A Frustrating Week, a Sudden Exit and a Path Toward Growth

My eye situation continued last week with being told that I needed to heal a little more before I could return to wearing contacts. While I'm grateful to be able to see, running with glasses is unwieldy and steamy. There were some other frustrating things happening. But as I looked up an email address for someone, a three-year-old email from my late friend, Patricia, caught me off-guard. She sternly advised me to get out of a tenuous, pseudo-relationship. The words struck home. I got to thinking about a number of things regarding this person and why I remained in touch even though we live over three hours away from each other. It made me think about other relationships with similar characteristics over the years. In an impulsive move, I texted him and said I never wanted to see him again and that I want to be someone's primary person, not secondary. Not the best way to handle something but my emotions got the better of me. This has led to some raw and emotional outpourings from me and also to the realization that I need to find a counselor. There is a lot of grief and low self-esteem going on here.  Some may say I shouldn't share all of this, but you know how I am. It's how I roll. I'm ready to find a path to healing. It won't be smooth but I need to do this for me.