Now That’s What I Call QUITE SHITE: Edith Shyly's Poetry Podcast

Written & performed by me - Edith Shyly.My debut dump of six short poems:(0:00) Pearls before swine(0:35) Bum-day(1:11) GIVE ME CHOC!(1:44) Thirst-day(2:23) My furry pussy(3:10) Edith's Jobs: The Public Library(4:02) OutroPoem Transcripts:Pearls before swineI met an old friend over winewho is also poetically inclinedI told her I now have poems onlineyes finally I have moved with the times she said putting poems online?that's like casting pearls before swineI said do you really think they're as good as that?she said NO I was talking about mineBUM-DAYMonday you should be renamed BUM-DAYfor you chase all the fun and the sun awaymake me hit rock-bottom and feel so moodyI want to pull a massive MOONYat you and me and everybodyI’ll send it now from the seat of my pantsthey’ll probably see it in the South of FranceGIVE ME CHOC!GIVE ME CHOC! GIVE ME CHOC! don’t give a toffee or a tossif it’s flaked aerated castrated X-RATED ‘tis the finest food ‘twas ever createdbox tub boil-in-the-bag or bucketwhatever it’s in I’ll suck it!savour it? share it? FUCK-OFF! forget it!I’ll masticate it quicklynot that pickyegg shaped or turd shaped?don’t care I’d still trough itno time to grab a plateor leave the shopit’s in my gobit’s GONE!THIRST-DAYThursday I am renaming you THIRST-DAYfor I’m feeling rather thirsty todaythree pots of tea and two pints of juiceI’m downing more fluids than a hospital sluicetwelve cups of coffee and six hot chocs pleaseI might be requiring one or two weesmilkshakes cans of pop I happily slurpplease forgive the occasional BURP!Happy hour can’t come too soonI aim to drink more than the man in the moonto the ladies loo I am now goingOMG it’s overflowing! My furry pussyI really love my furry pussyshe makes my heart go soft and mushyyet she’s a pain in the arse and extremely fussylives a pampered life that’s ever so cushyshe purrs and pretends she only wants to pleasebefore sinking her claws right into my kneesshe wants me to vacate my seatso she can get comfy and fall asleepshe brings me a gift the liver of a mousethe rest is somewhere else in the houseI don’t know where she makes me guessI’ll eventually find the congealed messbut her face is so cute she’s hard to berateso I feed her titbits straight from my plateI really love my furry pussyliving her fussy life so cushythere’s no-one else I would tolerateputting their arse so close to my faceEdith’s Jobs: The Public LibraryHave you ever worked in a public library?if you did it would drive you blinkin’ barmyyou’d get more peace if you joined the armyserving customers should be so rewardingbut trust me you’d prefer waterboarding I’m looking for a book but its name I can’t recallit’s about a girl with a pen pal in darkest Nepalon the front there’s a picture of a bat and two balls Ok madam well you’d better sit downit might take the rest of my life to track it downand to be honest I’ve got better things to dothere’s my coffee to drink then I’m off for a POO