A Whole New Sexual Script: What Actually Happens to Intimacy After Kids with Dr. Mallaree Blake

Guest: Dr. Mallaree Blake, PsyD, CST — Licensed Clinical Psychologist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist specializing in sex and sexuality, relationships, and perinatal and postpartum concerns.You'll talk to your friends about sleep schedules and daycare waitlists. You probably won't talk about what happened to your sex life. In this episode, Dr. Courtney sits down with sex therapist Dr. Mallaree Blake to name what so many parents are quietly carrying — the shift in desire, the touched-out feeling, the sense that something has broken. Dr. Mallaree Blake makes the case that nothing is broken at all. It's just time to write a new script.What You'll LearnWhy the six-week postpartum "all clear" sets couples up with the wrong expectationWhat a sexual script is — and why yours has to be rewritten after a babyThe hormonal reality of postpartum desire, for both the birthing and non-birthing partnerWhy both partners experience a sense of loss, not just oneBrakes and accelerators: how to figure out what actually turns desire on and off for each of youWhat "touched out" really means, and how non-demand touch interrupts the rejection cycleThe gentle no and the possible yes — two scripts that soften desire discrepancyThe difference between spontaneous and responsive desire (and why most of us are responsive)How the mental load and the default parent dynamic quietly kill desireWhat good enough sex looks like when there are small kids in the houseThe conversations Dr. Mallaree Blake wishes couples had before trying to conceiveResources & LinksConnect with Dr. Mallaree BlakeArtemis PsychologyAuthentic Connections Therapy and WellnessInstagram: @authenticconnectionsdenverMentioned in this episodeCome As You Are and Come Together — Emily NagoskiFair Play — Eve Rodsky (book, documentary, and card deck)Barry McCarthy on the "good enough sex" modelEsther Perel on dividing the parenting role and the relationship roleIntegrated Behavioral HealthWebsite: https://www.integratedbhs.com/Book a consult callNewsletter sign-upInstagram: @integratedbhLegal Disclaimer: While this podcast may provide information that is educational in nature, it is not intended to be a health care service, psychotherapy, or the practice of psychology. This podcast’s main purpose is to provide educational insights for all stages of child and family development. We will not provide diagnoses or specific recommendations for your family. At no point is a therapeutic relationship established by way of your unilateral participation by listening to these episodes, and we cannot provide advice or privileges associated with a therapeutic relationship. We recommend that anyone who is seeking a therapeutic relationship reach out to Integrated Behavioral Health at [email protected] to begin the interview process of becoming a client or receiving a referral. If at any point in your listening or engaging with the content of this podcast, you experience an emergency, please immediately call 911 or go to your local emergency room.