A Karate Christmas Miracle

The Winter Bizarre is back! And Sam kicks things off with the truly insane movie A Karate Christmas Miracle from 2019. This movie opens with Jesse, an average ten-year-old boy who has given himself the task of earning a black belt in karate by Christmas, which is like six days away. He believes that doing so will bring his father back, who was kidnapped a year ago by a clown who committed a mass shooting in a movie theater his dad was at. And if you think this movie has anything insightful or sensitive to say about any of these topics, prepare for disappointment. In fact, this movie barely addresses them, and spends the vast majority of its runtime following Jesse's mom, Abby, as she pals around with a psychic law professor trying to determine if her husband is still alive. Look, we're sorry, but there's no way to describe this movie that doesn't sounds like we had a stroke while writing this. Neither Danielle nor Sam are prepared for this movie or the absolutely ludicrous twists and turns it takes all to arrive at an ending that leaves Danielle perhaps more angry than she's ever been at a piece of media Sam brought to her. Truly, the real Christmas miracle.