A Generous Dump

What this episode covers

Written & performed by me - Edith Shyly My debut dump of six short poems: * (0:00) Pearls before swine * (0:35) Bum-day * (1:11) GIVE ME CHOC! * (1:44) Thirst-day * (2:23) My furry pussy * (3:10) Edith's Jobs: The Public Library * (4:02) Outro Poem Transcripts: Pearls before swine I met an old friend over wine who is also poetically inclined I told her I now have poems online yes finally I have moved with the times she said putting poems online? that's like casting pearls before swine I said do you really think they're as good as that? she said NO I was talking about mine BUM-DAY Monday you should be renamed BUM-DAY for you chase all the fun and the sun away make me hit rock-bottom and feel so moody I want to pull a massive MOONY at you and me and everybody I’ll send it now from the seat of my pants they’ll probably see it in the South of France GIVE ME CHOC! GIVE ME CHOC! GIVE ME CHOC! don’t give a toffee or a toss if it’s flaked aerated castrated X-RATED ‘tis the finest food ‘twas ever created box tub boil-in-the-bag or bucket whatever it’s in I’ll suck it! savour it? share it? FUCK-OFF! forget it! I’ll masticate it quickly not that picky egg shaped or turd shaped? don’t care I’d still trough it no time to grab a plate or leave the shop it’s in my gob it’s GONE! THIRST-DAY Thursday I am renaming you THIRST-DAY for I’m feeling rather thirsty today three pots of tea and two pints of juice I’m downing more fluids than a hospital sluice twelve cups of coffee and six hot chocs please I might be requiring one or two wees milkshakes cans of pop I happily slurp please forgive the occasional BURP! Happy hour can’t come too soon I aim to drink more than the man in the moon to the ladies loo I am now going OMG it’s overflowing! My furry pussy I really love my furry pussy she makes my heart go soft and mushy yet she’s a pain in the arse and extremely fussy lives a pampered life that’s ever so cushy she purrs and pretends she only wants to please before sinking her claws right into my knees she wants me to vacate my seat so she can get comfy and fall asleep she brings me a gift the liver of a mouse the rest is somewhere else in the house I don’t know where she makes me guess I’ll eventually find the congealed mess but her face is so cute she’s hard to berate so I feed her titbits straight from my plate I really love my furry pussy living her fussy life so cushy there’s no-one else I would tolerate putting their arse so close to my face Edith’s Jobs: The Public Library Have you ever worked in a public library? if you did it would drive you blinkin’ barmy you’d get more peace if you joined the army serving customers should be so rewarding but trust me you’d prefer waterboarding I’m looking for a book but its name I can’t recall it’s about a girl with a pen pal in darkest Nepal on the front there’s a picture of a bat and two balls Ok madam well you’d better sit down it might take the rest of my life to track it down and to be honest I’ve got better things to do there’s my coffee to drink then I’m off for a POO