A fresh start... yet again

Washed up listener of self help, spiritual gurus, a thorough day dreamer and a master procrastinator.. this is what pretty much defines me. The blog is an attempt to start being accountable, yet again. Looking at this as a safe place to vomit my shortcomings, inadequacies, petty ambitions and document an experiment. An experiment of a somewhat eccentric, compulsive being’s journey from neurosis to freedom. My path is one of meditation, more specifically somatic meditation. Even more specifically, Vajrayana pratice. Now do I know what Vajrayana is truly about? Not experientially, no. I am scared to put this label, because it can be automatically dismissed as religious nonsense. What I do know is that I have tasted the freedom, bliss and joy of a sustained mediation practice. I have experienced the capacity of being more loving, joyful and open. My only downfall is perfectionism. I will give you one example. Meditation brings up too much pain, too much neurosis. If I have anything less than 3 hours before I have to start working, I end up doing random stuff instead of making the most of those 3 hours for meditation practice. Mostly mindless Youtube. Now after sinking into a pit of hopelessness for more than a month, this is one more attempt at getting back up, being focused, being accountable, and taking steps towards exploring the depth of what meditation can do to a human being. Not reading about it, not thinking about it, not speculating, but first hand experience. Goodnight.