EPISODE · Aug 20, 2025 · 1H 2M
A Joyful Conversation About Relating — With Teacher, Facilitator, and Inquisitive Human, James-Olivia Chu Hillman
from Solving For Joy · host Chrissie Ott, MD
When relationships feel hard—especially across differences—it might be time to rethink how we relate. What if joy isn’t always something to solve, but something we can allow?Relational facilitator James-Olivia Chu Hillman (Inquisitive Human; creator of REGARD) joins Chrissie to get precise—and playful—about desire, skill, and capacity; the four skills of relating; and the quiet ways “helping” turns into control.In this honest, spacious conversation, we explore congruence, empathy that follows rather than fixes, and why prizing difference can deepen trust—even when values clash.In this episode, you’ll learn:The three-part foundation for right relationship: desire, skill, capacityThe four relational skills: empathy, empathic listening, congruence, and unconditional positive regardHow to practice empathic listening so the other person confirms you got them—no mind-reading requiredCongruence in real life: sharing your inside so others can locate you (without oversharing)What “benevolent contempt” looks like—and how to stop helping people up the wrong treeSovereignty vs. agency (and why sovereignty isn’t a moving target)Disobedience as alignment: when breaking a rule is the most honest way to careA gentler stance on joy: shifting from problem-solving to allowingIf you’re longing for steadier, kinder conversations—at work, at home, or in care settings—this episode is your invitation.Think of this as your reset button.Subscribe for real talk, relational tools, and the spark to reconnect with your joy—new episodes every Tuesday.A gentle note: I’m a doctor, but I’m not your doctor. This podcast is for education and connection only and isn’t medical advice. Please talk with your own clinician about your specific situation.More from James-Olivia Chu Hillman: Website: https://inquisitivehuman.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inquisitive_human/Stay connected with us: Dr. Chrissie Ott: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrissieottmdJoy Point Solutions: https://www.instagram.com/joypointsolutionsSolving for Joy Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/solvingforjoypodcastFull transcript and more: https://www.solvingforjoy.comNext week on Solving for Joy: Dr. Bob Macauley—pediatric palliative care physician, Episcopal priest, and author of Because I Knew You: How Some Remarkable Sick Kids Healed a Doctor’s Soul—on the search for the least-bad option and the moments that hold us together.Music by Denys Kyshchuk (AudioCoffee): https://www.audiocoffee.net
What this episode covers
When relationships feel hard—especially across differences—it might be time to rethink how we relate. What if joy isn’t always something to solve, but something we can allow?Relational facilitator James-Olivia Chu Hillman (Inquisitive Human; creator of REGARD) joins Chrissie to get precise—and playful—about desire, skill, and capacity; the four skills of relating; and the quiet ways “helping” turns into control.In this honest, spacious conversation, we explore congruence, empathy that follows rather than fixes, and why prizing difference can deepen trust—even when values clash.In this episode, you’ll learn:The three-part foundation for right relationship: desire, skill, capacityThe four relational skills: empathy, empathic listening, congruence, and unconditional positive regardHow to practice empathic listening so the other person confirms you got them—no mind-reading requiredCongruence in real life: sharing your inside so others can locate you (without oversharing)What “benevolent contempt” looks like—and how to stop helping people up the wrong treeSovereignty vs. agency (and why sovereignty isn’t a moving target)Disobedience as alignment: when breaking a rule is the most honest way to careA gentler stance on joy: shifting from problem-solving to allowingIf you’re longing for steadier, kinder conversations—at work, at home, or in care settings—this episode is your invitation.Think of this as your reset button.Subscribe for real talk, relational tools, and the spark to reconnect with your joy—new episodes every Tuesday.A gentle note: I’m a doctor, but I’m not your doctor. This podcast is for education and connection only and isn’t medical advice. Please talk with your own clinician about your specific situation.More from James-Olivia Chu Hillman: Website: https://inquisitivehuman.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inquisitive_human/Stay connected with us: Dr. Chrissie Ott: https://www.linkedin.com/in/chrissieottmdJoy Point Solutions: https://www.instagram.com/joypointsolutionsSolving for Joy Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/solvingforjoypodcastFull transcript and more: https://www.solvingforjoy.comNext week on Solving for Joy: Dr. Bob Macauley—pediatric palliative care physician, Episcopal priest, and author of Because I Knew You: How Some Remarkable Sick Kids Healed a Doctor’s Soul—on the search for the least-bad option and the moments that hold us together.Music by Denys Kyshchuk (AudioCoffee): https://www.audiocoffee.net
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A Joyful Conversation About Relating — With Teacher, Facilitator, and Inquisitive Human, James-Olivia Chu Hillman
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