole Baskin, Walmart cattle corrals, and how personal hygiene completely tanked. Which leads him to the baffling rise of “whole body deodorant.” In Marshall’s mind, maybe people just never went back to showering. It’s part history lesson, part hygiene critique, part road rage rant, and entirely Marshall and Gunter chaos.